


Away From Home

by winedad16



Series: Our Time Together [2]
Category: Jojo Rabbit (2019)
Genre: Ableist Language, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Character Study, Drug Addiction, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Other, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Canon, Sexual Content, World War II, finkeldorf - Freeform, mature themes, non canon characters, triggering themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:08:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 93,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24975100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winedad16/pseuds/winedad16
Summary: Freddy Finkel and Captain K’s experiences from 1939-1944 before running the Jungfolk camp. A sequel to “Before”.Disclaimer: I am *not* well versed in rankings/jobs/roles in German militia (in any militia, for that matter), and try my best to research things a bit more in-depth.Chapter 2 ('Backslider') is the reason why the non-con warning has been added. Feel free to skip this chapter. Sexually explicit chapters are marked with an * and any triggering topics are always listed before the chapter begins.
Relationships: Freddy Finkel/Captain Klenzendorf
Series: Our Time Together [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1784194
Comments: 44
Kudos: 39





	1. Adaptation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major warnings for... 
> 
> Concentration camps  
> Suicide  
> Failed suicide attempt  
> Suicidal thoughts  
> (Mentioned) Rape / Sexual assault  
> -  
> Mild warnings for... 
> 
> (Mentioned) Throwing up  
> Jokes about a woman's performance in bed
> 
> Translation(s):
> 
> Gefreiter: German equivalent of lance corporal

**Autumn 1938**

Compared to the luck Klaus had gotten when he was stationed in Austria, Freddy’s luck was almost nonexistent when he was shipped out to Poland.

Heading out to Poland, there was talk of working in POW camps between cadets. Freddy thought that wouldn’t be horrible, considering how he could be put out on a front with a gun and his life. The blond was completely wrong when the transport dropped him and roughly twenty other men off at a large fenced-off camp.

Freddy's heart ached to see a large group of men ranging from their young teens to late forties completely stripped and shaved, shivering in the cold autumn air. Not even an hour into his time in the camp, Freddy had seen a large handful of newly arrived prisoners go running into the fencing, ultimately dropping dead from the high voltage. Freddy winced at the sound of gunshots that rang out at the group of already dead bodies. 

During the orientation in one of the office buildings, it became largely clear that it was much more than a POW camp, but a death camp for the undesirables. The film propaganda for these places, what they called relocation homes, that Freddy had viewed were greatly different than the reality it claimed not to be. There were no happy children with full tummies helping work gardens with their parents. There was no happy life for those in the camps.

The men learned that they would be stationed there working under SS Command until more SS officers arrived by the end of the next month, November. Their jobs were to keep the prisoners in line. With this, they learned of the scheduling, the regulations, and the prisoner markings. Nothing in particular about the list of triangles stood out to Freddy until his eyes found the pink one. Freddy’s heart dropped when he read the word beneath it. 

_Homosexual._

Seeing the patch on the clothes of the men in the camp for the first time made the man’s stomach churn. Every time he saw a man with the patch Freddy was reminded how it could’ve been him. He had thrown up multiple times throughout his first week there out of pure anxiety. 

Freddy listened to stories from older and newly transferred officers of different camps. Some would brag about how they would beat and rape women while others would recount stories of prisoners fighting for food and children being killed as examples. The violence seemed to be translated into every camp and Freddy couldn’t wait to be stationed somewhere else when the month was up.

To his dismay, SS officers and more Wehrmacht men arrived but Freddy was not a part of the men who were relocated. Freddy would be stuck working at the camp for another five long and arduous months, just to the first week of April. Luckily, Freddy found a friend in one of the new Wehrmacht transfers. His name was Paul Betzler. 

Paul was older than Freddy but not too far from his age, the man was most likely in his mid thirties. He had dark brown hair and a rosy face, his jaw being defined by a faint five o’clock shadow. Freddy easily recognized that Paul was a handsome man and admired him for his charisma. Neither of the men had seemed to be looking for comradery or friendship but seemed to have drifted together over time.

* * *

“Why are you here, Friedrich?” Paul asked one night.

Freddy furrowed his brows, most men were there through conscription.

“Conscription.”

Paul chuckled.

“No, no. Why are you here? What are you fighting in the army for?” Paul clarified.

“Oh,” Freddy’s face slightly flushed. “I guess the German people.”

“Hm, that’s a good reason,” Paul commented as he grabbed a cigar, extending the box to Freddy. “Cigar?”

“No thank you, I’m more of a cigarette guy,” Freddy declined. “What about you? Why are you here?”

“I’ve got two kids at home. Inge, she’s my oldest, is ten and Johannes turned three in August,” Paul said with a longing sigh. “That’s what I’m here for. Their futures.”

Freddy’s eyes lit up at the mention of Paul’s son.

“One of my nephews is named Johannes,” Freddy said with a soft smile. “He’s about one and a half now.”

“How big is your family?” Paul questioned before adding, “I know you’ve mentioned that you have multiple siblings before.”

“Well, I guess it’s quite large. I have two sisters and a brother. Both of my sisters have children, one from the youngest and two from the older one. My brother moved to England with his wife a handful of years ago,” Freddy explained. “Personally I don’t think they’ll be having children. His wife had taken care of her parents all of her life up until they had passed. She needs to spend the rest of it for herself.”

Paul cocked a brow as he lit his cigar. Freddy took notice of the man’s expression.

“What is it?”

“No little Friedrichs running around yet?” The brunette asked, holding his cigar between his teeth as he talked.

“Oh, no,” Freddy laughed, fiddling with the rim of the glass in his hand. “I don’t think there will be, I’m not too fond of children. Don’t get me wrong, being an uncle is enjoyable, but I don’t get the father appeal.”

Paul chuckled.

“My Rosie was like that the first two years were dated. She was fiery and wanted to keep exploring the world, of course, she still does now, but, we had children. She _still_ always wears this bright red lipstick that drives me crazy,” Paul described. “I’ve got a photo back in my case, I’ll have to show it to you if you’d like.”

Freddy smiled.

“I’d love to see it sometime.”

“I’ll make sure to show you. Do you have a wife back at home?” Paul asked.

“Ah no,” Freddy replied with a bashful laugh.

“What? With this handsome face?” Paul exclaimed, lightly slapping the side of Freddy’s face.

Freddy’s ears went pink.

“There is someone, but we’re not married,” Freddy clarified.

“Ah, so there is someone who you've hooked,” Paul said with a small laugh. “What’s her name?”

“Klara,” Freddy mentally kicked himself.

_Nice job, Fred._

“What’s she like?” Paul asked. “I imagine she must be a bit rough around the edges to match your passiveness.”

“H- She is. She was actually engaged before I met her,” Freddy began, a smile forming on his face as he pictured Klaus. “I guess I was lucky that it didn’t work out.”

Paul smiled as he noticed the shift in tone in Freddy’s voice.

“She’s this gorgeous brunette and has the best laugh. She has such an alluring charisma to her and if she likes you she won’t hesitate to do the smallest things for you or protect you. She’s also creative but doesn’t do much with it, which I think is a shame. Makes her good with her hands when fixing things,” Freddy finished as he took a sip from his glass.

“Does that translate well in bed?” Paul asked with a wink, taking the cigar out of his mouth.

Freddy almost choked on his drink, his face flushing.

“Sorry, Rosie always says I need a filter, and if I don't get myself one it will get me killed,” Paul apologized with a soft scoff at himself. “You don’t have to answer that.”

“Oh no, it’s okay,” Freddy said, pausing for a moment as a smirk formed on his face. “And it does.”

Paul laughed out, slapping the younger man’s back. 

“That’s the boldest statement I’ve heard from you, Friedrich,” Paul stated.

“It’s probably the boldest I’ll get when I’m here in this shithole,” Freddy replied as he grabbed a cigarette pack out of his pocket.

“How does that compare to outside of here?” Paul asked.

“About the same? But I’d like to think I can be bold,” Freddy replied.

“Well, I have a request for you to be bold,” Paul began, prompting the blond to raise a brow. “Make sure to get a ring on your girl’s finger when this is over, Friedrich. Just the way your whole mood and body posture shifts when you talk about her, it exudes being in love.”

Freddy sadly smiled, breaking eye contact with the older male as he lit his cigarette.

“It’s because I am.”

* * *

**April 1939**

The journey from September to April was a long and arduous one for Freddy. Working in the camps had taken a large toll on Freddy’s heart and mind. Freddy couldn’t describe how relieved he had been when he got word that he would be going back on leave for a couple of weeks. He hadn’t felt that feeling in a long time. He never packed his bags so quickly.

Freddy and Paul stood in the mess hall, bidding their goodbyes to one another.

“I’m going to miss you, Fred!” Paul exclaimed. “You’re the only person keeping me sane in this place.”

“I’m going to miss you too, Paul,” Freddy replied with a smile. “I didn’t quite expect to make such a good friend here.”

“Ah, I didn’t either,” Paul replied. “Actually…”

The dark brunette rummaged through his back pockets.

“I have this for you,” Paul said, pulling a sheet of paper out.

“I hope it’s not a proclamation of love, Paul,” Freddy joked with a hearty laugh.

“Ha! Of course not. Though you are like a brother to me, now,” Paul replied.

“I feel honored. The feeling is mutual.”

Paul gave him a toothy smile.

“Anyways, here’s my address and landline in case we don’t see one another again. Bring your girl over, I'd love to meet her and you meet my kin,” Paul said as he handed him a small slip of paper.

“Oh, thank you,” Freddy replied, taking the paper.

Freddy quickly read through the writing and then looked back to the brunette.

“I’m glad I got to meet you, Paul,” Freddy said as he placed his hand on the man’s arm, giving it a light squeeze.

“I’m glad I got to meet you too, Fred,” Paul flashed a smile. “Stay safe out there, enjoy your time home.”

“You stay safe yourself,” Freddy replied. “I hope your leave comes soon.”

“Thank you, I hope so too.”

A whistle rang out in the meal room, signaling that the transport vehicle was there. The two shared a handshake and Freddy departed. Sitting in the vehicle, he took a deep breath. Leaving the camp was something he greatly looked forward to.

Freddy thought back to when he thought working on a camp would be significantly better than being given a gun on the front. Now he’d take that over what he faced and had to do in camps any day. It seemed less personal.

The toll that Freddy took working in the camps was apparent to his family back at home, his mother commenting on the sadness his eyes held and Anna saying he held himself differently. Freddy insisted that he was fine and just tired. In reality, he felt broken down, but he didn’t want to burden his family with it. 

It was nice seeing his family. He had saved every letter that came in from them during his time away but hearing their voices made Freddy’s heart feel lighter. He enjoyed getting to spend time with Marta without her husband menacingly lingering over her shoulder. He even offered to hold Oskar, despite still feeling a small disconnect from the child. He was that way with Anna’s daughter too. Matilde was six or seven now, Freddy couldn’t remember, and she was still a big crybaby. But with Johannes, he felt like he had a connection with the boy. Freddy just couldn’t place why, but he felt like they had a bond. He found it endearing when the child babbled out an ‘uncle fweddy.’ It was all so nice, having a small distraction from the deathly turmoil within him.

Getting back to his apartment was nerve-wracking. The first thing he did after placing his suitcase down was search for the paper with Klaus’ line on it. He had completely forgotten to ask his mother if Klaus had called but assumed he didn’t if she hadn’t mentioned it.

Freddy’s fingers quickly dialed the number on the rotary, making sure he got each one. The phone rang a few times before it was picked up. To Freddy’s dismay, it wasn’t Klaus who picked up on the other side.

“Katherine Zimmermann speaking.”

Freddy frowned.

“Hi Katherine, it’s Friedrich Finkel, a friend of Klaus’. We met a few years ago,” Freddy greeted. “I was calling to see if Klaus was on leave.”

“Hi Freddy, good to know you’re alive. But no, Klaus hadn’t gotten leave yet. Haven’t heard from him for about six weeks now,” Katherine replied, sounding like she was in a rush.

“Oh okay, thank you, Katherine. I hope everyone is doing well,” Freddy said, now feeling a bit disappointed.

“Thank you. Heil Hitler, Finkel. Have a good evening,” Katherine bid.

“You-” Katherine promptly hung up, cutting Freddy off. “...too.”

Freddy sighed and placed the device back onto the wall. He thought back on what Katherine had said.

“Six weeks?” Freddy mumbled to himself.

Based on Katherine’s rushed tone, Freddy was unable to guess if that it was out-of-character for Klaus, not knowing where the man was stationed if he was no longer in Austria. When he was in Poland the mail took about four weeks total, and Freddy knew Austria was more closely located to where they lived. If he were to be in Austria, mail would most likely be traveling faster, especially after annexation. 

Freddy couldn’t help but slightly laugh at himself. His years of work at the post office were coming in handy. Trying to calculate how fast mail would travel from different countries and cities.

Despite this, Freddy was worried about Klaus. He sighed and tried not to think about it, deciding to ring up a few friends to see if they were home.

* * *

**June 1939**

Freddy was significantly more upset to go back this time compared to when he first began his role in the army. It wasn’t easy for him to say he was scared due to the mass of emotions and memories of the camp coming back to him. But he was scared. Scared to see worse, scared to face it all again. 

He was temporarily placed in an office that was just bordering Austria. There he was promoted to Gefreiter. Freddy was able to find some pride in that, but the joy didn’t last long.

* * *

**October 1939**

Freddy’s time on the Austrian border didn’t last long. He wasn’t told where he would be stationed next, just that it would be in Austria. It was the first time in a long time he took up prayer. Praying that he wouldn’t be stationed in one of those horrid camps again.

He left the German/Austrian border only days after his birthday. As of the fourth of that month, he was now twenty-nine, not that he bothered to tell anyone. He celebrated alone with a large bottle of alcohol and a handful of pills he had snagged. His celebration didn't end the way he wanted, but it did end when he woke up on the fifth with an intense sickly feeling in his stomach.

The vehicle he and others sat in didn’t take well to the rocky mountain pathway. The uneven pathway caused the men in the vehicle to rock back and forth. In an attempt to ignore the shaking, Freddy gazed off the side of the mountain, taking in tranquility. It was a lovely view with the sunset going down behind the mountain’s horizon, the sunlight highlighting the bright autumn colors of Austria. It was like a painting had filled the horizon before him. 

The calmness was interrupted when Freddy took a look down over the side of the flatbed that he sat in. They had to be beyond hundreds of feet above the ground. The rocky cliffside became more jagged as they ascended up the roadway. It was surprisingly not intimidating to Freddy, but greatly welcoming. Nothing seemed to be greatly terrifying after he left the camp. Freddy placed his hands on the rail.

He thought about how easily they could veer off the path and tumble down the cliffside. How easy it would be to jump out of the vehicle and end it. How there would not be enough time for anyone to keep him from jumping. How if someone managed to they’d just shoot him dead anyway. How easy it would be for him going from a loyal soldier to a cowardly traitor. 

Freddy then thought of Klaus.

Freddy had tried not to think about the older man in the past year, especially after his call back at home. It brought him more pain than happiness the more he thought of the man. It had been too long since he last saw or thought of the male. For all he knew, he could be dead. Put out on the Eastern front and killed, no longer a man who was full of warmth. Just a soldier shot dead.

_But what if he wasn't dead?_

On that evening, the thought of seeing Klaus again was what kept Freddy seated in that transport vehicle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! First chapter (plus another on the same day, wow). 
> 
> This part of my interpretation of the pre-canon of K's and Freddy's story will be significantly darker for the first half (and still carry those themes throughout the second half, just a bit lighter). In contrast to the first part, this part has *two* Archive Warnings. Also! Please note that this and the next chapter have overlapping timelines since Chapter 1 focuses on Freddy and Chapter 2 focuses on Klenzendorf.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading :)
> 
> (I also edited all of this at 4:30AM if something is off I’ll most likely fix it when I’m more awake)


	2. *Backslider

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the reason why the Non-Con warning is applied.
> 
> Major warnings for...
> 
> Rape / Non-Consensual oral sex/ Forced oral sex  
> (^There is a cut just before and after)  
> Homosexual slurs  
> -  
> Mild warnings for...
> 
> Throwing up  
> Reporting 'undesirables'  
> Heavy drinking

**Backslider: _(noun)_**

_Someone who relapses into sinful behavior or undesirable activities._

**1938**

Klaus was stationed in Salzburg along with a hundred other men. Of course, it wasn’t as exciting as being on the battlefield, which ultimately disappointed Klaus, but he adapted quickly. Despite his title of lieutenant, he didn’t feel like one when his only roles were enforcing curfews and checking to see if anyone was flying the Austrian flag instead of the Nazi one. Filing reports and making calls bored him greatly, but it gave him something to do. 

When he wasn’t on duty, Klaus often found himself drawing in a small blank journal he had brought with him. It was full of pages of repeated shapes and features, with the occasional flower and its name. He wanted to record the flowers he saw for Freddy. 

He had begun trying to get down people, drawing a few of the photos he had brought with him. He had gotten down his mother’s nose and his nephew’s grins, along with Freddy’s eyes. Of course, the photographs he had weren’t the best quality but he worked with what he had.

His roommate, Gottfried Scholz, was always asking about _‘what he was so busy drawing’_ whenever Klaus declined going out for a drink with him and others. Klaus always chuckled or mumbled out some random response and turned the page away from the man’s prying eyes. He always hid his journal away within the lining of one of his personal jackets since his roommate was a bit nosy. He didn’t need anyone finding the drawings, they were personal.

When he wasn’t drawing he was out with a few men he worked with grabbing drinks or sleeping. When he slept he dreamt of Freddy quite a bit. It was when he heard his laugh and saw his bright eyes. Because of this, Klaus quite liked getting to sleep when he could, commonly falling asleep on the couch after a read of the day’s paper in the late evening. It was a chance to see Freddy in colors and hear his voice.

During his time away from Freddy he realized how much he had changed because of the younger man. He held a more optimistic outlook on life, commonly taking a moment to admire some flowers on a building’s windowsill or trying his best to bake a small strudel if he ever had enough time or funds to. 

He laughed at himself when he found himself bringing back a small bouquet to the apartment for decoration. Gottfried questioned it but Klaus simply replied that it reminded him of his mother. 

Klaus was good at coming up with lies on the spot when needed. He was quick with his words that way. It occasionally came into effect when checking people’s papers. Not that he’d ever dare to tell anyone, but he had let off the occasional person with a quick hush and a _be careful and get out while you can_.

Of course, not every let-go went unnoticed, resulting in a small penalty. Klaus was able to brush it off as a misread. Gottfried wouldn’t let it down for about a month, always joking how the _perfect_ Klaus Klenzendorf got penalized for a misread of papers.

Klaus learned to brush it off, not completely becoming annoyed by the man. Gottfried was around his age, only a few years older. Klaus couldn’t tell if the man was oddly clingy towards him or if it was just a part of his nature to be tending to others. The older male would offer or insist to do anything from the smallest or largest needs for Klaus. From offering to grab the groceries to stitching the smallest snag in Klaus’ uniform. Klaus would thank him for the offer but politely decline every time.

It was occasionally joked about how the other lieutenant would bend over backward to help the other. But Klaus would defend him, saying it was just in the man’s strong and loyal nature to be like that.

Klaus couldn’t be annoyed by someone like Gottfried. It was rare to find a man that seemed so loyal and willing to be friendly.

* * *

**March 1939**

It seemed that every five-to-six months Klaus would be uprooted to a new Austrian town. He had moved in November and just recently been placed in Linz. He was placed in a relatively nice apartment, one large enough to fit two people. His newest roommate was just about his age, a loud-and-out-there man named Erik. He had been reunited with Gottfried, who had been recently promoted to Captain. Klaus found it silly, promoting anyone during a time outside of battle, but he congratulated the man out of respect.

He had made a comradeship with multiple of the men he began work with, feeling comfortable enough to join them and some other soldiers on a trip down to a local pub one night. 

The area was already occupied, which ultimately resulted in passive-aggressive glares from patrons in the bar. Klaus didn’t know if his peers had noticed them and chosen to ignore them or if they were too high and mighty to bother noticing. Or it was the watered-down beer. Klaus ultimately blocked them out, enjoying his time with his peers.

Two hours in, Klaus dismissed himself to head to the bathroom.

Klaus was washing his hands when the door to the dingy bathroom swung open. The brunette glanced over briefly. The man who entered was Gottfried. It was easy to recognize the man when he had piercing green eyes.

“Klenzendorf,” The man greeted.

“Captain,” Klaus replied before adding, “You know how odd it is saying that?”

The man chuckled.

“Not really, it’s been some time.”

“Right.”

Klaus finished washing up his hands and grabbed the hand towel to dry them off. The brunette looked into the mirror and caught sight of the captain leaning against one of the stall walls behind him. Klaus brushed it off as the man waiting for the sink, despite the other open one just to his left. Just as he placed the towel back, Gottfried cleared his throat.

“I’m going to ask you a question, Klenzendorf,” The older man began.

Klaus turned around with a raised brow.

“Are you aware that you talk in your sleep?” The captain asked

Klaus’ looked at the man with a furrowed brow, placing his hands in his pockets as he stepped forward.

“No, I didn’t. Why do you ask?”

“Last year when we were stationed in Salzburg together I just happened to overhear you mumbling to yourself when you were on the couch. Of course, I thought you were going mad until I realized you were asleep,” He stepped away from the wall. “Despite your unadulterated and masculine façade, your unconscious thoughts betray you, Klaus.”

“What do you mean by that?” Klaus questioned, crossing his arms as he became defensive.

“You were talking to some man. God, I can’t remember what his name was but you were practically moaning it,” Gottfried said with a smug smirk.

“You’re treading on some thin ice, Gottfried,” Klaus warned.

The older male put his hands up in mock defense, taking a step forward.

“I’m not here to judge, Klaus.”

Klaus’ eyes briefly glanced over to the door of the bathroom and shifted his footing.

“What are you here for, then?” Klaus asked.

_“To do whatever the lucky bloke in your dreams was doing to you.”_

The captain latched his lips to Klaus’, his hands holding onto the brunette’s biceps. Klaus’ eyes went wide and grabbed the man’s shoulders, lightly pushing him off. 

“Listen, I’m not, I can’t- I’m not doing this,” Klaus got out.

“What? Is getting sucked off in a bathroom not your thing?” Gottfried asked with a smirk. “We could go back to my place. I don’t room with anyone, captain’s perks. Maybe there we could get…”

The man stepped forward as he eyed Klaus up and down.

“...a little more personal than a blowie.”

Klaus scrunched his nose, making his facial features look displeased.

“I mean I’m not doing this with you,” Klaus clarified, taking a step back.

The man’s eyes darkened and his smirk was replaced with a displeased expression.

“What? Got a guy back home? I won’t tell, it doesn’t matter to me,” The captain said, giving the brunette a chance to reconsider.

“I’m going to have to decline your advances, Captain,” Klaus firmly insisted.

It was clear that didn’t matter to Gottfried when he pressed his lips to Klaus’ in response, forcibly holding the man’s head with his hands. Klaus’ fight or flight response kicked in, his hands pushing at the captain’s chest. The older male pushed back harder, using his whole body to pin Klaus up against the sink countertop. Klaus whimpered, still desperately trying to remove himself from the captain’s hold.

The man pulled away for a moment and placed one of his hands on the collar of Klaus’ jacket.

“What the fuck are you-” Klaus didn’t have the chance to finish his plea as the man yanked him into the nearest stall.

The clicking noise of the stall door locking rang in Klaus’ ears. It wasn’t long before Klaus was thrown against the wall, his mouth being covered by the captain’s hand.

“We both know that if you make noise to alert someone they’ll ring both of our necks so don’t fucking think about it,” The older man seethed.

Klaus began an attempt at a plea when his mouth was uncovered.

“If you let me go, I won’t-”

His words went unnoticed as the captain forced his mouth back onto Klaus’, biting on his lip. The brunette was paralyzed with fear as his crotch was violently grabbed. 

Klaus’ thoughts were panic-stricken. He could maybe overpower the significantly larger man and get out, but he knew the captain would either beat the shit out of him or make sure he didn’t get out. Appeasing was obviously not going to work and he wouldn’t dare tell anyone what happened later. On top of all of it, Klaus was painfully aware of the pistol the man had on his belt. He was stuck.

There was almost no time for Klaus to react as the captain quickly undid his own belt and began working on the brunette’s. Klaus had a sinking feeling in his stomach at the action. The man seemed to have done this before. Klaus moved his hands to the captain’s wrists, grabbing them.

“Gottfried, you shouldn’t be doing this.”

His attempt to sound more personal by using the man’s name was not successful. The older male had grabbed at Klaus’ throat, his nails digging into the brunette’s skin.

“You’ve lost the right to use my name,” The man hissed. “It’s Captain.”

* * *

“I hope you understand that if you report me I’ll drag you down with me, Klaus. I’ll make sure everyone knows you sucked my cock like the fag you are,” The older man threatened as he buckled up his belt. 

Klaus backed up against the bathroom stall’s wall, his hands shaking as he pulled the leather band through the belt loops around his hips.

“And it would be a shame that I’d have to report you. You’re a good soldier. Disposable, but a good soldier,” The captain continued. “Of course, you could learn to be a bit more compliant.”

Klaus didn’t respond, but only continued to uncomfortably stand against the wall. He couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact with the captain, he felt weak when he failed to. This was a man he once lived with, one he had respected and relatively trusted at one point. 

Klaus could taste blood as he licked his lips. The contact stung and tasted heavily of iron. Klaus was unfortunately not surprised that his lips were gashed open. They seemed to be a spot the older male loved to abuse and bite.

Klaus watched as the older male unlocked the stall. Just as he thought the man was about to push it open, he didn’t. The captain turned to Klaus.

“We should do that again some other time,” A sinister smirk fell upon the man’s face when he said it, his thumb wiping the corner of his mouth.

Klaus didn’t respond as a shiver trailed down his spine. The older male pushed open the door and extended out an arm in a gesture for the younger male to leave. Klaus exited the stall and went right to the bathroom door. He turned the handle, but to no avail. He realized that the captain had locked it the moment he had stepped foot in the bathroom.

Klaus realized that this was most likely why they went undisturbed. Why his hope that someone would come in and scare the other man went unfulfilled. The man had made threats to stay silent just to make threats, he had taken him into the stall to mock him.

“ _Bastard_ ,” Klaus mumbled under his breath as he flipped the lock.

The brunette left the bathroom with the older man trailing behind him by a few feet. Klaus thought about just leaving then but remembered he hadn’t paid for his drinks. He sighed and headed back to where he had been previously sitting.

“Where have you two been?” Klaus’ flatmate, Erik, asked.

“Oh Klenzendorf got into a fight, back in the bathroom. I had to break it up,” The captain responded, placing a firm hand on Klaus’ shoulder. “Isn’t that right, Klaus?”

Klaus felt the man’s grip tighten.

“Yeah.” 

The older male released his grip and sat back down at the bar.

“I’d hate to see what the other bloke looks like,” Erik commented, pointing to the brunette’s beaten lip.

“Mm. I actually think I’m going to head back home and clean up,” Klaus said, signaling at the bartender with his hand.

He wanted to get out of there, badly. 

“Oh come on, Klaus. We’ve only been here a few hours,” Erik said, clapping a hand on the man’s back.

Klaus winced, but it went unnoticed. He’d rather not be touched at that moment.

“Come grab another drink or so,” Gottfried called out.

Klaus quietly declined and paid his tab. He dismissed himself and left the bar. The short walk to his temporary apartment felt long and arduous. He felt weak and his body seemed to ache with grief. Klaus was relieved that they weren’t placed in an apartment with stairs to ascend. The pit in his stomach wouldn’t have made the trip up the stairs enjoyable. He felt ill.

Entering the home, he hoped his flatmate wouldn’t be back anytime soon, that the alcohol would keep him away. He needed time to pull himself together in private.

The brunette had never been so relieved to take a shower before except for maybe one other time during the previous war. He felt dirty and violated. Klaus shedded his clothing and stood beneath the showerhead, beginning his shower as he turned the handle. He quickly turned up the temperature. It poured out scalding water, hot enough for Klaus to believe it could cleanse him of the phantom touches he felt all over his torso. He wiped away the blood on his face and eventually had to turn down the water temperature, it now making his scalp burn. 

While the water took away his tears, he couldn’t help but think of Freddy. His heart ached when he did. Klaus couldn't begin to describe how much he missed Freddy. He wished Freddy was there to hold him or offer some comforting words, to place kisses on his temple, and to help him feel loved. But the blond wasn’t, he was somewhere else. Klaus hoped that the man was surrounded by men who were filled with chivalry and good minds.

Klaus stepped out of the shower, tenderly wrapping himself with a towel. When he glanced in the mirror he audibly gasped. There was a hand-shaped red mark on his neck with bruises forming just at where the fingertips were. He lightly touched two of the spots with his fingers, flinching at the stinging sensation. He checked his lip, it had closed up by now and had dark red bruising. He had gotten marks and wounds far worse than those, but these were different. These were humiliating. He had been privately humiliated.

Klaus had never been so disgusted with someone, with _himself_ in his life. How did he, a forty-six-year-old get taken advantage of? He felt weak. He thought about how he should’ve run away and taken a beating if needed. 

Klaus could hear his father’s voice when he thought about how pathetic he was.

_No real man takes another man’s shit, Klaus. You either fight back and hang ‘em out by the neck, or go down without dignity._

Dignity. Something Klaus clung on to as much as he could that evening, not that the captain let him have much in that bathroom stall. As Klaus thought of his former flatmate, he realized that the man’s clingy actions and platonic infatuation were completely twisted. The captain had seemed to have gone through a power trip.

The pit in Klaus’ stomach quickly turned into a demanding sickly feeling, prompting him to hurry to the toilet. Klaus found himself dry heaving over the toilet bowl, the foul stench of vomit looming below his nose. He choked back a sob as he flushed the toilet and stood.

_He felt like shit._

Looking back into the mirror to comb his hair, he noted that he looked like shit. Which of course, only added to the feeling. The man sighed and began combing his hair. 

He slowly dressed and left the bathroom, his uniform in hand. Klaus made his way into the dining room, opening the wooden alcohol cabinet. Klaus grabbed a bottle of vodka and eyed how much was left in it. It was a third to a half full. Klaus popped the cork out and placed the neck of the bottle between his lips, promptly tilting his head back to begin drinking.

The drink stung his lips but he kept drinking until the bottle was empty. It was all in an attempt to cleanse his mouth and numb himself. He didn’t care if it made him feel sick again as he felt the liquid line his stomach. He sighed and stared down the empty bottle, reluctantly placing it down on the counter.

Entering his bedroom, he didn’t bother throwing the clothes in his hand into the hamper. He simply placed it on the desk chair before putting himself in bed.

Waking the next morning wouldn’t be easy.

* * *

**May 1939**

Klaus was able to convince some of the men he was friendly with to change bars after that night. He vehemently avoided using the bathroom, even when Gottfried wasn’t there. He didn’t feel comfortable doing that. One night, the captain arrived unannounced, promptly sullying the lieutenant’s mood. Klaus promptly left. Of course, Klaus knew that only gave the older male power, but the brunette knew he couldn’t bother trying to deal with him that night.

It was a hot summer night, the air thick and humid. Klaus could smell rainfall on its way, causing him to look up to the sky. The moon was bright, but partially covered by the clouds. He thought of buying an umbrella tomorrow, just in case.

Klaus’ thoughts were suddenly interrupted by shouting from what he assumed to be down an upcoming alleyway. The shouting was quickly joined by a curt scream. The brunette quickened his pace to reach the opening of the alleyway. He leaned his back up against the brick building and subtly turned his head around the corner.

It was a shocking sight to Klaus. A man was pummeling another into the ground while another seemed to try to wrestle the attacker off of the man on the ground. Klaus frowned and turned the corner, his posture stiffening in an attempt to look more intimidating.

“Hey!” Klaus called out as he approached the three men.

The second party pulled away from the attacker and the attacker turned away from the man on the ground, placing his boot into the man’s ribs.

“What’s going on here?” Klaus asked.

The second party seemed to take notice of Klaus’ uniform and tensed up.

“I promise it isn’t anything-” The second party began, being promptly cut off by the attacker.

“These two are fags. Saw them-” The attacker’s facial features twisted. “ _Kissing_ down here.”

Klaus’ eyes shifted from the attacker to the man on the ground. He had to be in his late teens or early twenties. 

“Sir, I can promise you that this is just a misunderstanding and that we-” The young man who wasn’t on the ground began, but promptly stopped when he heard the weak coughing from the one that laid on the ground.

The attacker dug his heel deeper into the young man’s stomach, slightly stumbling. It was clear to Klaus that he had been drinking.

“Oh shut up,” He seethed before turning back to Klaus. 

Klaus didn’t hesitate for what he did next.

“I’ll take it from here, thank you,” Klaus said as he approached the male standing, grabbing his arm. “You and your friend will be coming with me.”

The man’s eyes went wide and the young male on the ground whimpered. Klaus turned back to the attacker.

“Stand him up."

The attacker complied with a smug smile, removing his foot and yanking the young man off the ground with a grunt.

“I’ll take them to the office, we’ll get them fixed,” Klaus said. “Thank you for starting the process.”

The man handed over the other male.

“Of course,” He began.

Klaus didn’t let the man finish as he let go of the younger male’s arm and punched the attacker square in the jaw, taking him by surprise. The attacker crumbled to the ground, now seemingly unconscious. Klaus shook off his hand and then turned to the two younger males. The man who was attacked was now in the other’s hands. Looking at his face, it was clear to Klaus that he had coughed up blood. Both sets of eyes were wide.

“Both of you need to be careful, whatever you’re doing,” Klaus guided. “You’re young, I get that. But it’s a death sentence.”

“Thank you,” One whispered.

Klaus gave them a firm nod.

“I'm sorry for the scare but... Make sure to get him checked out.”

“Yes sir.”

“Goodnight gentlemen,” Klaus said as he turned on his heel, continuing his way back home.

There was a broken echo of goodnights from the two young men as Klaus exited the alleyway. 

* * *

The next morning at breakfast, Klaus was thinking of the two young men from the previous night. They reminded him of when he was younger. A bit reckless, getting his fair share of beat downs when being found with a lover. He only hoped that the two men would stay safe and that the other man would have been too disoriented to report anyone when he woke.

“Did you hear about what happened last night?” Erik asked as he sat down with a plate of food, ultimately disrupting Klaus’ thoughts.

Klaus raised a brow and quickly finished chewing the food in his mouth.

“No, why do you ask?”

“There was a small raid outside the bar maybe an hour or so after you left, some anti-Nazi group,” Erik began, pouring himself a drink. “Captain Scholz was shot… he didn’t make it. Right in the head.”

Klaus looked at the blond, wide-eyed.

“You’re kidding me?” Klaus asked, trying to suppress any positive emotion.

“I’m not. I’m sorry Klaus, I know you two were friends,” Erik consoled, taking Klaus’ response wrongly.

“Thank you… for telling me,” Klaus got out before returning back to his meal.

After cleaning up breakfast, Klaus took a quick trip into the bathroom. Leaning onto the sink, he let out a shaky breath. The news of Gottfried’s death definitely had an effect on him. He knew that it was mostly a positive one. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.

 _The bastard deserved it._ Klaus thought to himself.

 _No, he didn’t._ He then thought.

 _Yes, he did._ He argued with himself.

There was not much time for any more internal conflict to sizzle in Klaus’ brain due to the lingering knowledge he needed to head out and report in. 

Heading to his station, he thought of the now perished captain and the young men from the previous night. 

_Maybe helping those men out gave karma a sign to step in._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... How do I write an author's note after a chapter like this? ...  
> I'm sorry for hurting them so much in the last two chapters :(
> 
> I have written large chunks of other chapters so we'll see how fast those come out. :)
> 
> I hope you somehow enjoyed reading this chapter even with its contents... :/
> 
> (I also edited all of this at 4:30AM if something is off I’ll most likely fix it when I’m more awake)


	3. Guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild warnings for...
> 
> Drug Use/Abuse/Addiction  
> Alcohol Use/Abuse/Addiction  
> -  
> Definition(s):
> 
> Pervitin:  
> Methamphetamine (occasionally laced with cocaine) was sold in tablet form under this brand name in pill form. (More featured at the end).

**Early 1941**

“ _Can you hear me?”_

The voice felt so familiar, but it came and went too quickly for Klaus' brain to recall what it sounded like. He was groggy. 

“Klaus. Hey. Can you hear me?”

Klaus opened his eyes, a bright blue sky greeting him. He glanced over to where the voice came from. He saw Freddy looking down at him, his gently quaffed hair falling out of form. 

“Hey, handsome,” Klaus greeted, propping himself up on his elbows.

They were resting on a soft comforter.

“Did you hear what I said?” Freddy asked, shifting closer as he brushed a few loose hairs from Klaus’ face.

“Um,” Klaus thought for a moment, leaning into the blond’s touch as he struggled to remember anything. 

He furrowed his brows when he realized he had little to no memory of anything before this moment.

“I can't recall anything, I’m sorry.”

Freddy sighed and dropped his hand.

“I was talking about the flowers,” Freddy began to summarize, holding up a small bundle of blue flowers. “Myosotis arvensis, forget-me-nots. They signify remembrance, hence the name.”

Klaus watched as the blond stretched his arm up towards the sky, holding up the bundle of small flowers. The sun illuminated the soft blue pigment within the flower.

“Aren’t they gorgeous?” Freddy asked as he gazed at the flowers.

“Yeah,” Klaus distractedly replied, his eyes refocusing on the blond.

Something didn’t feel right. Like something was missing like he didn’t know Freddy.

Freddy dropped his arm down and turned back to Klaus with a soft smile. He leaned in on one of his forearms and tucked the bunch of flowers behind Klaus’ ear.

“Now they’re ten times as gorgeous,” Freddy whispered.

Klaus lazily smiled at the compliment.

“Thank you.”

Freddy smiled and placed his now free hand over to the opposite side of Klaus’ legs and softly kissed the brunette. Klaus partially kissed back and slowly closed his eyes, feeling like he was in a fog. It felt right but he couldn’t recognize why it did.

Freddy pulled away with a small frown, recognizing Klaus’ mental and somewhat physical distance. 

“You’ve been quiet, what’s wrong?” The blond asked before kissing Klaus’s nose. “What’s going on in that mind?”

“I’m… I’m not too sure, Freddy,” Klaus replied, slightly moving back.

“What do you mean?” Freddy asked, moving his hands into his lap.

“I don’t feel…” Klaus looked around. “Where are we?”

Freddy’s brows furrowed, perplexed.

“We’re by the lake near my mom’s?” Freddy said with a small laugh. “We’ve been here tons of times.”

“Have we?” Klaus asked, looking around.

“We have- have you been drinking?” Freddy grabbed the thermos by Klaus.

Klaus slightly shook his head ‘no’ as Freddy unscrewed the bottle and took a whiff. 

“Hm,” Freddy hummed, screwing the cap back on and tossing it aside as he looked back at the older male.

The thermos disappeared.

“Maybe you’ve just been in the sun too long,” Freddy suggested.

Freddy placed the back of his hand on Klaus’ forehead, but Klaus didn’t feel the contact. Klaus leaned away.

“You feel fine, actually. That’s odd,” Freddy noted.

As Freddy kept speaking, Klaus was unable to hear the words clearly. It was all muffled and a slow high pitched piercing noise was in his ears. He looked over to the blond. Klaus couldn’t distinguish his features anymore. He just wanted to see Freddy’s blue eyes, but he was unable to. Klaus knew that they were there but… they weren’t.

“What do you look like?” Klaus asked, interrupting the muffled and ringing noises in his ears.

“What?” Freddy asked with a nervous laugh. “Are you coming down with hysteria or something?”

Klaus blankly stared at the man before him. He was struggling to map out the man’s facial features even more now. Freddy’s face was covered by a storm of swirling colors.

“Do you seriously not remember what I look like, Klaus?” Freddy asked, standing up.

“I… No I do, I promise Freddy I do I’m just having a hard time-”

“What the hell? Does our time together mean nothing to you?” Freddy began yelling.

“No, no of course it does, Freddy it’s just been a long time and I don’t know what’s happening,” Klaus began as he stood up, tears forming in his eyes.

“My name is Klaus Klenzendorf and I can’t remember the love-of-my-life because it’s been a long time,” Freddy mocked, waving his arms around.

The brunette felt dizzy since his eyes wouldn’t stop draining his body of water. Klaus helplessly watched as his tears melted the landscape around them into a stark white. It was like chalk on the sidewalk after a storm, beautiful and colorful one moment but swiftly washed away in the next. 

He looked back to Freddy, whose face was distinguishable but now bloody and contorted, the rest of his body was like that too. Startled by the blond’s appearance, Klaus began running to him. But his efforts were futile, the more he ran the farther Freddy seemed to be. 

“Why don’t you remember or love me anymore, K?” Freddy asked, whispering in Klaus’ ear as he stood behind him.

Klaus jumped at the sudden appearance, turning around to face him. Blood and ash coated the younger male’s brutalized face.

“Why do- who told you that I didn’t? What happened to you?” Klaus reached out to cup the man’s face.

The blond harshly grabbed the brunette’s wrists, causing them to crack. Klaus hissed out despite not feeling the pain.

“I know what you did with that man.”

Klaus’ heart stopped momentarily at those words.

“Freddy who told you… No, you know I would never willingly...” Klaus swallowed, not liking to think about it. “Do _that_.”

“You’re disgusting, how could you go behind my back?” The blond seethed. 

“I didn’t _want_ to, Freddy. You don’t know how painful it was for me to go through that. I thought that out of all people you would be the most understanding,” Klaus tried explaining.

“I thought I could trust you,” Freddy sobbed, his hands wiping at the tears, blood, and ash from his face, despite it not doing much.

“Of course you can, Finkie. But where are you? What happened to you, are you okay?” Klaus stepped forward with concern.

“Don’t touch me!” Freddy exclaimed.

Freddy pushed the brunette back, causing the man to stumble and fall backward.

 _“I hate you,”_ Freddy yelled.

Instead of hitting the ground, Klaus jolted upwards. He was in bed again, panting heavily, his head was pounding and he felt sick. Freddy’s words rang in his ears.

_I hate you._

Klaus sighed and pulled one leg up to his chest. He rubbed his face with his hand and rested his forehead onto his knee.

“It wasn’t real, Klaus,” He whispered to himself.

He had dreams that had similar endings to the one he just had... if he could even call it a dream. 

He rubbed his leg in an attempt to comfort himself. Unfortunately, Klaus was unable to get himself comfortable enough to go back to sleep after the dream, along with his pounding headache. It had implemented unwanted thoughts and memories.

Klaus kicked the blanket off of his feet with a huff. He needed to shower.

The man found himself waking up on the sofa with a bottle of vodka in hand later that morning. His head was pounding as he sat up, looking around. There was an abundant amount of cigarettes in the ashtray on the small table beside the couch, along with a small pack of Pervitin and a white residue smudged on the wood. Klaus concluded that they were most definitely new, he was good at keeping the tray clean.

The forty-eight-year-old didn’t remember anything that had occurred since his shower during the earliest hours of the morning. He was practically naked, lounging in only his boxers and thin undershirt. The bottle he held was practically empty, only holding a few sips left. Klaus promptly swigged the rest and dropped his head back down with a sniffle. He felt a wetness drip from his nose and onto his thigh. It was blood. 

“ _Shit,”_ He groaned and stood, his hand cupped just below his nose as he ran to the bathroom, scooping up the pack of Pervitin on his way over.

Admittedly, Klaus would’ve realized how embarrassing and pathetic this looked if he had a roommate. Ever since he was restationed in Czechoslovakia he had resided alone in an apartment that was honestly too small for a grown man. Between the cramped and isolated feeling of the apartment and his declining mental state, Klaus had found great company in alcohol and pills. The meth and cocaine-laced drug issued by the army was his favorite. To his dismay, the pills were restricted to prescription-only just that year.

Lucky for Klaus, he had become friendly with one of the government-assigned medical officers in late 1940. The man became the brunette’s source for Pervitin with a small monetary bribe.

Of course, Klaus never dared to drink and pop or crush n’ sniff pills to large extents when he had work the next day. He had even cut down on public smoking with the heavy enforcement of anti-tobacco and alcohol laws. But, he made sure to catch up on his indulgences in the privacy of the cramped apartment he resided in.

Klaus had taken leave this month and decided to just not go home. If he were to be honest with himself, he was scared to go home, to go home and face possibly dark reality. The possibility of finding out that Freddy was dead or that the eldest of his nephews had enlisted, or even if the city had gotten bombed. He hadn't written home since early 1940, and his sister and brother had stopped writing altogether by July of that year, the last letters being birthday wishes, news of his nephews joining the HJ and Hitler Youth, and that his sister-in-law had birthed twins. He was an uncle of five now. 

Klaus reasoned with himself that he didn’t have to go home, that his family would be able to carry on without him visiting, so he stayed cooped up in his apartment.

Of course, having a month and a few days off would be both physically and mentally damaging to Klaus. He had plenty of time to partake in what helped him forget about the despair that loomed around him. Eat, shower, drink, pill, vomit, drink, sleep, repeat. 

To say Klaus was completely aware of his addict behavior would be inaccurate. He was definitely aware of the number of addictive substances he was consuming but didn’t realize the toll it took on him as he drowned out his misery with the drugs and drinks.

On occasion, when he consumed cocktails of cigarettes, vodka, and Pervitin, he would experience panic attacks and go through visually explicit episodes, induced by smells and intrusive thoughts of what happened in the bar bathroom in 1939. The more he took the more heightened the episodes got, paranoia of the captain being there, his heart rate accelerating and occasionally stopping, and the feeling of the world around him being dilated. He didn’t know it, but he was lucky that he was required to check in his firearms at work.

_He was spiraling._

**\- - - - - - - -**

**A/N SEPARATE FROM END NOTES: (MORE ON DRUG USE IN NAZI GERMANY)**

_“It was used by all branches of the combined Wehrmacht armed forces of the Third Reich, for its stimulant effects and to induce extended wakefulness ... usually found himself unable to perform effectively for the next day or two. Suffering from a drug hangover and looking more like a zombie than a great warrior, he had to recover from the side effects.” -[ Methamphetamine (Pervitin) Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methamphetamine)  
_

_“...the German army ordered them to take military-issue pills made from methamphetamine and a primarily cocaine-based stimulant ... Cocaine, whose effects substantially overlap with those of amphetamine but feature greater euphoria, was later added to the formulation to increase its potency through the multiplicative effects of drug interaction and to reinforce its use by individuals.” -[Drug Policy in Nazi Germany Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drug_policy_of_Nazi_Germany)  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a bit short (and had a large time skip, I know :/) but I hope you all still enjoyed it. (I promise it gets a bit more positive eventually!!) On that note, how are you all feeling about these chapters so far? I'd love to know.
> 
> Also! I have a Tumblr now ( https://winedad16.tumblr.com/ ) where I'll be uploading my works (and smaller writing pieces) up there. Go check it out if you'd like :)


	4. Checklist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for...  
> Drug Use  
> Sexual Content (not explicit per say... but it’s there)
> 
> It’s WWII

**AN: Hans is mentioned for the first time in[this chapter](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23992093/chapters/58371385)**

**1941**

_Rough hands. Soft kisses. Warm touches. Stubble tickling his skin. The smell of soft cologne._

These were the things that Freddy longed for… among other things. But at this moment, this is what he wanted and missed. He tried imagining it all as he grasped his crotch through his boxers. It had been some time since he had done this. A long time since he had decided to not just helplessly touch himself. 

There was still a mental block in Freddy when it came to Klaus. It pained him to think of the brunette, he missed him. But in the past month it began to crumble, Freddy was cracking. 

He needed validation, someone to openly talk to and be able to cross his legs around. He had made friends here and there, after his time on the Austrian-German border, but it wasn’t the honest friendship that he sought out. Those friendships were full of façades and forced anti-semitism.

He had been home two other times. It was nice to socialize a bit more openly with his family. But his heart hurt. He could only look forward to his restation to Czechoslovakia next month. Hopefully, he’d find Klaus there.

* * *

**March 1941**

Stepping off of the transport vehicle, Freddy took in his surroundings. There were a lot of men all around. Some running laps, some stretching, while others had just gotten off the multiple transport vehicles. It was like a large convention center for soldiers.

“Friedrich Finkel?” A voice rang out.

Freddy turned to where the voice came from, looking around. His eyes landed on an auburn-haired male that was approaching him. As his eyes scanned his face, he immediately recognized the man, especially his bright green eyes.

“Hans Lenz?” Freddy exclaimed, putting down his case as the man embraced him.

“Hey man!” Hans greeted. “God, I can’t believe it’s you!”

“Long time no see! Wow!” Freddy exhaled, patting the man’s back.

“How are you, Fritz?” Hans asked, placing his hands on Freddy’s arms, giving them a small shake and squeeze.

“Oh you’re still using that name?” Freddy laughed.

The brunette nodded his head with a wide grin.

“And I’m doing great,” Freddy lied. “How are you?”

“I’m well, I’m well!” Hans replied. 

He dropped his hands from Freddy’s arms and then straightened his posture a bit, pressing out his uniform with his hands.

“I’m a second lieutenant now,” The brunette pointed out.

“Thats crazy, look at you!” Freddy said, looking at the younger male up and down as he grabbed his suitcase off the ground. “I remember you talking about joining the army when we were _twelve!”_

Hans laughed.

“I went through the OCS after college. It pretty much gave me a straight path into becoming an officer,” Hans explained. “Anyways, follow me, I’ll bring you to the bunks.”

The two men made their way through the crowd, chatting, and making talk. The more they talked, Freddy took notice of the slight Austrian accent in the man’s dialect. Freddy couldn’t believe that enough years had passed since they last saw one another for the brunette to pick up a different accent.

“You still look eighteen, you know,” Freddy commented. “Except just a bit more rugged. But I immediately recognized your eyes.”

“Ha! Thank you,” Hans said before adding, “You still look nineteen. Stronger jaw, though.”

“Thank you, but I have sprouted quite a bit,” Freddy said as he gestured upwards.

“You have! I have too. We both have, we’ve grown!” The brunette iterated. “But um, this is it. I hope to get a chance to talk to you a bit more, Fritz.”

“I hope so too,” Freddy replied with a smile, extending out his hand.

Hans accepted it and gave it a firm shake. Freddy mentally noted that his hands were rough, they weren’t like that when they were teens. 

“I’ll make sure to come and find you if our paths don’t naturally cross,” Hans said with a smile.

“I’ll take your word for it,” Freddy replied

Freddy’s heart had skipped a beat when the man’s fingers lingered on his for a bit longer than needed. 

_Was he..._

* * *

**May 1941**

It had been a handful of weeks since Freddy arrived at the new bunker. He asked around for a Lieutenant Klenzendorf but to no avail. Luckily, he had Hans there to catch up with one night.

“Remember how you used to snatch Maria’s blouses and skirts and wear them around the home when your mom wasn’t there?” Freddy asked, cigarette in mouth.

Hans snorted and put down his drink.

“Yes, because you’d always do my makeup and fuss when I’d smudge the lipstick,” The brunette added. “Plus I’d always have to sneak them back into her room, which was always quite the ordeal.”

Freddy laughed.

“Yes, I remember having to distract Maria and Emil a few times,” Freddy said, before feigning a mocking voice. “ _Oh! Come look at the rabbit! So exciting, let’s go outside to get a closer look!_ ”

“And then I’d scurry away with my satchel,” Hans recalled.

Freddy smiled and let out a small breathy laugh as both men quieted down, reveling in their memories. Hans cleared his throat, breaking the silence.

“You know, I uh,” The brunette began. 

Freddy turned his attention to the blond.

“I don’t think I ever stopped loving you,” Hans whispered. 

“We didn’t have much closure, did we?” Freddy joked, thinking back on how quickly Hans and his mother had uprooted.

“I’m serious, Friedrich. When I saw you again, everything came back.”

Freddy looked at the man briefly and looked away when they made eye contact, his mouth slightly agape. 

_He was serious._ Freddy thought.

He chose not to respond and just looked to his lap as he fiddled with his fingers in thought.

“What about you, Fritz?” The brunette asked, shifting slightly to face the blond more.

“It’s definitely been wonderful being able to talk and spend time with you again, Hans,” Freddy whispered, occasionally glancing at the brunette as he put out his cigarette in the ashtray.

“Friedrich...”

Hans gently placed a hand under Freddy’s chin, gazing into the blond’s eyes. Freddy was unsure of the man’s actions, not because he didn’t trust him, but because of how he didn’t know how he was going to handle what he believed would come next. 

Hans carefully leaned in and gently placed his lips on Freddy’s. The man’s lips were warm and soft and held a welcoming embrace. Freddy’s eyes fluttered shut as Hans cupped his face. He found himself softly kissing back, much to his own surprise. The younger male shifted closer, rubbing the other’s cheekbones with his thumbs. The blond leaned in a bit more at the comforting caress. 

Hans pulled his lips away with a smile. His eyes seemed to sparkle. Freddy politely smiled back and the brunette leaned back in. The blond kissed back again, this time with quiet tears rolling down his face. He didn’t know if he could do this.

Freddy raised his hands and grasped the brunette’s that still rested on his face, lightly pulling away. 

“Hans,” Freddy whispered with a small sniffle.

Hans scanned the older male’s face.

“What’s wrong?” He said in a hushed tone, concern clear in his voice. “Wait, did I, did I read it wrong? I’m sorry I shouldn’t have-”

“I have a commitment at home,” Freddy said as he lowered their hands and let Hans’ go.

“Oh, I… Congrats, Freddy,” Hans said with a sad smile. “That’s great, she must be… great! That’s lovely.”

Freddy softly laughed.

“He,” Freddy clarified, feeling comfortable enough to be open about it.

“Really? That’s great, man. Does anyone know?” The younger male asked.

“A few. Edgar, and most likely his wife, you remember Florence, don’t you?”

Hans nodded.

“One other friend back in the city, and of course, now you,” Freddy listed before adding, “I haven’t seen him in…”

Freddy pursed his lips in thought.

“Three years...” Freddy’s heart briefly stopped when he said that.

_He hadn’t realized it had been that long._

“Wow, you haven’t written to him or seen him at all?” Hans asked.

Freddy slowly shook his head.

“I never found out where he was stationed. He never mentioned it in his letter home to me before I left. He was in Austria, that’s all I knew. I tried the envelope but it was blocked out,” Freddy explained. “I don’t even know if he’s alive.”

“Gosh, I can't imagine what that could be like,” Hans said, disbelief in his voice. “How long have you two been together?”

“Well, we met the summer before my twenty-first birthday and I’m thirty-one this year,” Freddy softly gasped. “It will be ten years in late July.”

“Wow,” Hans breathed out, not knowing what else to say.

Freddy didn’t know what to say either. He hadn’t verbalized how long it had been. With the time and physical distance, could he even consider it a relationship anymore? The blond hadn’t emotionally invested himself in thinking about the brunette for a while up to a few months ago. Was he still in love? Was he in love with the idea of still being in love? He didn’t know. It was overwhelming, having all of these thoughts at once.

“What about you?” Freddy asked, trying to redirect his mind. “Was there- _Is_ there anyone?”

“I’ve had my fair share of girlfriends and boyfriends back in Austria,” Hans said with a small laugh. “I, uh, got married in thirty-seven, didn’t work out. Influenza.”

“Mein Gott, I’m sorry for your loss, Hans,” Freddy said, placing his hand on the younger man’s arm in comfort with a small pat.

“Thank you. I don’t think I should’ve married her, though. Her father actually pressured me into proposing. I wasn’t ready for it, too many underdeveloped feelings, but I married her and brought her out to the town in which I bought a home and…”

Hans made a large swiping motion with his arm.

“And then it hit almost everyone in the village. Married life only lasted a few months,” Hans sighed. “I feel like if I didn’t rush her into a premature mariage she wouldn’t have died. She was such a lovely girl.”

Freddy gave a comforting smile, lightly rubbing the brunette’s arm. 

“Don’t put that on yourself, Hans. Everything happens for a reason,” Freddy assured.

Hans glanced at the blond when he said those words. Something resonated within him at that.

“I…”

Hans paused for a moment.

“I don’t wish to intrude on what you have but… I really do like you Freddy,” Hans sighed. “And I feel like this…”

He gestured between himself and Freddy.

“That us being brought back together is a sign that my marriage wasn’t supposed to work out,” Hans' eyes began to fill with tears. “Do you think that maybe you- That your distance from your lover was supposed to happen, for it to lead up to this point?”

“I…” Freddy’s silent tears reconvened.

He didn’t know. But he knew that they needed one another when he moved his hand down to the brunette’s hand. Their fingers slowly locked together, Freddy’s cold hand becoming warmer under Hans’ touch. Hans looked up at the blond, the older man following suit only moments later.

Freddy warily leaned in, his lips just ghosting over Hans’. The younger male closed the small gap as the two kissed for the third time that evening. It was tender and tasted of salty tears, their lips coming together and lightly pulling apart in soft pecks. 

Freddy felt conflicted, he didn’t know what this was. He felt sad and confused, but the soft kisses that came from his childhood lover made him feel comforted.

_That comforting feeling felt right._

* * *

**June 1941**

Freddy was promoted to Hans’ sub-officer a month later. Freddy insisted that it was unfair, but Hans insisted right back that he wouldn’t trust anyone else with the role. Freddy made a smart remark about what that says about Hans’ former sub-officer, which was only returned by an eye roll and playful kiss.

Their kisses weren’t much and physical contact stayed soft. Freddy found himself kissing the man a lot more over time, his hands always finding their way to the sides of the brunette’s face or his waist. Every touch made, made Freddy feel warm. His heart swelled. He loved having that feeling of support and love again.

* * *

**September 1941**

Freddy hummed a small military tune as he made his way down the hall to Hans’ office-bedroom, paperwork in hand. The hallway was dull and musty smelling, making Freddy scrunch his nose.

 _Could use some lavender._ Freddy thought to himself as he approached the office door.

The blond rapped on the wooden door a few times until he heard a muffled _‘Just a moment.’_ Freddy stood still with a straight back as he waited for a signal to come in. After about thirty seconds there was a _‘Come in.’_ Freddy turned the handle as he entered. 

“Heil Hitler,” Freddy mumbled as he entered.

“Heil,” Hans partially echoed.

Freddy observed that Hans was wiping down a spot on his desk.

“Spill something?”

“Oh… Yeah, yeah I spilled my drink,” Hans said with a sniffle as he wiped his nose.

“I have a bit of paperwork, doesn’t seem too crazy, just some weekly reports, I believe,” Freddy said as he unconsciously thumbed through the papers.

“Okay,” Hans said as he slumped into his chair, looking around. “What did I…”

“What’s the matter?” Freddy asked, placing down the papers.

“I can't seem to find my reading glasses,” Hans chuckled as he moved a small stack of papers, looking behind it and then on the floor.

Freddy looked around a bit and then back to Hans, spotting the glasses atop of the man’s head. Freddy smiled and shook his head to himself as he pulled them off of the brunette’s head, tapping his shoulder.

“Lieutenant,” Freddy dangled the eyewear in his hands.

Hans turned and smiled, his bright green eyes sparkling despite the dim lighting. Freddy could melt every time he saw the man’s eyes.

“They were on your head, liebling,” Freddy quipped as he carefully placed the spectacles on the younger male’s face.

“Thank you,” Hans said with a small laugh, leaving a chaste kiss on the blond’s jaw.

Freddy softly giggled at the feeling of stubble on his skin.

“You’re welcome,” He replied, raising his hand to the side of the man’s face.

He rubbed the man’s jaw with his thumb.

“You should keep the stubble,” The blond suggested. “It’s nice.”

Hans shrugged at the suggestion as Freddy dropped his hand.

“Anyways, I’ll head out now to let you focus,” Freddy said as he headed towards the door, rolling down his sleeves. “Goodnight, Hans.”

“Goodnight, Fritz,” Hans bid.

Freddy gave a stern nod and a stomp of his foot as he opened the door. 

“Heil Hitler.”

“Heil Hitler,” The younger male echoed as Freddy exited.

Unbeknownst to Freddy, Hans paused for a moment after he had left. He rubbed his jaw, feeling the coarse stubble on his face, and smiled.

* * *

**December 1941**

The Czechoslovakian winters were commonly harsh, but by December the snow was thick and the air was extremely chilled with the icy winds. Of course, that didn’t keep anyone from being forced outside for training regimens. Unluckily for everyone, there was a harsh snowstorm the night before that was still dying down. Freddy was already a naturally cold person, so needless to say he was miserable.

“How was it?” Hans asked as Freddy entered his office.

“Fucking cold,” Freddy replied through chattering teeth, rubbing his arms. “We were out there for hours and no matter how much I moved I couldn’t warm up.”

Freddy pulled a chair over and plopped down.

“Anyways, what can I help with?” Freddy asked as he rubbed his hands together.

“Could you put these in envelopes? It should be every two pages,” Hans replied as he handed the papers and envelopes over.

Their fingers brushed as the papers were passed over.

“ _Christus_ , Fritz. Your hands are like ice,” Hans said, scanning the man. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, thank you,” Freddy replied as he began sliding papers into an envelope.

The blond was visibly shivering, which prompted the brunette to stand from his seat. 

Freddy watched as the younger male grabbed his jacket off of his chair and made his way over. The surprisingly heavy jacket was draped around his shoulders. It was much thicker than the ones he and the other low-ranking soldiers received.

“You need to warm up, Friedrich,” Hans muttered as he placed a soft kiss on the man’s temple. “You’re frozen to the touch.”

“Thank you,” Freddy said as he adjusted the jacket.

“Of course,” Hans replied as he took his spot back at the opposite side of the desk.

Freddy held the jacket closed with one hand as he fastened one button to hold it down as he worked. The jacket smelled like Hans, a subtle scent of pine. Freddy smiled and slightly snuggled into it closer.

* * *

**January 1942**

Freddy’s head bobbed down and shot back up in an attempt to stay awake.

“Friedrich, take a rest if you need,” Hans said, gesturing towards the couch.

“No, I’d rather be awake in case anyone needs to see you,” Freddy replied, dismissively waving his hand. “Besides, I’m almost done.”

That was a lie, but Freddy didn’t want to do it the next day.

There was a small hum of a rolling noise, which Freddy suspected to be a drawer.

“Hey, catch,” The brunette said.

Freddy looked up, seeing a small white cylinder in the air. He clumsily caught it and read the black lettering.

_Pervitin._

Freddy quirked a brow. 

“What’s this?” 

“What, you’ve never used it? They hand it out all the time on the front,” Hans explained. “It’s a pill. It really wakes you up, you might feel like shit when you wake up but it fades out eventually.”

Freddy turned the small container in his hand, observing it. The small black letters read _‘Alertness Aid.’_

He shrugged and tore the unit open, a few white capsules dumping into his hand. The blond awkwardly put the extras back in the tube and screwed the cover of the container back on.

“Should I drink something with this?” Freddy asked, the pill being held between the tips of his fingers.

“Oh, I guess. I usually crush and snort it,” The brunette briefly glanced up as he replied.

“What, like it’s cocaine?” Freddy jokingly asked with a snort.

Hans shrugged and nodded his head.

“I don't like swallowing pills,” He simply replied.

Freddy rolled the pill back into his palm as he stood up and poured himself a glass of water, promptly swallowing the pill with the liquid.

“How long does it take to work?” Freddy asked as he sat back down.

“Maybe fifteen minutes? It’s faster snorting,” Hans replied with a small chuckle. “Another reason to not swallow it.”

Freddy shrugged and went back to his paperwork, anxiously awaiting the effects of the new drug. A tingling sensation crept up behind him, but it was a good feeling. His eyes had significantly dilated, but he had only noticed when he looked up, his body recoiling at the amount of light his eyes took in. A wave of alertness washed over him, making him smile.

“ _Woah_.”

“It’s fucking crazy, right?” Hans said as he put down his pen.

“I feel like I could run to the front,” Freddy said with a stretch of his legs. “How did they come up with this? What’s _in_ it? This can’t be healthy.”

The younger male shrugged.

“No clue, but I’ve been on it for ages and it hasn’t killed me yet.”

“Can I take this?” Freddy asked, holding up the small roll of pills.

“Yeah, yeah, go for it, Fritz. I’ve got tons. The medical department seems to have forgotten that my wrist is no longer broken and sends out a few at a time,” Hans nonchalantly replied. “Just ask when you need more.”

“Great, thanks,” Freddy said as he pocketed the case.

He didn’t sleep much that night.

* * *

**March 1942**

Freddy entered Hans’ office with a disgruntled huff, his fellow soldiers had pissed him off.

“Hello to you too,” Hans greeted with a chuckle. “Zinser and Wiesman, again?”

“Along those lines,” Freddy grumbled, plopping down in the chair across from the brunette.

Freddy was getting fed up with the latest soldiers that had been stationed with them. Brainwashed teens who had no respect for others.

“Pill me,” Freddy sighed, extending out his hand.

Hans nodded and nonchalantly grabbed a white pack and handed a Pervitin over.

“A razor too,” Freddy said as he took the pill.

“Of course,” Hans replied, before pausing.

Freddy always took it by mouth.

“Are you sure?” The younger male checked with a raised brow.

The look on Freddy’s face answered his question, prompting him to retrieve the razor and hand it over. Freddy took the razor and began breaking down the pill, having watched Hans do it enough to know how to crush it. The blond only paused for a moment when he took a deep breath before ducking his head down to the desk.

A shiver was sent down Freddy’s spine the moment he had inhaled. His nose stung but he kept going. He raised his head, his eyes wide as he panted.

“How do you feel?” Hans questioned.

“Fine,” He lied.

Every time he took one of the pills the more he got used to the effects of the high but the nose sensation was very new. By now he knew it was addictive but he needed the distraction.

“Faster results,” He murmured to himself.

The high came but the peak went too quickly for Freddy’s liking. Freddy started another line and Hans eventually joined in, the younger male moving his chair over to Freddy’s. The two went through a few pills each. 

Freddy found himself hyper fixated on a smear of powder just below the brunette’s nose as Hans rubbed the leftover residue on his gums. Freddy stood up and pushed his chair back. He placed both of his hands on the arms of Han’s chair, leaning over him.

“Hey, there,” Hans said with a smirk.

The blond made a small amount of eye contact before fixating back on the spot. Freddy leaned in and licked the excess from the man’s philtrum with a smirk. The brunette shivered under the contact.

“ _Schätzchen_ , you are _so_ high,” Hans giggled.

“So are _you_ ,” Freddy replied with a hazy smile as he kissed the brunette.

Freddy pulled away and continued to stand there, his breath heavy and his heart pounding in his ears. 

“God, it’s hot in here,” He gasped, fully aware of how strong his libido was.

It had been so _strong_ lately.

“We can take off some clothes,” Hans suggested with a smirk.

-

Freddy gasped as his back hit the mattress, the tingling feeling of stubble and lips on his neck. 

Both of the men’s hands roamed and searched the other’s body, their fingers transferring heat and swapping touches at every moment of contact.

“ _Fritz_ , you’re so handsome,” Hans purred as his hands trailed up the blond’s pale white torso.

“Thank you,” Freddy gasped, his hands bringing the man’s face down to his.

The kisses they shared were tender despite their drugged up minds and bodies. Every kiss Freddy drew from the brunette made him feel elated.

The brunette’s hands grasped the blond’s shoulders, the skin felt chapped on Freddy’s softer skin. The blond loved the rough feeling, relishing in every touch.

Freddy let his head roll back to allow room in the crook of his neck for the younger male as their hips rolled together. His nose was enveloped with the familiar scent of Hans as he quietly gasped and moaned.

His head was spinning as his hands tightly wound themselves in the sheets below him. The euphoria from his high greatly increased as his body shook, it almost becoming too overwhelming, but he reveled in it.

The brunette lowered himself down onto the blond’s chest, placing his lips on Freddy’s. Freddy smiled as the brunette pulled away and laid next to him, cuddling close. They laid there as they came down from their sexual high.

“We’re going to feel like shit tomorrow,” Freddy whispered with a giggle.

“Mhm,” Hans hummed, snuggling into the blond more.

Freddy raised his hand and began stroking the younger male’s auburn hair in thought. His mind was going at a hundred miles an hour, thoughts popping in and out of his brain. But one stuck in his brain. 

He had realized that he had gotten what he wanted in the past year. Hans had filled the gaps. But the blond felt that he still wasn’t content. He thought he’d be happier.

_Now that he had gotten what he had wanted… what was next?_

He decided to brush off that feeling, wanting to hold onto what he had at the moment.

-

AN:

[click here for a dumb photo I made for this chapter](https://winedad16.tumblr.com/post/624023146101637120/this-is-for-the-next-chapter-oh-no)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ,,,, Oh boy. Klaus and Freddy are both in the same country in 1942 😗😗
> 
> Hope you enjoyed reading :)
> 
> (I’m also finally starting an AU piece that I mentioned writing weeks ago ahah)


	5. Breaking Up is Hard, But Keeping Dark is Hateful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for:
> 
> Implied Sexual Content / Present but Non-Explicit Sexual Content  
> Implied Drug Use  
> Talk of Drug Use  
> Very *Very* Small Mention of Suicide
> 
> Translation(s):  
> Hauptmann: Captain  
> Unteroffizier: Sub-Officer

**April 1942**

Freddy didn’t know what he was feeling. He was groggy all of the time. The pills had brought him down significantly and he struggled to get off of them. He was constantly on and off in an attempt to rehabilitate himself.

“I’m not saying you  _ have  _ to Hans but I really think that if you want to take care of yourself a bit more, then maybe you-”

“Friedrich, I’m not going to just drop something because you are,” Hans huffed. “You’re more than welcome to stop.”

“As I _ said, _ you don’t have to stop. But it’s hard for me to stop when you’re doing it when I’m around,” Freddy explained. “I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t do it if I’m in the room.”

“I’ll do it,” Hans sighed. “I promise.”

“That means you can’t give me any if I ask, too.”

Hans nodded.

“I won’t, Fritz.”

“Thank you,” Freddy said, his shoulders relaxing. 

Only a few days later, Freddy broke. Freddy was lethargic and irritable going into withdrawal. Of course, every time Hans complied with Freddy’s pouts the blond got angry, getting upset at the man for complying with his unfortunate needs.

_ Fail. _

Weeks later.

_ Fail. _

Again.

_ Fail. _

This time, Hans almost immediately realized his mistake, his body recoiling.

“What the hell, Hans!” Freddy exclaimed, standing from his seat.

“Fritz, I noticed right away. I swear to god that wasn’t fair, you keep doing it,” Hans began to argue.

“You’re not the one who’s constantly exhausted and angry, or feeling like someone’s watching you constantly. I’m craving something that literally deteriorates my body,” Freddy hissed as he slouched back in his chair, feeling like he was about to cry.

“But the benefits of taking it seems so much better than not,” Hans began as he made his way around the desk to Freddy. “Sure it’s shitty the next day but just take more.’

The brunette gently placed a hand on the blond’s shoulder. Freddy wriggled away as far as he could in his chair.

“Listen, I can’t heal your misery,” Hans said with a roll of his eyes.

Hans began to massage the base of Freddy’s neck. Freddy welcomed it as he snuggled back into the touch, suddenly changing his mood.

“But I can provide a small distraction,” He purred as he kissed the side of the blond’s pink lips.

Freddy hazily smiled and went to kiss back, their lips slightly brushing before he turned his head to place a full kiss on the brunette’s lips.

\- 

Freddy woke to a tickling feeling on the back of his shoulder. He brushed it off and snuggled into the slightly coarse sheet he was partially under and the pillow below him. He felt well-rested, which was a bit odd.

“Fritz, wake up, schätzchen,” Hans whispered in his ear. 

The older male opened his eyes and rolled over just a bit to look at the younger male behind him. Hans’s piercing green eyes were tiredly looking down at Freddy, and he was already dressed.

“Mm, what time is it?” Freddy asked as he rubbed his eyes in an attempt to adjust to the dim lighting.

“Around two,” Hans replied as he softly brushed some hair out of the blond’s face. 

“Oh, god,” Freddy mumbled. “Did I fall asleep right away?”

“Mhm,” Hans placed another kiss on the blond’s pale, bony shoulder. “After a few go’s.”

Freddy quietly laughed and then became suddenly aware of his nakedness.

“I, uhm,” The blond shifted a bit and covered his lower half with the sheet. “We didn’t finish those performance forms.”

Hans shook his head.

“Don't worry about it, I finished them. I figured I’d let you sleep,” He said with a smile as he ran his fingers through the blond’s messy hair.

“Oh. Thank you,” Freddy replied.

Hans’ smile grew and he kissed the blond’s shoulder a final few times. Freddy giggled at the soft touches, slightly wiggling around.

“You like that spot, don’t you?” Freddy asked.

“Your freckles are irresistible. It's like a bunch of little constellations.”

Freddy frowned.  _ Klaus said that the night before he left.  _ Freddy cleared his throat.

“I should get dressed.”

As Freddy buttoned up the top buttons of his shirt, Hans sat on the bed behind him.

“How do you do it?” The brunette asked. “Staying off the pills. What’s it like?”

Freddy took a moment to think as he tucked his shirt into his pants.

“Well, it’s like when you bite into the  _ most delicious _ pastry and you’re just filled with this warm feeling,” The blond began to answer. “It’s that wonderful feeling but then it’s just immediately snatched away, like a bucket of cold water has been splashed all over you. It’s like that, and every day you want to have that feeling again but the water keeps getting colder.”

Hans nodded in thought.

“It doesn’t seem like it’s worth it.”

Freddy looked back at the brunette with a subtle roll of his eyes as he looped his belt into his trouser’s belt loops.

“That’s because you’ve been on it for God only knows how long,” Freddy replied before mumbling under his breath, “And have no respect for your health.”

“I don’t see how you being on it for what, four months? And me taking it for longer has anything to do with it,” Hans said as he crossed his arms.

“It’s because your brain is wired on it from taking it so much,” Freddy retorted as he made his way over to the small mirror on the wall, attempting to brush out his sex-hair with his fingers. “And I’ve luckily come to realize early on how bad it is for me.”

Hans rolled his eyes and laid back on the messily remade bed.

“You do know I love you, right?” Hans asked.

“Yes,” Freddy answered, maybe taking too long to respond.

“I do love you,” Hans reiterated.

The blond turned and flashed a weak smile, unable to force an  _ ‘I love you too’  _ out of himself. Hans broke eye contact and looked up at the ceiling with a frown. Freddy took this time to retrieve his socks and lace up his boots. Hans sat up when he heard Freddy begin to make his way out to retrieve his jacket.

“Let me walk you back, just in case anyone asks where you were or why you didn’t report in.”

“Thank you, but I can handle it. I'll have anyone who asks to refer to you,” Freddy rejected as politely as he could at that moment. “Get some sleep. Goodnight, Liebling.”

Hans slightly smiled at the pet name.

“Night, schätzchen.”

* * *

**May 1942**

Hans Lenz and Friedrich Finkel, best friends at twelve and thirteen, pining for the other by the time they were fourteen and fifteen, boyfriends from sixteen and seventeen to eighteen and nineteen. 

It was all so easy to label them before Hans moved to Austria. Now, Freddy didn’t know what to label them as. He definitely loved Hans, but it was in a way that Freddy couldn’t label. It was some weird platonic-esc love for a man that he once romantically loved as a teen that was mixed in with some feelings and sexual conduct that made it all feel like a needy and dependent love from both ends. It didn’t help that the thought of another brunette floated in the back of his mind.

All Freddy knew is that he wasn’t too happy. That had stopped a month ago.

“Friedrich,” Hans’ voice interrupted his thoughts. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, do… do you need me to adapt to something else?” The brunette inquired.

“Oh, no. This is great,” Freddy replied, shifting slightly as he forced a smile.

“Fritz, you’re not even hard,” Hans sighed. 

Freddy paused and placed his hands on his stomach in thought. Hans was right, he wasn’t enjoying it too much.

“I’ll be fine, just keep going,” Freddy replied as he moved his ankles to loosely interlock behind the man’s neck.

“I can stop if you’re not into it,” Hans insisted. “I don't want you to feel uncomfortable.”

Freddy deeply inhaled and ran his hands over his face with a sigh.

“Okay.”

“ ‘Okay’ stop or ‘okay’ cont-”

“ ‘Okay’ stop, Hans,” Freddy interrupted, sounding exasperated.

Hans nodded and removed himself from both Freddy and the bed, collected some clothes, and then excused himself as he left for the room off to the side. Freddy uncovered his face when he heard the bathroom door close.

“Fuck,” He mumbled as he began redressing his bottom half.

The blond sat on the bed, one leg curled to his chest while the other dangled off the bed. His face found his way back into his hands, trying to calm himself and think through things. He felt so unsure of himself, he felt guilty. He kept reasoning with himself that this was all because their relationship was completely confined to Hans’ joint office-bedroom. Freddy always told himself that since the relationship was so restricted his feelings would take a longer time to develop and fix themselves. But he realized that those factors weren’t the major problems.

One major problem was that Freddy simply wasn’t in love, and that scared him. The other was that Hans was most definitely feeling lonely and wanting to repress his loss. A creaking noise drew Freddy’s attention to the other side of the room.

“Hey,” Freddy whispered, forcing a weak smile.

“We should talk,” Hans mumbled, adjusting his boxers as he leaned in the doorway of the bathroom.

Freddy slowly nodded and awkwardly stood, his hands rubbing in his thighs. Both men stood in place, allowing the tension between them to thicken. Freddy’s chin trembled, feeling suffocated in the silence. Hans watched the blond’s stature crack when Freddy’s shoulders slumped as he began to cry. 

Hans frowned and his brows furrowed as he strode over.

“Hey… hey,” The brunette cooed as he held the blond. “Shsh…”

The embrace was in no way comfortable, the hold being borderline awkward. Freddy stood there, his head rested in the crook of the taller man’s neck as his shoulders jolted and shook as he sobbed. Hans’ hands lightly held around the blond, clearly uncomfortable by their situation that evening.

Freddy was overrun with fear and guilt. If he wasn’t in love with Hans, then the last handful of months was a betrayal to Klaus  _ and _ Hans. If that was the case, Freddy felt that he used Hans just to make himself feel better about not having a support system. But if he was in love with Hans, Freddy still felt that he was still betraying Klaus. They never formally ended things, what gave him the right to move on? But what if he did have a right to? It had been years.

“Kiss me,” Freddy said as he grasped Hans’ shoulders.

The brunette’s frown deepened as their eyes interlocked.

“ _ Friedrich…” _ Hans trailed off.

“Please,” Freddy whispered in a small plea.

_ He needed to know. _

“Let’s sit down,” Hans replied, rubbing the blond’s arms before pulling away.

The two took a seat down on the bed, both looking around the small room for a moment.

“Have you ever found yourself trying to find a reason to love me?” Hans asked.

Freddy looked over to the brunette and took a hesitant breath. He knew how bad he was when it came to lying to someone he cared for.

“No.”

Hans sighed.

“Fritz.”

“...Yes,” Freddy eventually corrected, watching the brunette frown. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, you can’t help that,” Hans replied, running his hand through his dark hair. “I wish you told me sooner.”

Freddy slowly nodded and crossed his legs.

“I don’t know if I can keep doing this, Hans,” Freddy confessed. 

“I know.” 

“With everything- with the environment we’re in. Klaus may be out there… I can’t commit to things right now.”

“I know.”

“Is that all you’re going to say?” Freddy nervously asked with a laugh. “Give me something to work with.”

Hans didn’t respond and Freddy’s small laugh returned to a frown.

“I’m sorry, Hans,” The blond whispered.

Hans took a moment to reply.

“I know,” He replied with a chuckle, also making Freddy softly laugh. “I know you are. There’s not much time for love here, anyways.”

Freddy briefly pursed his lips and nodded his head.

“Feel free to demote me or something, if that makes you feel better,” Freddy forced out in a laugh as he wiped his eyes.

Hans leaned his head back and forth taking it into consideration.

“I'll think about it," He replied with a sigh. "I'm... I'm going to get dressed."

Freddy nodded and he too got up to get dressed. As he grabbed his shirt, he could feel the brunette's gaze on him. Freddy briefly looked over, unintentionally making eye contact with the younger male. Hans' face flushed with embarrassment as he turned away, pulling up his trousers. Freddy frowned and pulled on his undershirt. Freddy went to leave when he was completely dressed. Just as he exited, his hand on the bedroom doorknob, he paused.

“Goodnight, Hans.”

The blond didn’t bother waiting for a response from the brunette, promptly closing the bedroom door and making his way to the other side of the office. He only briefly paused when he heard a small sob behind him as he went to leave the office.

Walking the halls, Freddy was relieved that it was a Friday night. There weren't many men around the bunk to question his ruffled and distressed appearance. He laid down on his cot with a sigh after changing, his thoughts swirling through his mind. The  _ official  _ physical and mental break from Hans in just the past hour was like a weight was lifted off of Freddy’s shoulders. His mind was significantly clearer, he was able to think. 

_ What has he gotten himself into?  _ He asked himself. 

He realized he was much sadder now, not trying to find positives as often anymore. He thought about his attempt and thoughts of ending it, making himself cringe. He couldn’t do that now, that didn't feel right. When Freddy became a part of the Heer, he never expected himself to so deeply delve into drugs and sex as much as he did. That didn't feel right either. Klaus was out there somewhere and there was a  _ war _ going on. Hundreds on hundreds of people were being slaughtered and killed and there he was, having a torrid love affair and fucking his childhood lover while he still had a man who  _ hopefully  _ still loved him out there.

_ God, he was selfish. _

He quite literally thought himself to sleep, his storming emotions exhausting him. His arms unconsciously held himself as he drifted off. 

-

Much to his surprise, Freddy wasn't demoted. He initially found it awkward and he was sure that Hans found it at least slightly uncomfortable himself. The younger male brushed it off as the demotion could look suspicious and that their relationship would stay completely professional from that day on. Of course, things stayed platonic on Freddy’s end, doing the jobs he was already used to- plus a little more, possibly out of spite on Hans’ end, most of the new paperwork being the brunette’s. But Hans stayed rather civil on most ends, platonic on a majority. Freddy wasn’t oblivious to the gazes his way or the longing look in the brunette’s bright eyes, but Hans kept things as respectful as he could. 

* * *

**June 1942**

Freddy was completing paperwork when Hans reentered his office and dropped some papers down in front of him. Freddy briefly gazed at them, giving them little thought before grabbing his glass of water, taking a sip, and going back to work.

“Those are important,” Hans said as he sat across from the blond.

“I’m sure they are,” Freddy sarcastically retorted, feeling grumpy and tired.

Freddy looked up and motioned to everything on the desk.

“All of it is  _ so _ important,” He grumbled. “It’s the same shit every week.”

“No, it pertains to you, Friedrich,” Hans sighed, pushing the papers closer with a finger. “It’s  _ actually _ important.”

Freddy quickly looked at the brunette and back down to the papers. He picked them up and his eyes scanned over each word.

“I’m getting stationed up north,” Freddy informed, looking back up at the younger male.

Hans nodded, crossing his arms as he leaned back in the wooden desk chair. Freddy saw a sadness in his form.

“I know,” He said.

This elicited a raised brow from Freddy. 

“I have for a week. I tried reasoning with Major Müller, explaining how you're my unteroffizier and how he should replace you with someone else because it’s a hellhole up there…” The brunette was talking at a fast rambling pace. “But I couldn’t get him to change his mind. He said he doesn’t care who gets sent up there and that I’ll find a new ‘lapdog’ soon enough.  _ But,  _ I am close friends with Hauptmann Biever and he’s quite friendly with Müller, and I’m  _ sure  _ that I can get Biever on my side and convince the Major. I actually have papers to-”

“Do you think Klaus will be there?” Freddy interrupted, not completely listening.

“I…” Hans very briefly looked down at the file within his fingers, and placed it down, giving up on explaining his plan. “I don’t know. He could be anywhere in Europe.”

He actually  _ had _ tried to check where Freddy’s lover was months ago, but that was too confidential for his rank. 

Freddy nodded in agreeance to the brunette’s statement and looked back to the two pieces of paper in his hand.

“He could be anywhere, but he could be where I’m going,” Freddy whispered, not noticing Hans’ subtle frown. “I just have to wait a month to find out.”

* * *

**July 1942**

Freddy knocked on the office door he had to have opened hundreds of times, suitcase in hand. It opened almost immediately after the second knock, revealing a slightly disheveled brunette. Freddy noted how the whites around his bright emerald irises were red. Freddy knew what that could mean all too well as the brunette sniffled and wiped beneath his nose, but that wasn’t his problem anymore. It had been roughly three months, and he was feeling a lot better sober.

“Hey, come on in,” Hans greeted with a weak smile.

“I’m not staying long, I’m just saying goodbye,” Freddy said as he stepped in.

“Oh, is that today? I forgot,” Hans said as he closed the door.

Hans’s attempts to sound nonchalant were painfully obvious to the older male.

“Admit it, you'll miss me,” Freddy retorted.

Hans’ face broke into a sad smile.

“Almost as much as I miss Annalisa,” The brunette replied, his voice dropping to a whisper when he spoke his late wife’s name.

Freddy frowned and put down his case.

“Come here,” He said,  outstretching his arms.

The brunette quickly reciprocated the embrace. This hold was significantly more comfortable than their last one, which had been a few months back. It was more reassuring and mutual.

“Good luck out there and stay safe,” Hans said before whispering, “I hope you find him.”

Freddy sadly smiled at the brunette’s words. The blond pulled away and tenderly kissed the brunette’s forehead.

“You stay safe yourself.  _ Take care  _ of yourself,” Freddy replied, placing his hands on the sides of Hans’ arms, softly squeezing them. “Find a good girl or guy that’s going to treat you well, yeah?”

“I will,” Hans replied with a promising smile, before scratching the back of his head. “You’ve got my letter, right? I think I gave it to you the other day. It’s got contact information… among other things.”

“I’ve got it right here,” Freddy said, patting his left breast pocket. “I’ll write to you when I can, I promise.”

Hans smiled again as he stepped back, watching as Freddy checked his watch.

“I should head out now."

“Of course,” Hans replied.

Freddy nodded his head and grabbed the door’s handle and turned his head back.

“Goodbye, Hans.”

“Goodbye, Fritz.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been just about 2 weeks since the last update- I'm sorry! I've been working on bits of future chapters and an AU piece (in which I hope to have the first chapter out in two weeks).
> 
> Can y'all guess what the next chapter will hold? :)
> 
> (The chapter title is a line from David Bowie's song 'Time', and I think the longest chapter title I've done in all 21-22 chapters of this series, ha.)


	6. We Should Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm saying sorry right now in advance. K and Freddy are both assholes in this.
> 
> Warnings for...
> 
> Alcohol and Substance Abuse  
> Talk of sex  
> Hint at the idea of suicide
> 
> Translation(s):  
> Gefreiter: German equivalent of lance corporal
> 
> Hauptmann: Captain

**July 1942**

Klaus’ eyes scanned down and across the crammed mess hall as he leaned on the observer deck rail. He slowly raised his mug of grossly watered down coffee to his lips, feeling painfully sober. The hum and buzz of the hall and the caffeine entering his body made him feel slightly more alert. He was still adjusting to not having a glass of something strong in the morning. 

Ever since the bombing in the town over, he and multiple others living in apartments were moved into the nearby bunk for safety measures. This made Klaus face his addiction just a bit more, having to be more painfully aware of how much alcohol and Pervitin or cocaine he consumed. There were people everywhere there, and with his job change, he was constantly around them. No patrolling the streets alone and being able to walk off his hangover from the previous night in peace. He hated it and became more annoyed by the smallest things and irate. This, of course, kept him from taking up an assistant. He didn’t want to take it out on anyone. Barking orders and gaining respect as he told off cadets was enough for him.

“Are you ready for the transfers today, Klenzendorf?” A voice asked.

Klaus looked over to his right, watching as a blond man leaned on the rail, looking down at the large group of men eating. If Klaus’ memory served him well, it was Major Schmidt. He was around Klaus’ age, maybe older..

“Yes sir,” Klaus replied, shifting a bit. “It can’t be too horrible. It’s just fifteen men.”

Schmidt chuckled.

“We’ll see how disciplined they are. They get a bit unhinged on the way over. But who knows, they’ll hopefully be well-behaved dogs an-” Schmidt took notice of a minor ruckus in the mess hall, just below them and the observer deck. “WELTMAN AND THALMANN!”

The two men’s heads shot up to where Klaus and Major Schmidt stood, they froze, and the hall’s volume went down a bit.

“Get the fuck off of each other before I pummel you both!” Schmidt threatened.

“Yes sir!” The two men yelled, immediately dropping their fists and sitting back down.

The blond man spat down at them and turned to Klaus.

“That’s all you’ve gotta do to ‘em.”

“I just threaten to give them extra laps,” Klaus chuckled, taking a sip from his coffee.

“That works too, but some of them don’t get the message with that one,” Schmidt rebutted as his brown eyes scanned the hall. “Now, a real disciplined soldier is Christoph Dambach.”

Schmidt gave a two-finger point diagonally to the left, Klaus scanned the general area.

“He’s loyal, does his job well, listens to everything you tell him to do- DAMBACH!”

A few men looked up, but then away when they realized the major wasn’t talking to them. One brunette male looked up and stood, giving a salute. Klaus’ eyes glanced over to the Major, whose stern face briefly cracked into a warm smile as he waved the man up. Schmidt fully turned to Klaus, still slightly leaning on the rail.

“You should get a sub-officer or secretary, Klenzendorf. Makes things _so_ much nicer,” The blond said as he turned, hearing the footsteps of the cadet coming up the stairs.

Klaus looked over, looking at the man. The brunette had to be in his mid-twenties. He wasn’t too handsome in the face but he had a handsome build that showed through the baggy military uniform.

“Christoph,” Schmidt began. “This is Lieutenant Klenzendorf. Klenzendorf, this is Cadet Dambach.”

The younger male stomped his heel and gave a small salute.

“Heil Hitler, Lieutenant Klenzendorf,” He greeted.

Klaus stood from the rail and raised his free hand.

“Heil Hitler, Dambach.”

“Christoph,” Klaus noticed Schmidt put a hand on the small of the younger man’s back. “I was just telling Lieutenant Klenzendorf how impressive you are.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Schmidt nodded and dropped his hand. He turned back to Klaus.

“I would let you work with him but,” Klaus watched as Schmidt’s eyes briefly scanned up and down Christoph. “I don’t like sharing.”

Klaus laughed and raised his mug back up to his lips. He took a sip and shifted his footing.

“Well it was nice meeting you, Dambach,” Klaus said as he began to walk off, giving a half-assed salute. “Heil Hitler.”

The two men hailed back, and Klaus smirked. He had a sneaking suspicion that Christoph was excelling in other things with the Major.

-

Klaus arrived at the orientation room a bit late, not that his superior officers seemed to care. He wasn’t needed until after the speech and welcome video. He stepped into the darkroom as quietly as possible, using the light from the projector to make his way to the back corner of the room with another officer.

-

Freddy softly yawned as he watched the video that was cast to the screen on the wall from the clicking projector just a few feet behind him. He heard the door to his left open, and his eyes briefly flickered over to the figure that entered the room and then back to the screen. 

The video eventually came to its end and the lights were turned back on. Freddy blinked his eyes a few times in an attempt to adjust to the light and then leaned back in the stiff wooden chair. 

“Now, do you boys have any questions?” Captain Altenbach asked as he approached the front of the room again.

There was an awkward staggered response of _‘no sir’_ from the small group of men

“Alright. Now, when I call out your name I need you to stand. You will join Lieutenant Stoeffler to go to the east end,” The man gestured to a brunette male. “The other half in which I don’t call will go with Lieutenant Klenzendorf to go to the west end.”

Freddy’s heart skipped a beat and as Captain Altenbach began calling out names he gazed around the room. He almost immediately spotted Klaus, who was quietly talking with the man who was running the projector. Freddy quickly turned around in his seat. His heart was racing at a hundred miles an hour and made a pounding noise in his ears. He thought about how if his name was called, Klaus would immediately notice. Or, alternatively, his name wouldn’t be called and he would join Klaus. He secretly hoped for the first option, not wanting to have to be around Klaus in a dead and tortuous silence as he gave a tour.

_“Friedrich Finkel.”_

Klaus’ head snapped over to Altenbach and then to the man who stood up. He looked like Freddy, but he couldn’t completely tell from the angle he was at. He felt like his heart was going to burst from his chest from excitement and nervousness. Unfortunately for him, the group left the room and Klaus was unable to get a good look at the blond male.

-

Freddy anxiously stood just outside the office door, his heel viciously bouncing and shaking as he waited. He purposely stood at the back of the line, making sure he was the fifteenth and final new soldier Klaus would meet with. He was snapped out of his nervous trance when the man in front of him left the office. Freddy approached the door and took a shaky breath as his hand hovered over the doorknob. He deeply inhaled and exhaled as his hand grabbed the doorknob.

-

Klaus sighed as he finished scratching down his notes. He then thumbed through the notes he had written. 

_One … Four … Eight … Twelve … Fourteen._ **_Fourteen._ **

Klaus realized there was only one more soldier left. Freddy was next if it even was him. The files had photos of every soldier. 

_The files. Why hadn’t he thought to look in it?_

Klaus stood and went to grab the file from a shelf when the door opened. He paused and looked over. 

Freddy closed the door slowly, his eyes looking away from ahead of him. He nervously looked up, his eyes meeting Klaus’ brown ones.

“Is it really you or am I in some cruel dream right now?” Klaus asked, just loud enough for Freddy to hear.

“It’s me,” Freddy breathed.

Klaus’ face broke out into a relieved smile as he rushed over and grabbed Freddy’s face, and pulled him in, pressing his lips to the blond’s. Freddy paused, only for a moment in shock before he kissed back, his hands holding the brunette’s face. The kiss was slow but passionate as if it were to make up for lost time. They pulled away after some time to come up for air, both of them crying.

“Oh my God,” Klaus marveled, his thumbs rubbing small circles into Freddy's short blond hair. “I’m so glad you’re in one piece.”

All Freddy could do was laugh as Klaus embraced him. The older man’s grip on him was strong and protective as if he was scared to let go. Freddy wrapped his arms as tightly as he could around Klaus’ wider torso, his hands tightly locking by the small of the brunette’s back.

As Klaus held Freddy, everything he had gone through in the past four years, his pain, his guilt, the mania that he dealt with every day, it all seemed worth it. 

“I thought I’d never see you again,” Klaus whispered as he shifted his head out of the crook of Freddy’s neck, his hands grasping at the younger’s shirt.

“I didn’t either,” Freddy replied as he tightened his hold on Klaus just a bit. “But I hoped you’d be here.”

They stood there, tightly locked in one another’s arms, for a few moments, taking in the smell of the other, trying to take it all in.

Klaus eventually slowly pulled himself away, and both men wiped their faces.

“I…” Klaus partially shook his head in disbelief. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Freddy’s stomach slightly twisted, a bit of guilt leaking into his consciousness from the back of his mind.

“I’ve missed you too.”

Which of course, wasn’t a lie, but there were underlying tones of betrayal in every word he spoke.

"When you never wrote me back, I- I... I thought it had been intercepted or you..." Klaus sighed. 

"I couldn't. Your address was completely blocked out," Freddy explained, making the lieutenant nod.

“I- Um… You-” Klaus was struggling to formulate his thoughts into words. “We should sit down and talk.”

-

The two talked for the next half an hour, their conversations mainly consisting of where they’ve been, which was interrupted by the occasional smile and peck on the lips. Both wished it could have lasted longer but it was getting suspiciously late and Freddy needed to settle in a bit more.

Freddy slowly stood from the decorative couch both men had found themselves entangled on. Klaus slowly followed suit, standing from the small couch. The blond grabbed his jacket from a chair that sat beside the couch and pulled it on. Freddy’s hands slowly found Klaus’, their fingers carefully weaving together. The two softly kissed and then pulled away.

“You know you’re taller than me, now,” Klaus said with a quiet laugh.

Freddy furrowed his brows.

“No, we’re still the same height.”

Klaus raised his hand in an upwards motion.

“You’re slightly taller. Still handsome, though.”

Freddy smiled.

“You are too,” He cooed.

The two slowly took in one another’s faces, every little detail. Freddy noticed small little smile lines around the older man’s eyes, how his eyes were still a beautiful shade of brown, but his eyes looked sad. Klaus noticed how Freddy’s lips were still as pink as he remembered them, how his hair was still a golden shade, and how more prominent the blond’s cheekbones were now. He wondered if he had been sick or been eating well.

“Well, I’ll… I should get going,” Freddy said as he slowly stepped away.

Klaus nodded and looked around a bit, noticing some paper on the chair Freddy’s jacket was on earlier. Freddy took a deep breath and looked around the small office, slightly peering into the bathroom and bedroom that connected off of it. It was similar to the one Hans had, but just more worn down.

“Hey, I found this on the chair. Is it yours?” Klaus asked, approaching the blond as he read the piece of paper. “It’s addressed to a _‘Fritz’_ and signed by a…”

Freddy looked down at the papers, his eyes going wide as Klaus unfolded the papers and thumbed through to the back. Freddy hadn’t gotten a moment of complete privacy to read the letter yet.

“That’s mine,” He said as he hastily grabbed the papers and began refolding them.

Klaus’ brow furrowed as Freddy had a small sigh of relief, not exactly knowing what he was hiding within those papers. But he brushed it off and bid his goodnights to Freddy, promising to talk to him when he had the time to chat the next day.

* * *

Klaus had asked about the letter later that week, and the younger became defensive. The blond had become a bit reclusive, and Klaus couldn’t exactly figure out why.

“What are you hiding from me?” Klaus asked.

“I’m not hiding anything,” Freddy replied, his eyes flickering to and from the brunette and his dinner plate.

“Then what’s wrong?” Klaus asked with a frown. 

“Nothing. It’s nothing important,” Freddy whispered with a shrug of his shoulders.

“If it wasn’t important you’d tell me,” Klaus retorted, putting down his fork.

The brunette leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, gazing over at the blond across from him.

“It’s not important enough to tell you, and it’s important enough to not tell you,” Freddy murmured as he stood up from his chair.

“That doesn’t make any sense, Freddy,” Klaus said as he followed suit, grabbing Freddy’s shoulder. “You can tell me. Talk to me.”

Freddy turned around.

“You can’t get upset,” Freddy whispered.

Klaus nodded and gently squeezed the younger’s shoulder before dropping his hand.

“Is it about the letter?” Klaus asked as he loosely crossed his arms.

“It’s... related to it, yes,” Freddy replied and then took a deep breath. “Do you remember me ever talking about my friend who moved to Austria?”

Klaus swayed his head a bit in thought which turned into a nod.

“I do but I can't remember his name.”

“It was Hans,” Freddy bit his lip in thought. “We dated for a few years when we were in school.”

Klaus chuckled and slightly smiled.

“I figured as much.”

Freddy weakly smiled.

“We… Um,” He took a deep breath before going into a short ramble. “We were reunited down south. I actually worked under him the majority of the time that we were there and the letter was from him. I actually haven’t even gotten the chance to finish it and I didn’t exactly want you to read it before I knew what it said and I was worried that you did.”

Klaus’ brow cocked upwards. 

“Is that it?” The brunette asked.

“Yes.” _No._ “You’re not upset?

“Of course not! My lord,” Klaus breathed out with a laugh.

The brunette grabbed the sides of Freddy’s head and kissed his forehead. 

“At first I thought someone had died but when you mentioned Hans I was worried he hurt you!” Klaus explained after he pulled away.

Freddy painfully smiled and raised one hand to rest it on Klaus’.

“Is that really all it was?” Klaus whispered, his thumbs rubbing small circles into the sides of Freddy’s face.

Freddy nodded.

“Yes.” _Liar._

Klaus smiled, the skin by his eyes cracking a bit, slightly showing his age.

“You have no idea how happy I am to know you’re here,” The brunette whispered.

“Me too,” Freddy replied in a hushed tone, his head leaning into the hand that was held by his.

The older man’s smile grew and he leaned in. Freddy met Klaus’ lips with his and moved his hands over to the brunette’s face. This kiss was initially slow but quickly escalated. Klaus’ hands traveled down to Freddy’s ass, squeezing it.

“Mmph,” Freddy moaned on Klaus’ lips.

Freddy bit at Klaus’ bottom lip, his hands roaming. Something in Klaus snapped at that moment, creating an immense sense of panic. He quickly pushed away, stumbling back a bit, his eyes wide.

Freddy stood there, confusion clear on his face. 

“Did I do something?” The blond asked.

Klaus didn’t respond, his breathing quickening as one of his hands subconsciously held tightly onto his belt.

“K, what’s wrong?” Freddy asked, concern clear in his voice as he stepped forward.

Klaus took notice of the man’s movement and stepped backward, leaning up against his desk.

“Don’t… don’t come near me,” Klaus gasped out, suddenly smelling sweat and dampness.

Freddy stood there, feeling helpless. He didn’t understand what was going on. He hadn’t done anything wrong as far as he knew.

“Klaus, I… Are you okay?” Freddy asked, outstretching a hand, unintentionally stepping slightly forward.

“I said to not fucking come near me,” Klaus hissed out, prompting Freddy to recoil.

Klaus slowly sat himself down, his back sliding down against the desk. His hand protectively covered his mouth and his legs stayed crossed. He shakily took a deep breath, inhaling, and exhaling. 

“It’s not happening, Klaus,” He whispered to himself. “You’re not in that bathroom.”

Freddy looked on, completely perplexed. The older male had never been like this before. He slowly sat himself down from where he stood, patiently waiting, and listening.

“You’re with Freddy. Freddy is here,” Klaus whispered, continuing to talk himself down. “Freddy doesn’t want to hurt you… he won’t hurt you.”

The two sat on the floor as Klaus attempted to bring himself down. Freddy interlaced his fingers together, patiently twiddling his thumbs as he gazed over to Klaus. He wanted to console and hold the brunette, but stayed in his spot, not wanting him to panic more.

Klaus went silent after a few minutes of whispering to himself. He now sat with his head in his arms, his knees pushed to his chest and his back flush against the desk. His chest rose and fell at a more steady pace.

“Finkie,” Klaus hoarsely called out, not lifting his head.

Freddy’s posture stiffened. 

“Yes?”

“Can you… could you grab me a glass of brandy?” Klaus requested.

“Of course,” Freddy replied, immediately standing up and striding over to a small cabinet, grabbing a glass and filling it.

“Here you go,” Freddy said in a soft tone as he kneeled down to hand the brunette the glass.

Klaus slightly raised his head to grab the cup. He gingerly took it, taking a moment to gaze into the glass before sipping the brandy.

“Thank you,” The brunette murmured.

Freddy took a seat on the floor next to the older male, making sure to not make any sudden movements. As he looked at Klaus, he could now see the tear stains on his face. Freddy carefully raised his hand, placing it gently on the older man’s shoulder. Klaus tensed, sucking in air sharply before relaxing again. Freddy didn’t quite know what to say, he felt bad that he didn’t know what just happened. 

Klaus knew what had gone on. He had many episodes before, some fueled by drugs and alcohol, some completely sober or half asleep. He was lucky that he had to help his father through some of his own after the Great War, it gave him some idea for a cool-down mechanism.

The older male shifted closer to the blond’s touch. He felt relieved that Freddy was there with him this time. Someone he felt comfortable around. 

There was a firm knock on the office door, prompting both Freddy and Klaus to look to it. Klaus cleared his throat, pulling away from the younger man.

“Coming,” The brunette called out.

Klaus stood and pressed out his uniform with his hands as he approached the door. Freddy stood and grabbed the glass of brandy off the floor and began refilling it in an attempt to look busy.

Opening the door, Klaus was met with the face of his superior.

“Heil Hitler, Klenzendorf,” The dark-haired male saluted.

“Heil Hitler, Hauptmann Altenbach,” The brunette greeted.

“I didn't know Gefreiter Finkel was here,” The man noted, looking over Klaus’s shoulder.

“He and I are old friends. We’ve been catching up over dinner. He’s also been helping me complete paperwork,” Klaus said as he forced a smile.

“Hm, I didn’t know that you two had a history,” Altenbach replied before raising a hand. “Heil Hitler Finkel.”

Freddy turned his head and raised his free hand with a smile.

“Heil Hitler, Hauptmann Altenbach.”

The lieutenant gave him a firm lipped smile before turning back to Klaus.

“Have those done by Friday, give them to Cadet Christoph Dambach. He’ll be working under Major Schmidt then,” Altenbach instructed as he finally handed over the small stack of papers, before whispering, “Between you and me, I think they’re both fags. I’ve filed some papers to have them watched with a close eye.”

“Really?” Klaus asked with a raised brow.

_Maybe his suspicion was correct._

“Mhm. Anyways, as I said, have those done by Friday.”

“Of course,” Klaus replied, glancing down at the front page as he grabbed them.

“Goodnight, Lieutenant. Goodnight, Finkel,” The man bid.

“Goodnight Lieutenant,” Freddy called out as he closed the dishware cabinet.

“Goodnight, Hauptmann Altenbach.”

The lieutenant stomped a foot and saluted. 

“Heil Hitler.”

“Heil Hitler,” Klaus unenthusiastically echoed as he closed the door, his fingers lingering on the handle as he read some of the text on the papers.

It wasn’t uncommon for the Captain to give the brunette paperwork he didn’t want to do. Klaus walked back to his desk, filing through the papers. 

“What are those for?” Freddy asked as he lit a cigarette.

“Weapon transfer papers,” Klaus murmured, sitting down in his desk chair, moving his practically empty plate over a bit.

“How exciting,” Freddy replied, leaning back on the desk.

Klaus hummed in response as he continued to finger through the paperwork. Freddy pushed over the glass he had refilled with a finger.

“I refilled your drink,” Freddy awkwardly stated, trying to figure out what to say.

“Oh, thank you,” Klaus said, briefly looking at the glass before grabbing it.

Freddy took a puff from his cigarette as he watched Klaus return his attention back to the paperwork. Freddy sighed, rubbing his arms. It was clear Klaus wasn’t going to address what had happened just minutes ago.

“Do you need to talk about it?” Freddy asked in a hushed tone. 

Klaus shook his head. 

“Maybe another time, Finkie,” Klaus responded. “Come finish eating.”

“Okay.”

Freddy didn’t wish to push further and complied. Just for that night.

* * *

**September 1942**

Klaus actually took Major Schmidt’s advice, whether serious or not, of hiring a sub-officer. Which of course, was Freddy. Because of this, both men became more painfully aware of the other’s new behaviors that they had picked up in the past four years.

Gazing at the man next to him, it was clear to Freddy that the man he loved was still there, but something went on that changed him. Klaus could say the same, but he was too busy being slightly intoxicated every time they were alone in his office to really notice anything off. But he did have enough intuition to know something was up when Freddy mentioned his time in Southern Czechoslovakia with Hans. It could’ve been jealousy, but something didn’t feel right.

-

Freddy sighed and sat down on the edge of the desk.

“You need to relax, K,” Freddy said, slightly pushing some papers away from the older male.

“I have paperwork to catch up on, Finkie. You know I can’t,” Klaus replied, only briefly glancing at the blond before returning to his paperwork.

“If you let me help it would be done faster,” Freddy said with a frown.

“Freddy, on any other night I would accept your offer but…” Klaus sighed and gestured towards the papers. “It’s signature work.”

Freddy eyed down the pile of papers Klaus had left to sign. It was maybe half-an-inch thick.

“When’s it all due?” Freddy asked, crossing his ankles.

“Well, this,” Klaus pointed to a large pile to his left. “Was due this morning.”

Klaus looked at the rest of the papers, scanning them.

“The rest is due tomorrow afternoon,” He answered, reaching for his glass of brandy.

Freddy pursed his lips in thought, watching as Klaus gulped down the alcohol.

“Well, you could finish it in the morning,” Freddy suggested.

“No, I should just get it done now,” Klaus replied with a sigh, placing down his glass and picking his pen back up.

“Klaus,” Freddy began. “You need sleep, I know you haven’t been sleeping well. There are bags under your eyes. Hans was like this, and believe me when I say when he took a break he felt a lot better.”

Klaus rolled his eyes at the mention of the other male, choosing to not respond.

“Klaus.” Freddy sternly said, trying to regain the man’s attention.

Klaus continued writing.

“ _Klaus.”_

No response. Freddy huffed and pushed himself off of the desk.

“Klaus Georg Klenzendorf,” Freddy began, suddenly placing his hands down onto the arm of the chair and the desk. “Are you ignoring me?”

Klaus raised a brow.

“Your hand is on my papers,” Klaus simply said.

“ _Mein Gott._ You need to _rest_ or at least take a break,” Freddy said, grabbing the pile of papers and wrapping them with a rubber band. “You’re not getting these back until you do.”

Klaus groaned and pushed himself out from the desk, standing up.

“Come on, give them back, Friedrich,” The brunette said as he reached out to grab the papers.

Freddy snatched them away from Klaus’ grasp, holding them behind his back.

“Take a break and you may have them back,” Freddy insisted. “Until then they’ll stay with me.”

“Friedrich, _please,_ ” Klaus once again tried to grab the stack of papers, slightly slurring his words.

“ _No._ ”

Freddy took a step back and made his way to the other side of the desk, Klaus following him.

“Friedrich, you’re acting like a child. Hand them over,” Klaus said, becoming more irate.

“Me? Acting like a child? I’m more like the pissed off mother. You’re the child. You’re acting stubborn as all hell,” Freddy retorted, turning around to face Klaus, walking backward.

“I’m trying to be a god damn responsible adult and do my fucking job, _Finkel_ ,” Klaus argued.

“Well _I’m_ trying to look after your well being, _Klenzendorf_ ,” Freddy said as he turned back around and grabbed the bottle that sat on the desk with his free hand. “You’re burning the candle at both ends.”

“Do you really think I don’t know I’m _fucking exhausted_ and need to take a break? Because I do, I’m well aware of it. It’s my body, I feel all of it a whole lot more than you ever will,” Klaus shook with frustration, waving his hands as he spoke.

“Then why don’t you just take a break and not act like you’re fucking above it? You’re wearing yourself down,” Freddy said as he placed the bottle back down. 

“Because I-” Klaus was cut off by the sound of the phone ringing.

Both men looked at the phone and then back to the other. Freddy crossed his arms, papers still clutched in his hand.

“Go on, answer it,” Freddy said.

His stance said otherwise. His eyes said _don’t you dare._

Klaus flashed an annoyed tight-lipped smile to Freddy that screamed _fuck you_ and picked up the phone. 

“ _Klenzendorf speaking_.”

Freddy laughed in disbelief, shaking his head. As Klaus spoke, Freddy slammed the pile of papers onto the desk.

“Here’s your fucking papers, _Lieutenant_ ,” He seethed as he promptly turned on his heel and grabbed his uniform jacket. 

Klaus watched as the blond opened the office door and exited, slamming the door.

“Oh no, a shelf just fell, everything’s fine.”

* * *

The next day was almost the same for Freddy. He pushed the fight into the back of his mind as he completed his job. He couldn’t let his and Klaus’ quarrel get in the way of what else was going on around them. Freddy knew that the world didn’t pause outside of that office. 

Things stayed silent between Klaus and Freddy. Freddy ran errands when told and Klaus did his paperwork and oversaw training.

“So, are we going to talk about it?” Freddy quietly asked as he handed the older male a glass of water.

“There’s nothing to talk about, we should just move on from it,” Klaus simply said as he grabbed the glass and took a sip from it.

Klaus’ face scrunched up in displease when the water entered his mouth. He looked at Freddy and held up the glass.

“This is water,” He said.

Freddy nodded with a small hum.

“I know.”

“Please get me alcohol,” Klaus requested as he extended the hand that held the glass out to Freddy.

“You should have water, Klaus. It’s healthier,” Freddy advised, lightly pushing back Klaus’ hand.

“I’m allowed a damn drink,” Klaus said, placing down the glass and standing up. “I’m going to the bathroom, and I’d like some alcohol.”

Freddy frowned and watched as the brunette trudged into the bathroom, stumbling a bit. The blond left the cup of water on the desk and grabbed an additional glass. He filled half of it with beer, in which the lieutenant had plenty of, and brought it back to the desk. 

Freddy sighed and placed one hand on the desk and leaned into it. He ran a hand over his face and took a few deep breaths. His stomach was churning with worry. He took a moment to close his eyes and reassure himself that things would be fine. The second he heard the bathroom door open he stood himself up a bit, his posture straightening. 

Freddy looked over to Klaus, who was wiping his nose, when he realized the toilet was never flushed. The older man was tightly holding a small baggie in his hand that he tossed into the bin by his desk. Freddy’s heart dropped, hoping that what he thought was happening was just a part of his imagination.

Freddy waited just a few moments before he went into the bathroom, immediately searching every flat surface. He quickly found a familiar residue on the sink counter and half a capsule just by the sink counter. The blond carefully picked up the capsule and gently held it in a closed fist. He took an unsteady breath and left the bathroom, just to find Klaus pouring himself more beer into his now-empty glass.

“Klaus.”

The brunette looked over with a dumb smile on his face, sipping his drink.

“Are you currently taking any pills?” Freddy asked.

Klaus raised his brows, his eyes traveling around the room.

“No,” The brunette lied as he made his way back to his desk, sitting down.

Freddy slightly nodded in thought.

“No medication? Nothing for headaches or _staying alert?”_ Freddy asked, becoming more specific as he approached the older male.

Klaus looked at Freddy with wide eyes and slowly shook his head no.

“Okay. Well, I just thought I’d ask because I found half of what I believe to be a Pervitin on the floor,” Freddy said as he opened his hand. “I’ll just toss it because it obviously just ended up there by magic.”

“How’d you know?” Klaus asked, sounding impaired.

“I’m not an idiot,” Freddy replied as he wiped his hands together as he sat down by the side of the desk.

After what felt like forever for Freddy he looked over to Klaus, who had already finished the glass of beer. Klaus blankly stared back and sniffled.

“So…” Klaus trailed off, pursing his lips.

Freddy’s chin trembled. He was so sick of having to deal with everything.

“God, I can’t go through this again,” Freddy sighed as he rubbed his face.

“Do what again?” Klaus asked, becoming defensive. 

Freddy turned to the brunette. 

“The drugs.”

Klaus frowned and pointed a finger.

“Another thing you didn’t tell me.”

Freddy glared at the brunette and then rolled his eyes.

 _He doesn't even seem to care._ Freddy thought.

“I got into them back at the base down south. I...” Freddy paused, debating whether or not he should mention Hans, knowing it was a touchy subject. “I took them a lot with Hans. I had to wean myself off of them while he kept using them. I couldn’t get him off of them.”

“I swear there’s always something new with this Hans guy. There’s _always_ a story or deep secret with him that you hold from me,” Klaus drunkenly seethed, leaning forward on the desk, slightly wobbling. “For all I know you probably fucked him!”

“You know what? I did!” Freddy finally admitted, frustrated enough to let it out as he stood up.

Klaus’ heart stopped. The rage in his eyes drained and was replaced with hurt.

“Many times, actually,” Freddy angrily hissed as he continued. “We fucked and we fucked and we fucked! Do you want all of the explicit details on how I sucked his dick, too?!”

Klaus slowly sat down in shock, his body feeling frozen.

“You complain about not knowing! Why do you suddenly not want to know those details?” Freddy asked, not exactly looking for an answer.

The older male didn’t respond, just trying to take in the new information with his inebriated brain. Freddy sighed and sat down, trying to calm down. 

_Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag._ Freddy thought. _That’s all Klaus did, lately._

But it felt _good_ to finally let it all off of his chest. It… It… It then hit Freddy what he had just admitted to.

“Oh my god,” The blond whispered to himself, placing his hand over his mouth as he began to cry.

He realized how horrible he had just acted.

“Klaus, I didn’t want-”

The brunette frustratedly laughed.

“You know I used to have dreams about you,” Klaus began, blinking back hot tears that threatened to run out of his eyes. “Guilt dreams.”

Freddy forced himself to look over, confused about why Klaus would be guilty.

“You’d always be angry at me and feel betrayed,” Klaus slurred, his tone of voice becoming resentful. “I’d wake up and… _and…_ I’d wake up and feel sorry and wrong for what I’ve _done_ and then I’d _drink myself_ back to _sleep_.”

The blond furrowed his brows as he watched the older man uncomfortably move around in his seat.

“Why would I be upset, Klaus?” Freddy asked, his stomach twisting a bit.

Klaus deadpan stared into the desk as he tried to process his thoughts.

“Klaus… what would you have done that would make me feel upset?” Freddy asked again, a bit more forcibly this time

Klaus slowly rolled his eyes and waved it off.

“If I _knew_ that you did that and I’d be _feeling_ all of this right now…” The brunette took a deep breath. “I would’ve stopped… I- I… I would’ve stopped _caring_ about going another day.” 

“Don’t say that, Klaus. You’re breaking my heart talking like that.”

Klaus bitterly laughed.

“Yeah, because I’m the nasty one right now,” He sneered. “I _loved you,_ Freddy. How could you do that to me?”

“Klaus, I-”

“Did you _ever_ think about how’d I feel when you fucked him? Did guilt ever eat you from the inside-out?” Klaus spoke with conviction. “Or were you too busy getting sucked off to care?”

“Of course I-“

“You know _what?”_ Klaus angrily stood, slightly stumbling. “Get out. _You_ can leave and get shipped out to the Russian front for all I care and have your prick freeze off.”

“Klaus, I need to- we need to-“

_“Get. Out.”_

Freddy stood and wiped his face in an attempt to compose himself as he hurried out of the office. Two men questioned his appearance in the hall and he simply mumbled that he had spoken out of line and kept walking.

Back in the office, Klaus slumped back into his seat, his face in his hands. He sighed and grabbed his drink, and took a disappointingly dry sip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH I'm sososo sorry for this chapter (but at the same time I wrote myself into it!!). I had the panic attack , the fight, and the beginning of the letter-discovery already prewritten... for weeks now- So this was a faster chapter to write (which is funny because it's about 2-3 times longer than my average chapters). I have a backlog of good stuff and fluff on a Google Document but we have to get through this first,,,
> 
> What do you all think is in the letter from Hans? I'd love to know ;)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed reading. <3


	7. Loyalty Is Hard to Find

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for...
> 
> Seizures  
> Overdosing/Alcohol Poisoning  
> Mention of Sex  
> Vomiting  
> Suffocation 
> 
> Translation(s):  
> Hauptmann: Captain
> 
> Phenytoin: Phenytoin is an anti-epileptic drug, also called an anticonvulsant. Phenytoin works by slowing down impulses in the brain that cause seizures.

**September 1942**

The next morning Freddy proceeded with his duties, going through morning inspection, breakfast in the mess hall, training until nine hundred, and then their thirty-minute break. All morning he dreaded having to go back and work with Klaus, his stomach twisting and turning, his body was wracked with guilt. But when his break came he decided to get a small headstart and go early, to try to talk things out. Freddy checked the shooting range, where Klaus usually found himself in his free time, but he wasn’t there. So Freddy headed to the next place he thought Klaus would be.

He took a deep breath and rapped on the office door with his fist. He stood still, hands behind his back and posture straight as he waited for a response. He awkwardly cleared his throat and knocked a second time, but to no response.

 _Maybe he was out._ Freddy thought.

Just to be sure, Freddy checked the door handle. It was unlocked. Freddy’s brow furrowed. Klaus always locked the door when he left his office-bedroom. He pushed open the door and entered, closing the door behind him.

“Klaus?” He called out. “It’s Friedrich...”

The brunette wasn’t at his desk, the bathroom was unoccupied and his bedroom door was closed.

_Maybe he was out and just forgot to lock his door._

But something told Freddy to check the bedroom anyways.

“Klaus?” Freddy asked as he knocked, turning the door handle. “Listen if you're in here and just ignoring me, I totally get- Oh my God.”

The brunette male was lying face down on the floor.

“Goddamnit, what did you do?” Freddy whispered as he rushed over, dropping down on his knees.

Freddy rolled Klaus’ body over, slightly struggling to pull the man’s limp weight. He placed his ear on the older male’s chest, hearing a quiet yet rapid heartbeat. Freddy quickly lifted his head and noticed that Klaus was still slightly stirring, his hands twitching. Freddy nervously exhaled and shifted up some more. He could smell alcohol on the man’s face.

“Klaus, can you hear me?” He asked, pulling the brunette’s eyelids up to check his pupils, which were heavily dilated.

There was no response, which scared Freddy even more. He didn’t know what to do. He nervously exhaled and quickly kissed the brunette’s forehead, whispering about how he was sorry and that he was going to go get help. Freddy had never run so quickly in his life, not even when a rabid dog was nipping at his heels when he was a young boy. 

By the time both Freddy and the medical officer had gotten back, Klaus was sputtering up vomit and choking but seemed to be a bit more alert. Freddy helplessly watched as the medic rushed over to sit the brunette up. The man gave a solid few hits on his back, making more vomit erupt from Klaus’ mouth. The brunette was gasping for air, his body convulsing. His face was caked with vomit and snot, and his eyes were watering. Klaus stayed sitting up for only a moment after the medic pulled his hand that was supporting him away. He slumped back onto the floor, the medic’s hands shooting behind Klaus’ head to prevent it from hitting the floor.

Freddy watched as the medical officer held Klaus’ wrist and mumbled counts under his breath as he looked at his watch.

“Will he be okay?” Freddy nervously asked as he crossed his arms.

The officer took a deep breath and looked at the unconscious brunette as he stood up.

“We’ll see in maybe thirty minutes to an hour, but his pulse rate is okay,” The man looked over to Freddy. “You did say his heart rate was fast earlier, correct?”

Freddy nodded.

“Yes sir.”

“Well, I am going to go retrieve a transport cot for the lieutenant. If anything changes when I’m away, come and find me or another officer again,” The man instructed as he wiped his hands on a handkerchief.

“Yes sir,” Freddy replied as the man left the bedroom.

The second Freddy heard the office door close he rushed back over to Klaus. The stench of vomit was overwhelming, but that didn’t deter him.

Looking at the older man in such a distressed state, Freddy remembered Klaus’ words that had hurt him so badly the night before. 

‘ _I would’ve stopped caring about going another day.’_

His stomach twisted. This was his fault.

“Klaus I’m so sorry, darling,” He whispered as he brushed back the man’s hair. 

Freddy stayed there for a moment before he stood and went into the bathroom. He wet a washcloth and went back to the bedroom. The blond knelt back down and began wiping Klaus’ face to try to give him a bit of dignity. Freddy was relieved to see the man’s chest rise and fall a lot more prominently. He sighed and gently held the brunette’s hand, rubbing small circles into Klaus’ palm.

“Please be okay,” Freddy whispered as he wiped his tears away with the back of his hand. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so, sorry.”

Freddy kissed Klaus’ temple a final time and sighed, trying not to cry any further. He reluctantly stood, but not before checking the brunette’s pulse, which seemed steady. The blond exited the bedroom, his eyes scanning around the office. He noticed the bottle of beer that he had cracked open the previous night for Klaus next to a few small empty baggies. His stomach twisted more as he saw them. The blond walked over to the desk and dumped the baggies, mixed up the trash just a bit, and then placed the bottle back on the small liquor shelf. He then sighed and headed into the bathroom, rinsing down the washcloth as well as he could and draping it over the edge of the sink.

The medical officer took his time responding back, which pissed Freddy off, but he bit his tongue. He wasn’t allowed into the hospital room right away, but rather pulled away by another officer for questioning.

-

Freddy sat in a small office off the side of the medical wing, across from one of the medical officers that worked there and Captain Altenbach, who was looming in the corner. 

“So, Sub-Officer,” The medic began. “Hauptmann Altenbach told me you have a history with Lieutenant Klenzendorf.”

Freddy nodded.

“I do.”

“Do you mind if we ask a few questions about it?”

“Not at all.” _Yes, I do._

“Great,” The man flipped a page on a pad of paper. “How long have you known the Lieutenant for?”

“Oh, God…” Freddy paused to play it up a bit. “Eleven years, I believe.”

The man nodded and jotted something down.

“Have you ever known him to have a problem with drinking?”

“Not at all. He liked a good glass of brandy but never to an unhealthy extent. The only time I saw him excessively drink was when his mother died, and it still wasn’t that much,” _Because I made sure it wasn’t._ “And he was quite emotionally distressed then.” 

Freddy didn’t know if Klaus’s possible alcohol poisoning or overdose would count as public intoxication.

“Hm,” The medic hummed, noting something. “Any history with drugs?”

“Not at all,” The blond lied, knowing the distribution of Pervitin was strictly watched. “Although I am sure he had taken Pervitin when it was military-required.”

“Have you been exposed to any of this, Sub Officer?” 

“No sir."

“How do we know you’re telling the truth, Finkel?” Altenbach butted in.

Freddy turned to the older male.

“Because I am a loyal soldier of the Wehrmacht and Heer. I am responsible for my own and my other soldier’s safety,” Freddy replied. “If I had any knowledge of this behavior I’d report it, friend or not.”

Altenbach seemed to accept that response and went quiet, the sound of the medical officer’s pencil scratching against the notepad filling the room.

“At the time of arrival, was anything obviously out of place regarding Klenzendorf’s condition? Other than him being on the floor?”

“Well, he was face down so I rolled him over, and he didn’t seem to be breathing, which led me to check his heartbeat,” Freddy answered. “It was quiet but quite erratic.”

The medical officer nodded and made a quick note before looking back up to Freddy.

“Do you happen to remember his BPM?” The man asked.

“Pardon?” Freddy asked, leaning forward a bit, not knowing what the officer had just asked.

“His BPM, beats per minute?” The man clarified.

“Oh, no sir. I just knew it wasn’t a healthy heartbeat, I didn’t count.”

“Why were you there at such an early time? You had a break period," Altenbach butted in.

“I thought I’d spend my time trying to get ahead in any duties that the Lieutenant needed to be completed.”

“Why would you go _then_ , during a break? You should know by now that both of your breaks align,” The Captain questioned.

“Well, I hadn’t seen him where he usually would be during his break so I headed over to his room. And why should it matter? It’s not that anyone else bothered to check if he was okay. I consider myself lucky that I decided to go early,” Freddy fired back, becoming a bit agitated.

“I’d watch your tongue, Finkel,” Altenbach warned.

Freddy unenthusiastically nodded and looked back to the medical officer. The medic then looked to the Captain, clearly annoyed by his interruptions. The man took a deep breath and turned back to Freddy with a slight smile.

“That’s all we need for now. Thank you Sub-Officer,” The medical officer said as he stood.

“Thank you,” Freddy replied as he followed suit. “May I see the Lieutenant, now?”

The man shook his head no.

“A nurse is currently looking after him. After the next hour, you’re free to come to visit when you’re able to.”

Freddy nodded in response and then left the office. He then paused, realizing he didn’t know what to do. When Altenbach exited the office, he awkwardly approached his superior.

“Hauptmann?” 

The man turned around what looked down at Freddy.

“Should I report down to target practice?” Freddy asked.

“Why would you- Shit, right,” The taller man paused in thought. “No, you’ll work under Lieutenant Stoeffler today. I’ll bring you down.”

The raven-haired male promptly turned on his heel and Freddy followed him, only a foot or so behind.

-

The second Freddy got the chance to go down to the hospital wing he booked it, as respectfully as possible.

“Could you tell me where Lieutenant Klenzendorf is?” Freddy asked, anxiously placing his hands on the counter of the receptionist's desk.

The woman working on the other side nodded and very briefly thumbed through a file. 

“He’s in the D-section, number four.”

“Thank you,” Freddy said as he hurried off.

When Freddy reached the curtained area he paused. 

_What if Klaus was awake?_

He took a deep breath and opened the curtain, being met with the sight of an unconscious Klaus and brunette woman. The brunette slightly jumped when she noticed Freddy.

“Goodness, you startled me!” She said with a small laugh as she picked up a dirty towel. “I’m Nurse Spitzer.”

“I’m Friedrich Finkel,” Freddy said with a smile as he closed the curtain, his eyes flickering to and from the nurse and Klaus.

“Oh! You’re Herr Klenzendorf’s sub-officer, aren’t you?” Nurse Spitzer questioned as she tossed the towel into a laundry basket. “I was told you would be stopping by.”

“Yes, I am. How is he doing?” Freddy questioned as he stepped towards the bed.

Klaus seemed to have been undressed down to his undershirt, his vomit-covered clothes now gone.

“He's doing fine now. He was stirring earlier. I don’t think he was completely awake though. We gave him a dose of phenytoin and he was back asleep only ten minutes after,” She said as she placed a wet cloth on Klaus’ forehead. “Poor thing seized up when he arrived.”

Freddy looked from Klaus to the brunette, panic clear in his eyes.

“Isn't that deadly?” 

“It can be, yes,” The nurse gave him a comforting smile. “But he seems fine.”

Freddy nodded and took a seat in a chair that was parallel to the hospital bed.

“We’ll know for sure once he wakes up, but he doesn’t seem brain dead or paralyzed anywhere,” Nurse Spitzer added.

Freddy pressed his lips together nervously.

“Have you ever done something that you reassured yourself would make you feel better, but only for it to hurt someone you cared for?” Freddy asked.

Nurse Spitzer looked at Freddy, looking a bit perplexed at his sudden question.

“Does this relate to Herr Klenzendorf?” The brunette questioned as she picked up a tray.

Freddy shook his head no.

“It’s family-related.”

The woman nodded to show she understood and pursed her lips in thought.

“I have, yes.”

Freddy looked at her.

“Were you forgiven?” 

“Mhm,” She nodded as she moved the tray to one hand, picking up a glass and placing it down with the other. “I was, and I’m sure whoever is hurting now will forgive you if they love you.”

Freddy gave the woman a small smile and looked back at Klaus.

“Well, this wing closes in sixty-five minutes, please keep that in mind,” The brunette informed the blond before adding, “I’m sure Herr Klenzendorf will make a quick recovery.”

Freddy partially looked over to the woman, who was now pushing aside the curtain to leave.

“Goodnight, Fräulein Spitzer.”

“Goodnight, Herr Finkel,” Nurse Spitzer bid as she exited the small curtained off area.

Freddy sat there in silence, gazing at the sleeping man in front of him. He knew he shouldn’t have been there, but he felt horrible. He _had_ to be there, to make sure Klaus was okay. Freddy looked around very briefly, checking to see if the curtains were completely enveloping the small area. He wanted to hold Klaus’ hand, to rub small circles into it. Whether it was to comfort himself or the unconscious Klaus, he didn’t know. 

He took a deep breath and slightly moved the chair he sat in forwards. The blond decided against making direct physical contact, not wanting to wake Klaus. He decided to compromise with his heart and brain and just lean on the rail of the hospital bed, his head resting in his arms as he attentively gazed up to the brunette. Freddy’s heart ached. He sighed and rubbed his face, trying to keep back tears. 

“God, I’m such an asshole,” He murmured as he kicked his heel back into the chair out of frustration.

He sighed an additional time and rested the side of his head back in his arms.

-

Klaus’ eyes partially opened, the light pouring in making his vision blurry. He didn’t know where he was, he felt faint and dizzy. His head was pounding. He slowly turned his head over, the lights looking like large illuminated balls. He saw someone leaning on the side of his bed. He couldn’t tell who it was, he was too tired, he didn’t even know if he was awake. So he allowed himself to close his eyes.

-

Someone was nudging his arm. The light pushing prompted Freddy to stir.

“Herr Finkel,” A woman’s voice whispered. “Herr Finkel.”

Freddy’s eyes fluttered open and he was met with the sight of Nurse Spitzer bent down to meet his gaze.

“It’s time to leave,” She informed him in a hushed tone as she pulled her hand from his arm. 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Freddy replied, his back slightly cracking as he sat up.

“It’s okay,” The woman said as she stood. “I can only imagine how tired you are. You must’ve been extremely distressed this morning.”

“Mm,” Freddy hummed as he rubbed his sleepiness out of his eyes.

“I’m sure Herr Klenzendorf will be glad to have you for a sub-officer when he wakes,” The nurse commented as she began pouring a glass of water.

 _Yeah. Right._ Freddy thought to himself.

“Here you go.” 

Nurse Spitzer had extended out the glass she filled to Freddy.

“Oh, thank you,” Freddy accepted the drink with a tired smile and began drinking from it.

“Of course,” The brunette hummed as she quickly filled another glass, placing it by the hospital bed.

Freddy looked down at Klaus as he finished his drink. He forgot how peaceful Klaus looked in his sleep.

“As much as I admire your loyalty, I _am_ going to have to make sure you leave when you’re done with your drink,” Nurse Spitzer said with a small smile.

Freddy nodded to show he understood and finished the rest of his drink. The brunette graciously took the empty glass and bid him goodnight. Freddy bid her well and put the chair he was sitting in back in its original place. Just before he headed out he patted Klaus’ leg, muttering a pained _sleep well_ , and then left with a sigh.

It was too late for dinner or for a shower, Freddy had slept through the end of the latter, and he had already skipped mess hall to go see Klaus. So he simply headed to bed.

Freddy’s mind wasn’t kind enough to let him easily fall asleep that night.

He thought about all of the plans he and Klaus had made. All of the memories they made. Every little promise that was made. Their ups and their downs. But then his mind intrusively shoved a memory he could never forget to the front of his brain.

He remembered the first time they had sex. Not just quick oral sex, but something more intimate, making love. The first time he had let Klaus _really_ explore his body, and vice versa. It was mid-December in 1931, a cold and snowy day, one good for staying inside and getting cozy with your lover. It was the first time Freddy promised that he would never let anyone hurt Klaus. That innocent-seeming promise held such a larger toll now. 

Freddy had now broken that. _He_ was the person he promised to Klaus that he’d keep away. Freddy knew he had hurt Klaus on a level he knew he could never fully heal and recover from. He had broken his heart to a point in which Freddy believed Klaus tried to put an end to his own life.

Freddy silently cried himself to sleep that night, guilt-ridden and tired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, when was the last time I updated this quickly in under a week?  
> Originally I was going to have Freddy try to perform CPR on Klaus but learned that came after the 40s... So I wrote him using the Heimlich but that also came after the 40s... So there was an inconvenience there.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading <3


	8. Komm Gib Mir Deine Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BUCKLE UP THIS IS A LONG ONE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for...
> 
> Talk of Suicide  
> Suicide  
> Death by Execution  
> Talk of Death by Execution  
> Talk of Concentration Camps  
> Sexual Content  
> Talk of Sex  
> Implied Abusive Relationship
> 
> Translation(s):  
> Erschießungskommando: Firing Squad  
> Hängend: Hanging  
> Komm gib mir deine Hand: Come give me your Hand (The Beatles' I Want to Hold Your Hand- featured at the beginning of Jojo Rabbit)  
> Haupt: Major  
> Hauptmann: Captain

**September 1942**

Klaus woke to a cold sensation on his forehead. His eyes fluttered open and he blinked a few times, taking in his surroundings. 

_Why was he in a hospital bed?_

All he could remember was an immense sense of panic and pain before he fell asleep.

“Good to see you’re awake!” A voice greeted.

He turned his head and saw a brunette woman in a nurse’s garb. Klaus was confused.

“Where am I? _Why_ am I here?”

The nurse frowned.

“You’re in Czechoslovakia, in a military base, in their hospital wing. You’re here because you went under some kind of cardiac arrest, along with some other physical complications,” The woman explained. “I’m your nurse, Nurse Spitzer. I’ve been watching over you for the past twenty-four hours.”

Klaus nodded and extended his hand, almost out of habit.

“Klaus Klenzendorf.”

The nurse accepted his hand with a laugh and gave it a small shake.

“I’m well aware, Herr Klenzendorf.”

The tips of Klaus’ ears went red. 

_Right._

“Well, Herr Klenzendorf, I'll be watching over you the rest of your time here as well, but a few other nurses might pop in to change out your drink or ask if you need to use the bathroom or require anything,” The brunette gave Klaus a caring smile. “Okay?” 

“I understand,” Klaus replied.

“Good. Now, I have some medication to give you, and then I have to run a few tests to make sure you’re fully functional.”

The Nurse ran a few tests to make sure Klaus was okay, just as she said. There were a few eye and a few hand and finger tests, some hand-eye coordination, and some mobility tests, which Klaus passed with flying colors.

“Well, it’s lovely to see how responsive you are,” Nurse Spitzer said as she removed the wet cloth from Klaus’ forehead. “I’m sure your sub-officer will be delighted to know you’re awake and okay. I’ll make sure Herr Finkel is informed as soon as possible.”

Klaus’ heart tightened at the mention of the blond.

“Was he asking for me?” Klaus asked as he grabbed the glass of water that sat next to him.

“Gosh, I wouldn’t just say asked for. He was the one that got you help. Then he came later that evening to check in on you,” The woman explained as she picked up a tray of food and placed it down on Klaus’ lap. “Poor thing looked like a worried mess, he even fell asleep half lying on the rail.”

_So that wasn’t a dream._

“You’re quite lucky to have such a loyal man working for you,” Nurse Spitzer continued as she handed the brunette male food utensils.

Klaus hesitated for a moment, before sadly smiled to himself.

“I guess I am.”

Nurse Spitzer smiled and exited the curtained-off area, promising she’d be just one cot over, and Klaus began eating. Of course, he still felt a bit confused about why he was there. The nurse said cardiac arrest but... Things were a bit blurry.

“Excuse me, Nurse Spitzer?” Klaus called out, realizing that the nurse had ducked out.

There was the sound of heels clicking on the tiled floor and then the sound of the curtain rings sliding on the metal pole.

“You called, Herr Klenzendorf?” Nurse Spitzer asked as she stepped in. “Anything I can assist with?” 

“Mm… Yes, actually. Do you know what exactly happened to put me here? I know you told me what happened physically… But what caused it?” Klaus inquired.

“Well, we are currently looking into that, but it could’ve been caused by a large amount of stress that triggered it due to your age and the fact that you are male…” Nurse Spitzer began listing. “Or it could have been caused by a high blood pressure which could have also been triggered by stress or large amounts of tobacco intakes- Have you been smoking a lot, by any chance?”

“No ma’am,” Klaus replied.

Which was technically the truth with the rationing and tobacco laws. He was just making significantly less healthy decisions. Nurse Spitzer nodded and seemed to make a mental note.

“Well, the last thing I could think of would be underlying health conditions that you inherited. Anything there?” Nurse Spitzer asked.

Klaus shook his head.

“Not that I know of. Both of my parents were very healthy people. Both rarely ever got ill,” Klaus answered. “Of course, my father died from health issues caused by the Great War but I do believe those are different.”

The brunette woman smiled and nodded her head.

“You are correct,” The woman replied with a small laugh. “Now, finish eating and I will run a few more tests. I’ll be back in a few more minutes, Herr Klenzendorf.” 

“Yes ma’am, thank you.”

Nurse Spitzer gave him a small nod and left and Klaus reconvened eating. Klaus couldn’t help but probe his own brain, trying to think back on what happened between the moment he… sent Freddy out... and the moment he woke up.

-

**Two Evenings Back, September 1942**

After finding that his glass was dry, Klaus sluggishly stood up and grabbed the bottle of liquor he had got into earlier. He didn’t bother tracking how much he consumed, but the bottle was eventually empty and he moved onto another. He only got to half before he turned to pills, wanting to give himself a high.

His brain was fueled with pain, drugs, and alcohol. 

_How could Freddy- Why would he- He couldn’t have actually…_

Klaus spent the night spiraling and trying to calm down. He was so angry at Freddy and maybe even himself. Despite the animosity he had towards the world at that moment, his heart kept flipping. He would be upset with Freddy and then wanting to hold him the next moment. He had eventually tired himself out and fell asleep at his desk, only to wake up to a sharp pain in his chest.

“ _Shit_ ,” Klaus mumbled as he slowly stood, clenching his chest with his hand.

The brunette sharply inhaled and made his way into the bathroom and turned on the faucet. He took a deep breath and leaned into the counter as he splashed water onto his face. Klaus left the bathroom and checked his watch and then glanced at the clock on the wall.

_He was late._

Klaus sighed and slowly made his way into his bedroom to quickly freshen up his appearance. That’s when the stinging pain returned, significantly worse this time.

“Fuck!” Klaus exclaimed, placing one hand over his heart and the other on the doorframe in an attempt to support himself.

He could feel his heart rapidly palpitating through his jacket, his head feeling faint. Klaus stepped in and closed the door as he went to change, collapsing immediately afterward.

 _Lying in his hospital cot, Klaus had realized that he almost dug his own grave._ _He had almost killed himself._

-

The brunette male was discharged from the hospital wing later that day, sometime in the early evening. He was instructed to go back to his room, not to bother with nightly checks. It wasn’t exactly what Klaus wanted to do, he needed work to distract himself from his possibly destroyed love life ( _he was still thinking about what he was going to do_ ) and his embarrassing medical catastrophe, but he complied.

Freddy once again skipped mess hall to go to the hospital wing, only to be informed that Klaus had been released. The blond felt a wave of relief wash over him. At least Klaus wasn’t in physical pain because of him anymore. 

Much to his surprise, he was put in charge of watching over the brunette. Freddy quickly made his way to the older male’s office. On his way over, he was running his plan through his head.

_Okay, Friedrich. When you get there you’ll ask how he’s feeling, and then apologize. Tell him how horrible you feel and how the sight of his body on the floor gave you a huge wake-up call and that you are willing to-_

Freddy’s train of thought was cut off by the hushed shouts of a voice he recognized to be Major Schmidt’s. Freddy paused where he stood.

“You have to be more careful, Chris. You can’t just go around all willy-nilly. Besides, what we’re doing is different,” Freddy heard the stocky Major scold.

“Wil, you know I’m careful,” Another voice replied. “I think you’re just overreacting a bit. You know my loyalties will always lie with you.”

Freddy raised a brow and carefully stepped forward, turning the corner, the sound of his footsteps startling the two men, the eldest making a few steps back.

“Good evening, Dambach. Heil Hitler, Haupt Schmidt,” Freddy greeted, as casually as possible.

“Heil Hitler, Finkel,” The two both said at the same time.

“Why aren’t you in the mess hall?” The major questioned.

 _Why aren’t you?_ Freddy snarkily thought.

“Leutant Klenzendorf has been released from the medical bay and as his sub-officer, I’ve taken the liberty to go and see if he requires any help, Haupt,” Freddy responded, his hands locking behind his back as his posture stiffened.

The Major clicked his tongue.

“I understand,” Schmidt jerked his head in the direction that Klaus’ officer was. “You may continue. Heil Hitler.”

“Thank you, Haupt,” Freddy replied before less enthusiastically adding, “Heil Hitler.”

Sub-Officer Dambach flashed a tight-lipped smile and quietly heiled as Freddy continued down the hall and around the other corner. The blond took a deep breath and knocked on the door. He waited a moment and then knocked again. Freddy nervously bit his lip when Klaus didn’t respond, feeling a brief moment of déjà-vu. Freddy told himself he could be asleep or ignoring him and deeply sighed as he turned on his heel, deciding to let Klaus rest and have his privacy. He headed to the mess hall, feeling hungry.

Unbeknownst to Freddy, the last thing on Klaus’ mind was ignoring his lover. The brunette had actually fallen asleep quite early and quickly that night, feeling exhausted. He slept well into the late night until he began dreaming. Nothing too specific until one was extremely familiar… How could he ever forget the night before he left? It had been one of the most intimate moments of his life. He remembered almost every moment of that night. His brain wouldn't allow him to forget it, he could clearly see it.

_Klaus taking off Freddy’s shirt as he kissed his collarbone and down the center of his chest… Freddy undressing him as he slowly caressed his soft brown hair... Klaus rolling up his hips with a low moan as the blond male kissed his neck… Freddy moving his hands beneath the waistline of Klaus’ pants… Klaus grasping Freddy’s ass as the blond pushed down the brunette’s trousers and boxers… Freddy slowly removing his own bottoms as he deeply kissed Klaus..._

Klaus forced himself awake in a heartbroken panic, slightly crying as he sat up. He quickly noticed the throbbing between his legs and softly groaned. A cold shower would only wake him up and masturbating occasionally made him feel sick ever since… 

Klaus sighed, knowing that going back to sleep would be a difficult feat when he was aroused. The brunette groaned and wiped his face of his tears. He made his decision and braced himself to possibly feel sick. 

-

Freddy tried Klaus’ office as soon as he could, skipping morning mess hall. Guilt was eating him from the inside-out, leaving no room for the blond to physically eat. He nervously knocked on the door.

-

Klaus was latching up his boots when he heard the knock on his door. The brunette’s brow raised and he glanced at his watch. 

_Who was there to see him so early?_

Klaus cleared his throat, stood from his bed, and then headed out of his bedroom to the office door. He opened the door and was met with the sight of the blond.

“Why are you here?” Klaus asked, becoming defensive.

“As much as you may not like it I have been put in charge of watching you,” Freddy responded, feeling Klaus’ harsh gaze burn through him. “Besides, I… I am still technically your sub-officer, and I did want to make sure you were okay.”

Klaus took a deep breath.

“Why do you have to watch me?” He asked, stepping aside to let the blond in.

“Well, I believe there’s some suspicion that your… _Accident_ … Was related to drugs,” Freddy quietly answered as he stepped in.

Klaus’ brow furrowed as he closed the door.

“You weren’t exactly the cleanest person the other night,” Freddy said, noticing the brunette’s look. “I cleaned up whatever you took to try to help your case.”

Klaus was quiet for a moment. He could lose his position if someone found out.

“Thank you. I appreciate it.”

Freddy nodded and Klaus made his way back to his bedroom. Freddy closely followed.

“I’m sorry,” Freddy said as he leaned on the doorframe.

Klaus briefly looked at Freddy with a cocked brow as he grabbed his uniform jacket off the hook on his wall.

“I’m sorry for my words the other night. I shouldn’t have told you that way. And when I saw you on the floor,” Freddy sighed. “I knew it was because of me. That you tried to end it because of me.”

“No… No, Freddy, I didn’t-“ Klaus looked at the blond as he pulled on his jacket. “I didn’t try to kill myself.”

“You didn’t?” Freddy asked, mouth agape, clearly befuddled. “But you said…”

“What did I- No, never mind,” Klaus said, waving his hand a bit as if it were to shoo his own question away.

He didn’t want to think about that night in-depth, the words being too painful for him at that moment.

“Then what happened? I could smell alcohol on you and there were small baggies everywhere. Klaus if it wasn’t intentional you have a serious problem,” Freddy said.

“First of all, I don’t have a problem with drugs. I can control it,” Klaus lied, both to Freddy and to himself. “Second of all, I was quite distressed the other night and had every right to try to numb that pain.”

“I’m pretty sure you _do_ have a problem with drugs,” Freddy argued. “Take it from me who dealt with it with Ha-“

“Don’t say his name,” Klaus snapped, making Freddy jump a bit.

“Sorry,” Freddy whispered.

Klaus deeply inhaled and ran his hand over his face, letting out a sigh.

“No, I’m sorry for yelling, it’s too early for yelling. But, I would prefer it if you refrained from talking about him,” Klaus sighed, clasping his jacket up.

The blond nodded with an understanding hum.

“But… What you did, Klaus, at least what _I_ thought you _implied_ to do,” Freddy began, almost scolding the older male. “Almost killed you, and that’s terrifying for me. You’re addicted.”

Klaus tightly pressed his lips together. He hated it when he wasn’t right. He had always known he had a drug problem the moment he started paying for it under the table.

“I have it under control,” The brunette firmly lied.

The older man knew he had to fix it, but how? That was his support system.

“But, thank you for getting me help, Freddy,” Klaus said, a bit more quietly as he stepped forward. “As _conflicted_ as I am right now… Thank you.”

“Of course. I’m just glad you’re okay,” Freddy replied with a weak smile, resting his head on the wooden frame.

Both men’s eyes locked in a gaze, one full of uncertainty as Freddy slowly leaned forwards and off the doorway. Klaus mirrored the blond’s actions as his eyes flickered to the younger man’s lips. The brunette then snapped out of it and stepped back, closed his eyes, and slightly shook his head. Freddy’s face flushed and he stood up, his feet now centered in the middle of the doorway.

“Listen, Freddy… I know you’ve been assigned to watch me,” Klaus began, pinching the bridge of his nose. “But I have not had enough time to process everything that has happened and I'd really appreciate it if you stayed out of my way as much as possible.”

“Oh,” Freddy said, feeling a bit dejected.

But he understood.

“Of course.”

* * *

**October 1942**

Freddy tried his best to stay out of Klaus’ way, he really did, and he eventually adjusted to a different schedule. He’d attend target practice outside of Klaus’ schedule and break, he’d do paperwork on the opposite side of the office, and he’d take orders and run errands with as few words as possible. Freddy kept his distance but continued to survey Klaus’ drug and alcohol consumption. 

Freddy wasn’t too sure where the brunette got the pills. Klaus had never mentioned an injury, giving him no reason to collect Pervitin. Someone must have been giving the brunette them under the table. But who? That was something the blond was still trying to crack.

Trying to juggle his responsibilities as Klaus’ sub-officer and lover was tiring. The blond wasn’t all too happy, but Freddy wanted to make things better, so he steered clear of the brunette and did his best. So when Klaus approached him with a glass of better in hand, he was a bit surprised.

“Happy Birthday, Freddy,” Klaus said as he placed the glass of beer down in front of the blond.

“You remembered?” Freddy asked, trying to hide his wide smile.

“Of course I did,” Klaus said as he crossed his arms and leaned on the small table Freddy was working at.

“You’re going to make me feel bad for missing yours by a week.”

“We can make it a double celebration,” Klaus suggested, wanting a good excuse to drink.

Freddy softly smiled. 

_He needed a break_.

“Let’s do it.”

-

By the late evening, both men had a few glasses of beer, which they had already poked fun at for being watered down. 

“How old are you now? Twenty-five?” Klaus asked with a laugh.

Freddy partially choked on his drink and snorted.

“Yeah, I’m twenty-five and you’re thirty,” Freddy slurred.

“Hey, I look good for forty-nine,” Klaus playfully defended.

“Dead sexy,” Freddy giggled. “But it’s the big five-zero next year, yeah?”

“Don’t remind me,” Klaus chuckled as he propped his elbow up on the back of the sofa, his head resting on his hand, feeling a bit drowsy.

“I won’t until your birthday,” Freddy breathily laughed.

“Okay Mister I’m-Still-In-My-Thirties,” Klaus retorted as he finished off the alcohol that was in his glass. “Your _early_ thirties, at that.”

Freddy smiled and tucked his legs up on the small couch and then slightly slipped. The blond drunkenly laughed and moved his legs back up on the small couch. Klaus couldn’t help but smile. 

_After all this time, Freddy was still a bit of a lightweight._

Despite Klaus wanting distance from the blond for a little while, he really did miss Freddy. Of course, having Freddy in the room was nice for the older male, but it was a bit uncomfortable, too. But that night the atmosphere had changed. This was the first night in a while that Klaus didn’t have a Pervitin with his drink. He was enjoying himself. Being able to just drink and talk took a bit of the edge off of his inner conflict. It reminded him of the first night they met.

The sound of the blond’s laugh interrupted the older male’s thoughts.

“What is it?” Klaus tiredly asked.

“Your-“ Freddy snorted. “Your hair is all…”

The blond made a motion with his hand, flicking up his fingers.

“It’s all spiked up,” The younger male explained, finally finding his words.

Freddy leaned forward and ran his fingers through Klaus’ hair in an attempt to press down the tufts.

“There,” Freddy whispered. 

“Thank you,” Klaus yawned.

The blond smiled and nodded, leaning back a bit. The two men sat there in silence, the only audible sound being their breathing. Freddy then leaned in and tenderly kissed the brunette. Klaus didn’t reciprocate and leaned away. The look in Klaus’ eyes was painfully sobering for Freddy.

“Oh- _Oh!_ ” Freddy exclaimed when he realized what he just did.

The blond pushed himself to the other side of the small sofa.

“I’m sorry. I’ve overstepped my boundaries tonight,” Freddy apologized as he stood up.

Klaus ran his hands over his face, taking a deep breath.

“I- um. Thank you for the drink,” Freddy said as he grabbed his jacket, stumbling a bit and slightly scoffing at himself. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Klaus echoed with a sigh.

Klaus laid back on the small sofa when he heard the door close. Sure, he still felt betrayed and hurt but the man still deeply loved Freddy. He just couldn’t understand why he couldn’t get himself to trust Freddy again.

-

Sunday night came to an end, Monday morning passed, and the autumn afternoon rolled in. Klaus was left with his thoughts as he folded his shirts and trousers.

The kiss Freddy gave him the previous night was nice, he couldn’t deny that. Klaus wished he could just go back to that with Freddy, but he knew he couldn’t, not just yet. Klaus wasn’t angry anymore, he couldn’t even force himself to be angry at Freddy if his life depended on it. That feeling was long gone. Klaus did feel lied to, but he knew Freddy must have had his reasons. The brunette reassured himself that the blond would never purposefully do something to harm him. 

_He wouldn’t… But would he?_

The lieutenant’s thoughts were interrupted by knocking on the office door. Klaus assumed it was either Captain Altenbach there to give him paperwork or request he go down to the shooting range as he put down the shirt he was about to fold.

Opening the door to his office, Klaus was surprised to see Freddy standing there, jacketless, and a packet of rolled-up paper in hand.

“Heil Hitler, Lieutant,” Freddy greeted, painfully aware of the other men in the hallway.

“Heil Hitler, Finkel,” Klaus echoed. “You are aware it's Monday, correct? You don’t work with me today.”

Freddy nodded.

“I’m only here to say I applied for leave a month ago when slots opened. I thought you should know that I’m leaving for three weeks in an hour,” Freddy said as he stepped in. “I also have a gun catalog that I thought you might enjoy.”

“Oh, thank you,” Klaus said as he accepted the small stack of bound-together papers.

“I- I,” Freddy stammered. “I also wanted to apologize for my actions last night. I was _not_ thinking straight and I know you’re dealing with your feelings and that you don’t want to talk about it.”

The older man nodded to show he understood as he gazed down at the catalog in thought.

“Actually, can we talk about it?” Klaus asked.

Freddy awkwardly shifted and took a deep breath.

“Yes. I’ve got a little less than an hour to talk.”

“Okay,” Klaus licked his lip. “Let’s sit down.”

The two men retreated to Klaus’ desk. Klaus took his spot in his desk chair as Freddy nervously pressed his lips together, pulled a chair over, and then took a seat. The older man cleared his throat.

“First of all, I want to say I’m hurt but I’m not angry anymore,” Klaus began, trying to carefully word what he was saying. “Okay?”

“Okay,” Freddy responded, slightly nodding as he twiddled his thumbs. “What do you want to know?”

Klaus took a moment to think.

“Who… Who started it?”

“Hans did, not that it matters, Klaus. It takes two,” Freddy answered, guilt spilling into his stomach.

Klaus raised his brows and swayed his head in half agreement and half in thought.

“I guess it does,” Klaus mumbled.

Freddy nodded in agreement **.**

“What were you feeling to make you… To make you feel that you had to do it,” Klaus asked, dying to know why, but terrified to know.

“God… I…” Freddy could feel his heart racing.

Freddy looked just to the side of Klaus’ head, his gaze burning into the wall behind the brunette.

“It had almost been three years since I had last seen you, I honestly thought you could’ve been dead and I…” Freddy closed his eyes and exhaled before opening them again. “I felt alone, maybe helpless. Having…”

Freddy’s eyes nervously flicked to Klaus’.

“You can say his name,” Klaus whispered.

The corners of Freddy’s mouth briefly twitched in acknowledgment of Klaus. 

“Having… _Hans_ there to… to _validate_ me,” Freddy’s watery eyes finally met Klaus’ gaze. “It felt good to feel that support.”

“So you had sex with him?” Klaus uncomfortably asked.

Freddy slightly tilted his head as a response, feeling a bit embarrassed.

Klaus thought about all the times had he gone out for the sole purpose to just sleep with someone. How many times was it out of feeling helpless or alone? Hell, even when he was engaged he went out and slept around.

Klaus sighed and rubbed his face.

“Anything-” Klaus cleared his throat. “Anything else I should know?”

The blond licked his lips in thought, trying to sort through his mind.

“I ended things with Hans because I was still in love with you,” Freddy began, slightly hiccuping as he tried to hold back tears. “And then when I found out that I’d be coming here… I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I had to find you or at _least_ try to find out what happened to you. That was my first priority every time I was relocated.”

Klaus took in and considered every word.

“And also, I’d _never_ think about going to another man when I’m with you. I never have…” Freddy paused in hesitation. “And I want you to know I have thought about this, I’ve had plenty of time to dwell on all of this.”

Klaus nodded with a hum.

“Klaus… It had almost been three years since I had last seen you. I had no form of communication, no way of knowing you were alive, no closure…” The blond sighed. “I feel like I had a right to have a relationship with someone else.”

Klaus nodded. Freddy had a point. The older man inwardly groaned. He hated it when he was being proven wrong.

“Did you plan on telling me?” Klaus asked.

Freddy sat back in his chair.

“Yes… But I didn’t exactly figure out how I would,” Freddy wiped his face with his hand. “I guess my frustration figured it out for me.”

Klaus cocked his head and raised his brows.

“It sure did.”

An uncomfortable silence set in as the two men sat with their own thoughts. After what felt like forever for Freddy, he took a deep breath.

“May I go now?” Freddy whispered, blinking back hot tears. 

“Yes,” Klaus murmured, not bothering to look up.

“Thank you,” Freddy whispered as he quickly stood and headed out of the office.

* * *

Going home was the break Freddy needed. A breath of fresh air, his family with him, not having to Heil Hitler every time he had to enter a room, not having to shoot a gun every morning or afternoon. It was refreshing.

It felt good to be home. It had been over a year, maybe almost two. Freddy was met by many open arms. From his niece and nephews, his sisters, and mother (turns out, Anna and her children were temporarily living with Anita as their home was being renovated). Much to Freddy’s surprise, Marta had given birth to another baby. Her second child was like her. Marta and little Peter were war babies. 

One of his brothers-in-law, Anna’s husband, left two days into his visit home. Freddy only felt a little bad when Bruno left. The blond didn’t want to talk politics with him anymore.

-

The adults of the Finkel-Volker-Backman family sat around the dining table as the children played jacks and solved puzzles. Marta was breastfeeding her baby, Freddy was finishing his meal, Anna was knitting and Anita was inquiring about her son’s time away.

“Any new friends that we’ll have the pleasure of hearing about?”

“Um, yes, actually,” Freddy finished chewing and wiped his mouth. “I met a man in Poland named Paul Betzler. We plan on meeting up after the war.”

_If both of us survive._

“I was also reunited with Hans Lenz in Southern Czechoslovakia. You guys remember him, don’t you?"

“Yes! How lovely,” Anita said, a small echo of hums following her words. “How is he?”

“He’s doing okay. I’m sure we could all be doing a lot better not fighting a war,” Freddy answered, not wanting to divulge into the man’s addiction.

“Of course, but that’s so good to know! Oh, Anna, do you remember when he would braid your hair?” Anita asked, turning to her eldest daughter.

“Of course I do,” The blonde replied with a soft smile. “He was always so lovely about it.”

“That was such a lovely feat he learned for his mother,” Anita marveled. “Do you know how Irma is?”

Freddy shook his head no.

“He only mentioned her a few times, but I can only assume she’s doing well… But I have his and his mother’s mailing address now, I could give it to you if you’d like.”

“Oh that would be lovely, thank you, Friedrich,” Anita said as she folded her napkin and placed it on the table. “I’ll remind you after dinner.”

Freddy nodded.

“What about Klaus?” Anita asked.

Freddy paused.

“What about him?”

“Have you heard from or seen him at all? It’s been so long since his last call here…”

“Oh,” Freddy said. “Yes. I’m currently working under him in Czechoslovakia.”

“Really? Why didn’t you tell me? That’s wonderful- how is he?” Anita’s tone was significantly more positive.

“It slipped my mind, I guess. But um, he's doing well. He had a few health problems in September but he recovered quickly,” Freddy answered, forcing a smile.

“I always thought he was so handsome,” Marta said with a small laugh as she adjusted her baby to her breast.

The group of adults laughed and Marta’s face slightly flushed.

“We know,” Anna said with a smile. “He was very sweet.”

Freddy chuckled to himself as he chewed some food.

“Gosh if I was older I would’ve pursued him,” Marta commented.

“I would’ve never allowed it,” Freddy said as he pointed his fork between his two sisters.

“Why not? You both already acted like you were brothers,” Anna noted.

Freddy rolled his eyes and the three women laughed.

“He’s more than double your age.”

“Well, it would’ve been better than marrying-” Marta’s smile dropped as she cut herself off.

The group of adults went silent, the only noise coming from the three children playing in the sitting room. Freddy looked down at his plate and resumed eating, but glanced back to his younger sister for just a moment, who was now adjusting the towel over her baby’s head and her chest. She then quickly wiped her eyes when she noticed her older brother looking over.

The silence was broken by Oskar, who came running over, wailing over the fact that he hit his head on the corner of the coffee table. 

“Just a second, Liebling,” Marta said with a sniffle as she took a deep breath.

“Mar,” Freddy said as he put down his fork. “I’ll take care of it.”

The younger flashed a weak smile and Freddy nodded as he stood up.

“Come here, Oskar, Uncle Friedrich will take care of it.”

-

Freddy padded out of the guest room and into the kitchen as quietly as possible to not wake his niece and nephews in the sitting room. The blond male poured himself a glass of water and leaned on the counter as he sipped his drink. He then noticed that the patio light was on. Freddy peered out the window and saw his sister. The blond squinted at the clock on the wall and frowned. It was past midnight.

_Why was she outside so late?_

Freddy quickly finished his drink and made his way into the dining room to the patio door. He unlocked and opened it as quietly as he could and stepped out into the cool autumn air. 

“Hey,” Freddy quietly greeted.

The blonde woman turned her head a bit. Despite the dim lighting, it was clear to Freddy that she had been crying.

“What are you doing up?” Marta asked in a hushed tone.

“I could ask the same of you,” Freddy quipped with a small laugh as he pulled a patio chair over.

“Well I couldn’t sleep,” The woman replied. “I’ve got stuff on my mind.”

Freddy went to reply but got a whiff of the smell in the air.

“Mar, you have a baby you shouldn’t be smoking,” Freddy advised.

“How’d you-“

“I’ve been smoking for seventeen years, I know the smell of tobacco and lingering smoke,” Freddy said as he held out his hand. “Hand them over.”

Marta sighed and pulled the pack out of her robe’s pocket, handing them over. Freddy took them and placed them on the small table next to his chair. The two siblings sat in silence for a minute or so.

“You haven’t been smoking since you were fifteen,” Marta suddenly said, finally figuring out the math.

Freddy smiled and chuckled.

“Yes, I have.”

“No way, Fred. Mom would’ve made a big deal out of it if you were and Anna and I would’ve known,” Marta said in disbelief.

“Mom knew, she wasn’t happy about it, but she knew. Besides, there’s a lot of things you don’t know about me, Mar,” Freddy retorted. “I’m full of secrets.”

Marta quirked a brow.

“Like how’d you sneak out of the house on Saturday nights, which would explain why you’d always be half asleep in church the next day?” The blonde asked.

“How do you know that?” Freddy asked, a bit shocked.

“You and Anna may have been closer than we ever were but I caught on,” Marta answered with a smug smile.

Freddy laughed.

“What other tidbits do you know about me?”

The blonde woman pursed her lips in thought.

“Do you really want to know?”

Her brother nodded.

“Promise me you won't get upset,” Marta requested.

“Oh, I don’t know if I want to know now,” Freddy feigned dramatic sigh.

Marta rolled her eyes.

“Are you sure?”

“Just tell me,” The man laughed out.

Freddy’s sister sighed.

“Fred... I know that you’re a queer.”

Freddy cringed, his heart racing a bit.

“I’m sorry, is that not the right term?” Marta was quick to ask when she noticed her brother’s discomfort.

“It’s not the best word usage,” Freddy replied.

“I’m sorry,” The woman whispered.

“How did you find out?” Freddy nervously asked.

“I saw you and Klaus kissing the day after Edgar and Florence’s wedding,” Marta answered. “At first I was _disgusted_ and ran to Edgar. I was a crying mess and babbling about how the Devil had gotten into you.”

 _So that’s how Edgar found out._ Freddy thought to himself.

“I thought about all the ways I could approach you about it… How to explain that God didn’t make you that way…” Marta sighed and gazed into the darkness for a moment. “But I slept on it and remembered that God doesn’t make mistakes.”

Freddy uncomfortably chuckled.

“Thank you for being understanding,” He whispered.

“Freddy, I’ll never understand what you have with Klaus.”

This made Freddy frown and quietly sighed.

“I don’t understand love. At least the romantic kind,” Marta looked to her brother. “But as long as you’re happy, I know that my worries about you are inadequate.”

The blond gently smiled at his sister’s words, now understanding what she meant.

“Thank you, Mar. But… you deserve to understand it.” 

Marta sighed.

“You know Rudolph, he’s cold,” She replied.

“He’s an asshole, that's what he is,” Freddy corrected, feeling a bit agitated. 

“I guess so,” Marta sighed. “I thought I could help him, Freddy. I really did. Even when Oskar came around he didn’t change.”

The blonde sniffled and wiped her eyes.

“Even when I wrote to him to tell him I had gotten pregnant when he was home the previous month he didn’t even acknowledge it,” Marta hiccuped. “He hadn’t even asked about Peter.”

Freddy shifted his chair closer and let his youngest sister lean on his shoulder as she cried. The blond rested his head atop of Marta’s.

“Have you thought about breaking it off?” Freddy quietly asked.

“Divorce doesn’t sound as bad as they preach it to be,” Marta whispered back. “But he’d kill me if I were to ever mention it.”

Freddy frowned. He knew his sister was stuck but didn’t know what he could do to help her.

The two siblings sat in the dark, the patio light now having burned out. They quietly listened to the sound of crickets and some frogs in the distance.

“Friedrich?” Marta whispered.

“Mhm?” 

“Make sure you tell Klaus you love him when you get back.”

Freddy sadly smiled.

“I will, I promise.”

* * *

Back in Czechoslovakia, Klaus had done some thinking.

Thinking about his Dad. How his father always wanted him to be a soldier, both in and out of wartime. Klaus could only scoff at that. Wanting your son to be in constant danger.

***

Thinking about his country. He used to love his country so dearly. He was proud to serve, he used to be a fanatic. And the _partying_ he did. His nights out in Berlin were full of alcohol and sex. He loved the open and slightly more accepting atmosphere. Now he was in denial, holding onto his pride he held for his country.

***

Thinking about home. The brunette pondered about the condition of the city he used to live in. Had they fallen on hard times? What about the kind man he used to work for? Had he gotten out in time or was it too late? How was his family? He hadn’t written in forever and neither had his family. What about Freddy’s family? How was Anita holding up with her health? Klaus sighed. _Family_. He both loved and hated it. It was complicated.

***

Thinking about his addiction. Klaus was unable to drink and take a pill in peace, he actually hadn’t in a handful of days, and his body wasn’t happy about it. The brunette had been assigned a temporary Sub-Officer while Freddy was away. He insisted to Captain Altenbach that he didn’t need one, just for his words to fall on deaf ears. Maybe Freddy was right about the others being suspicious about his small health episode.

Klaus sat at his desk late one night, his feet up on his desk, and his ankles crossed as he sat back in his desk chair. He gazed at the few bottles of varying alcohol sitting on a small shelf. His stomach churned. The brunette was tired and irritated, his headache making things worse. He went to grab a Pervitin, but Freddy’s words rang in his mind.

_‘You’re addicted.’_

Klaus paused, closed the draw of his desk, and looked over to the alcohol again. He knew it was bad. The brunette sighed and rested his elbow on the arm of his chair, resting his head on his fist. He sat in silence for a few moments and took a deep breath. The brunette leaned back to the drawer and moved the objects covering up the small baggies aside. Klaus grabbed each one and placed them on top of his desk. He swiped them down his desk to the edge and stood up. He walked over to the small trash bin and picked it up, walked back to his desk, and pushed the baggies full of pills in. His next move was to the small liquor shelf. He grabbed a bottle, uncorked it, took a large and hearty swig from it, placed it back down, grabbed the other bottles, and headed into the bathroom. He uncorked and unscrewed each bottle and poured them down the sink’s drain. He exited the bathroom and placed them by the trash can. 

The brunette then looked back to the bottle he had opened and grabbed it. He sat down in his desk chair and spent the rest of the night finishing the bottle.

***

Thinking about Freddy. His dear Freddy. Klaus was over the heartbreak, he forgave Freddy. Klaus understood, but there was something still making him uneasy. How did he know he could trust him? 

Klaus had been going through his things in the small bureau in his bedroom when a small notepad fell out of the lining of his jacket. Perplexed, he picked it up and opened it. It was full of sketches from when he was stationed in Austria. 

Klaus smiled and sat down on his bed as he flipped through the pages. He hadn’t taken the time to sketch in a long, _long,_ time. As he changed the page a piece of parchment fell out. Klaus leaned down and grabbed the paper and unfolded it, the parchment revealing a familiar picture of Freddy. The brunette softly smiled as he ran his thumb over the corner of the photograph. As he did so, he noticed the corner peeled in two a bit.

Klaus’ brow furrowed and he flipped the photo over. He gently pulled the corner down to reveal writing beneath the parchment on the back. The writing was faded, most likely due to the paste holding the parchment down, but it was legible. Klaus recognized the writing to be in Freddy’s writing.

_‘K—_

_Hello! Is this a surprise? I hope so— I wonder how long it will take you to find this._

_Right now as I write this, you’re currently brushing your teeth, so I’m trying to make this quick. I’m going to miss you, you know. I’ve really enjoyed our time together._

_{You actually just came out to ask me a question— Toothbrush still in your hand and tooth powder on your face. (Very sexy.)}_

_I hope that whenever you’re reading this that you’re in good health and that you’re doing well. Maybe this photo of me will help- I plan on bringing one of you and my mom. Stay strong for me, okay?_

_Best regards,_

_Freddy.’_

Klaus’ heart melted when he read the small note. Rewinding time sounded really nice at that moment.

There was something in that small note that made the brunette want to give the blond a small kiss and embrace. He missed Freddy.

* * *

After a week at his mother’s home, Freddy had headed back to his apartment in the city. It was weird being back after such a long time of being away. It felt abandoned. It _looked_ abandoned. Dusty and full of cobwebs. Freddy immediately got to work, cleaning his bed comforter and sheets, dusting and washing almost every surface, and wiping down a few dishes. After that, he realized he had no food in the house and had to go shopping. 

The second Freddy got the chance to lie down on his bed he took it. The blond flopped down and across the foot of his bed, taking in the smell of the clean blanket beneath him. He slightly smiled at the smell, it was a familiar and welcoming one. He laid there for some time before thinking to shower. 

Much to his dismay, the water in the shower wasn’t working. Freddy sighed and took to the sink, wetting a washcloth and lathering it up with soap. He quickly wiped down his face and decided to call it a night. Looking back at the shower, he made a mental note to call the building’s landowner. 

_Klaus would probably be able to figure what was wrong._

The blond sighed and quickly changed out of his dirty clothing into fresh pajamas, ones he hadn’t worn in months. They were a bit baggy now and he was now too tall for them. The blond rummaged through the few pairs of pajamas he had left, mixing and matching to see if any were comfier than the other. He thought about trying to find better clothes later that week but brushed the thought away. He could do that when the war was over. As he finished buttoning up his top, he noticed some papers on the floor.

Freddy made his way over to them and scooped them up, recognizing it to be Hans’ letter. The blond never finished it, his attempts being interrupted or him not believing he had enough privacy to read it. Freddy sighed and moved the paper that had Hans’ information to the back and began reading.

_‘Fritz,_

_There are so many words that I am unable to express and tell you personally- so I am attempting to put them in writing._

This was as far as Freddy had gotten every time he tried to read Hans’ letter.

_I have to say I greatly appreciated and enjoyed your company. Of course, I wish things could’ve gone better for us, but I understand. You know, I really did love my Annalisa. (She would’ve loved you.) Things just happened too quickly between us and that was hard on me. Her death killed me, it was an extremely bad time for me. But, having you in my life again really helped me, it gave me a bit of hope. I think I’ll always have a soft spot for you, Friedrich. You’ve been a large part of my life, and you’ve done your best to help me. I’m not too sure how I’ll quit. I feel like I’m in too deep, but I’m trying to get better. I really need to figure myself out. But thank you for making me realize that. On another note, I hope you find Klaus or find out what happened to him. I tried looking into it- where he was. I couldn’t access anything, I’m sorry. I really hope you have a good life with him. Adopt a dog or something (I know you said Klaus liked dogs)- have fun, but stay safe. I’d love to be back in contact after the war, platonically, of course. But if you don’t I understand._

_Keep safe._

_Yours,_

_-HCL_

_P.S.— Please do what you want with this letter. Maybe burn it, just as a precaution.’_

Freddy sadly sighed and placed the papers down on his bureau. He was glad Hans wanted to work on himself, but worried, like the brunette, that it was going to be hard. He thought about writing a letter but decided not to. He was just tired. He missed Klaus.

* * *

Three weeks came and passed quite slowly for both Freddy and Klaus. 

For Freddy, it was too quiet in his home alone for one and a half weeks. The blond even came to miss the noise and commotion of his niece and nephews. He would’ve taken Johannes jumping on his back, Matilde’s whines for attention, Oskar’s gibberish as he ran around, and Peter’s wails and spit ups over sitting in silence on his own. Despite not exactly wanting to continue his responsibilities as a soldier, he was glad to not be in constant silence. He missed Klaus.

For Klaus, it was three weeks full of withdrawal, misery, and feeling unfocused. There were plenty of times in which he thought about giving in and running down to the medical office, but he was stubborn. He needed to prove Freddy and _himself_ that he could do it. That he could get better. That he _would_ get better. He didn’t realize how much he still missed Freddy until the beginning of the second week.

Maybe a small break is what they both needed.

-

Freddy got back in the early evening, feeling tired from the vast amount of travel. He debated checking in on Klaus. The blond sighed and decided to go to the mess hall first to think it over. 

Freddy was worried. Had the brunette forgiven him yet? …Or had he chosen not to forgive him? How was he doing health-wise? Had anything else gone wrong while he was away? The fear of Klaus being hurt again made up the blond’s mind. He headed to the office.

-

Klaus took a moment to sit back and look at the small sketch on an old piece of the catalog he had been working on. The drawing was a still life of the glass of water in front of him. He sighed. It was obvious he was out of practice. Besides, he had other things on his mind. The brunette went to sharpen his pencil as he heard a knock on his door.

Klaus cleared his throat.

“Come in.”

Freddy sighed a breath of relief hearing Klaus’ voice as he turned the door handle. The brunette briefly glanced up then down, then immediately back up. 

“Hey,” Klaus greeted, a bit surprised.

“Hi,” Freddy replied with a soft smile as he walked over. “I’m back!”

Klaus smiled at the blond’s slight enthusiasm.

“How was your time home?” The brunette asked.

“Good, I guess. It was a bit weird… But it was nice seeing everyone,” Freddy answered. “Marta had another baby, Peter, so that was quite the surprise- Oh, my mother says ‘Hello’, by the way.”

“Oh, that’s great!” Klaus replied. “And I would say ‘Say hello back for me’, but, you know.”

Freddy chuckled.

“I get it,” Freddy said as he placed his hands on the desk, leaning into them a bit. “Did I interrupt some paperwork?”

“Oh, no. I’m just getting back into drawing,” Klaus gestured down.

“Since when have you had time to do that?” Freddy asked, slightly jokingly.

“Well, I’m not constantly drinking during my free time anymore,” Klaus replied. “And I constantly feel like shit so I needed a good distraction…”

_He especially needed one for that night._

“You aren’t?” Freddy questioned as he glanced at the liquor shelf, which was empty. 

Freddy smiled.

“Oh my God, you aren’t- The pills too?”

“Mhm,” Klaus hummed as he gazed down at his hands.

“That’s great, Klaus. That’s so good to hear,” Freddy added, his smile only growing wider.

Klaus only hummed and went back to his drawing, aimlessly tracing what he had already drawn. Freddy’s smile dropped when he noticed how tired Klaus looked, maybe even nervous. He had bags under his eyes and his eyes looked sad. Freddy completely understood what he must be going through… But something else wasn’t right.

“Is there anything important that I missed?” Freddy questioned as he moved around the desk and leaned against it. “There seems to be something on your mind.”

“Yes, actually. It’s...” Klaus put down his pencil and leaned back in his chair with a sigh. “Unnerving.”

“What is it?” Freddy asked, giving the brunette his full attention.

Klaus briefly licked his lip as he thought about how he was going to word it.

“Sub-Officer Dambach and another cadet were arrested for inappropriate misconduct this morning. They're scheduled for execution tomorrow.”

“Don’t tell me the misconduct was-”

“Caught making out in a bathroom stall.”

Freddy placed his hand over his mouth in shock and thought.

“Do we have to go?” Freddy asked, his voice being muffled by his hand.

Klaus nodded with a clenched jaw.

“Everyone has to. It’s public humiliation.”

Freddy pressed his lips together and dropped his hand, moving both to his waist in thought.

“What’s it by? Erschießungskommando? Hängend?” The blond asked.

“Hängend. An erschießungskommando would be too kind,” Klaus answered.

“Good point,” Freddy sighed before asking with a small, nervous, laugh, “You don't think I could get sick by tomorrow morning, do you?”

Klaus chuckled.

“Maybe out of an amazing stroke of luck.”

“Let’s hope I get that luck soon. Preferably in an hour,” Freddy chuckled as he placed a hand on Klaus’ shoulder.

Klaus tensed under Freddy’s touch and the blond immediately retracted.

“I will see you in the morning, Klaus. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Friedrich.”

-

Freddy took the spot next to Klaus the next morning as they stood outside among many others. They weren’t too far forward in the crowd, nor were they too far back, just to blend in a bit more. 

Both men watched in horror as each man had the ropes secured around their necks, their hands already bound. Klaus had never seen the cadet before, he looked young, the man couldn’t have been older than twenty. On the other hand, Freddy was quite familiar with the young man. Rolf Clemens was a freshly eighteen-year-old from Berlin. He shared a bunk with Freddy. 

_How had he not noticed that he wasn't there last night?_

Freddy tried to find something else to look at, anything but the gallows in front of them, but his eyes stayed glued to the scene before him. 

As Freddy kept attempting to avert his gaze, Klaus noticed Major Schmidt at the lever that would most likely drop the two young men to their long and arduous demise. 

_Maybe Captain Altenbach’s unfortunate sleuthing had paid off… for only him._

Another officer was atop the platform. He was the one who had fastened the ropes. The man asked the youngest male for any words or admittance, and he responded. Neither Klaus nor Freddy heard his final words, the young man speaking too quietly. 

Klaus’ eyes followed the officer as he moved over to Sub-Officer Dambach.

“Any last words?” The officer asked. “Admittance to your crimes?”

“No sir,” Dambach firmly replied.

“I have some,” Major Schmidt called out as he stepped forward, pistol in hand.

“What is he-“ Freddy whispered, only to be cut off by Klaus slightly raising his hand as if to tell the blond to stay quiet.

To the entire crowd’s shock, the Major grabbed the back of Dambach’s head and passionately kissed him. Both Freddy and Klaus nervously watched the scene before them unfold as chaos slowly erupted. It all happened so quickly, men yelling and shouting, the officer in charge rushing to the lever stationed on the opposite side of the scaffold. The Major pulled away, his hand lingering on the younger’s face for a moment before dropping it.

“Heil Hitler!” The man shouted as he placed the gun below his chin and pulled the trigger.

The loud striking sound of the Major’s pistol coincided with the sound of the two other men’s necks being snapped, the trap door being dropped. 

Freddy flinched and his hand shot over to Klaus’ arm. The older male mumbled an _“It’s okay”_ , prompting Freddy to immediately pull his hand away.

The sight of Sub-Officer Dambach and the other cadet’s twitching bodies brought back unwelcomed images from the camp in Freddy’s mind. The blond averted his gaze and deeply inhaled, and then exhaled. He looked over to Klaus, who seemed unfazed. 

_Maybe he too had seen this before…_

Despite Klaus’ relaxed façade, he wanted to cry, but he looked on as the two youngest of the men’s bodies slowly twitched and gasped. Freddy gazed right into the wood below the bodies.

The dismissal of the crowd happened only minutes after the execution, much to Freddy and Klaus’ relief. Freddy was glad it didn’t last as long as the ones in the camps.

-

Later that evening, Freddy had asked to stay a bit later, feeling a bit too shaken to want to go at that moment. Klaus was weary because of Altenbach’s nosiness having paid off, but when he saw the pain in Freddy’s eyes he complied.

“Klaus, Rolf was only a kid. He just turned eighteen last month,” Freddy sadly expressed. “He wanted to open a woodworking shop and explore the world.”

Klaus could only frown and listen as the blond talked, knowing Freddy needed to get it out.

“He died just like the poor people in those damn camps they’re not telling everyone about,” Freddy seethed. “He was just a kid.”

“There’s no way they’re hanging children,” Klaus replied.

Freddy sighed.

“Men, women, and children,” The blond quietly cried.

Klaus glanced over, a bit perplexed.

“You really don’t know what those camps are like, do you?” Freddy asked, clearly pained.

“I have a perfectly good idea about what’s happening to those poor people, but they aren’t killing children for sport,” Klaus insisted, trying to deny the fact that it was most definitely happening.

“You have too much pride in our country, sometimes. Open your eyes.”

Klaus looked over to the blond.

“You haven’t _actually_ been to one of them, have you?”

Freddy nodded, which caused Klaus to nervously exhale.

“Klaus, they’re horrible in those camps. I was stationed in one in Poland and they’re labeling and slaughtering people like animals. They kill them for sport and watch them beat one another for food,” Freddy began, tears streaming down his face. “Those poor people are pure skin and bones and they’re making some of them work for…”

_Us._

Freddy sharply inhaled as he hiccuped.

 _No. He wasn’t a part of_ **_them._ **

“ _-against_ their own people. I’ve had to escort people to their deaths and lie right to their faces,” Freddy rambled, almost vomiting up the words and guilt he had been holding for far too long.

Klaus sat in shock, reality finally caving in on him. 

“Klaus, I... After I left that camp I…” Freddy’s eyes watered, his eyes almost empty of emotion. “I didn’t… I couldn’t…”

Freddy took a deep breath.

“I gave up.” 

Klaus’ heart dropped.

“What?”

The corners of Freddy’s mouth twitched into a pained smile as his eyes sporadically met and looked away from Klaus’ gaze.

“On my birthday I just decided that I had enough,” Freddy whispered. “But, obviously, it didn’t go as planned.”

“Oh Freddy, I’m sorry,” Klaus’ tone was concerned and empathetic as he shifted his chair closer to Freddy.

“I thought about it again when I was moved off of the Austrian border…” Freddy said, calming down just a bit. “But the thought of you kept me alive.”

Klaus could feel his heart tighten as he watched Freddy wipe his face.

“God I’m sorry, I know you probably don’t want to hear about that after today,” Freddy nervously laughed.

“No, it’s oka-”

“Have you read this yet? I’m sure it’s interesting!” Freddy interrupted, trying to change the topic as he grabbed the gun catalog.

The blond sat back down in the chair he had pulled over to the side of Klaus’ desk as he began thumbing through it.

“It is… I appreciate that you thought to bring it over,” Klaus thanked as he flashed a comforting smile.

“Of course. I know how much you love your guns…” Freddy trailed off.

Klaus gazed at Freddy for just a moment longer before he pushed himself out from beneath the desk and stood. The brunette grabbed some old paperwork and a pencil and sat back down. He contemplated what to draw for a moment and he surveyed the officer around him. His eyes came back to Freddy each time he looked around.

_Freddy, it is, then._

The brunette began gently sketching out a rough outline of the blond’s partial profile. He glanced over every now and then to recollect an image to translate into the paper. The lead of Klaus’ pencil quietly scratched the paper, it being the only sound in the room other than the occasional noise of Freddy turning a page over. It was a comfortable silence, one greatly enjoyed by both men after such a chaotic and stressful day. It was just what they needed.

Klaus glanced over to Freddy again, just as he had been doing before. The blond was now lightly drumming his fingers on the desk. Klaus took a deep breath and looked back at his drawing. He slowly slid his hand down the desk to Freddy’s, gently interlacing his fingers with the blond’s. 

Freddy looked up from the magazine, eyes wide. His eyes went to and from their hands to Klaus, who was still focused on the paper in front of him, sketching away. The blond eventually untensed and smiled, allowing his fingers to fold back into Klaus’ as he went back to reading the manual. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I know it's been more than two weeks since the last update but I was in a bit of a rut up until a few days ago- and this chapter was wayyy longer than I planned it to be (10,000+ words). So I apologize for the wait I just hope it was worth it :) Did you notice that Freddy's letter is the name of this series? ("I really enjoyed 'Our Time Together.'") I ALSO put out a Cabaret AU for Finkel and K :)
> 
> Next chapter is some author's notes for this chapter :)


	9. Komm Gib Mir Deine Hand: Part 2

Side Notes for Chapter 8 (Komm gib mir deine Hand):

1\. Klaus' jumps mentally about Freddy are being rooted in trauma due to his unfortunate experience with Gottfried Scholz, a man he put a lot of trust in, just like he had with Freddy.

2\. I wouldn't call Freddy's family strictly religious. His father was loyal to their church for quite some time and Marta seemed to be the only child of the Finkels who was greatly influenced by it. Her marriage to Rudolph drove her deeper into it, but she's now beginning to question her loyalty to her husband, and ultimately the church.

3\. Major Schmidt and Sub-Officer Dambach's relationship is complicated. Schmidt is an older man, wanting to keep Dambach to himself, both out of fear of being found out and possessiveness. Dambach is younger and a bit more out-going and daring, wanting to feel danger's fingertips hovering over his shoulders... Which ultimately leads to his and Rolf's deaths... and Schmidt's. Now Rolf, a very, very minor character. There's empathy there from Freddy. A young, impressionable man who had dreams, was killed far too young. Being impressionable, he trusted Dambach enough to keep them safe, in which the older didn't by choosing a semi-public area to hide in.

  
\- Now why would I have Major Schmidt's last words be 'Heil Hitler' after sharing a 'brave' final kiss with Dambach? Well it can be interpreted in multiple ways. The two I have are the following. 1. Despite his sexuality and unlike Freddy and Klenzendorf, Schmidt *is* a loyal Nazi. Why wouldn't he want his last words to be a phrase of declaring his allegiance, despite his 'cowardly' (or brave) way out. (If this wasn't part of a movie franchise solely centered around Freddy and Klenzendorf, I would *love* to write Schmidt and many other characters much more in-depth). 2. This isn't my exact intention to write him this way, but there could be irony in his final moments. The loyal Nazi kills himself after kissing his gay lover.

\- This usage is NOT to romanticize being a Nazi or Anti-Semitism.

4\. Captain Altenbach, despite lacking a significant presence this chapter, is an obvious large threat to those who seem to be slightly 'off.' Like he said in Chapter 5, he suspected Schmidt and Dambach to be gay, and set to it that they be watched. Despite not snagging Schmidt, he ran out Dambach, and unfortunately one more, young Rolf. But in the end, he got what he wanted when Schmidt outed himself. Altenbach is an extremely bigoted man, blinded by his own fanaticism and fascism.

5\. Hans Lenz. (Another complex character I'd love to write more in-depth if this wasn't a Freddy and Klenzendorf-centric story.) Bisexuality wasn't widely accepted before the larger LGBTQ movement in the 60s (at least, in America) and Hans has struggles with thwt. He has a deep love for both Freddy and his late wife, Annalisa, still coming to terms with his sexuality, which is already outside the norm (heterosexuality) and the opposite of the norm (homosexuality). His sexuality lies in between, not having a determined label just yet (despite bisexuality being used so far... for plants).

Anyways, if you read all of that, gold star for you. I'd love to hear feedback and what you think. Have a lovely day/evening. :)


	10. So, If You're Blue...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst heavily mixed with fluff ahead :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for...
> 
> Sexual Content  
> Descriptions of Rape/Sexual Assault

** November 1942 **

Things between Freddy and Klaus were going well. They talked about things a bit more, setting boundaries and specific times that they could talk during the week. Of course, Freddy didn’t expect things to go back to normal immediately, and neither did Klaus, but Freddy could tell something was wrong. He could ever since he arrived at the bunker.

The blond never pushed about the brunette’s freak-out a few months prior. He didn't want to make Klaus uncomfortable, but Klaus seemed to be having more moments of irregularities ever since he decided to quit the pills and drinks. Freddy was worried.

Freddy was reading a poetry book he had grabbed from the small library in the bunker one night, while Klaus worked on a new training plan. After some time, Freddy looked up from the tattered book to the older male. Klaus was asleep, much to the blond’s surprise. Freddy chuckled and glanced at Klaus’ watch. It was just about half-past twenty-one hundred. It was odd for Klaus to fall asleep this early. Freddy decided to wake him up and get him to bed.

The blond noted what page he was on, marked it, put the book down, put his chair back, and went back to Klaus. Just as he was about to wake the brunette up, Klaus began stirring.

“Hey…” Freddy said, just above a whisper.

It soon came to Freddy that Klaus was not waking up, but seemingly having a bad dream. The brunette’s head was twitching and shaking. Freddy frowned and gently ran his fingers into Klaus’ hair, his hand resting atop of the brunette’s head. This contact awoke Klaus. The older male jolted awake and tightly grabbed Freddy’s arm, making the blond yelp and hiss out in pain.

“No!” Klaus exclaimed as he stood up in a fervor.

The panic in Klaus’ eyes softened and his grip eased off Freddy’s arm when he realized it was just the blond.

“I’m sorry,” The brunette whispered as he stepped back and immediately headed into his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

Freddy stood there, bewildered, as he rubbed his arm where Klaus had grabbed it. The spot was bright red and stung, Freddy wouldn’t be surprised if it bruised. The blond briefly looked to the bedroom as he partially organized the papers on Klaus’ desk.

_ Something was wrong. Very wrong. _

Freddy sighed and approached the door. He knocked on it a few times.

“Klaus? Are you okay?” Freddy carefully asked.

The brunette took a moment to respond.

“I’m fine,” Klaus responded, his voice breaking.

“Can you open the door, then? I’d love to talk,” Freddy said as he placed the side of his head on the door.

There was the sound of Klaus turning the handle and Freddy took his head off of the door. The door partially opened and Freddy pushed it open to reveal… No one. Freddy’s brow furrowed and he looked around the corner. The brunette was sitting in a chair next to the door.

“Hey,” The blond greeted as he entered, partially closing the door behind him.

“Hi.”

Freddy squatted in front of the brunette, his hands resting on the man’s thighs.

“What’s wrong, K?” Freddy inquired.

“I’m fine, I was just spooked- How’s your arm?

“How’s my- It’s fine- I’m just worried about you,” Freddy replied.

“Finkie, I’m okay,” Klaus insisted.

Freddy gazed up at the older man, his eyes full of concern.

“I’m okay,” Klaus repeated as he tenderly kissed the blond’s forehead.

Freddy frowned and craned his neck to raise his head upwards. Klaus forced a smile and the two shared a small kiss. The blond stood and caressed the side of the older male’s face for a moment before Klaus stood. 

Klaus kissed Freddy’s cheek and murmured that he would be right back. Freddy watched the brunette exit with a frown.

_ What was wrong? _

The blond sighed. 

_ Whatever happened, Klaus didn’t seem ready to discuss it. _

Freddy began preparing Klaus’ bed, turning down the thin blanket and sheet, and then grabbing the older male his pajamas, and laying them out at the foot of the bed.

“March tenth.”

Freddy turned to where he heard Klaus. The man was leaning in the doorway.

“What?” Freddy said, his tone of voice was clearly confused.

“March tenth, 1939... is when it happened,” Klaus said as he approached the bed.

_How could he ever forget that date? As much as he tried to, he couldn't._

“What do you me-”

Klaus put his hand up and sat down on the bed. He moved the pajamas aside and patted the spot next to him. Freddy took the spot next to the older man, intently looking at Klaus, ready to listen. The brunette deeply inhaled and then exhaled.

“Freddy… I… I was…” Klaus once again deeply inhaled, this time holding his breath for a few seconds before he exhaled.

Freddy grabbed one of the older male’s hand with both of his. Despite whatever had happened, Klaus’ fingers and palm were still as rough as ever.

“You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready,” Freddy reassured as his thumbs rubbed into the other’s hand.

“No… I can do this.”

Freddy nodded to show he was listening. Klaus inhaled and then exhaled, his breath unsteady.

“I was in Austria at the time, I don’t remember which city or town, but it was in Austria,” The brunette began. “I… I had gone out for a drink with some friends of mine.”

Klaus’ chin began to tremble, and Freddy gently squeezed his hand. 

“I had excused myself to go to the bathroom…” His breath hitched. “My...  _ friend _ …”

Klaus heavily swallowed.

“ _ Gottfried _ ... followed me in,” Klaus briefly looked at Freddy. “I used to share a flat with him.”

Freddy nervously nodded to show he understood. The blond didn’t like where this was going.

“And then it all happened so quickly. He was kissing and touching me and I just froze as he- he… I had to- He undid-”

Klaus’ hand subconsciously placed itself on his belt buckle as he took a deep breath.

Freddy’s heart was racing at a hundred miles an hour. He was trying to stay calm as he felt a mix of anger and guilt swirl through him.

“I was forced to pleasure him…  _ orally _ … And he- he did the same,” He nervously glanced off as he spoke more quietly. “To me…”

Klaus tightly squeezed Freddy’s hand. 

“He ripped my lip open,” The brunette was now crying as his finger gently pulled his bottom lip down.

Freddy carefully raised his hand to Klaus’ chin, turning his face so he could see better. There was a deep pink scar running along the top of his bottom lip.

_ How had he never noticed it before? _

The blond gently cupped the brunette’s face, wishing he could take his pain away. Klaus’ free-hand gently grabbed the hand that was gently holding his face and brought it down, his thumb gently rubbing into Freddy’s palm.

“He ended up bruising my neck from how hard he was holding it…” Klaus thickly swallowed and hiccuped as he anxiously tugged on his collar as Freddy tried to shake the image of Klaus being held in a choke-hold.

_ Bruises... _

Klaus turned his head as his gaze was drawn to his hand that was being held in Freddy’s. His eyes traveled up Freddy’s right arm, the one he had grabbed. The brunette softly gasped. There was a large dark red splotch on the inside of Freddy’s wrist, the lighter pattern slightly resembling fingers. 

_ He had bruised Freddy… Just like- _

“Oh, Freddy, I'm so sorry,” Klaus apologized as his fingers softly grazed the spot.

Freddy slightly flinched at the small touch. It made his skin tingle.

“It’s okay, you didn’t mean it,” Freddy replied as he cupped Klaus’ face with one hand as the other held onto the brunette’s hand.

“But, I still hurt you.”

“That’s not what matters right now. You’ve been hurt a lot more,” Freddy said as his thumbs wiped the tears from the older male’s cheekbones. “I’m so sorry that happened.”

Klaus turned his gaze upwards towards the blond’s face. The second his eyes met Freddy’s blue ones, ones full of concern and love, Klaus broke down.

“Oh, K,” Freddy cooed as he moved closer, protectively wrapping his arms around the male, trying to not make Klaus uncomfortable under his touch.

Klaus’ shoulders violently shook as he sobbed. The brunette tried to make it as quiet as possible, but it was a hard feat to accomplish when he was finally letting out every one of his pent up emotions. 

Klaus’ arms eventually found their way around Freddy’s back, each one of his fingertips coming in contact with the blond’s back, just to make sure he was really there. Ever since he had suddenly pulled himself off of the pills, already having to fall back on alcohol, just a bit; his trauma was more at the forefront of his mind than ever. His night terrors had gotten worse, almost reliving the horror and rape every night. 

But, it felt good to  _ finally _ verbalize __ what had gone on. Sure, it was painful, but there was a small weight lifted off of his shoulders. He felt relieved Freddy wasn’t mad at him for being weak, his guilt over not being strong enough began to dissolve. He was glad someone else knew his secret now, someone who was empathetic and understanding. He couldn’t have chosen any better than Freddy for a confidante. 

Freddy’s heart twisted at the sound of the brunette crying. He felt guilty that he wasn’t there to help him. Freddy was a very pacifistic man, but something was spurred in him when he thought about what was done to Klaus. Freddy hesitated to ask for a moment, but the fire inside him had to know.

“Do you know where that bastard is, now?” Freddy asked.

Klaus took a moment to respond.

“He’s dead,” The brunette choked out through broken sobs and sniffles.

_ Good. He belongs in Hell. _

Pleased with that answer, Freddy gently rested his chin atop of Klaus’ head, softly cooing as he let the brunette get it all out. The two men sat in the tight embrace, in their own protective bubble, forgetting what was going on outside of the ridiculously small bedroom, just for that night.

“You don’t deserve this pain,” Freddy whispered as he slightly pulled away from the embrace. “You never have and you never will deserve it.”

Freddy began to slowly pepper the brunette’s face in soft kisses in an attempt to comfort the older male. 

“I love you.”  _ Freddy kissed his temple. _

“I love you.”  _ Freddy kissed his forehead. _

“I love you.”  _ Freddy kissed his cheek. _

“I love you.”  _ Freddy kissed his nose. _

“I love you.”  _ Freddy kissed his jaw. _

“I love you.”

Klaus smiled as Freddy kissed the corner of his mouth and then his lips.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Finkie,” Klaus partially giggled through watery eyes as he pecked the blond’s lips. “You’re too good to me.”

“No, I haven’t been good enough,” Freddy said as he shook his head, his eyes watering. “But I’ve been trying to change that and I’ll only be better every day just for you.”

“No, you’re perfect,” Klaus replied, kissing one of the tears that were plunging down the blond’s face. 

Freddy sadly smiled as he choked back a sob with a sniffle.

“Now don’t cry because I’ll just cry more,” Klaus nervously chuckled, his voice breaking just a bit. "And you know that I don't like crying."

Freddy sighed and placed his forehead to the brunette’s as his hand rested on the base of Klaus’ neck.

“I’m sorry,” Freddy whispered. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

“There wasn’t anything that you could do,” Klaus replied, his hands now resting on Freddy’s thighs, his thumbs rubbing circles into them. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t with you even when I was gone,” Freddy continued.

“No, it’s okay,” Klaus cooed. “It’s okay.”

Freddy sighed and cupped the older man’s face, tenderly kissing the man’s forehead.

“Let’s get you in your pj’s, yeah?”

Klaus’ lips broke into a tired smile. 

“Okay.”

Freddy recollected the pieces of Klaus’ pajamas and handed them back over. Klaus quickly changed, taking pleasure in now being in slightly more comfortable clothing. As Freddy folded Klaus' trousers on top of the bureau, he caught a glimpse of the large pink scar that stretched across the shorter man’s back in the mirror on the wall. The blond’s lip trembled as he remembered the scar on the brunette's lip. He then took a deep breath and collected himself. Freddy wiped his face and went back to Klaus, who was now buttoning up his pajama shirt.

“K?”

“Hm?” The brunette hummed as he turned to face the blond.

The younger male could still see the pain in the older’s eyes and that hurt him. Freddy knew he couldn’t immediately take away that pain and it frustrated him.

“What is it?” Klaus quietly asked as he finished the top button.

Freddy slowly raised his hands up and put them out to Klaus.

“Show me where I can touch you,” He whispered. “I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

Klaus mouthed out an ‘oh’ and then gently took Freddy's wrists, making sure to be extra gentle on his right one. The brunette moved his hands to hold the back of the blond’s hands. He guided one of Freddy’s hands to the side of his bicep and lightly squeezed the blond’s hand. Freddy nodded to show he understood. The older male then began to guide the younger’s hands around his body, stopping long enough at each point so Freddy understood that was a good spot for contact.

Klaus moved Freddy’s hands to his chest, then to the base of his neck, to the base of his head, and then to the sides of his face. Freddy slightly stepped closer, his thumbs rubbing small circles into the brunette’s cheekbones. Klaus smiled and turned his head, nuzzling his nose into the blond’s hand.

“This is the best spot,” Klaus murmured, pressing a small kiss to Freddy’s palm.

“Okay,” Freddy whispered,

Klaus smiled and kept his face nuzzled into Freddy’s hand. Freddy continued to rub small circles into Klaus’ skin, lovingly looking at the brunette. Klaus looked to the blond, getting lost in his blue eyes. Freddy smiled and gently kissed the brunette. Klaus smiled and leaned into the kiss, their lips softly pressing together. The brunette carefully wrapped his arms around the younger’s waist and Freddy leaned into the kiss. 

For a moment, both men could’ve sworn the other was smiling.

“You’re gonna be okay,” Freddy whispered as he pulled away, his hands still resting on the brunette’s face. “You’ll be okay.”

“I don’t know how I went so long without you here,” Klaus quietly said. “You’re so calming.”

Freddy smiled and gently rubbed Klaus’ face with his thumbs.

“And you,” The blond began. “ _ You _ are such a strong man.”

Klaus sadly smiled and dropped his gaze.

“I wish I was as half as strong as you think I am,” Klaus dismally replied.

“You may not know it but you _ are _ strong, Klaus,” Freddy insisted as he moved Klaus’ face towards him, trying to meet the brunette’s gaze. “You go out every day to do your job, trying to hide your truth and ignore your pain. Trying to not relive the horror in which I can only assume is constantly in the back of your mind…”

Freddy took a deep breath.

“You’ve forgiven me for my mistakes, which you never had to do…” Freddy looked down as he slightly shook his head before looking back up. “Which I can never thank you enough for.”

Klaus nuzzled into Freddy’s palm as the blond spoke, his lips slightly pressing into it a bit.

“You have taken steps to help yourself regain control of your life and that is very brave of you, Liebling,” Freddy said as he stroked Klaus’ face with the side of his hand. “You are  _ very _ strong, K. Don’t ever let someone tell you otherwise.”

“Thank you for believing that, Freddy…” Klaus softly said as he kissed the blond’s forehead.

“I don’t plan on ever stopping,” The blond replied with a smile, one full of adoration.

Klaus softly smiled.

“I do have to ask, when have you been so good with your words?” Klaus asked as he rested his hands on the blond’s hips.

“When I’m speaking from the deepest parts of my heart I tend to speak more eloquently,” Freddy replied with a chuckle. “Besides, when it’s the truth it’s easier to express.”

Klaus' smile turned melancholic and then embraced Freddy in a tight hug, softly crying. Freddy was quick to hug the man back, one hand secured at the center of Klaus’ back, and the other arm wrapped around the back of his neck.

“Thank you,” Klaus whispered, his fingers grasping onto the younger’s jacket.

Freddy softly kissed the side of the older man’s head, his lips lingering for a few seconds before pressing his lips back to Klaus’ hair.

“I’m here for you. Things are gonna be okay,” Freddy murmured as he kissed Klaus’ head again. “You’ll be okay.”

Klaus deeply inhaled and unsteadily exhaled as his shoulders shook. Freddy could feel the tears his jacket collar quickly collected.

“I love you,” Klaus softly whispered as he tightened his grip on the younger’s jacket, almost too scared to let go.

“I love you too,” Freddy replied, his hand rubbing small circles on Klaus’ back.

The two men stood there in a tight embrace for a few minutes, which for them, felt like a few seconds. The two began to slowly sway in a circle, their feet slowly padding around the other’s. Freddy began softly and slowly singing.

“ _ If you're blue, and you don't know where to go to- Why don't you go where fashion sits? Puttin' on the Ritz. _ ”

“I didn’t know Fred Astaire was joining us this evening,” Klaus quietly quipped as he nuzzled his head into the crook of Freddy’s neck.

Freddy smiled, glad to hear Klaus’ mood to seemingly be happier.

“I always think of our first date when I hear that song,” Freddy said as his hand slowly moved up for his fingers to play with Klaus’ hair. “Did you know that’s not even his song?”

“Mm no,” Klaus hummed as he gently kissed the blond’s neck. “Don’t let that ruin the memory, though.”

Freddy chuckled.

“That could never ruin it.”

“Good.”

Freddy could feel Klaus’ smile on his neck.

“You know, I thought you were so dashing that night,” Freddy said as he maneuvered his head back to look at Klaus. “You were wearing the sexiest beige and navy outfit.”

Klaus smiled, taking comfort in Freddy’s calm eyes.

“And you were in the most handsome grey vest and matching pants,” Klaus added. “ _ And _ you arrived early.”

Freddy smiled.

“If I remember correctly, so did you.”

Klaus mirrored the younger’s smile and placed his forehead to Freddy’s.

“I did. I was so nervous that I’d scare you off,” Klaus admitted.

“I was a bit too smitten to be scared,” Freddy replied with a smile. “Good thing you weren’t crazy.”

Klaus smiled as he pulled his forehead away, just a small amount.

“Oh, but I am crazy… For you,” The brunette whispered, his eyes meeting Freddy’s.

Freddy giggled and nuzzled his nose to Klaus’ before they shared a small kiss.

“I love you,” Freddy whispered, his hands lightly holding the sides of Klaus’ biceps.

“I love you too,” Klaus replied as he wiped his face.

Freddy gave him a comforting smile and then kissed the brunette’s forehead.

“You’re going to be okay,” The blond whispered.

Klaus only smiled and kissed the blond’s nose.

“You should get to bed, K. It's been a long night.”

The brunette quietly grumbled and nuzzled his head beneath the younger’s jaw.

“Join me? Just for a little while?” Klaus asked.

Freddy pressed his lips together, feeling a bit guilty. He sighed. Cuddling sounded really nice at that moment.

“You know I can’t. We’ll both fall asleep.”

Klaus nodded and slowly rubbed the sides of Freddy’s arms. As he pulled his head away, he looked into Freddy’s eyes. Despite the slight change in mood, his eyes were still full of pain.

“Will you stay for a cigarette, then?” Klaus quietly asked.

Freddy couldn’t resist the look that came from Klaus’ coffee-colored eyes, a look that begged  _ ‘Please don’t go.’ _

“Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you all so much for the love on the last chapter! I love reading your comments, they mean a lot to me. <3
> 
> On the other hand... I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Writing trauma is far from my strong point when it comes to writing (to be fair, analysis pieces are more of my thing when writing, so technically this whole story isn't my 'strong point'- ha). I have been doing large amounts of research on r*pe/sexual assault victims and how they recover and how different survivors handle their trauma, so I hope I'm doing well portraying it.
> 
> I'd love to hear feedback! :) And as always, enjoy your day/evening/night.


	11. *Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for...
> 
> Use of Firearms  
> Explicit Sexual Content  
> Mention of Concentration Camps  
> Allusion to Rape/Sexual Assault  
> Allusion to PTSD
> 
> Translation(s):  
> Oberst: Colonel  
> Leutant: Lieutenant  
> Hauptmann: Captain  
> Unteroffizier: Sub-Officer
> 
> (Let’s ignore that I have zero clue on how military promotions or ranks work).

**January 1943**

Klaus and Freddy stood in the front of the outdoor firing range, out in the crisp January air, alongside multiple other soldiers. Klaus commented that a storm was most likely on its way, judging off of the gloom that lurked over them. Of course, there was already a storm brewing on the ground. Freddy watched on quietly as the older man barked at the others for not loading their guns correctly.

Eventually, the conflict was over and they moved onto shooting stuffed bags of hay and various other materials marked with chalk and paint. Of course, this only brought up more problems and irritated shouts.

“Finkel, a gun, please,” Klaus said, obviously disgruntled with the performance of the group.

Freddy stiffly nodded and fetched a gun from its rack, carefully unwrapping it, and handing it over. The brunette quickly grabbed the gun, loaded it, removed the safety, and made a handful of shots, perfectly executing each one. 

“Now, that’s how you shoot a goddamn gun.”

The group of soldiers were dead silent, staring agape at the Lieutenant. Klaus took notice and looked around.

“Now get in line before I do what I just did to all of you,” Not even a second passed before he yelled again. “In-line!”

“Put this back for me,” Klaus handed the gun over to the blond, not making any eye contact, before adding more quietly, “Please.”

Freddy nodded and took the gun, watching as the older man returned to the group of other men. Klaus’s posture and movements were stiff and rigid. The only time he seemed relaxed that day was when he was shooting targets. Sure, Klaus was tougher during training, but the irregular amount of shouting and discipline being handed out was worrisome to Freddy.

The two men didn’t exchange many words for the rest of the day. Freddy broke off for inspection, leaving Klaus to his own devices. Per usual, Freddy headed to Klaus’ office after inspection for dinner, but the older male wasn’t there. The blond furrowed his brows and checked his watch. It _was_ mealtime, wasn’t it? He checked again, bringing the watch closer to his face this time. It was mealtime. The blond bit his lip and looked up at the door, dropping his wrist back down.

_Maybe he was still tied up in the nightly inspection._

Freddy decided to wait, just in case. He stood there alone in the white noise of the snowstorm, silently side-eyeing anyone who passed by behind him. He slightly shifted his feet a few times, occasionally stomping one to try to warm them up. He didn’t rub his hands or face, never breaking his stiff military posture, that was until he decided to check his watch. Fifteen minutes had passed. Freddy sighed and looked at the door in contemplation before turning his back in it and heading down the hallway, and to the mess hall.

Freddy picked up some food and carried the two plates and utensils out on a tray. On the way back, he thought to check the firing range, just in case. There was no way Klaus would be at the outside one, not in this weather, so Freddy quickly pushed on as he balanced the two plates on the tray he was holding. The blond eventually reached the door to the range and pressed his ear to the thick, metal door. He could hear the muffled pops of a gun firing. Freddy looked in through the glazed-over window, which didn’t reveal the identity of the shooter all that much. With his elbow, he tried to push the circular doorknob, trying to keep the two players and sets of utensils balanced on the tray. Despite his best attempts to open it, the handle didn’t budge.

“Damnit, Klaus. You couldn’t have chosen a room with a more accessible handle?” Freddy mumbled.

The blond awkwardly shifted the tray to one arm, pressing it up against his torso as his other hand turned the knob and opened the door, placing the underside of his foot on it as he shuffled in, shifting the tray back to both of his hands. Allowing the door to close behind him, Freddy walked in and onto the observation deck. He placed the tray down on a table and walked over to the rail. Looking down, it was Klaus for sure.

Freddy quietly looked on, admiring the older’s form as he matched every bullet shot to the middle of a target. He continued to silent watch on, even when the brunette seized his fire and began cleaning up. Just as Klaus was wrapping up, Freddy decided to make his presence known.

“Leutant!” Freddy called down with a smile.

Klaus looked up, a bit startled, but immediately relaxed when he saw that it was only the blond.

“Hey, Freddy,” The brunette greeted as he finished wiping down his gun.

Freddy smiled and followed the rail down to the stairs, going down to the bottom three steps.

“I was wondering where you were,” The blond said as he leaned onto the rail again, crossing his legs.

“I’m sorry I was gone without notice,” Klaus said as he wiped in between his fingers with his handkerchief. “I was…

The brunette gestured back at the targets.

“Busy getting some frustration out.”

Freddy looked over to the targets and then back to Klaus. He still hadn’t figured out what was wrong.

“I understand.”

Klaus placed the gun back on the gun-rack and tucked his hanky back into his coat pocket as he made his way towards the stairs. 

“I grabbed what I _think_ still qualifies as edible food,” Freddy said with a laugh.

“Really?” Klaus asked with a quirked brow as he placed his hands up onto the railing. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Freddy’s eyes flickered down to Klaus’ lips before going back to his brown eyes. He smiled.

“I’ll show you.”

The two men headed up the stairs and Freddy scooped up the tray from the table.

“I brought,” Freddy picked up a slice of bread, forcing an enthusiastic smile. “Bread!”

Klaus chortled, a small smile forming on his face before it returned to its neutral stage.

“And I think this is either mashed potato or old apple,” Freddy said as he held the plate up to his nose, his nose wrinkling with displeasure. “Smells a bit like spoiled milk.” 

The corners of the other’s mouth turned up a bit as he stepped forward, gently taking the tray. Klaus wanted to place a kiss on the younger’s cheek but didn’t dare to. Not when anyone could walk in, especially Altenbach. So he just flashed a small smile as their fingers gently brushed.

“Thank you, Freddy,” Klaus quietly said.

“Of course,” The blond replied, before adding, “I know it’s not the best but I did get there late. Leftovers!”

Freddy was trying to be enthusiastic to cheer up Klaus, but he felt like it wasn’t helping all that much.

“Let’s go and eat,” Klaus said, already heading towards the door.

The blond looked on, feeling a bit defeated, but not completely undetermined. Freddy lightly jogged after Klaus, trying to balance the plate of food in his hand. The two walked in silence for some time, Freddy listening to the pattern of their footsteps, and Klaus listening to the harsh winds outside.

“You're as impressive as ever out there,” Freddy commented, breaking the silence. “You didn’t miss a target, as usual.”

Klaus slightly nodded.

“I missed a few at the beginning,” Klaus reached into his pocket, retrieving his office key. “But thank you.” 

The two men turned the corner to the hallway of the office in silence. Klaus came to a halt almost three steps into the new hallway, the younger walking ahead a bit before pausing and partially turning in his heel. Freddy went to say something but followed his gaze down the hall. Captain Altenbach was leaning against Klaus’ office door. 

Klaus quickly regained his composure and cleared his throat as he approached his superior, Freddy trailing closely behind.

“Good evening, Hauptmann,” The brunette greeted, slightly shifting his office key in hand.

The Captain looked over and stood from the door, his stance being as foreboding as ever.

“Heil Hitler, Klenzendorf,” Altenbach replied as he looked over Klaus’ shoulder. “Heil Hitler, Finkel.”

Both men hailed at the same time.

“Why don’t we have a small chat inside?” The Captain suggested.

Klaus silently nodded and unlocked the door, gesturing for Altenbach to enter as Freddy nervously watched on. Altenbach never just swung by to chat.

“Friedrich, grab Hauptmann Altenbach a glass of water, would you?” Klaus said as he closed the door, gesturing to the pitcher.

“Yes sir.”

Freddy promptly traveled across the office in a few strides, his posture stiffer than it usually was in that room. The small office was their safe place and Altenbach’s presence wasn’t exactly welcomed by either man.

“How may I help you, Hauptmann?” Klaus asked as he took a seat at his desk.

Altenbach pulled out the chair on the opposite side of the desk and took a seat.

“I think you can start by explaining why you didn’t attend inspection this evening,” Altenbach replied as he dragged his pointer finger alongside the edge of the desk, picking up the smallest bit of dust, and flicking it away with a disgusted scrunch of his nose.

Freddy looked over in confusion.

_Klaus didn’t attend the inspection?_

His attention was pulled away from the glass and water pitcher long enough for it to overflow onto his hand and the small wooden table. The blond quietly cursed and immediately put down the pitcher, rushing into the bathroom to grab a washcloth.

Meanwhile, Klaus’ face twisted into a contemplative look.

“Did I have an inspection run today? On a Wednesday?” The brunette asked.

“You always do, Klenzendorf. And-” Altenbach paused. “It’s Tuesday.”

Klaus’ eyebrows raised and his eyes widened in mock.

“Really? I could’ve sworn it was Wednesday, Hauptmann.”

Altenbach’s jaw clenched.

 _“Despite_ the day you believe it to be, I have to inquire where you were during this time.”

“I was in the firing range cleaning guns,” Klaus half-lied. 

“Really?” Altenbach asked as he shifted in his seat, watching as the younger man nodded in response.

“Yes sir. I tend to do that out of habit. I’m sure no one minds, though.”

“Hm.” Altenbach hummed in contemplation, gazing around the room for a moment.

He noticed that Freddy had exited. 

“I saw that your unteroffizier was late to mess hall, but you didn’t attend,” The Captain gestured to the plate of food in between them. “You both obviously returned together.”

“Unteroffizier Finkel was retrieving my meal. He was late because he was waiting for me at my office. Usually, he and I would go down together. He would retrieve both of our meals while I would chat with my fellow leutants.” Klaus responded.

Altenbach skeptically nodded and side-eyed the blond who was now mopping up the water he spilled. The older man turned his attention back to the man on the other side of the desk.

“You do know a penalty will be issued, correct?” The Captain asked.

“I do,” Klaus answered before adding, “Though I’m sure it won’t be a harsh one. It was a simple miscommunication error on my end.”

Freddy walked over and placed the glass of water down onto a coaster in front of Altenbach. The older man didn’t bother to spare a glance over to the blond and pushed out from the desk.

“I will see you both tomorrow,” The Captain promptly turned on his heel and made his way towards the door, just stopping and turning back around as his hand came in contact with the handle. “And tomorrow is Wednesday, just so we steer clear of _simple_ miscommunications on your end.”

“Thank you, Hauptmann,” Klaus said with a nod to show he understood.

The second the door closed Klaus sighed, ran his hand over his face, and stood.

“That was… Interesting,” Freddy mumbled as he picked up the glass that was meant for Altenbach and sipped from it.

All Klaus did was nod as he walked over to the door and listened to the noise outside, which was what he identified to be Altenbach’s fading footsteps. After a couple of years of working with the older male, Klaus knew his walking pattern quite well. When he deemed it appropriate, the brunette locked the door and stood there for a moment, watching as Freddy gently sipped from the glass before putting it back down. With a few large strides, the brunette was suddenly in front of the younger male.

Klaus took Freddy’s face in his hands and deeply kissed him. The blond almost melted beneath the other’s touch, his knees buckling the smallest amount. His hands immediately grabbed the sides of the brunette’s arms. Klaus hadn’t kissed him like this for a long time. When the older man pulled away, Freddy’s lips parted from Klaus’ lips with a small, almost displeased, noise. Before the blond could say or do anything, the brunette spoke.

“How are you?” Klaus asked, his hands still resting on the sides of Freddy’s face.

“God, I’m- I’m, I’m _great._ How are you?” Freddy replied with a hazy smile, almost completely out of breath.

“Let’s… Let’s eat,” Klaus said as he walked back to his desk, completely ignoring the other’s question.

Freddy’s face contorted into what could only be described as complete confusion.

_What was up with Klaus today?_

-

The two men sat there in silence, both eating whatever was on the plate, despite its texture and overall flavor. There wasn’t much to choose from if they didn’t eat what was provided anyways.

“So,” Freddy awkwardly began as he picked up their plates. “You didn’t go to inspection today?”

Klaus shook his head.

“Nope,” He replied as he gathered the utensils.

“Did you _really_ think it was Wednesday?” Freddy asked, feeling that he already knew the answer.

“Not one bit,” The older male answered as he pressed a quick and almost distant kiss to the younger’s cheek, scooping up the plates from Freddy’s hands.

The blond stepped to the side and was now standing in front of the older male.

“You _know_ that could get you in trouble,” Freddy said, clearly concerned. “You better hope you _do_ get an easy penalty.”

Klaus sighed and looked down at the plates and utensils in his hands.

“I know, Freddy. I know.”

The younger man gently took the plates back and then the utensils too.

“What’s wrong, K?” Freddy softly asked.

“I’ve just been thinking, Finkie,” Klaus gently pushed a strand of Freddy’s hair back and out of his face. “A lot of thinking.”

Freddy slowly nodded and pressed a soft kiss to the older’s nose. 

“I’ll be right back,” The blond whispered.

Klaus nodded. Freddy scooped up the tray he had carried the plates on, placed everything down onto it, and headed out. After the blond left, Klaus took a deep breath and slowly turned around to his desk, placing his hands down onto the wooden platform. He ran a hand back through his hair in thought. Everything in his mind had been too much for him lately. He took another deep breath.

_What was he even doing there?_

Klaus was still there when Freddy returned. There was a moment of quiet as Freddy entered. The blond looked at the man questioningly as he approached.

“Do you ever think about what happened to Alex?” Klaus suddenly asked, turning his head towards the blond.

Freddy looked at the older male, taking a moment to think.

“I haven’t in a while… No,” He softly answered, feeling a bit guilty.

“Do you-” Klaus cut himself off when he took a deep breath. “Do you think he got put in one of those camps?”

“I… I don’t know, K,” Freddy stammered.

There was a moment of silence as Klaus didn’t add on, leaving Freddy to awkwardly look down at his feet.

“I’ve been thinking about everyone lately,” Klaus began. “Even that sweet lesbian couple we met at the Flower Bar that were planning a backpacking trip in the Alps. But I can’t remember their names for the life of me, do you remember them?”

Freddy nodded.

“Freida and Dora?”

Klaus snapped his fingers into a point.

“That was it. Freida and Dora,” The brunette said before adding, significantly more quietly, “Freida and Dora… I hope they got to enjoy their trip.”

“I'm sure they did. It sounded like a lovely trip,” Freddy replied, trying to stay optimistic for the older man.

There was a moment of silence before the brunette wiped his face with his hand.

“I’ve reported so many damn people, Freddy. I’ve probably been the cause of dozens of transfers to those camps,” Klaus admitted as guilt ate at him. “Letting every other person go can only do so much.”

_What give him, or anyone else for that matter, the right to play God?_

The younger solemnly nodded and gently placed his hand on Klaus’ shoulder, his thumb rubbing softly into the fabric of the older’s shirt.

“You can’t be a saint, K. I’m sure you did your best to help.”

“I can’t imagine how many lives I’ve destroyed,” Klaus choked out. “I should’ve done more.”

Freddy quietly listened as his hand on the desk began to absentmindedly pick at the paperwork by it.

“What was I supposed to do?” He mumbled as he ran a hand over his face. 

As Freddy kissed Klaus’ head, the room was suffocatingly silent. The only prominent sound was the low hum of pipes in the walls. 

Klaus stayed in place, hunched over and leaning on the desk, his eyes closed as he took deep breaths, reflecting on the past four, Hell, almost five, years of his service. 

_Service._

Klaus scoffed at that. He wasn’t serving the people in any beneficial way. The Wehrmacht was a sham. The only thing he really got out of this was military benefits and some protections.

The brunette frustratedly kicked his boot into the leg of the desk with a small grunt. He sighed and looked at the papers below his hand and considered crumpling them. Instead, he got up and poured himself a glass of whiskey and downed it. Freddy didn’t say or do anything, letting him have it.

* * *

**July 1943**

Freddy jumped when he heard the office door open and then be quickly slammed shut. He placed down the pair of pants he was folding and peeked out of the bedroom. Klaus was taking long strides toward his desk with a huff.

“Is everything okay?” He asked.

“I can’t do this, Freddy,” Klaus said as he ran his hands over his face, slamming a small stack of reference papers down onto his desk.

“The paperwork?” Freddy asked with a cocked brow as he stepped out of the room, crossing his arms.

“No, no, I-” The brunette placed his hands on his hips and took a deep breath. “One of the medical officers was just removed for misconduct.”

Freddy’s brow furrowed.

“I’m afraid I don’t quite understand, K.”

Klaus looked over and pressed his lips together in thought.

“He- Um,” The brunette trailed off, trying to think about how he should word it. “He provided…”

The older male took a deep breath.

“He was the one who gave me the pills and co… caine…”

Freddy mouthed out an _‘oh’_ and shifted his arms a bit closer to his chest.

_So that’s where he was getting it from._

“Listen, you know I’ve been good about not obtaining any more of that stuff,” Klaus began. 

_“But,_ I also know you’ve slipped up a few times,” Freddy said before quickly adding. “Which is okay.”

“You see, that’s what I’m getting at. What if he says something?” Klaus then began to explain. “If he says _anything_ about me you know Altenbach will be on my ass about it. I could be demoted or even worse shipped out to the front and-”

Klaus took another deep breath and leaned back against the desk, dropping his head.

“I could lose you again. Maybe even forever this time.”

A jolt of anxiety went through Freddy’s spine. He had a point. The blond didn’t have any time to reflect before he heard Klaus quietly sniffle.

“Hey, hey,” Freddy quietly cooed.

The blond moved his face down as he gently moved Klaus’ face towards him, trying to meet the brunette’s gaze. 

“It’s going to be okay. We’re going to be okay. _You’re_ going to be okay,” Freddy whispered. “It’s not going to happen. And if it does, I’ll defend you to the end. Besides, I wouldn’t let anyone pull us apart, again.”

“God, I’d fucking lose it if you weren’t here,” Klaus somewhat quietly said, not really knowing himself whether or not it was a joke.

“I don’t want you getting too paranoid,” Freddy said with a comforting smile. “Plus, your birthday is tomorrow and I don’t want you worrying about this.”

Klaus chuckled and rolled his eyes.

“Don’t remind me.”

Freddy briefly smirked before he went back into comfort mode. The blond placed his hands back on the sides of Klaus' face, but just a bit higher this time. He placed a kiss in the center of the older’s forehead, his thumbs gently rubbing back and forth into Klaus’ temple. The brunette slowly stood, making Freddy’s lips gently run down his face. Klaus’ hands held just beneath the younger’s jaw as they shared a tender kiss.

“I love you,” Klaus whispered.

“I love you too.”

* * *

**September 1943**

Klaus didn’t believe what had just happened. Not one bit. 

He had been called down to the Oberst office, for what exactly, he wasn’t too sure of. He hadn’t missed a single activity or inspection since January and he was always early for everything. The penalty for his misdemeanor in January was in no way extreme or harsh, so the meeting couldn't have been over that. The only possibilities that ran through his mind were the possibility that his drug escapades were found out, or even worse, someone knew about him and Freddy. Taking a deep breath, he watched as the cadet who walked him down knock on the door and then let him in. What was revealed before him was Oberst Haas, a fair, yet strict and somewhat foreboding colonel from Austria, and Altenbach, standing menacingly in the corner. Klaus flashed a tight-lipped smile as he saluted and hailed, stepping in as the cadet who accompanied him closed the door and stood in front of it.

“Good evening, Klenzendorf,” Haas greeted before raising his hand. “Heil Hitler.”

“Heil Hitler, Oberst,” Klaus replied.

“Heil Hitler, Klenzendorf,” Altenbach saluted.

“Heil Hitler, Hauptmann,” Klenzendorf echoed before slightly turning around to the younger male at the door. “Heil Hitler.”

The last one was practically in mock, maybe to put off whatever news he was about to receive.

When he turned back around, Haas was gesturing across from him. 

“Take a seat.”

Once Klaus was seated, Haas cleared his throat.

“Klenzendorf, your time here with us and serving under the Führer has not gone unrecognized. Your two,” He turned to Altenbach with a questioning look.

The Captain leaned down to his superior’s ear.

“Three years, Oberst.”

“Ah,” Haas nodded and turned back to Klaus. “Three years?”

The Leutant nodded.

“Yes sir. Forty to forty-one, forty-one to forty-two, and as of September of this year I’ve hit year three,” Klaus replied before thickly swallowing.

“In your _three_ years of service here, your efforts have not gone unnoticed,” The Oberst repeated before clearing his throat a second time. “Since October of-“

“September, sir,” Altenbach interrupted.

Haas glanced over to the man to his right and once again cleared his throat as he looked back to Klaus.

“Since _September_ of last year, I have had a handful of other men observe you and your practices.”

Klaus gently squeezed his own hand out of nervousness.

_That was when he overdosed._

“Hauptmann Altenbach was one of those men,” Haas continued. “As you know, your Hauptmann has a very keen eye for the specifics.”

Klaus only nodded as his eyes flickered over just long enough to see the smug expression on Altenbach’s face.

“There have been a few concerns that have come to my attention, so, I talked to Major Schmidt before his… _Unfortunate_ mishap, but I wasn’t completely convinced.”

Klaus pressed down on his right leg to keep it from bouncing. He didn’t exactly like where the conversation was going. 

“Now, regarding your unteroffizier, Friedrich Finkel-”

Klaus tensed up but tried to remain stoic.

“I spoke with him about the same things and what he thinks of you,” Haas continued. “There was almost only praise from his end.”

_Freddy never mentioned speaking with their oberst... But their discussion seemed positive._

Klaus had been so wrapped up in his own nerves that he had missed a large chunk of what the oberst was saying.

“...and considering how Hauptmann Altenbach will be leaving us on the fourth of next month, leaving us one Hauptmann down, I do believe it’s the most appropriate time to promote you,” Oberst Haas finished.

Klaus blinked, mouth slightly agape in shock. The brunette was so surprised that he completely missed Altenbach’s own look of surprise. The Captain clearly didn’t understand the true meaning of this meeting either.

“I- Wow. To Hauptmann?” Klaus forced out, clearly at a loss for words.

Oberst Haas nodded.

“To Hauptmann.”

Klaus deeply exhaled with a large smile, trying to keep his composure.

“Thank you, Oberst- May I shake your hand?” 

The older man chuckled, nodded, and stood up. Klaus stood too and both men shared a firm handshake. It wasn’t the most impressive reason for a promotion that Klaus had hoped for, but his heart felt like it was beating at a hundred miles an hour. This was some serious validation, something that would have made his father extremely proud of him. Maybe an achievement so large that would wipe away any smudge’s in his father’s record of him.

“You’ll be officiated tomorrow and we’ll get you your new uniform as soon as possible,” Haas said as he tightly squeezed Klaus’ hand. 

All Klaus could do was smile.

If only he could feel Altenbach’s harsh gaze on him.

-

Back in Klaus’ office, Freddy was gazing in the mirror as he posed. The blond was donning the brunette’s hat and jacket, allowing the smell of his lover to waft into his nose. Freddy contently sighed as he tightly wrapped the jacket around himself, flopping back onto the bed behind him. The jacket wasn’t great for the colder weather, especially not the deeper parts of winter, but it provided the perfect amount of warmth in late autumn. Freddy nuzzled into it with a pleased sigh. There was something about it that was so comforting to him. He felt safe in it.

The blond was nodding off when Klaus re-entered the office. 

“Freddy, you’re never going to-” Klaus paused when he noticed that the blond wasn’t in the office.

His brow furrowed as he walked over to his bedroom, checking the empty bathroom on his way over. The brunette gently pushed the bedroom door open, the hinges quietly squeaking.

“Finkie?” 

The sight before him made Klaus’ heart warm. The way that Freddy was wrapped up in his jacket made him feel proud in a completely different way. This one was more personal, more intimate. 

Klaus couldn’t remember the last time he had seen the younger asleep. The blond’s pink lips were partially gapped as he slowly breathed. The hat he wore fell gently upon his brow bone and his blond hair peaked out in small wisps. He had almost forgotten how angelic Freddy looked in his sleep.

The brunette quietly walked over and gently rubbed the younger’s arm.

“Hey… Freddy… Liebling,” He quietly cooed.

Freddy’s eyes fluttered open as he yawned. 

“Hey…”

A small wave of embarrassment suddenly came over him, making him immediately sit up.

 _“Hey,_ did everything go okay?” The blond asked as he ran a hand back over the top of his head, knocking the hat off his head.

“Yes sir,” Klaus said with a chuckle and mock two-finger salute. _“Really_ well.”

Freddy’s face flushed as he snuggled into the jacket more.

“I was cold,” The blond playfully replied.

Klaus smiled and kissed the younger’s cheek.

“So what happened? It was so sudden,” Freddy inquired.

“Well, other than being reminded that Altenbach is leaving next month, which is _always_ a lovely reminder,” This made Freddy chuckle. “But, as of tomorrow, I will be a Hauptmann.”

“Really?” Freddy asked, a smile forming on his face.

Klaus nodded with a grin.

“Oh my God,” Freddy excitedly shot up off the bed, placed his hands on the sides of the older’s face, and kissed him. “Congrats, K!”

“Thank you,” The brunette replied. “If only my father was still alive so I could write to him about it.”

_He hadn’t written to anyone in his family in years._

“But, that’s not the point,” Klaus cleared his throat. “This could really work in our favor, Freddy. This could be _really_ good for us.”

Freddy nodded in agreeance with a smile.

“ _But_ I don’t know how I’ll take being called Hauptmann after three years being constantly called Leutant,” Klaus added with a chuckle. 

“Hauptmann Klenzendorf,” Freddy rolled his head a bit as he sighed. “It suits you.”

Klaus softly smiled and stepped a bit closer. 

“Thank you. I think I’ll get used to it if everyone who says it sounds just like you,” He replied as he leaned in to kiss the younger man.

Freddy smiled and met him halfway, giving Klaus a proud kiss. Klaus could feel his heart swell as he kissed Freddy. 

_Tonight was such a good night._

The blond pulled away with a small smirk.

“You’re _my_ Hauptmann,” Freddy cooed.

Klaus softly chuckled.

“Am I, now?”

Freddy made a playful biting motion forwards at the older’s face.

“Mine.”

Klaus chortled as he gently cupped the side of the younger’s face with his right hand.

“That I am, Finkie,” The brunette lovingly sighed, before quietly repeating, “That I am.”

The blond pecked Klaus’ lips with a smile. Freddy’s hands slowly trailed down Klaus’ arms, resting at the older’s wrists as he leaned in.

“Hauptmann Klenzendorf,” He mumbled on Klaus’ lips before gently kissing the brunette again.

“Don’t wear it out just yet,” Klaus quietly said against Freddy’s lips, gently rubbing the younger’s hips.

The blond smiled and softly kissed the corner of Klaus’ mouth, his lips barely grazing the side of the brunette’s face as Freddy kissed him again.

 _“Hauptmann,”_ Freddy purred in Klaus’ ear.

The older man chuckled and stilled his hands on the younger’s hips. Freddy placed a kiss just under Klaus’ ear and then pulled away, once again face-to-face with the brunette. Klaus smiled and pulled Freddy in, deeply kissing him. The blond smiled and leaned into it, his hands tightly holding the sides of the other’s arms. Klaus’ hands moved to the sides of the blond’s face as Freddy’s hands squeezed tighter.

The two men stumbled around the room a bit as Klaus unbuttoned his shirt a bit and Freddy shed the jacket, tossing it onto the bed behind him. Klaus took a few steps back, flopping back into the chair by the door, his hand slamming the door shut as he did so. Freddy broke the kiss and leaned onto the arms of the chair.

“Are we really doing this?” Freddy quietly asked. 

“Yes,” Klaus responded with a nod, his mind spinning from trying to suppress all of the thoughts and feelings coming back.

“Are you sure? Last time we tried, you had an episode and-”

Klaus placed his hands on the sides of Freddy’s face.

“I really want to,” The brunette insisted.

Freddy gazed into Klaus’ brown eyes, taking the emotion held in them all in. He cupped the side of Klaus’ face and gently kissed his nose.

“Only if you tell me when you need to stop."

“I promise I will,” Klaus replied before softly placing a kiss to Freddy’s lips.

“Okay,” The blond reciprocated the kiss with his own.

The two shared a few more soft pecks before Freddy began to slowly undo Klaus’ belt buckle. The blond looked up to check if Klaus was still okay. The brunette looked nervous and his eyes were wide, his gaze was intense and maybe fearful. Freddy gently lifted Klaus’ chin with one hand, giving him a caring gaze.

“Do you _really_ want to do this?” The blond whispered.

“I do, Freddy,” Klaus assured him. “I really do.”

Freddy leaned in and tenderly kissed the older male, which the other reciprocated. Just after pulling away, Freddy placed his forehead to Klaus’.

“I’ll make sure you can enjoy this as much as possible,” He promised just before he kissed right in between the older’s eyebrows.

Klaus smiled and Freddy moved down onto his knees, briefly looking up at the brunette with a comforting smile before returning to his pants. Klaus watched with anticipation, almost nervously. 

“Finkie,” Klaus whispered. 

Freddy immediately stopped and looked up.

“Do you need me to stop?” The blond quickly asked, immediately removing his hands from the older male.

“No, no,” The brunette began, slightly shaking his head. “It’s just…”

Freddy stared into Klaus’ eyes in an attempt to comfort him.

“I don’t have to do anything, changing your mind is okay,” The blond assured him.

“No it’s not that, I want you to do this, I promise,” The brunette took a deep breath. “It’s just been a while since anyone’s- and you know what happened last time...”

Freddy nodded and stood, his hand gently cupping Klaus’ face.

“I’m not going to do anything unless you’re one hundred percent okay with it, K,” The blond said before he kissed the man’s temple.

The brunette took a deep breath, inhaling, and exhaling. Klaus rested his hands on the sides of Freddy’s arms as he lightly kissed him on the lips.

“I want you to do it,” The brunette whispered as his lips hovered over Freddy’s.

“I really don’t want you to get upset again,” The blond whispered back, his lips brushing the older’s lips.

Klaus deeply kissed Freddy, pulling him closer by the biceps. Freddy smiled and placed his hands on the arms of the desk chair, leaning into it. 

“Is that you saying you’re okay again?” Freddy asked with a small laugh, just a bit out of breath.

Klaus pecked his lips an additional time, their noses brushing.

“Go for it,” Klaus insisted.

Freddy nodded and settled back down onto his knees, looking back up at the brunette, just to check if he was still sure. Klaus nodded in reassurance, prompting Freddy to pull down the older male’s boxers.

“Tell me if I need to stop,” The blond reminded as he gently wrapped his hand around the older’s shaft.

The older man sharply inhaled at the contact and then looked up, his head rolling back. Klaus took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he tried to suppress the nervousness that was building inside of him. As carefully as he could, the blond began stroking the older man. Just as he did, Klaus tensed, his hands tightly grasping the arms of the chair. Freddy looked up, which Klaus seemed to sense.

“I’m okay,” The brunette whispered.

Freddy nodded and hummed in response and continued to softly stroke the brunette male, his eyes occasionally flicking up to make sure he was okay. Klaus eventually untensed a bit more and rolled his hips, Freddy immediately taking the hint. The blond shifted on his knees, getting closer. He lowered his head and began to slowly suck on Klaus’ cock, his hands grasping onto the man’s partially clothed thighs. Klaus leaned back as far as he could in his chair with a low moan. Freddy smirked and moved up to the tip. He began sucking and licking at it, his tongue massaging it.

Klaus’s back arched in pleasure, his head lulling further back.

One of Freddy’s hands moved from Klaus’ thigh to the base of his throbbing dick, giving the bottom half more attention. Klaus bucked his hips at the stimulation. It was becoming easier to gain focus on the moment, the feeling of pain in his stomach twisting into a lovely warm sensation.

“Finkie…” Klaus moaned.

Klaus watched as Freddy lifted his head with a pop from his lips, releasing his grip on the man’s erection. The brunette slightly groaned from the lack of contact.

“Are you okay?” The blond asked, concern clear in his voice.

Klaus laughed a bit.

“ _Yes,_ Freddy. I was just… Enjoying you.”

“ _Oh!”_ Freddy quietly exclaimed, his face flushing in embarrassment. “I- Oh my God.”

_Maybe he was a bit too focused on making sure Klaus was one hundred percent okay._

Klaus and Freddy shared a small laugh together, the moment taking some tension off of both of their shoulders.

“I- Well,” Freddy laughed and ran a hand back through his hair as he cleared his throat. “Do you still like that thumb thing?” 

Klaus let out a breathy laugh.

“I don’t know, it’s been a while,” He replied.

Freddy grinned and slightly bounced on his knees, slightly shifting his position.

“We’ll have to find out, then,” Freddy looked to Klaus. “Only if you’re okay with it.”

“Yes, thank you,” Klaus replied, briefly stroking the blond’s face before sitting back.

Freddy smiled and his hands took a familiar position back on Klaus. One wrapped around with his thumb resting a few centimeters below the head of the man’s dick, while the other was placed atop of the man’s thigh.

Klaus gasped as the blond began stroking him, his thumb pressing up against the underside of the brunette’s dick. Freddy gently smiled at the sound as he continued the movement upwards, tracing a vein tantalizingly slow.

“Freddy- Ah...Ngh,” Klaus moaned out when Freddy pushed his thumb onto the older male’s slit, causing precum to leak out.

“Should I take that as a yes?” Freddy asked, his fingers repeating the motion.

“Y _es_ ,” Klaus moaned as his hands tightly grasped at the arms of the chair.

Klaus could feel heat pooling at the bottom of his stomach as a knot formed. He hadn't realized how much he missed this feeling until then. With Freddy doing it, someone he genuinely loved, he knew he would be okay.

“Freddy you’re so goo- _Ngh_ , good to me,” Klaus praised, his voice breaking at every deep touch. “I love you _._ ”

Freddy smiled at Klaus’ words and slowly propped himself up on one foot. With the brunette’s prick still in hand, Freddy pulled Klaus down by his shirt, their lips only an inch apart.

“I love you too,” Freddy whispered before placing his lips onto Klaus’.

Klaus deeply kissed back, moaning at every touch Freddy made to his dick. The blond pecked his lips again, and with his free hand, began pushing down the fabric that still remained on Klaus’ thighs. With his hand still fixated on the older man’s cock, the blond dipped his head and began placing kisses onto the inside of the older’s thigh. Klaus lightly rolled his hips at the touches, becoming a bit impatient as he felt his climax coming on.

Freddy noticed this and looked up.

“Klaus,” The blond purred.

The sound of his name coming from Freddy’s lips elicited a pleased sound from Klaus.

“If you can, I want you to watch me,” Freddy said in a low tone. “ _Please.”_

Klaus made a quiet moaning noise in response. Freddy smiled and made a swift exchange from his hand to his mouth, swirling his tongue around the older male’s shaft. Klaus practically melted at the sight he saw when he looked down. The blond was looking up at him through his eyelashes and his pink lips were now red and wet. His shirt was partially unbuttoned and his hair was slowly becoming undone.

Klaus rolled his hips upwards, his tongue wanting to loll out of his mouth as he heavily gasped and moaned through his hand. Freddy cupped the brunette’s balls with one hand, lightly squeezing them while he bobbed his head briefly before completely deepthroating Klaus’ cock.

“ _Finkie_ , oh my _god_ , I’m going to-“ Klaus covered his mouth as he moaned from the stimulation. “Keep doing _that_ , I’m going to cum soon.”

Freddy inwardly smiled and sucked harder, working Klaus to his orgasm. The blond hummed, the vibrations traveling up the brunette’s dick, making Klaus grasp onto the back of the blond’s head. The older male almost immediately regretted the action, it feeling far too familiar. His hand retracted from fear. 

Alternatively, Klaus jerked into the blond’s mouth, the younger male slightly gagging when the man’s cock hit the back of his throat before readjusting.

“ _Shit_ ,” Klaus murmured under his breath as he orgasmed, letting out a series of pants and hushed moans.

Freddy released his grip on the man as he lapped up the cum that dripped down his chin and Klaus’ shaft, making sure it didn’t stain anything. With a loving smile, Freddy looked up at Klaus as he softly stroked the older male’s now soft shaft. Klaus shuddered at the light touches and cooed as Freddy kissed his tip.

“That was terrifying,” Klaus sighed as he blinked back tears, his orgasm had been a bit overwhelming for him.

_Ever since that night… That part was always the best and worst part._

Freddy pulled away, clearly concerned. He felt horrible seeing Klaus’ eyes watery. 

“What? I told you that-”

“Freddy, let me finish.”

Freddy nodded and sat back, hands in his lap.

“I was scared… and I think I still am. But, you were there for me the whole time and that’s what… That’s what made this still enjoyable for me. Thank you.”

The blond smiled as he looked up at the older man. Klaus had come far in his separate recoveries. They had been working in small steps to readjust Klaus when they had the time. Through soft kisses and reassurances, and then through loving caresses and warm touches, and finally through light undressing. If there was ever recoil, there would be a reset and reassurance the next time. Freddy was just glad that Klaus got a relatively good experience out of this attempt.

Freddy softly exhaled and carefully stood as the brunette began to redress his bottom half. As Klaus pulled up his trousers, he glanced over at Freddy, who was fixing his hair a bit in the mirror, a thought crossed his mind.

“Do you need anything too?” He quietly asked.

The blond shook his head no and flashed a smile. Klaus nodded to himself and finished fixing his bottoms and belt. Freddy headed out of the bedroom to wash his hands, but not before looking back to make sure the older man was okay. Once Freddy exited, the brunette quickly found himself just staring off at a wall.

_How long was he going to be like this? Forever? Well, at least he didn’t get sick or freak out this time._

Walking back into the bedroom, Freddy noticed Klaus' distant gaze. He frowned and walked over, snapping Klaus out of it.

“You did so well, Klaus,” Freddy praised, lovingly brushing the man’s hair back with his fingers.

“You were the one on your knees,” Klaus joked, trying to pretend that he was normal.

“I’m serious, K. We’ve gotten you a long way.”

“ _You’ve_ gotten me a long way,” Klaus rebutted.

“Hey, don’t sell yourself short,” Freddy pressed his lips to the man’s forehead. 

Klaus smiled and finished tucking in his shirt as Freddy scooped up the brunette’s hat. As the older man turned around, Freddy placed the hat on his head, pushing it down to secure it a bit, and then pecked his lips.

“Congrats on your promotion, Hauptmann,” Freddy said, putting emphasis on the last word before kissing his cheek. “I couldn’t be any prouder.”

“Thank you, Freddy,” Klaus said with a warm smile, his heart swelling a bit 

“Of course,” Freddy grinned.

“Now, are you sure you don’t need anything?” Klaus softly asked as his hand gently tugged on the younger’s belt loop. 

Freddy’s grin softened and ran both hands over the sides of Klaus’ head, gently playing with his hair.

“You’ve completely satisfied me enough tonight,” He whispered. “But thank you.”

Klaus smiled and the two men nuzzled their noses together, gently placing their foreheads together.

They still had plenty to work on, but that was okay. Both knew that recovery took time, and whether or not they knew it, they had plenty of time still left in their hands.

* * *

**October 1943**

It was late in the evening, and not only was it Altenbach’s last day at the bunk, but it was Freddy’s thirty-third birthday. Klaus and Freddy didn’t do much, there wasn’t much to do anyway, but they shared a small drink and just talked. Eventually, Freddy swapped over to stitching up some socks to prepare for the harsher weather that was creeping up on them and Klaus began to sketch, having Freddy describe something to him. 

“So, it’s obviously a flower,” Klaus said with a chuckle, Freddy just having said it had a long stem.

“Yes,” Freddy chuckled. “Am I good to continue?”

Klaus nodded. The blond finished tying a new knot, bit the string off the spool and started up again.

“So, it’s petals have a soft look and can be littered with small black dots-“ Freddy cut himself off with a small hiss, having pricked himself with the needle, briefly sucking on his finger before resuming.

Klaus glanced over for a moment and then went back to his sketch, lightly brushing the lead down on the paper.

“What else?” The brunette asked.

Freddy paused his stitching, pressing his lips together in thought. 

“Well,” The blond continued. “It’s seeds are sometimes reminiscent of small and fuzzy honeycombs.”

Klaus smiled to himself and nodded, gently sketching away, slightly rotating the page. A few minutes passed before Klaus took a moment to sit back and look at it, lifting up the paper and holding it up. He smiled and put it back down.

“I _think_ it’s all done,” The brunette said as he shifted his chair to the side a bit. “Come take a look.”

Freddy looked up and smiled.

“Let’s see if you figured it out,” The blond said as he placed his things down and stood up.

The younger man walked over in a few steps and placed his hand on the back of the chair.

“Oh my God, you got it!” Freddy exclaimed with a laugh. “How’d you know?” 

“Well, they _were_ your favorite for the seven years we were back at home,” Klaus began. “I could only assume you were talking about Edelweiss.”

“You got me,” Freddy chuckled. “But, it’s beautiful, K. They look just like how I remember them.”

One of Freddy’s hands was gently stroking and playing with the older man’s hair as he admired the drawing.Freddy smiled to himself, a memory having come to him, and kissed the side of Klaus’ head. Klaus looked over with a smile of his own and the two exchanged a small kiss.

“Happy Birthday, Freddy,” The older male whispered.

Freddy smiled and kissed Klaus’ forehead.

“Thank you.” 

The two kissed again before they both returned to what they had been doing before. Despite their situation, they were content, and right then, that’s all they needed.

There was a knock at the door, interrupting their moment of peace. 

“Klenzendorf, it’s Hauptmann Altenbach,” A familiar, yet muffled voice announced.

Freddy looked at Klaus and vice versa, both confused about why the man was still there. Klaus covered his drawing with the paperwork he had been working on earlier, and Freddy quickly stood, placed down his sock and needle, and made his way over to the office door. Freddy promptly opened the door, his mind racing. Altenbach was supposed to be leaving within the hour and he had already bid his goodbyes to Klaus, why would he come here?

“Ah, good evening Finkel,” The older man raised his hand in a stiff salute. “Heil Hitler.”

“Heil-” Freddy’s voice got stuck in his throat as he raised his hand, making him slightly cough. “Heil Hitler, Hauptmann.” 

“It’s good to see that you’re here with your Hauptmann, Finkel. I thought you might have gone out to celebrate,” The taller man pushed his way by Freddy and to Klaus’ desk. “Heil Hitler, Klenzendorf.”

“Heil Hitler, Altenbach,” Klenzendorf echoed. “I thought you were leaving tonight.”

“I am, within the hour,” Altenbach replied. “It will be nice to see the wife and my kids again, to work closer to home.”

“I’m sure it will be,” Klenzendorf responded before adding, “What gives me the pleasure of having your company tonight?”

“I thought I’d come in to properly say goodbye,” Altenbach answered as he ran his finger along the edge of the desk, checking for dust.

Much to his surprise, the desk was cleaner than expected.

“Well, I appreciate the sentiment,” Klaus replied, forcing a smile almost naturally.

The other Captain returned the forced smile with his own.

“You know…” Altenbach leaned forward onto the desk.

Klenzendorf noticed a shift in the older’s voice.

“You were always one of the…” Altenbach partially cocked his head with a thoughtful smirk. “One of the special ones that I couldn’t crack.”

The older man turned to Freddy, who was still standing by the door, the blond’s feet were seemingly rooted into the tiled floor.

“Though, I do believe that Herr Finkel’s weak spot may be you,” He turned back to Klaus. “And I’ve come to believe he might be yours.”

Klaus didn’t bat an eye, his face staying stoic.

“I believe every soldier that works under me could be a weaker point in me, Hauptmann,” Klaus slowly stood up. “Though, one can argue that makes me a stronger leader... I do believe that builds a bit more morale, having some compassion.”

“You’ve never been one to keep your thoughts to yourself, have you, Klenzendorf?” Altenbach asked with a chuckle as he reached into his pocket, pulling out a folded envelope.

Klaus watched as the Captain outstretched the hand that held the paper.

“Think of this as a parting gift,” Altenbach replied as he stood up. “Goodnight, Klenzendorf.”

“Goodnight, Max,” Klenzendorf bid, having to hold back a small smirk.

The Captain looked at Klaus with a cocked brow before turning around and making his way back to the door towards Freddy. The blond immediately opened the door, granting Altenbach an exit. The older male stopped and looked at Freddy just as he began to leave the room.

“Your shirt is unbuttoned.”

And with that, Altenbach left the room a final time. Freddy closed the door and looked down at his shirt, slightly pulling it a bit. It was unbuttoned too far by a single button. The blond mumbled to himself and returned back to the chair he was sitting in and picked his needle and thread back up from the desk. As he did so, Klaus was busy retrieving his letter opener. Once it was retrieved, he shakily opened the envelope. He had a feeling that Altenbach’s definition of a parting gift was different from his.

Klaus slowly opened the letter after tossing the envelope, not bothering to read the writing on it, which he probably should have done before reading the letter. His eyes nervously scanned the page, taking in every word to fully understand what this was. His heart stopped when he read something in particular and then retrieved the envelope from the trash bin. 

_This was really happening. Altenbach just had to get the last laugh._

The brunette placed the envelope down onto his desk, took a deep breath, and then pushed on. When he finished the notice, Klaus scoffed and slightly shook his head, his hand dropping down.

“That _son _of a bitch_.”_

__

Freddy looked over, concern clear in his gaze.

__

“What is it?” The blond nervously asked. “Is it bad?”

__

Klaus pressed his lips together looking from the notice to his lover, debating whether or not to sugar coat it.

__

_No, he deserved to know right away._

__

The brunette handed the letter over, letting the blond learn of the information himself. Klaus watched as Freddy muttered the words that were typed on the paper under his breath.

__

“You, Klaus G. Klenzendorf, and your sub-officer, Friedrich J. Finkel will be…” The blond finished reading the notice in his mind. 

__

. . .

__

_“Holy shit.”_

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Long time no see on this story, huh? I’m back in school so uploads are going to be slower (I’m sleeping a lot more than writing lately- ha!)
> 
> I put up a fluffy one-off piece for K and Freddy while I was away! (and updated the Cabaret AU, which should end in 2-3 more chapters).
> 
> This part is almost done! 3 more chapters to go. I hope you enjoyed reading and would love to hear your thoughts.
> 
> (Small side note: Someone brought to my attention that my timeline was slightly off. Earlier chapters were labelled as the wrong year- so if there was any confusion on that end I apologize. That has been fixed.)


	12. *There's No Room for Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for angst <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for:
> 
> Mention of Childbirth / Death by Childbirth  
> Implied Antisemitism  
> Explicit Sexual Content  
> Implied PTSD  
> Graphic* Depictions of Violence  
> Violence During Wartime  
> *We may have different definitions of what is or isn’t graphic, so I’m adding this warning.  
> -  
> Translation(s): Courtesy of Google Translate  
> Erkennungsmarke: Dog Tag, Military ID Tag  
> Hauptmann: Captain  
> Leutant: Lieutenant  
> Unteroffizier: Sub-Officer/Sergeant  
> Stielhandgranate: Stick Grenade (The type of grenade Jojo uses in the film)  
> Enchanté: (French for) Delighted to meet you / Nice to meet you

**October 1943 - Month One**

Klaus and Freddy were promptly shipped out to the Russian Front in less than a week after they received the letter. It was as if Altenbach couldn’t allow Klaus to take his place. Freddy was reasonably nervous and so was Klaus, but at least they were leaving and arriving together.

Entering the temporary and ever-moving camp was nerve-wracking. It was one, maybe close to two hours away from any town or civilization, and they had to enter under the guise of night. A thin layer of snow littered the ground and both men could just barely see their breath in the air. 

When they arrived, their cases were significantly lighter. They now only held a change of uniform, an additional outfit, and a few other things. Both Freddy and Klaus had to leave a handful of things behind in Czechoslovakia but were promised that their things would be shipped back to the proper address. Klaus was skeptical about it but Freddy made sure to remind him it was that or not ever seeing their belongings again. 

_He had a point._

The two were sworn in and shuffled into a tent for the night. The tent wasn’t impressive in any way. It was just big enough to hold two cots, their few belongings, and a folding table. 

The next morning was cold and the air was crisp. Freddy and Klaus were briefly split up after rationing for breakfast but soon reunited by late morning. The two had been softly chatting and taking a small walk when they were interrupted.

“Friedrich?” A man’s voice called out. 

Both of the men’s heads whipped around in the direction of the voice. Freddy almost immediately recognized the rosy-faced brunette male who was quickly approaching him. The blond was tightly embraced by the brunette.

Klaus felt a pang of jealousy run through him. 

_Who is he?_

The brunette awkwardly watched on as the brunette male tightened the embrace before he pulled away. Freddy, completely dumbfounded, took a good look at the other man.

“Paul?” Freddy asked, clearly surprised.

The older man enthusiastically nodded.

“Oh my God,” Freddy tightly embraced him. “How are you?”

“I’m well, I’m well,” The brunette replied as he patted Freddy’s back before pulling away, his hands still holding the blond’s arms. “How are you?”

“God, I’m- I’m doing well. I almost didn’t recognize you with all of this!” Freddy said as he patted the scruff on Paul’s face.

Paul chuckled and dropped his hands, slightly nodding.

“It’s almost winter,” He explained. “You’re going to want to start growing a beard out yourself.” 

Freddy returned the chuckle with his own and stepped back a bit. He turned his body a bit so it was able to face Paul and Klaus.

“Um, Paul, this is Hauptmann Klenzendorf. Hauptmann, this is…” Freddy looked to Paul.

“Leutant,” Paul answered, reading what Freddy’s look was asking.

“Leutant Betzler. We worked together in Poland,” The blond finished.

“Enchanté, Captain,” Paul greeted with a charming smile, extending his hand. 

Paul’s eyes seemed to scan the older man’s face.

“I guess I now know who they’re introducing this afternoon,” He finished.

“It’s nice to be acquainted with you, Leutant,” Klaus said as he accepted the other’s gesture.

The darker-haired brunette smiled and released his grip.

“Well, it was nice meeting you, Hauptmann,” Paul turned to Freddy. “And it's great to know that you’re here, Fred.”

“It’s good to know that I’ve got a friend here,” Freddy replied.

Paul nodded.

“Anyways, I was just about to go speak with Hauptmann Pichler,” The brunette extended his hand out to Freddy. “I’ll see you around?”

“You definitely will,” The younger replied as he shook his hand.

Freddy released his grip but Paul held on as he squinted. Klaus’ eyes flickered down to the pair’s hands, then to Freddy, and then to Paul.

“Your hair has gotten darker,” He noted before releasing Freddy’s hand and slapping the side of his arm. “It suits you.”

Freddy flashed a smile and watched as the brunette walked off. Klaus’ stomach churned.

-

Later that night, Freddy and Klaus were back in their tent. The youngest was lacing up his winter boots while the older was lounging on his cot. The brunette glanced over to the blond for a moment, contemplating something. He slowly sat up and leaned against the pole that was holding up the tent.

“You and Betzler seem close,” Klaus quietly commented as he fiddled with his erkennungsmarke.

Freddy shrugged and continued to thread the laces through his boot.

“I guess so. He helped me get through a bit of a tough time,” The blond softly replied before adding, “And I helped him, too.”

Klaus raised his brows and slightly rolled his eyes.

“I know, I’ve only heard about your time together about a hundred times today.”

The younger male glanced up from his boot and over to the other man. Klaus was looking at Freddy, his gaze conveying that he was upset about something. Freddy’s brow furrowed.

_What was wrong?_

It then clicked in Freddy’s mind.

“No,” Freddy put the boot down. “No, no, no, no, no, no. We are not doing this again.”

Klaus looked back down to his erkennungsmarke.

“Do what, Friedrich?”

The blond huffed and went back to lacing up his boot.

“You know what.”

Klaus pressed his lips together and glanced back up to Freddy before dropping his erkennungsmarke and reaching for his cigarette case. The older man lit a cigarette, which was even more rationed in this part of the front, and took a puff from it.

Freddy wrapped up lacing up both of his newly-issued boots (though he suspected that they were a hand-me-down) and placed them aside. He stood from his cot and made his way over to Klaus. The blond squatted down in front of the older man, snatched up a cigarette, placed it in his mouth, and mirrored the brunette’s disgruntled look.

The blond couldn’t hold it for long before he broke into a small smile, trying to make Klaus feel better. Of course, the brunette couldn’t help but smile when Freddy smiled at him. It was infectious.

“There’s my Klaus,” Freddy softly cooed as he ran one hand through the other’s hair, taking the cigarette out of his mouth with the other.

Klaus smiled a bit more before he dropped his gaze. The blond frowned and pressed his lips to the brunette’s forehead.

“Paul and I are just friends, and that’s what it always has been” Freddy assured Klaus, his fingers still gently playing with the other’s hair. “Besides, he's married and has children.”

“I know plenty of gay men who do,” Klaus replied.

Freddy sighed.

“Paul is not like us, believe me,” The blond continued to play with the longest parts of the older’s hair. “Plus, he’s like a brother to me.”

Freddy leaned in and whispered in Klaus’ ear.

_“And you know I’m not into that shit.”_

Klaus chuckled at that. Freddy’s reassurance made him feel much better, but something was still swirling in the back of his mind.

“I love you more than anyone in the entire world,” Freddy told the brunette. “And you’ve got to trust me on that.”

The younger male took the cigarette out of the older’s mouth and tenderly kissed Klaus’ lips. He could taste the smoke and tobacco, with the slightest hint of the cheap beer they drank earlier. Klaus took the younger’s face in his hands, shifting closer to the edge of his cot. When they broke the kiss, Klaus could see the caring and tender sparkle in Freddy’s eyes. He pecked his lips.

“I love you too.”

Freddy smiled and put the cigarette back into the older’s mouth. He held up the unlit cigarette that he still held in his other hand with a grin.

“Now, how about a light?”

* * *

**November 1943 - Month Two**

Winter had almost fully settled in by the beginning of November, a thick layer of snow coating the ground. Just like Paul suggested, Freddy and Klaus both began to grow out some facial hair, but Freddy found it unbearable and never let it grow past a thick stubble while Klaus kept his at a consistently short scruff. By now, Freddy and Klaus were separated into their own tents, Freddy sharing one with two other sub-officers, and Klaus on his own. The camp had advanced, already passing multiple trenches and facing some action. 

Klaus didn’t realize how much his mind craved that chaos. Ever since he quit the drugs and excessive drinking his mind was always going and going. The chaos was almost numbing the turmoil in his mind, and that felt good. Freddy, on the other hand, felt overwhelmed. The blond quickly adapted combat-wise, but his head was spinning and he could never focus. That’s why camping-nights quickly became his favorite.

-

Klaus, Freddy, Paul, and a handful of other men were stationed out on the perimeter of their camp. They didn’t know how much longer their shift would last, but each man wished it would end soon. Each small group was huddled around some logs that were aflame. The fires were small and dispersedly spread out to not attract any planes that flew over them. They didn’t give off much heat either, but the warm light was comforting.

There wasn’t much conversation among the men, especially when Freddy had set off to the next two stations to transfer over lighter fluid. Both Paul and Klaus stayed reserved in silence, the only noise being the whipping of the harshly cold winds that threatened to knock out their only source of light, Freddy having taken the oil-lantern with him. It was quiet until Paul cleared his throat.

“Klenzendorf,” He whispered. 

Klaus glanced over.

“I apologize if this is too forward, but,” Paul shifted closer. “Have you been engaged in the past?”

One of the brunette’s eyebrows went up as he turned to the younger brunette. It was hard to make out Paul’s face in the extremely dim lighting, but Klaus did his best to see him.

“I have. Why do you ask?”

“Mid-to-late twenties, but before twenty-nine? Marie Botsch?” Paul asked.

Klaus tensed.

_How did he know that?_

“Yes. Marie and I were engaged up until late 1928,” Klaus replied, feeling wary.

The younger man smiled.

“I knew I recognized your name and face. Marie was my wife’s cousin.”

“Really?” A smile formed on Klaus’ face, his body untensing. “Margarethe or Roswita?”

“Rosie,” Paul replied, a smile now forming on his face, too. “I believe we met one time.”

Klaus thought for a moment.

“We might have, yes,” There was a faint memory that he had, but maybe his brain was making it up. “Rosie was a feisty one, how is she?”

Paul laughed.

“Still feisty as ever. I take it that you grew up with Marie and Rosie?”

The older brunette swayed his head from side-to-side a bit. 

“More so Marie, but Rosie tagged along sometimes. But, what about Marie? How is she doing? The last time we wrote one another was in thirty-eight. She had just had…” Klaus paused to think. “Martin. Baby number three.”

Due to the dim lighting, Klaus didn’t see Paul’s happy expression drop to a remorsefulone.

“I… I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but,” Paul took a breath. “Marie passed away two years ago.”

Klaus’ heart dropped. Despite not having seen the woman in over five years, he still had a large soft spot for Marie. They grew up together and were almost married, so why wouldn’t he?

“Oh,” The older simply replied, the cold air becoming more prominent. “How did she- Was it natural?”

Paul shook his head.

“No... It was… It was during childbirth. Baby numbers six and seven. Little Alexandra and Helene made it, though.”

“That’s good,” Klaus simply replied.

There was a minute of verbal silence.

“Do you know about her husband?” Paul asked, now speaking significantly quieter.

Of course, Klaus knew about Otto’s secret, but he didn’t know if Paul was asking about the one he was thinking of. So the older male just simply nodded and hummed, allowing Paul to carry the conversation.

“God, I don’t know how he does it,” Paul said before blowing into his hands to warm them up. “But he’s gotta keep hiding himself for those kids.”

Klaus didn’t respond and the conversation seemingly ended. That was until the older man cleared his throat.

“Do you and Rosie have any children?”

The younger man immediately warmly smiled.

“I do,” Paul replied. “Johannes is my youngest, he turned eight this year. Inge is fifteen. She’s currently-

Paul tightly closed his eyes and shook his head, as if it were to shoo a thought away.

"She's a daddy’s girl.”

There was a hint of sadness in the rosy-faced man’s tone when he spoke about his children, especially his daughter, but Klaus didn't push for more.

“What about you? Did you meet someone after Marie? Any kids?”

The brunette softly chuckled as he began to formulate his lie.

“I went on a few dates. I met a _great_ girl in thirty-one,” Klaus began. “Franziska. She’s a lot younger, by sixteen or seventeen years. A real gorgeous caramel-blond. But…”

The man looked down and kicked at the snow beneath his boot, making sure to not put out the small fire.

“Conflict came around with politics and I thought she deserved someone closer to her age. Especially a person who doesn’t have so much war-ridden baggage,” Klaus cleared his throat. “We drifted apart after that.”

_Whether he realized it or not, Klaus was opening up to Paul._

The younger man hummed and nodded.

“Do you still love her?”

“Of course. She’s one of a kind.”

And that’s when Freddy arrived back at the post, slightly warmer from the walk but significantly more exhausted. Paul and Klaus welcomed him back and then three waited for their replacements, quietly talking as they did so.

-

Reentering the camp, Klaus took a glance at Paul before they all parted ways. 

_He could trust him._

* * *

**December 1943 - Month Three**

Freddy had been acting off all day, which both Paul and Klaus noticed, both men having briefly spoken about it earlier that evening.

It was now later in the day and Klaus was watching Freddy, not completely focusing on what the other men were talking to him about. After a few minutes of on-and-off observing the blond, the man Freddy had been talking with left. That’s when Klaus saw Freddy look down and lift the clipboard he had been holding just over his crotch with both of his hands. The blond seemed to have groaned and then began to walk off. Klaus inwardly smirked.

The second the discussion with his fellow soldiers ended, Klaus headed off in the same direction as Freddy. The brunette quickly caught up with the younger male.

“Unteroffizier Finkel,” He called out.

Freddy paused and turned around.

“How can I help you, Hauptmann Klenzendorf?”

_The two always found it odd when the other was so formal, but they did what they had to do._

Klaus jogged up a bit, looked around, and then leaned in close to Freddy’s ear.

“You seem to have a problem,” He whispered, his facial hair slightly tickling the blond.

“Don’t even start,” Freddy whispered back, obviously a bit tense as his teeth chattered. “It’s been on and off all fucking day. This clipboard has been my best friend.”

Klaus chuckled and the two men began walking.

“I haven’t been comfortable, warm or even feel private enough to jack off in fucking two months. This might be my body telling me that it hates me,” Freddy continued, still talking quietly. “I think I might lose it. I don’t know how you last.”

“It’s called having a private tent,” Klaus replied with a smirk, briefly waving at a group of men they passed by. “No one is there to catch you.”

The blond side-eyed the older man.

“I _really_ hope you’re suggesting what I think you’re suggesting,” Freddy commented.

“My tent in one hour,” Klaus whispered before adding a bit louder, just for effect. “Have that done by nineteen-hundred and then check back in with me for review.”

Freddy nodded as the faintest smile formed on his face, watching as Klaus walked away.

“Yes sir.”

-

Freddy arrived at the older’s tent at nineteen-hundred, on the dot. No later and no earlier. He knocked on the chunk of wood plastered outside, waiting for a response. Klaus opened the tent’s flap and closed it after Freddy stepped in.

“Hey,” Freddy quietly greeted. 

“Hey,” Klaus echoed in a whisper, gently kissing the side of the younger’s face.

They were always quiet. Always soft-spoken and careful, painfully aware of what could happen if they weren’t.

One of the brunette’s hands traveled downward and knocked on the clipboard that Freddy was still tightly pressing against his crotch. 

“May I come in?” Klaus joked as he tried to lift some tension.

Freddy snorted and moved the clipboard away, his knees almost going limp at the lack of pressure. His body had gotten used to the clipboard that day. It was like he lost a limb when he pulled it away. But that ghost-like feeling was forgotten the second Klaus’ hand palmed Freddy’s erection through his trousers. The blond sharply inhaled at the older’s touch before untensing the slightest amount. 

“We’ve got to make this quick. It’s far too cold to take our time,” Klaus whispered as he gently squeezed the younger’s crotch.

Freddy tightly pressed his lips together and nodded. He put the clipboard aside as his fingers on his other hand played with the front of the older’s jacket.

“Are you sure you’re okay with it?” The blond asked, just above a whisper.

Klaus nodded.

“This is a bit different,” The brunette whispered as he removed one of his gloves.

He then began to quickly unbuckle the younger’s belt and unbutton Freddy’s fly. Klaus reached beneath the younger’s shirt and jacket and began unbuttoning the bottom of Freddy’s long underwear. He could feel the blond’s pale stomach retract at the feeling of the freezing air hitting his skin. Holding Freddy’s trousers up with one hand, Klaus licked his palm, slipped one hand beneath the multiple layers of fabric, and grasped onto the younger’s erection. Freddy quietly gasped and his hands on the older’s jacket stilled, his fingers curling into the fabric beneath them.

Klaus began to slowly stroke Freddy before his hand began to accelerate in speed. The blond pressed his lips to the brunette’s in an attempt to muffle his moaning. When they separated, the two men were locked in an intense gaze as Freddy’s hands tightly held onto the front of Klaus’ jacket. The blond’s hips tensed and untensed in small and needy thrusts that coincided with the older’s hands.

“Is this okay?” Klaus asked, just below a whisper.

“Mhm,” Freddy hummed, not daring to open his mouth.

Klaus continued the motion at a consistent pace, occasionally taking a moment to rub his thumb over the tip of Freddy’s dick. The action always made the younger bite down on his lip to suppress his mewls.

“Do you need me to slow down?” The brunette asked after a minute or so.

“Just the slightest bit, please,” Freddy quietly breathed out in response.

Klaus complied and slowed his pace the slightest bit before cupping the other’s balls, tightly squeezing them. Freddy’s head rolled back and he tightly shut his eyes, trying to focus on staying quiet. The moment was terrifyingly exhilarating.

“I’m close,” Freddy breathed, his hands grabbing onto Klaus’ shoulders. “Oh _God,_ I’m going to-”

The blond cut himself off and bit his lip as he prepared himself to be as silent as possible.

“In your trousers?” Klaus questioned, not wanting the blond to feel uncomfortable.

“Hanky… Pocket,” The younger panted out.

The brunette pulled his hand out from the fabric, immediately noticing the shift in temperature. Klaus swiftly retrieved the thin cloth from the blond’s breast pocket and snapped it out of its folds. He returned his hand beneath the fabric and continued to jerk Freddy off. No more than thirty seconds later, Freddy lurched forward and tightened his grip on the elder’s shoulder, covering his mouth to muffle his soft cries with his other hand as he came. 

Klaus quietly cooed and placed a kiss to the side of Freddy’s head as he used the hanky to clean the younger up the best that he could. As Freddy took deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself down, Klaus tossed the hanky aside and went to buttoning the younger’s clothing back up.

Freddy tucked his head into the crook of the elder’s neck, his stubble scratching up on the older's skin as he slowly wrapped his arms around it. He was slightly shaking from the cold and his orgasm. Klaus paused for a moment before gently resting his hands on the younger’s waist.

“Are you okay?” He quietly asked.

There was a moment of silence.

“Please hold me,” Freddy faintly replied.

Klaus gently moved his hands from the younger’s waist to around Freddy’s torso. The brunette leaned his head atop of the blond’s as his hands lightly rubbed the other’s back. The two stood there for a minute or so, their bodies giving off warmth, and quietly listening to the muffled chatter of the men outside of the tent.

“I don’t know how much more of this I can take,” The blond softly cried.

“I know... I know.” Klaus cooed in an attempt to comfort him. 

The older man fully wrapped his arms around the younger, tightly squeezing him as their bodies shared heat.

“We went into this together and we’re going to get out of this together,” Klaus told Freddy. “I promise.”

All Freddy did was hug the older man closer to him, his arms now wrapped around Klaus’ torso. 

_Klaus hoped he could keep that promise._

* * *

**January 1944 - Month Four**

It was a freezing midwinter night, one definitely not suitable for men resting in trenches. It had snowed the previous day and the snow-covered dirt had quickly turned to mud wherever a body or firearm’s heat was. But, at least the stars were out. That was one thing Klaus had always enjoyed about his time in the trenches during the Great War. How beautiful and calming an open sky could be amidst the chaos of war. 

Neither Freddy nor Klaus had been having no problems staying awake during the three days. The fear of being attacked or killed was enough to keep them awake. They had maybe only received a few hours of sleep each. 

_Maybe convincing the other officers to push ahead wasn’t the best idea Klaus had ever suggested._

But with how quiet and calm that night was, it was almost comforting.

The younger man had fallen asleep only one hour before and his resting body was less than ten feet away from the older. On the other hand, Klaus’ head kept bobbing down and almost immediately shooting back up in an attempt to stay awake. But, his efforts were almost futile. The small dip in the trench wall his body had created was welcoming and almost warm. The brunette finally allowed himself to close his eyes.

***

The loud hum of low-flying planes rang in Klaus’ ears, making him shoot up from his slump in a panic. He immediately looked up at the dawn-filled sky as the shouting of lookouts began. 

_“Get down!”_ Klaus yelled, only for his voice to get drowned out by the sound of a bomb being dropped.

***

Freddy woke in a panic, the explosion having woken him. He fumbled for his gun and covered his head as another bomb was dropped down at the other end of the trench. 

The second bomb, despite being further down, was close enough to stir up a large amount of dirt, mud, and snow- sending splinters of wood everywhere. Men were screaming out in pain and shouting, not one of those shouts being a clear order, and guns and tanks were firing off.

Before he knew it, Freddy was out of the trench and up running on the ground, fighting for his life.

***

Just like Freddy, Klaus was up and out of the trenches in no time, rapidly firing out shots, executing almost every single one perfectly. A few times he called out for a medic for the soldiers he found lying on the ground and bleeding. Despite what they were, that they were Nazis, Klaus had compassion. He was one of them too, whether he liked it or not. Just another man that worked for a system. 

His heart almost stopped one of those times, having briefly believed one of the bleeding bodies having been Freddy.

_Freddy- Where was he?_

***

Freddy was on the ground, having just stumbled from just barely dodging a bullet that whizzed by his head. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he pushed himself back up to his feet and started the process all over again.

And that’s when he saw Klaus, who was somehow gracefully pulling off every shot and dodge he acted upon. And that’s when it happened. A small explosive went off, which was less than 20 meters away, sending shrapnel and other components everywhere, which ultimately hit the older male. The brunette was then shot in the leg almost immediately after. Klaus let out a blood-curdling cry and collapsed to the ground.

Freddy froze for a moment until he pulled himself together and sprinted over to his lover. He couldn’t seem to get to him fast enough like time was moving slowly. 

The second he got to Klaus, Freddy fixed up his gun, dropped to his knees, and tossed it down to the side. 

Taking a good look at Klaus, it was clear that he was hit in the arm and either in or by his eye. Freddy frantically looked around before screaming out,

_“Hauptmann down- Medic!”_

The older man was hyperventilating and half-sobbing, half-groaning in pain. Hearing the shout of someone’s presence, Klaus opened his eyes. He panicked a bit when he couldn’t clearly see in his right eye.

“Freddy?” Klaus softly asked as he reached up with his right hand, barely touching the younger’s face before dropping it, hissing out in pain.

“Hey, hey,” Freddy nervously cooed, beginning to cry himself. “I’m here, I’m here.”

“You’ve got to get out of here,” Klaus gasped out as he weakly pushed up on the younger’s chest, trying to sit up but quickly giving up and lying back down.

“No, I’m not going until someone comes to help you,” Freddy replied until he looked back up, looking for anyone that could aid the wounded man.

_But there was no one in sight._

The younger man took a deep breath and looked back down. Freddy very briefly cupped Klaus’ face, staring down at the blood-covered face before him. The older man started to slow his breathing, trying to prevent rapid blood flow. Freddy looked around one more time before rolling back a bit. The blond reached down to his boot and took out his combat-knife.

“Stay still, I’ve got to do something,” Freddy informed Klaus.

The brunette weakly nodded just before another explosion went off. Both men flinched and huddled closer together for a moment. 

Not another moment passed before Freddy sat back up and slit open Klaus’ sleeve. He didn’t dare apply pressure to the bleeding wounds. He was too scared of pushing the shrapnel further into Klaus’ skin.

Instead, he ripped the bottom of the sleeve off to the best of his ability. Using the cleanest part of the fabric, he tightly wrapped the fabric at a point he deemed okay to tourniquet. He then did the same to the bottom of Klaus’ pant leg, except that this time he simply wrapped it around the gunshot wound.

Klaus was shaking and groaning as Freddy did his best to attend to his wounds. Freddy made sure to coo and give the older man comforting words, but it didn’t seem to help all that much. The brunette was gasping and hissing. 

Just as Freddy was wrapping up, two men ran by, kicking up a bit of snow onto Klaus’ arm.

_Hopefully, the snow would help numb the pain, even if it was just a bit._

Not daring to waste any more time, Freddy very hastily threw his gun’s strap over his shoulder and shuffled around Klaus’ body. He began to lift him and once again searched for a medic.

 _"Hauptmann down, goddamnit!"_ The blond cried out.

Once on his feet, he turned to Klaus.

“Do you think you can walk?” Freddy asked.

Klaus wearingly placed his foot down and loudly hissed at the pressure.

“I’ll try,” The brunette choked out, trying to keep his composure.

They then began moving out and away from the chaos, the blond desperately searching for the nearest medical officer. It was incredibly hard to focus on anything. Freddy’s adrenaline was pumping, men were screaming out in pain, there was sporadic gunfire, and a handful of explosions went off in the distance. 

Neither man got too far before another large round of bullets were shot out across the snow and blood-covered battlefield. It was then all so sudden. A hot and wild pain went through the blond’s leg. Freddy let out a pained wail and the two men stumbled down to the cold mud below. 

Freddy almost immediately pushed himself up, rolled over, and huddled over Klaus’ body as bullets spewed over them. The blond’s heartbeat coincided with the pops of the bullets. Rapid and loud. 

After what felt like hours, the bullets seized but the chaos continued around them. Freddy waited for a moment, just in case. When he deemed it to be enough time, which in reality, had only been a few seconds, he sat himself up. The pain in his leg roared but he suppressed it.

“Were you hit?” Freddy asked, almost too scared to know the answer.

_The last thing that Klaus needed was another open wound._

The brunette weakly shook his head no.

_Thank God._

"Are you okay?" Klaus asked as his voice broke.

"I'll be fine," The blond assured despite not knowing if he'd make it out alive.

"Good," The older man feebly smiled before his head lulled to the side.

“Hey, hey,” Freddy cooed as he protectively held Klaus’ head, frantically looking around before looking back down to the brunette. “Hey, look at me…”

Klaus struggled to focus on Freddy’s blue eyes.

“You’re going to be okay,” Freddy said as calmly as possible, wiping some blood from Klaus’ face. “You’re going to be okay, Liebling.”

Klaus weakly smiled as he struggled to keep his eyes open… Not that he could see out of his right eye. The pain in his arm was so strong that he almost couldn’t feel it anymore.

_Klaus had seized and overdosed. His back had been ripped open. He’d been shot. But this… This was entirely new._

“No, no, no-” Freddy said in a panic, shifting the man’s face in his hands. “Klaus, keep looking at me.”

The older male slowly lifted his un-touched hand and placed it on Freddy’s arm.

“I’m okay, Finkie,” Klaus slowly choked out, coughing up a bit of blood as his nose bled. “I’m okay.”

“Keep your eyes on me, K,” Freddy pleaded as Klaus’ hand fell back to the dirt.

There was another loud explosion, making Freddy flinch and look up in a panic. He saw Paul making his way over and then looked back down.

“Klaus, I love you. I always have,” Freddy cried as one of his hands grasped Klaus’ hand. “Keep your eyes open, K.”

“Friedrich!” Paul cried out, dropping onto his knees. “I’ve got him, get your gun and-”

There was another spray of bullets and both men dropped to the ground, Freddy’s hand still tightly holding Klaus’. The two men waited for the gunfire to calm before sitting up again. Freddy nervously sat up, scared out of his mind as he checked Klaus again. The brunette was still breathing but it was slowing.

“Paul is here, he’s going to protect you now. He’ll get you back safely,” Freddy rambled as he stroked the brunette's matted hair. “Okay, Klaus?”

Freddy’s hands were now caked with dirt and blood. But that didn’t matter to him. What mattered was making sure Klaus was taken out of there safe and alive. Freddy looked up at Paul.

“Promise me you’ll keep him alive.”

Paul nodded.

“I promise, Friedrich.”

Freddy took an unsteady breath and nodded, looking down at Klaus one more time.

“Klaus, you’re going to be okay,” Freddy said in an attempt to reassure both Klaus and himself, his voice getting partially canceled out by the chaos around them.

Paul placed his hand on Freddy’s arm.

“Fred, I’ve got him,” Paul said, his eyes locking with Freddy’s.

There was a sudden thud roughly ten feet to the side of the three men that grabbed Paul and Freddy’s attention. It was a stielhandgranate.

“Shit,” Freddy cursed as he began pushing himself up, stumbling a bit.

Paul then got a good look at Freddy’s leg. Somehow, the pant leg had been ripped open and completely exposed the bullet hole on the inside of the bottom half of his leg.

“Fred you can't walk! Stay here. I’ll get rid of it,” Paul said as he began standing.

“No! Get him out of here!” Freddy yelled back with a hiss, the pressure on his leg was searing and almost unbearable, but he pushed on.

Paul complied and began picking up the bloodied brunette male. The last thing Klaus remembered before he closed his eyes was a loud bang and a piercing scream. The smell of gunpowder filled his senses as he passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey- It's been a while since I posted less than 2 weeks after the previous chapter.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed. As always, I'd love to hear what you think.
> 
> Have a good day/night. <3
> 
> (Side note: I have the final chapter of Part 3 completed and ready for when that time comes!!)


	13. The Secret Behind Adaptation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I have no idea how fast different injuries heal and between Google and my basic medical knowledge I tried my best.
> 
> Warnings for...
> 
> (Alluded to) Sexual Assault  
> Mild Mention of Amputation  
> Mild Description of Injury  
> Use of the Word ‘Cripple’  
> — Regarding this word, I do not use it in my personal life, but when considering the time period Jojo Rabbit is set in; the word would be used.  
> Homophobic Slurs
> 
> Translation(s):  
> Hauptmann: Captain  
> Unteroffizier: Sub-Officer (Can also be used as sergeant but in this situation it’s what I listed)  
> Leutant: Lieutenant  
> Erkennungsmarke: Dog Tag / Military Identification Tag  
> Valentinstag: Valentine’s Day  
> Glücklicher Valentinstag: Happy Valentine’s Day
> 
> History Clarification: Italy pulled out of the Axis in 1943

**Late January 1944**

When Klaus woke up, he felt sore and discombobulated. He didn’t recognize where he was but just hoped wherever he was it was safer than the trenches. He waited for his eyes to clear and adjust but realized that bandages covered his right eye. Turning his head, there was an intense pain on the right side of his face. He tightly shut his eyes and took a deep breath, taking a moment to think. Everything was a blur after the first bomb was dropped but Klaus could clearly remember the pitched scream that rang through his ears before he lost consciousness.

_Dear God, that was Freddy._

Klaus quickly sat up, the motion sending searing pain through the right side of his body. He hissed out in pain and looked around, just to see a white, or maybe pale grey curtain. Klaus couldn’t exactly tell in the lighting of the room. At least, that’s what he blamed it on. He swiftly swung his legs off the bed and placed his bare feet onto the cold tiled floor. The second he put pressure on his right leg Klaus let out a small yelp and stumbled forward. He briefly regained his balance and exited the curtained-off area, heavily limping as he walked.

He grabbed multiple nurses’ attention as he staggered by. The handful of them ran up to him, telling him to slow down as they grabbed onto his shoulders. The Captain carried on, his body mass overpowering the smaller women. Klaus caught a doctor and nurse, whom he could only assume were both in charge by their uniforms, both by surprise as he approached them.

“How many-” He sharply inhaled as he looked around at the open-curtained cots, feeling dizzy and disoriented between the pain and his eye being covered. “How many unteroffiziers arrived here with me?”

Both the doctor and nurse looked at Klaus, a bit perplexed and caught off-guard.

“I’m Hauptmann Klaus Georg Klenzendorf of the-” He reached for his erkennungsmarke but it was no longer around his neck. “Of the-”

He sighed and did his best to suppress the frustration that formed in him.

“I need to know if Unteroffizier Friedrich Jakob Finkel is here,” Klaus finally got out as he dropped his hand back down.

He felt a firm hand be placed on his damaged shoulder, making him falter a bit. It was one of the male nurses.

“Herr, you really shouldn’t be out of bed right now,” The nurse’s voice said as another set of hands gently turned him around. “Let’s get you back and then we’ll answer your questions.”

“I need to- I need to know if he’s- I-” Klaus sharply inhaled and shakily exhaled. “I made a promise.”

Neither of the nurses responded and continued to guide him back to his hospital cot, trying to keep him upright to the best of their ability. 

Klaus kept on mumbling about Freddy and then eventually transitioned to complaining about the bandages wrapped around his body.

_‘Get these damn things off of me- They’re too tight and I can’t fucking see.’_

The nurses tried to calm him down, but their efforts were futile, especially after he noticed that his watch, which now lay broken on the nightstand. 

_Freddy gave him that._

Klaus continued to complain and not fully cooperate, that was until he got a better look at the male nurse. 

He was a slim young man, possibly in his early-to-mid-thirties, his hair was a light brown and his facial structure was softly chiseled, Klaus easily recognized how handsome he was, but he was not expecting his heart to skip a beat when he saw the man’s eyes. They were the same hue as Freddy’s… As a matter of fact, he looked a lot like Freddy. The nurse’s presence soothed him a great deal and helped him focus a lot more.

Klaus felt a soft tug on his right arm. By now, the other nurses had filed out, which only left the male nurse as the cause of the tug. He looked over to see the male nurse taking off the clips that held the gauze on his arm together. To look down at his right bicep, he had to crane his neck. His bare bicep was securely wrapped with blood-stained bandages and a small drop of blood was trailing down it. 

Feeling Klaus’ gaze on him, the male nurse looked up with a gentle smile.

“It looks like you ripped your stitches with that stunt you pulled earlier, Herr…” The man looked around for a moment.

He then reached over and grabbed Klaus’ erkennungsmarke, which rested on the metal table next to the hospital bed.

“Klenzendorf,” He finished.

“That would explain the blood,” Klaus replied, a bit of attempted banter hidden in his words.

“Oh, so you’re a comedian,” The man said with a soft chuckle as his hand traced up Klaus’ arm, his other hand fiddling with the erkennungsmarke. “Keep that energy coming, for me.”

Klaus tried to ignore the slight stinging sensation when the young man’s finger accidentally brushed one of the cuts.

“You’re a Hauptmann _,_ too,” The nurse mused as he put the erkennungsmarke back down. “ _Impressive_.” 

Klaus softly smiled, enjoying the light praise.

“Your wife must love you,” The nurse commented as he began to gently dab at Klaus’ open wounds with a wet cloth. 

Klaus only chuckled in response.

_He hoped so._

“Now,” The man began as he pulled over a folding chair. “I’m going to stitch these back up. It’s only a few that popped, so it won’t take too long.”

The nurse bent down and grabbed his medical bag, rummaging through it for a minute as he collected supplies.

“I’m going to numb the areas in which I need to stitch but,” The brunette looked up through his eyelashes. “This isn’t the strong stuff. That’s saved for amputations.”

Klaus winced a bit at that term. He got a few unpleasant flashbacks to the Great War.

“So you’re definitely going to feel something, but you’re a muscly guy. You can take it, right?” The nurse asked with a reassuring smile.

Klaus nodded, not bothering to verbally respond. His gaze was so fixed on the man’s eyes that he hadn’t even noticed the numbing needle enter his skin. He did, however, notice when the nurse began stitching his skin together. Klaus let out a small hiss from the feeling of the needle piercing his skin.

“Deep breaths, deep breaths,” The nurse instructed as one hand rubbed a small circle into the crook of the Captain's arm.

Klaus did just as he was instructed to with closed eyes before opening them and focusing on the young man fixing his open wounds. He still couldn’t get over how much the nurse looked like Freddy, but it kept him distracted for a little bit.

The nurse finished up after repeating the same numbing and stitching actions a few times and then wrapping his arm with gauze again. 

“That wasn’t too bad, yeah?” The blue-eyed male asked as he peeled off his gloves.

Klaus shook his head ‘no’ as he forced a smile. 

_He was never one for needles._

The nurse smiled and packed up his things.

“Now, Doctor Adamik will visit you later today and throughout the next few weeks to record your vision’s progress,” The younger explained.

“What… What exactly is wrong with it?” Klaus nervously asked.

The nurse paused and rolled his lips together in thought, just like Freddy.

“Well,” He softly began. “Some small pieces of shrapnel entered your eye and it had compromised your vision.”

Klaus’ heart dropped, which the nurse seemed to notice.

“But the doctors believe you’ll still retain most of your vision. The worst you’ll face is probably getting glasses if needed,” His eyes sparkled in a way that made Klaus feel safe. “I’m sure you’ll be back in action in no time.”

“You think so?” Klaus asked.

“Of course,” The nurse assured as he began to make his way out. “Give it a month or so.”

The Captain nodded before thinking to ask, much calmer this time,

“Excuse me, I-” Klaus paused when the man turned around. “Could you see if Friedrich J. Finkel is here? He’s my unteroffizier.”

The nurse warmly smiled and nodded. 

“Of course. I’ll see if he’s with us."

-

When Freddy woke up, there was an incredibly painful and strong headache buzzing in his head, almost as if someone was repeatedly hitting him over the head with a mallet. He could faintly hear music playing off in the distance. His blue eyes squinted when he turned over and faced the light that dangled over him on the ceiling.

_Ceiling-light… Where was he? Where was Klaus? Was he alive?_

Freddy slowly sat up, his body aching and popping as he moved, and gazed around him. He was quick to realize that he was in a hospital bay of some sort, deducing that from the hospital cot that he laid in and the sheer curtain surrounding it. There was a small table next to his bed that held a small stack of paper cups, his erkennungsmarke, and a small canister of pills in which he quickly identified to be Pervitin. 

The man pressed his lips together in thought for a moment before pushing himself up against his pillow and the small headboard and pulling back the sheet he was under. He very slowly pulled his leg upwards so his knee was close to his chest, hissing out in pain.

 _He had never felt this kind of pain before._

The center of the bottom of his leg was snugly wrapped with gauze, which was stained with blood.

There was then a loud screeching noise over the PA system as a booming voice called for a nurse, making Freddy jump.

The thirty-three-year-old sighed and went back to inspecting his leg, picking at and peeling the gauze around it, almost intrigued to see what the doctors had done. He had almost gotten the bandage fully unwound when he heard the scrape of the curtain rings being pushed across the curtain rod.

“It’s good to see that you’re awake,” A thickly-accented female voice greeted. “But you really shouldn’t be taking that off without clean hands.”

_Her voice sounded muffled._

Freddy looked over and mumbled out a small sorry, now realizing that his throat was scratchy and sore. The woman proceeded to introduce herself as Nurse Ambroz and that she would be his primary caretaker during his time in the hospital. The woman was possibly in her mid-twenties and had light blonde hair. She reminded Freddy of his sisters, just the slightest bit.

“That was quite the explosion you faced out there Herr Finkel,” The nurse began. “It’s amazing you came out of it with as little bodily damage as you did. But, I do have some concerns to talk to you about.”

All Freddy did was nod in response. He didn’t remember his last moments on the field all that well, whenever that was. His headache made everything blurry and hard to picture, and maybe that was for the best, but he kept trying to pick through the blurry parts of his mind. Freddy barely remembered being placed in a medical camp and faintly remembered getting dragged off to safety, an intense ringing in his ears, and of course how much Klaus was hurt. Freddy looked to Nurse Ambroz who was removing the bandage on his leg. 

“Do you-” The blond cleared his throat in an attempt to make it less scratchy. “Do you know if Hauptmann Klenzendorf is…” 

Freddy thickly swallowed, contemplating whether or not he wanted to say ‘here’ or ‘alive.’

“If Hauptmann Klenzendorf is here. Klaus Klenzendorf. I’m his unteroffizier.”

The woman took a moment to think.

“I know we have three Hauptmanns with us in other condition wings at the moment,” Nurse Ambroz replied as she fully unwrapped his leg, her voice still sounding quiet. “Two arrived with you and multiple others so I’ll make sure to ask for you.”

“Thank you,” The man replied, feeling a bit more calm knowing that his squad only had three captains.

Freddy went to brush a piece of hair out of his face to see his wound more clearly, but his hand brushed a piece of soft and thin fabric. He immediately recognized that gauze was wrapped around his head. The unteroffizier’s brow furrowed as he gently touched around his head. He was confused about why it was wrapped. Other than having a pounding headache and feeling a bit confused, Freddy’s head felt fine. But it did explain why everything sounded muffled and quiet. He stuck his fingers beneath the looser parts of the bandage, trying to feel around for blood, but he didn’t find anything.

_This would have been so much easier if he had a mirror._

“Are those too tight?” Nurse Ambroz asked as she tied off the new gauze on Freddy’s leg. “They need a change anyways.”

“Oh, not really,” Freddy quietly replied as the woman walked to his left with a roll of gauze.

Nurse Ambroz began to gently unclip the bandage as she quietly hummed a military tune. 

“Once I get these off and new ones on I’ll fill you in on your condition, okay?” The woman softly told Freddy, taking a moment to brush his hair out of his face.

“Okay,” He softly replied.

When the nurse fully removed the bandage, Freddy felt something warm run down the side of his neck. The man scrunched his nose in disgust as he dragged his pointer and middle finger up his neck. He pulled his fingers away and began to observe the mystery liquid. It looked like a mix of puss and blood.

“What is...” He whispered to himself as he held his fingers out a bit to more clearly see it.

Nurse Ambroz tossed the bandages into a trash bag she brought with her and turned back to him.

“Oh, goodness,” She exclaimed as she reached for a hand towel.

 _Even without the bandages, her voice sounded muffled_.

“I’ll have to tell the doctor about this,” Ambroz said as she wiped up Freddy’s neck and hand.

_Still muffled._

“I… I can’t hear…” Freddy rasped out as he touched his ear with his other hand, panic taking over his body. “Why can’t I hear?”

The nurse’s brow furrowed as she frowned.

“Herr Finkel, I was planning to discuss this-”

“What happened? Why can’t I hear clearly?” Freddy questioned as tears welled up in his eyes.

“Herr Finkel,” The woman placed both of her hands on his shoulder, softly squeezing them. “I’m going to need you to breathe, take deep breaths.”

After a few moments of deep breathing from Freddy, which was matched by Nurse Ambroz, the woman cleared her throat.

“Regarding your hearing, it should fully recover in your right ear. Though, your left ear might be another story based off of what just came out of it.”

Freddy could feel his stomach twist. He was scared.

“I really should go speak with the doctor about this, but I’ll be back,” Nurse Ambroz grabbed the curtain before adding, “I’ll ask about your Hauptmann while I’m gone.”

The nurse left the curtained off area in a hurry, leaving Freddy alone with his own thoughts and fears.

-

After one of the doctors came in to look at Freddy and ultimately made Freddy feel a bit worse about his condition, Nurse Ambroz came back later on that day. She brought no news of Klaus but a small poetry book and a cup of water. Freddy quietly thanked her and accepted both, and began to sip the water in the cup and thumb through the book. It looked like a large number of pages had been ripped out, which perplexed the man but he pushed the thought aside.

“Do you need anything else?” Nurse Ambroz asked.

With the nurse to his left and being little lost in thought while reading, Freddy furrowed his brow.

“I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

“Do… Do you need anything else?” Nurse Ambroz repeated, projecting her voice a bit more.

Freddy shook his head no.

“I’m fine, thank you,” He said as he gestured to his cup of water, his eyes still focusing on the book in his other hand.

“N-No,” The woman took a small step forward. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I don’t understand what you’re-” Freddy looked up and over.

He then realized what she meant when he saw that the top of her dress was unbuttoned far enough to reveal the top of her bra. Freddy wasn’t shy of the female form, he had a handful of girlfriends to hide what he was, but his eyes still went wide as his face still flushed. 

“Oh, no- You don’t- I’m not- No thank you,” Freddy managed to get out.

The woman immediately froze and her face went red.

“I’m so sorry- I know this is highly unprofessional but usually men want- By now men usually force- They always-” She dropped her head. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Freddy replied as he shifted back up against his pillow a bit. “But you shouldn’t... You… Don’t let people do that just because they’re injured or upset.”

The young nurse made slight eye contact and merely nodded as she buttoned her dress back up.

“I’ll… I’ll be going now and I am sorry,” She went to pull the curtain back but turned back around. “But I really wouldn’t mind if you ever needed to-”

“I’m fine,” Freddy assured the woman.

The nurse quietly bid him goodnight and left the sectioned off area, leaving Freddy alone to contemplate what had just happened.

***

“I’ve got good (great) news. He’s here,” Both nurses told Freddy and Klaus.

“Really? (He is?)” Both men asked.

Both nurses nodded in confirmation and provided a few more details before continuing on with their medical duties.

Freddy and Klaus both took deep breaths and relaxed into the pillows that laid behind them. 

_The other man was only one wing away._

-

A few days had passed and neither Freddy nor Klaus had left their small areas of the hospital, but their curtains had been opened. The fact that they both knew that the other was okay helped them both calm down and focus on their own medical issues.

Freddy had tried to walk around the day after he had come-to but collapsed after a few steps. The pain that shot through his body was indescribable and Nurse Ambroz was quick to help him up, mumbling something about physical therapy in between comforting coos and supportive words. The nurse was less awkward around him now, but the moment was still uncomfortable.

Freddy was assigned a crutch after that. 

Despite the stitched-wound in his leg getting help, Freddy’s hearing was looking like a lost cause. His right ear had cleared a significant amount but his left was another story. After the doctor had looked at and operated on it again, they only received the same result… A handful of blood and puss. 

Freddy tried to make the best of it, though it wasn’t exactly lifting his spirits. He wanted to be able to listen to music again… To be able to hold a conversation without having to completely hone in on the speaker’s voice… But reality settled in quite quickly. 

_At least he was still alive._

***

In contrast to Freddy, Klaus didn’t know much about the condition of his eye until the day came to remove the gauze that covered it.

When the male nurse began to take off the bandages, he gave Klaus a supportive smile, conveying the message of ‘ _You’ll be fine.’_ Klaus almost believed that until the bandages were removed. 

Klaus blinked a bit, thinking that maybe his eye was just a bit tired and needed to adjust to the bright hospital light. But when his vision didn’t clear, his heart dropped. All he saw out of his right eye was a glossy haze of his surroundings. He could barely make out shapes or colors.

“How is it?” The doctor asked. 

“It’s…” Klaus blinked a few more times. “I don’t know how to describe it.”

He turned to the doctor and nurse that stood to his left, displaying his broken eye to them. Both men visibly tensed at the sight of it and the male nurse shakily handed him a handheld mirror.

Klaus shivered when he caught a glimpse of his eye. His iris and pupil were now a soft blue, his iris having the smallest hint of a sluggish grey in it most likely being due to his original eye color.

“Why is it like this? I thought it would be okay,” Klaus said as he tried to keep his hands from shaking, but his attempts were in vain.

He never pulled his gaze away from the mirror as he spoke. He was in shock. This whole time he was given words of support and promises of good health. No matter how many times Klaus opened and closed his right eye, his vision never improved. What pulled him out of his trance was the not-so-discreet whispers of the doctor and male nurse.

“It’s a real shame,” The nurse murmured. “I mean, he’s a cripple now. I can’t imagine what his wife will think, poor thing. Who’s going to hire him? He’s a reliability here, never mind working a gun or in a factory.”

Those words stung Klaus as the harsh reality of his condition surrounded him. The nurse had a point. 

_Would he be welcomed back as a Captain to fight?_

_Would he be sent home to the family he hadn’t communicated with in years as a wounded and shamed soldier?_

_How was he going to explain that the cause of the loss of his eye was because he made an idiotic executive decision?_

_What would they all think?_

_What was_ **_Freddy_ ** _going to think?_

Klaus took a shaky breath and put down the mirror. He was given an eye patch the next day, in which he immediately requested to have a pen, pad of paper, and a postage stamp.

-

A day had passed since Freddy had received his crutch and Klaus had seen the condition of his eye. It was now Thursday and the first day both men would be let out of their respective hospital wings.

When Freddy entered the common room he was met with the chatter of other wounded men and the soft hum of opera playing on the gramophone. It was welcoming and intimidating all the same. 

The nurse who walked him down had already left, leaving him standing alone in the doorway. That was until he felt someone tap his shoulder. Freddy jumped at the touch and turned around to the best of his ability.

He was met with the rosy and clean-shaven face of Paul, whose arm was in a sling. Freddy smiled and tightly hugged Paul, making sure to be careful and aware of the other’s arm.

“You’re a sight for sore eyes,” Paul greeted. 

Freddy laughed and choked back his tears of relief. Paul wasn’t Klaus, but at least he wasn’t alone.

The two men made their way into the common and onto one of the small sofas. They discussed their conditions and Paul explained what had happened after the explosion to the best of his ability. According to the brunette, he had gotten Klaus to safety, just as promised, and then headed back to get Freddy, which resulted in his arm being snapped.

The blond didn’t know what to say other than thank Paul repeatedly. 

_What else could he say?_

Later, Freddy happily expressed that Klaus was alive but just somewhere else in the hospital.

And that’s when he saw him. Freddy froze.

***

Klaus was itching to get to the common room. He hoped that Freddy or at _least_ Paul would be there. When he went to go into the common, he walked right into the corner of the doorframe. He silently cursed, backed away, and placed his hand on the doorway to guide himself in. His eye slowly and carefully scanned the room, his breath catching in his throat when his gaze finally landed on a familiar blond and brunette. When Freddy noticed him, he collected himself to the best of his ability and advanced forward.

It took everything in each man to not passionately embrace the other and take him into a deep kiss but they prevailed. Instead, the older placed his hand on Freddy’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

“I’m glad to see that you’re alive, Friedrich.”

“Same here, Hauptmann,” Freddy replied. “It’s a relief to know you’re okay.”

_He had noticed the eye patch but… He’d ask later._

All Klaus could do was give Freddy a wide smile and squeeze his shoulder again. Their eye contact was intense and conveyed how much of a relief and delight it was to see the other man. After he realized that he had been staring for too long, Klaus immediately looked towards Paul.

“Leutant Betzler,” He greeted. “It’s great to see that you’re alive.”

“Hauptmann,” Paul replied with a warm smile and curt nod. “It’s good to see that you’re also in good condition, I was worried when trying to get you out of there. And Freddy was too.”

“Thank you, _both_ of you, for fighting to get me out,” Klaus thanked, despite not being too sure whether or not he would’ve preferred death over becoming a cripple.

Both men nodded before Paul asked,

“How’s your eye?”

 _“Oh-_ It’s...” Klaus quickly looked over to Freddy and then back to Paul. “It’s fine. It’s light-sensitive but it should improve.”

Before Freddy or Paul could comment or ask Klaus to elaborate, a voice called out from the other side of the common.

“Hauptmann Klenzendorf!”

The Captain turned to see a colleague waving him over. He turned back and took one long look at Freddy. With this look, he realized how malnourished Freddy looked. 

_The front’s limited diet had hit him hard._

The sound of his name being called again snapped him out of his thoughts.

“Excuse me, gentlemen,” Klaus said before making his way over to the man who called for him.

Freddy watched the Captain walk off with a soft smile. He hadn’t noticed Paul shift closer.

“That’s Klara, isn’t it?” Paul quietly said as he cocked his head.

“What?” Freddy asked as he looked over with a raised brow.

“Klenzendorf is your Klara and you’re his Franziska,” Paul said with a small hand gesture.

_Oh._

He forgot about that lie. Freddy could feel his heart pounding as his throat tightened. He forced a scoff and tried to collect himself.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” He replied as he glanced over to Klaus and then back to Paul.

“I’ve seen the way you look at him, the way you stand close to him,” The Lieutenant explained. “The way you were hovering over him before the explosion… I could see that you really care for him, Fred.”

The Sub-Officer began to nervously pick at his nails as Paul spoke.

“Now I do apologize if I’m over-analyzing and you have every right to be offended, but…” Paul lowered his voice more. “Don’t think that I haven’t noticed something going on between you two.”

Freddy tightly pressed his lips together and looked around before turning his attention back to Paul. 

“He’s a good friend of mine and I respect his work ethic. It’s nothing more,” Freddy told him. “I’m… I’m not a fucking fag.”

Paul nodded and gave Freddy a tight-lipped smile before he patted Freddy on the arm.

“Then I apologize,” Paul said before he stood and walked over to Klaus. 

Freddy could hear his heart pounding in his ears as he watched Paul speak with Klaus. At one point, Klaus looked over at Freddy with an arched brow. Eventually, he patted Paul on the side of his arm and walked over to Freddy. The blond thickly swallowed.

“Paul said you wanted to go play a game of chess?” Klaus said.

Freddy raised a brow and glanced over to Paul, who was now chatting with the man Klaus was previously in a dialogue with. He chuckled to himself, allowing some tension out, and turned back to his lover.

“Are you up for one?”

“Of course.”

Freddy and Klaus settled into their seats in front of the chess set and began quietly talking.

“So, I…” Freddy began before petting out a small sigh. “I want you to know that I’ve… I've lost all hearing in my left ear.”

Klaus’s gaze shot up towards the blond’s face. 

“Really?”

Freddy glanced up before dropping his gaze.

“Yeah.”

“God, Freddy, I-” Klaus’ tone dropped. “I’m sorry…”

_That I couldn’t help you._

Freddy sighed and looked up. 

“Could you repeat that?” He asked with a weak smile.

“I’m sorry, Freddy,” Klaus repeated, a bit louder.

Klaus wanted to reach out and grasp the hand that rested on the table across from him, but he didn’t dare. Their conversation was already too intimate.

“It’s okay, I’ve just got to get used to it,” Freddy finally moved his piece. “The headaches I get aren’t _all_ that bad. But, what about you?”

Klaus’ stomach twisted. He knew what was coming.

“What happened to your eye?” Freddy asked. “Is everything okay?”

The Captain licked his lips and moved his chess piece.

“I… Yeah. It’s a bit fucked up but it’s already significantly improved,” Klaus lied. “The patch is for sensitivity and-”

He made a gesture with his hands as he struggled to remember the word.

“Infections?” Freddy suggested.

Klaus nodded and avoided the other’s gaze.

“Yes, infections.”

They continued the game in silence, the occasional snarky comment interrupting it before it dissolved back.

“So,” Klaus cleared his throat. “Has anything exciting happened in your wing?” 

“No, not really. But, uh-” Freddy moved his piece before lowering his tone. “My nurse came onto me.”

Klaus raised a brow and looked up.

“Really? I mean, I don’t blame her, but,” He chuckled to himself as he went back to looking at the board. “I didn’t expect to hear that.”

Freddy breathily laughed and nodded.

“I sure as hell didn’t expect it. But what about you? Anything exciting on your end?”

Klaus chuckled.

“I think I’ve been the ‘excitement’, as much as I hate to admit it.”

Freddy cocked a brow.

“Really? Did I hear that right?” Klaus nodded and a small sly smile formed on Freddy’s face. “Do tell.”

“Well, I…” Klaus paused, taking a moment to think before moving a chess piece. “Let’s just say that I made a bit of a scene. But, a very handsome nurse wrangled me away so I cooperated.”

Klaus playfully nudged Freddy’s foot with his own. Freddy smiled.

“It’s good to know you didn’t run off with him,” Freddy joked as he studied the board.

“I’m not the one who does that,” Klaus replied with a chuckle.

The brunette male then froze, realizing what he had just said. He looked over to Freddy and felt his heart twist. The Sub-Officer's face was full of hurt and some betrayal.

_Freddy could’ve sworn that they had gotten over that hurdle._

“Freddy I was just-”

“I get it,” Freddy softly replied.

The Sub-Officer made an attempt to get out of his chair but only stumbled and let out a small yelp of pain, which attracted some attention before he landed back in the chair. He looked around for his crutch, which was now on the floor. Freddy sighed and dropped his head. Only three days into using the crutch and he hated relying on it to move.

Klaus quickly got up, wincing a bit when his leg tensed, but swiftly retrieved the crutch and handed it to Freddy. Freddy accepted it and stood, positioning the wooden crutch under his arm.

_How pitiful was that?_

Freddy began making his way out of the hall and Klaus just stood there, craning his neck a bit to watch his lover leave. He made a quick glance around the room before meeting Paul’s questioning gaze. Paul raised a brow and cocked his head in the direction Freddy had gone before looking away. Klaus took a deep breath before following Freddy’s footsteps, slightly limping as he did.

He was quick to catch up with him in less than a minute at the end of a hallway.

 _“Freddy,”_ Klaus called out in a hushed time as he gently grabbed the other’s arm, almost missing it because of his depth perception

Freddy whipped around, but not before stumbling a bit.

“What the _fuck,_ Klaus? We both almost die and that’s what you bring up?” Freddy hissed as he jabbed the older’s chest with his pointer finger. “That was completely unwarranted, it’s been what- Almost two years?”

“I know, Freddy- It just slipped out and… I get it’s been some time but…” Klaus sighed, deciding that now wasn’t the time to express his insecurities. “Maybe we should joke about it.”

A small bubble of frustration formed in Freddy’s stomach.

“Could you repeat that?” He asked.

“Maybe… Maybe we should joke about it Freddy.”

Freddy rolled his eyes.

“I just don’t understand why you can’t move on and get over it!” Freddy said, his voice rising a bit.

“Is everything okay, gentlemen?” A woman’s voice rang out from down the hall.

Freddy and Klaus’ heads snapped towards the direction in which the voice came from, slightly startled. It was the head nurse.

“Yes ma’am,” Klaus replied as Freddy nodded.

The nurse nodded and continued down the hall and then past Freddy and Klaus. The two men waited for the sound of the woman’s heels clicking against the tile floor to soften before they continued.

“There was no malice behind my words, Freddy,” Klaus whispered.

The Sub-Officer rolled his lips together in thought before untensing and letting out a small sigh.

“I know, K. I’m sorry. I know it’s not easy to forget…” Freddy’s eyes met Klaus’ uncovered one. “But you do know that I’ve been trying my best to prove myself to you, right?”

Klaus was quick to nod.

“Of course, Finkie. Of course,” Klaus reassured him. “And I’ve forgiven you.”

Freddy weakly smiled and wiped his face with his free hand.

“Talk to me about it if you ever worry about my actions or intentions,” Freddy told Klaus. “I’ll listen, I promise.”

Klaus inwardly chuckled. It’s like Freddy knew what he really wanted to say.

“I will,” Klaus said before adding, just below a whisper, “I love you.”

Freddy didn’t clearly hear what he said but was able to read his lips. He briefly looked around to check their surroundings before gently grasping Klaus’ hand. 

“I love you too, Klaus,” He softly replied.

Klaus’ heart warmed a bit at the action. He squeezed Freddy’s hand before they both let go.

“Anyways, I-” Klaus cleared his throat. “I am beyond relieved that you’re okay, Finkie. I don’t remember much about that weekend but… I remember you… You being there and then suddenly disappearing and Paul shouting and…”

He sighed as a small smile formed on his face.

“I’m just relieved that you’re alive.”

Freddy shifted closer onto his crutch and wiped his eyes with his free hand.

“I can only say the same, K. God works in mysterious ways, but… This time I think I’ll actually thank him.”

“I think I might start believing in him again,” Klaus replied with a chuckle.

Freddy laughed and went to respond but his stomach spoke instead. His face heated up a bit as Klaus laughed.

“All of this has made me hungry,” Freddy was quick to say. 

Klaus looked down at his watch but remembered that it was broken and glanced at the clock on the wall.

“Lunch is served in five minutes.”

Freddy’s face lit up as he smiled. Klaus’ heart melted a bit at it. 

“Then what are we waiting for?”

* * *

**February 1944**

Freddy and Klaus were in the small dining hall, wrapping up their dinners as they heard a commotion down the hallway outside of the room. The noise grabbed both of their attention. Klaus returned their trays and utensils before returning back to the bench and handing Freddy his crutch. The two made their way down towards the common room, the noises becoming clearer as they approached. Turning the corner, both men paused and stood in place. Klaus and Freddy gawked at the group of men before them who were dancing, almost drunkenly, and cheek-to-cheek, around the common room of the hospital, laughing and singing a military tune.

Neither man had seen such a large group of men so openly _close_ to one another since 1933. As welcoming as it was, it was almost off-putting, like it was a test.

“Friedrich!” Paul called out. “Come join us!”

Freddy and Klaus shared a glance before Freddy smiled a bit and shrugged. Klaus watched as Freddy walked over, crutch still under his arm.

“You too, Klaus!” Paul encouraged with a laugh.

The Captain took a deep breath and rolled his eyes to himself before joining the group of men. Some of them cheered, one slapping his bad arm, making him flinch a bit, but he didn’t say anything about it.

The two men joined in on the singing, which only worsened in pitch when the swaying increased. At one point, Paul bumped into Klaus, making the older man lightly bump into Freddy. Klaus looked over to Paul and the other man only smiled and shrugged. The Captain turned back to his Sub-Officer and apologized, asking if he was okay. Freddy said that he was fine with a laugh and shifted the crutch beneath his arm, continuing to sing with the other men. Seeing Freddy dance again, despite it not being the best, made Klaus’ heart swell. Freddy seemed happy again.

Eventually, Freddy’s right hand found Klaus’ shoulder and one of Klaus’ hands rested on Freddy’s waist. Their laughter joined the others while their touches were kept careful and platonic as they could make them. They were able to relax a bit and enjoy themselves. Neither knew how much time had passed until a loud and piercing pitch and thick amount of static blared over the PA system.

“Gentlemen in the common, it’s time to quiet down,” The head nurse’s voice informed them. “Curfew is in thirty minutes. Have a lovely night.”

A few men let out a few curses and derogatory slurs, but ultimately broke away from the group. As the energy of the room quieted and cleared out, Klaus turned to Freddy. The Sub-Officer's face was flushed red as he sat down on one of the run-down loveseats behind them. Klaus smiled and joined him.

“That was something, huh?” Klaus laughed out.

“Yeah,” Freddy breathed out as he kicked his crutch aside to make room for both him and Klaus. “Perfect for today.”

_Valentinstag._

“I only wish I didn’t need this damn thing,” Freddy sighed as he gestured to the crutch beige adding with a laugh, “It doesn’t help me dance any better.”

Klaus chuckled.

“I don’t think anyone was worried about how well your dancing was. Besides, you haven’t had our records to practice with. You’re out of practice.”

The Sub-Officer playfully scoffed and gently nudged Klaus’ shoulder.

“Besides, you only have what… Twelve days left with that thing?”

“Mhm,” Freddy hummed. “Twelve days and…”

He grabbed Klaus’ wrist and checked his watch, gently tracing the cracked center as he read it. 

“And four hours… If that’s still accurate,” Freddy snorted before adding, “I’m glad you keep wearing it, though. It’s sweet.”

“Of course,” Klaus quietly cooed. “It reminds me of you… And when things were a bit easier.”

Freddy smiled.

“You know, there are just a few more weeks left,” Freddy said as his eyes lit up a bit.

“Until what?” Klaus asked.

“Until _what?_ Until we get out of here,” Freddy said with an excited smile. “Three weeks and two days until we get to go _home_.”

 _“Oh,_ oh!” Klaus replied. “Right.”

Klaus had written to the head of his division the previous month, describing, detailing, and defending himself before anyone could demote him or send him home a broken and former soldier. But, Klaus’ attempt to be re-enlisted was declined; he’d be going home. He’ll never forget what the Sergeant-Major wrote in his letter back.

_“You need two eyes to be a meaningful part of the war effort.”_

That just rubbed salt into his fifty-year-old wounds. He had just gotten promoted and now he was a cripple, being sent home; and was probably going to be demoted later. He wasn’t exactly looking forward to it but at least Freddy would be there with him. He could do it with Freddy.

Klaus sighed and Freddy sneaked his hand on top of the Captain's. 

“Hopefully we’ll get our stuff back,” Freddy said with a quiet laugh. 

Klaus echoed Freddy’s chuckle with his own.

“We better.”

He had sent some things home- Well, to Freddy’s mother’s, that he'd rather _not_ lose.

“We will,” Freddy assured, trying to override his original statement.

The two shared a careful and quick peck, which was the first and only kiss they had during their time in the hospital, and smiled.

“Glücklicher Valentinstag, K,” Freddy whispered.

“Glücklicher Valentinstag, Freddy,” Klaus softly replied.

* * *

**March 1944**

It was the last day in the hospital. _The_ last day. Freddy was practically bursting at the seams. He couldn’t wait to go home, to sleep in his own bed, to see his family. On the other hand, Klaus was just happy to be leaving the sterile hospital and mainly stayed stoic. 

Of course, there was a change in plans. It was more so a clarification, but Freddy dubbed it to be a change. They weren’t going home. They were just being _relocated_ into a home.

Freddy was disappointed but still looked forward to the change of scenery and a real reason to live with Klaus. He told himself that they could always go and visit their families and homes. That was an option for the first month, their ‘recovery period’ as the doctor put it.

Klaus liked this clarification. He didn’t mind putting off confronting his family for more time. Plus, it made the ‘at-home’ recovery less permanent.

All there was left to do was wait. Wait, chat, eat, repeat. And that’s exactly what they did.

-

As they left the small hospital mess hall for the last time, Paul grabbed Freddy’s arm and leaned close to his good ear.

“I need to talk to you,” Paul whispered.

Paul gently pulled Freddy by his arm, making sure not to yank him too hard despite not needing his crutch anymore. Freddy turned to Klaus and gave him a small wave.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Freddy told Klaus.

Klaus felt a pang of jealousy in his stomach. 

The way Paul’s lips were so close to Freddy’s ear that they almost gently brushed it made Klaus’ lip quiver.

The way Freddy intently listened to every word made Klaus wish he was Paul at that moment.

The way Paul tugged on the other’s arm and pulled Freddy away made Klaus think about all the times he had done it to Freddy… He always did it when they walked into the bedroom before they had sex.

It all looked so _intimate_ to him.

_How was Paul so openly able to do that without a care in the world?_

But then Klaus took a moment to rationalize. He thought about Freddy’s words of reassurance, every small kiss he's given him, and his promises. He then remembered who Paul was. Klaus knew he could trust him. Paul was a good man. 

_Paul had saved his and Freddy’s life._

Klaus smiled and waved back.

“See you in the morning.” 

***

The two men kept walking until they reached a small alcove. Paul sat down and Freddy followed.

“What do you want to-” Freddy paused when Paul raised a finger to his lips.

The Lieutenant looked around before turning back to Freddy.

“Fred I need to tell you something really important.”

Freddy nodded and Paul seemed to hesitate for a moment.

“Fred,” Paul whispered as he leaned in, glancing around again before turning back. “When I leave I’ll be heading to Italy.”

Freddy’s brow furrowed and thought for a moment. 

“But Italy isn’t-” 

“I know,” Paul cut him off. “It’s just a small group of men heading out. As far as anyone knows it’s a small reconnaissance mission. In a way it is.”

Freddy nodded and glanced around them, checking to see if anyone was eavesdropping.

“You could get killed for this, Paul.”

Paul nodded.

“Why don’t you take the time to go home?” Freddy asked.

“I can't, Fred. This has been in motion for months. Plus, my…”

He took a deep breath and rolled his shoulders back a bit.

“My daughter… My daughter is incredibly sick Friedrich,” Paul said, making Freddy quietly whisper _‘oh’._ “If I could go home to my family I would. I’d love to go home to see her. To console my wife and son, to hold them all in my arms, but… I may not…”

Paul sighed and rubbed, or possibly wiped, his eyes with both hands. Freddy placed a supportive hand on his shoulder and waited for him to speak. Paul took a deep breath and dropped his hands.

“I know this can endanger everything I’ve worked on and for but,” He made direct eye contact with Freddy. “But I’d rather try my hand in fighting this war the way I want to. For my children, for my country, for those who didn’t even have a chance when this all started.”

For some reason that made Freddy’s heart twist with guilt.

“Now, you know I’ve pried… About your loyalties in the past and that aside I don’t think- No I _know_ you don’t think the same way as every fucking Nazi in this _fucking_ mess of a war.”

A chill ran down Freddy’s spine. Ignoring the fact that Paul never swore, he was _right._ Paul was right about him, but Freddy knew he was too much of a coward to do anything about it.

“I wish you the best of luck,” Freddy finally got out.

Paul nodded and extended his hand.

“I’ve had the absolute pleasure of getting to know you, Fred. Thank you and stay strong. For both yourself and Klaus. I have a feeling he might need some extra support.”

Freddy accepted the handshake and despite not exactly understanding what Paul was saying, he firmly shook his hand and said,

“I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This is a bit of a long note but I’d appreciate it if you read it all!)
> 
> Hey! It’s been a while- A month to this day actually. I apologize for the long wait, I’m back at school, which I’m obviously prioritizing over this. I also must have re-written this chapter at least three times... For some reason this one was really kicking my ass creativity wise. :( But I hope the chapter was good enough to make up for the long wait and that it wasn’t too painful to read. :)  
> -  
> I hope my American-citizenship-wielding readers who are of age (which you should be if you’re reading this) went out and voted or sent in their ballot! I know things are hard right now but thank you if you did.  
> -  
> Now, you may be wondering why I made Freddy deaf in one ear... As much as I want to answer why now, I won’t be. But don’t worry, that will be made clear in the next part of this series. :) While on the topic of injury, I’m trying to convey the different ways both Freddy and K adapt and deal with their life changing(?) injuries and how it will effect their anxieties and physical responses.  
> -  
> I ended up extending this part by an extra chapter to try to make some things flow a bit better- The next chapter is mostly done so expect that within a week. :) (Remember when I said this one would be shorter than the first part? Now it’s significantly longer word wise, wow!)  
> -  
> Side question if anyone would like to answer: Did you notice what I did with Freddy and Klaus’ nurses and how they parallel their relationship? Or was I too vague? Let me know :)  
> -  
> Overall, I hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading. <3


	14. *Take Off Your Silver Smile, Throw Your Head Back, and Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first day, the seventh day, the eighth evening, and the ninth morning in the new home.
> 
> Klaus is distant and Freddy just wants that damn eyepatch to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for...
> 
> (Alluded to) Sexual Assault/Rape  
> (Alluded to) Suicide/Suicidal Thoughts  
> (Alluded to) Drug/Alcohol Abuse  
> Depression  
> — Klaus needs to see a therapist and/or a psychiatrist  
> Use of the Word ‘Cripple’  
> — Regarding this word, I do not use it in my personal life, but when considering the time period Jojo Rabbit is set in; the word would be used.  
> Sexual Content  
> — Not as explicitly described as I usually write it, but it’s not vague enough to not mark this chapter with an *
> 
> Translation(s):  
> None for this chapter.
> 
> Title Credits: Lyrics from David Bowie’s ‘Tired of My Life’ (Which is also,,, very accurate for this chapter), AKA 'It's No Game' Demo

**March 1944**

“I always wondered why the makers leave housekeeping and cooking out of their tales. Isn't it what all the great wars and battles are fought for— so that at day's end a family may eat together in a peaceful house?” -Ursula K. Le Guin, ‘Voices: Annals of the Western Shore’

  
-

The hum of an engine revving slowly faded into the background noise surrounding Freddy and Klaus as they stood in front of the home they had been placed in. It was simple-looking on the outside, comparable to the home Freddy and Edgar had previously resided in, but it had a looming presence. Freddy took a deep breath and looked to Klaus, who was already up the five steps that led to the door. He had always imagined what domestic life would’ve been like with Klaus in the first couple of years of their relationship. But, the war and the conflicts that formed around every bend made him completely disregard that fantasy. So now as they were being put into a home together, a small wave of happiness washed over him. 

Out of all of their time together, moving in with one another in the middle of a war was not when Freddy expected to begin a domestic life with Klaus. But he wasn’t complaining. 

“Freddy?” Klaus called out, snapping Freddy out of his thoughts.

“Hm?” Freddy hummed as he turned to him.

Klaus motioned towards the open door with his head. Freddy smiled and headed up the front steps.

The home was pre-furnished, but not to a large extent, the dining room and kitchen felt quite empty, the rest of the home was yet to be explored, but both men had a feeling that it wouldn’t be too impressive either.

Klaus closed the door and the two walked in some more. As Freddy looked around, Klaus’ nose scrunched up and he sniffed a few times.

“It smells musty in here,” The Captain commented as he moved further into the home.

Freddy took a small sniff and shrugged.

“It just adds character,” He replied as he stepped to where Klaus had moved before kissing the Captain's shoulder. “We can air it out, though.”

The corners of Klaus’ mouth briefly quirked upwards before he reached for Freddy’s free hand and gently grasped it.

“As depressing as it is in here it’s better than the hospital.”

“Mm,” Freddy hummed as he rested his cheek on Klaus’ shoulder, his eyes gazing around a bit. “We’ll make it ours.”

He pressed another kiss to Klaus’ shoulder before taking a step back and looking around a bit.

“Next month I’ll grab some stuff from home to spice things up a bit,” Freddy said as he placed his hands on his hips. “Unless there was… Um…”

Klaus glanced over.

“A raid?”

“Yes, that,” Freddy said as he brought his pep back up with a smile as he faced Klaus. “But I'm sure everything’s okay back home.”

Klaus only nodded in response. He had forgotten that they would be going home to visit in April. He hadn’t written or bothered to go home to see anyone in years, how would his family react? Klaus swallowed back his nervousness and pretended to take interest in the floor. 

“You know, I think a nice bouquet of daffodils would brighten the room up. It’s a shame that they’re not in circulation right now, though. They’re only in Hunsrück and Eifel,” Freddy rambled as he walked around a bit, briefly looking into the study down the hall. 

The Sub-Officer turned back around to ask Klaus what he thought just to find him not paying much attention. His enthusiastic smile dropped and he walked back towards Klaus, his focus now being shifted to his feet.

 _Was Klaus not as excited to be living with him as he was?_ Freddy rolled his lips together in thought. _Maybe he just hadn’t gotten the chance to properly take it all in. That must’ve been it._

Noticing the sudden drop in conversation on Freddy’s end, Klaus looked over. He saw how stiff Freddy’s posture was.

“What is it?” He asked.

“Hm?” Freddy looked over. “Oh- It’s, it’s nothing.”

He waved his hand in dismissal. Klaus cocked a brow and watched as Freddy’s stiff posture crumbled.

“I’m sorry, K, but- Can you take off that silly patch, now? Take in your surroundings, Schatzie,” Freddy encouraged. “It’s our new home, you should get used to it.”

“I think I’ll keep it on, Finkie,” Klaus replied as he gazed around the room.

Freddy cocked his brow and followed the Captain's gaze around the room, his gaze eventually landing on the curtains that hung over the windows. While Freddy admired the embroidery-lined curtains on the opposite side of the room, Klaus turned to his right and took a step, bumping into the Sub-Officer as he did so. The contact made Freddy take a few awkward steps off to the side but nothing harmful.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Klaus stumbled but was able to recollect himself after a moment. “The uh, patch kept me from seeing you.”

Freddy smiled.

_That damn caring smile._

It was having an effect on Klaus, lately.

“It’s okay, but, wouldn’t it be easier to have it off?” Freddy asked with a small laugh, placing his hands on Klaus’ hips. “So you can see just a bit better?”

“I- I don’t know Freddy. Maybe.”

Freddy frowned a bit but let it go, just for now. He grabbed his bag and turned back to Klaus with a smile.

“Well, I’m going to check out upstairs,” A mischievous smile formed on his face.

Klaus furrowed his brow.

_What was Freddy going to-_

“And I call the bigger bedroom!” The Sub-Officer exclaimed as he swiftly turned on his heel and jogged up the stairs, only tripping a bit when he shifted his bag of a few belongings in his hand.

Klaus chuckled and shook his head as he followed Freddy up the stairs. When Klaus reached the top of the stairway, he saw Freddy duck into the first room of the hallway. Freddy honestly couldn’t tell the difference size-wise so he opted for the one with prettier wallpaper. Klaus stepped into the bedroom at the end of the hallway, just next to the bathroom, which connected to his room. He made sure to place his hand on the doorframe as he entered. As he entered his room he could hear Freddy go ' _hmpf'_ and the squeak of his bed frame in the other room. _The Sub-Officer had flopped face-first onto his bed._

“Oh,” Freddy loudly moaned into the comforter. “It’s been far too long since I’ve laid on a proper mattress.”

Klaus chuckled and placed his bag down on his bed. He made his way across the hall and leaned into the doorframe of Freddy’s room.

“That good, huh?”

“It almost feels brand new, K,” The blond replied as he nuzzled his face into the blanket further as he waved Klaus over. “Come sit.”

Klaus smiled and within a few strides, he laid on his back, pressing down into the mattress as gently as he could to not hurt his shoulder. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He could have fallen asleep right there. 

“It is pretty damn comfortable,” Klaus sighed as he turned his head to look at Freddy.

Freddy hummed and propped himself up on his forearms with a smile.

“If mine isn’t as comfortable I’ll have no choice but to come in here,” Klaus quietly said as he laid on his left side.

The Sub-Officer giggled at that.

“As your Sub-Officer, I’ll have no choice but to welcome it,” Freddy replied. 

“Exactly,” Klaus hummed as he shifted his position on the bed.

Freddy smiled and rolled onto his back, snuggling into Klaus a bit. He stroked the side of Klaus’ face as he listened to their breathing.

“I love you,” Freddy whispered.

He had said it so quietly that he wasn’t sure if he had actually said it, but the smile that graced Klaus’ lips told him that he did.

“I love you too,” Klaus replied as he leaned down to kiss Freddy.

He almost missed by the slightest amount, but Freddy’s hand guided his face to his own. Klaus could feel his face heat up with embarrassment and a frustrated knot form in his chest. Not having two eyes even interrupted as simple of an action such as a kiss.

Freddy suddenly broke the contact with a furrowed brow.

“We have to pick up food later.”

“What?” Klaus laughed.

“It just came to mind,” Freddy replied as his face and ears flushed pink. 

“I’m kissing you and you’re thinking about food. I see how it is,” Klaus jabbed.

Freddy rolled his eyes with a smile and pecked the Captain's lips, cupping his face with both hands. But, his smile faded into a small frown as he looked up at Klaus.

“I miss seeing those big brown eyes of yours,” Freddy told the other man.

“Mm, I know. The patch needs to stay just a bit longer,” Klaus lied, his good mood immediately dropping at the mention of his eyes.

“I understand,” Freddy said as he absentmindedly fiddled with the bands of the patch. “But I don’t think the doctor is correct about this one.”

Although Freddy didn’t have any intentions to take the eyepatch off or lift it up, Klaus nervously grabbed his hands and placed them on the sides of his face, that being the closest spot to put them. 

“I know but… The doctor said to keep it on,” Klaus lied again.

“Won’t it stay weak if it stays on? I think we’ve left the infection stage so it might be safe to take off,” Freddy said with a chuckle.

Klaus forced out a chuckle of his own and lowered their hands down.

“I know, but I trust that it will be okay,” He replied before pressing a kiss to the other’s hands. “Just give it time.”

Freddy nodded and smiled before he kissed the eyebrow above Klaus’ covered eye.

“Heal faster,” He whispered with a giggle.

Klaus forced a small smile and gently squeezed Freddy’s hands.

“Let’s settle in.”

No less than an hour later, Klaus found himself hovering over the bathroom’s small sink, looking at himself in the mirror. By now, he couldn’t see anything in his right eye; his vision was gone. He let out a quiet sigh and dropped his head, now looking at the chipped paint of the sink.

_Freddy wouldn’t mind. He would understand._

Klaus looked back up, undid the patch, and gazed at his dead eye in the mirror. He pulled at the skin beneath it with his pointer finger as he examined it to the best of his ability. His iris was now fully a light milky blue shade and his pupil almost blended in. 

_No, he wouldn’t. He’ll be disgusted._

Lying came naturally to Klaus, it was a part of his survival, but he wasn’t all too fond of doing it to Freddy.

_He didn’t know how much longer he could keep this up._

He sighed and continued to look at his damaged eye in the mirror, insecurity and worry running through him as he did so.

“Hey, K?” Freddy called out from down the hall, his footsteps being loud enough for Klaus to hear him approaching.

Klaus froze and then fumbled to tie the patch back around his head

“I’m in the bathroom, Freddy,” He called back.

“The sink in the kitchen is leaking and-” Freddy paused when he entered the bathroom; Klaus’ back was turned to him. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Klaus finished tying the patch and turned to face the other man. “What’s wrong with the sink?”

“It’s leaking and I can’t seem to get the pipes to stay together- I’ll just show you.”

Klaus began working beneath the sink as Freddy left to pick up rations for that week. He had to dig out some old tools from the crawl space, which was covered with a thick layer of dust, but the tools were still in good shape. Unfortunately, Klaus was having a hard time repairing the pipes. Between having to hold the heavy flashlight and two other tools, he had to turn his head to the far right to clearly see what he was doing. Every time he thought he made a fix, he had missed it the smallest amount.

Frustrated, Klaus sat back on the tiled floor, put down the tools, and ripped off the patch. He hoped that removing it would maybe, just maybe, allow him to see what he was doing better. When it didn’t, he tossed the patch to the side and kicked the cupboard door. He placed his head in his arms, took a deep breath, and then looked back to the exposed pipes in front of him. Klaus sighed and rubbed his face before sitting back up and going back to working on the pipes. After a few more failed attempts, he finally got the pipes to stop unscrewing and leaking.

Caulk and dust-covered, he took a brief and unfortunately cold shower before changing into his pajamas. It was the early evening, but he didn’t plan on leaving the house for the rest of the day anyway. 

Klaus was reading a newspaper he had grabbed from the mail-slot earlier that day when Freddy came home with a few paper bags in hand.

“What I got isn’t impressive but it’s something,” Freddy said as he put the bags down on the counter. “We’ll have to go and look for some alcohol tomorrow.”

“Mhm,” Klaus hummed in response as his eye scanned the paper before him. “Sounds like a plan.”

_He never did end up going with Freddy._

Freddy tiredly smiled and placed himself behind the chair the Captain was sitting in. He gently placed his hand on the side of Klaus’ head and kissed the other side with a soft sigh. He rested the side of his face in the same spot afterward, occasionally pressing a small kiss into Klaus’ hair.

“I’m so tired,” Freddy sighed as he wrapped his arms around Klaus’ neck, placing his head in the crook of it.

“Me too, Finkie,” Klaus reached back and placed his hand on Freddy’s neck. “Me too.”

Freddy hummed and nuzzled his nose further into the other’s skin.

“It’s going to be so nice to just relax and kick back a bit,” Freddy trailed a finger along with the collar of Klaus’ button up. “To have some privacy.”

Klaus chuckled and lightly squeezed his Sub-Officer's neck. 

“Don’t get too comfortable. We could get called back at any moment,” He reminded him.

Freddy deeply inhaled, taking in the smell of his lover, and then slowly exhaled. He lifted his head and ran his hands up the sides of Klaus’ head and up into the longer parts of his hair. His brow furrowed and he slowed his hand movement, his fingers feeling around.

“You aren’t wearing your patch,” He said with a small smile.

Klaus froze. He hadn’t realized that he never put it back on.

“Yeah. It uh,” Klaus cleared his throat. “It annoyed the shit out of me.”

Freddy chuckled.

“It annoyed the shit out of me, too,” Freddy leaned over Klaus’ shoulder and began to move the Captain's chin to face him.

Klaus rigidly kept his head in place and grasped Freddy’s wrist. He closed his eyes, stood up, and took a deep breath. He turned towards Freddy and opened them. Freddy’s breath hitched before he shifted forwards and cupped the side of Klaus’ face.

“I don’t… I don’t understand why…” Freddy stammered. “Can you see out of it?”

“It’s dead, Freddy,” Klaus replied, his breath hitching as he tried to swallow back his nervousness. “It’s dead.”

Freddy’s thumb began to gently rub beneath the ice-blue eye.

“I thought you said it would be okay,” Freddy softly said.

Klaus shook his head no.

“From the moment I took off the patch the doctor said that he didn’t think I’d ever see from this eye again,” The Captain replied, trying to read how Freddy was feeling.

Freddy frowned.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, his thumb still rubbing beneath the dead eye.

The older man hesitated.

“I was scared that you would leave me,” Klaus replied in a tone so quiet that even a person with perfect hearing would have a hard time hearing.

“I…” Freddy sighed. “Could you repeat that?”

Klaus thickly swallowed and repeated himself but loud enough for Freddy to hear this time.

“I was scared that you would leave me.”

Freddy’s gaze went soft and sympathetic.

“We’ve gone through far too much together for me to leave you over an eye,” He assured with a small laugh. “A beautiful one too, whether it’s brown _or_ baby blue.”

“I’m practically a cripple, Freddy. I’m useless. I don’t know who’s going to hire a man who can only see out of one eye… And there’s no way I’ll be keeping my role as Captain if I’m shipped back out…” Klaus sighed. “Even if I were to try art to get by, I don’t think… What if it isn’t good?”

“Oh, Klaus…” Freddy moved his hands up to the sides of Klaus’ head, his fingers brushing along the shorter parts of the Captain's hair. “You’re not useless. Anyone would be lucky to have you as a lover, a worker, a good soldier...”

Freddy pecked his lips.

“And I'm sure your art will still be just as lovely. You’ve got a knack for it,” He gently brushed a dark strand of hair out of Klaus’ face. “We’ll figure this out, just like we always do.”

Klaus placed his forehead to Freddy’s, letting their noses softly brush. 

“I think I’m going to go to bed,” He murmured.

Freddy barely nodded as Klaus pulled away.

“Would you like for me to go with-” Freddy began but stopped when Klaus shook his head no. 

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Klaus said as he kissed the corner of Freddy’s lips before heading off and towards the stairs. 

Freddy watched Klaus leave with a frown. He felt horrible for pushing him to take off the eyepatch as much as he did. He bit his lip in thought, briefly looking down at the newspaper Klaus had been reading. He picked up the paper, folded it, and placed it on the kitchen counter.

As undetermined as their time was, they had finally gotten a chance to rest and Freddy loved it. He hoped that Klaus would eventually warm up to it as well. That would put Freddy at ease.

* * *

**One Week Later**

“It is the knowledge of the unendingness and of the repetitious uselessness, the do it up so it can be done again, that makes Fatigue fatigue.“ -James Jones, ‘From Here to Eternity’

  
-

Klaus was sitting in the study when Freddy ducked his head in to tell him he was going out to drop off letters to his family. The Captain bid the other goodbye, but then said that he’d do it. Freddy insisted that he would do it since it was his letters, but Klaus said he needed fresh air. In reality, he was bored with his monotonous routine and was itching to take a walk to get his mind off of things. It would be the first time that he had left the home since he and Freddy had arrived. 

As he threw on his military jacket, Klaus was almost excited to get out and see other people who weren’t Freddy, but not that he was complaining. Freddy was a blessing to see every day, but, nonetheless, some new faces would be nice. At least, that’s what he thought.

When he stepped outside, Klaus took a deep breath, taking in the town’s fresh air. He stood on the front step for a minute or so before carefully descending as he placed his hand on the rail to his right.

Reaching the bottom of the steps, Klaus took notice of two of his new neighbors who were quietly whispering and occasionally glancing over at him. Klaus turned to them with a small smile. 

“Good afternoon,” He greeted.

The couple gave him a pathetic wave and mouthed _‘Hello’_ before turning and going inside. Klaus frowned and lightly tugged on his uniform.

Leaving the house suddenly felt like a big mistake. With every step he took, he wished he didn’t leave the house. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him the moment he stepped away from the small stoop of the home. Their gazes stung and struck through him. 

_He wasn’t ready. He should have just let Freddy go- No._ _He could do this for Freddy, to save him some time._

Klaus pushed on, all the way to the post office, and dropped off Freddy’s letters. He couldn’t seem to get home fast enough.

-

Freddy was quietly humming to himself as he cleaned the stovetop, scrubbing off the grime with a brush when Klaus came home. 

“How’s the outside world today?” Freddy asked as he washed his hands.

“It goes on, per usual,” Klaus replied as he removed his shoes. 

“As I’d expect it to,” Freddy said, softly sighing as he dried his hands on a dishtowel.

Klaus tossed his eye patch onto the kitchen table and headed over to Freddy, who was meticulously drying off between his fingers and nails. The Captain gently wrapped his arms around the other’s waist, resting his chin on the man’s shoulder as he did so. Freddy slightly jumped at the touch but relaxed into it.

“It felt like everyone was staring at me,” Klaus whispered, allowing himself a moment of vulnerability.

Freddy figured that Klaus was talking based on the nudging of his jaw against his shoulder, but he didn’t hear what he had said. The Sub-Officer rested his head on Klaus’.

“I’m sorry but I can’t hear your voice, K. Could you repeat that?”

Klaus sighed and lifted his head, now feeling discouraged

“The temperature is really nice today. Beautiful weather.”

“Really?” Freddy asked as he turned around.

“Mhm,” Klaus hummed as he nodded slightly and weakly smiled.

“As beautiful as you?” Freddy asked in a playful tone.

_Freddy had been trying to make him feel more confident about his eye._

Klaus’ smile wavered but was quick to reply with his own banter.

“As stunningly magnificent as you.”

Freddy smiled and with that, he leaned in and met the captain’s lips with his own. The two men shared a long and tender kiss, something they haven’t been able to do in weeks. They stood in the kitchen in their temporary, possibly permanent, home, together, in one another’s embrace, taking a moment to enjoy the silence and calm around them. Freddy quite enjoyed the act of affection; Klaus had been distant all week. But despite the moment of warmth, Klaus’ mood barely improved. The only change that occurred was the color of his lips, which were now a reddish-pink from the kiss.

“I love you,” Freddy cooed. 

The corners of Klaus’ mouth weakly quirked upward before running his hand along Freddy’s jaw, resting it beneath his chin. 

“I love you too.”

Freddy smiled and went to say something but Klaus had already stepped away and went to leave the kitchen. Freddy’s heart dropped a bit and went back to cleaning.

Klaus spent the rest of his day in the study of the home with the door closed. He didn’t necessarily do anything other than flip through the occasional page in a book and sit with his head in his hands as he sulked.

The Captain was tired. Really, really, tired. And maybe he didn’t know or he didn’t want to admit it, but he was sick of the world. 

He once thought going home would be a lovely plan. But that was until the war distracted him from the absolutely depressing truth he lived. The war gave him _purpose_ , an _agenda._ It distracted him from his tormented memories of the bar restroom in 1939. It distracted him from the realization that his whole life had been a lie. It distracted him from the fact that he’ll never live the life he wanted to live. The drug and alcohol addiction did the same thing, but he had given that up to _try_ to better himself. But who was he kidding? Sure, he had Freddy by his side but how long would that last under the Führer? If that was taken away all he’d have would be his title of captain and his role of leading his men into battle. But now, his future as a captain was possibly in ruins. Now, that’s all he had to think about. 

He wanted to be more physically and emotionally intimate with Freddy, he almost craved it. It was the perfect time to, no one was around to eavesdrop or interrupt. But, something was holding him back. 

Originally he thought it was the fact that he had become painfully aware of the pistol that laid in his bedside-drawer that week. But he knew he could never do it, not with Freddy still by his side. Freddy loved and cared for him, he knew that, in fact, it kept him going.

_So what was it?_

-

The next day, Klaus helped Freddy make dinner and quietly ate his soup while the other man kept up some small talk. They gently held hands as they ate, which both men appreciated. It comforted both of them for their own reasons. The moment was nice but was broken when Klaus retreated upstairs, leaving Freddy to clean up on his own.

***

Klaus sat on the edge of his bed, simply looking down at his hands in thought. He slowly flexed and unflexed his fingers, tilting his head to see the lines in his palms better. Klaus sighed and placed his head in his hands. In an attempt to detox his brain, he took a handful of deep breaths. He quietly thought about his party-life in Berlin, a time where he was possibly at his happiest before he met Freddy. He reflected on all of the different aspects of the city’s queer scene- The parties, the fashion, the booze, the friends, the _sex…_ Klaus sighed. Freddy would have loved it.

Klaus’ thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Freddy’s steps coming down the hall. He looked up to see the sub-officer standing in the doorway.

“Hey, you,” Freddy greeted as he leaned into the doorframe, playfully jutting out his hip as if he were a pin-up girl. 

Once again, his actions drew out the smallest smile from Klaus.

 _Hi handsome._ Klaus wanted to reply but only looked back to his hands.

Freddy’s cheery look softened, his face now border lining a neutral expression. He made his way over to the bed and sat next to Klaus. He didn’t say anything or initiate any contact, but just sat there, gazing off to whatever was in front of him. 

After a few minutes, Klaus glanced over to Freddy. His eyes landed on Freddy’s hands, which rested in his lap. Klaus’ fingers twitched, but before he could take Freddy’s hand in his, Freddy moved them down to the mattresses and pushed himself back. After he scooted back a bit, he laid onto his back and looked over at Klaus, whose back was facing him.

Klaus placed his hand on Freddy’s ankle and rubbed small circles into it, his other fingers brushing the top of the younger’s foot. Freddy smiled, enjoying the small touch. They stayed like that for some time before the Sub-Officer sat back up.

Freddy shuffled closer to Klaus so that their biceps were touching. He rested against Klaus and Klaus rested against Freddy. After sitting there for a while, Klaus slowly turned his head, prompting Freddy to do the same. They were so close that their eyelashes could have brushed if they tilted their heads. Klaus hesitated for a moment before cupping the side of Freddy’s face and softly kissing him. Without thinking, Freddy responded by kissing him back. This… This felt natural, domestic, even.

After a few drawn-out kisses that progressively deepened, Klaus pulled Freddy into his lap, much to the blond’s surprise. Klaus didn’t initiate anything beyond small and short kisses anymore, but Freddy was not about to complain. 

Freddy’s arms draped themselves over Klaus’ shoulders, his hands loosely hanging behind the other’s neck. Klaus’ hands slowly traveled up Freddy’s back, grasping and pulling at the cotton shirt beneath his hands. The tugging motion eventually pulled the shirt out from Freddy’s pants, prompting Klaus to dip his hands beneath it. He ran his hands up Freddy’s exposed back, his nails just grazing his spine. Freddy shivered and moved his hands to the base and nape of Klaus’ neck, deepening the kiss. Klaus moaned, making Freddy tighten his grasp. 

_The younger hadn’t heard Klaus make a noise like that in months._

Klaus placed one hand to the side on the bed as he leaned back onto the bed, Freddy following the movement downwards. Freddy began to unbutton Klaus’ shirt, kissing from his jaw to the corner of his mouth as he did so.

“Is this okay?” Freddy carefully asked.

There was a short moment of silence.

“Yeah,” The man below him replied. “It’s okay.”

Freddy caressed the side of Klaus’ face. 

“Do you want to take over?” He asked.

“Just for a little while.”

“Okay.”

Klaus carefully rolled Freddy onto his back, planting his hands by the other’s sides. His right hand missed the bed but he tried to brush it off with a small squeeze of Freddy’s hip before successfully placing it down on the bed. Klaus’ right arm ached from the pressure but he pushed it to the back of his mind. Despite this, he shifted into a more comfortable angle after they both slowly stripped down, landing both of them in their boxers. Both men softly moaned as their bodies pressed together and Freddy let out a surprised and needy gasp when Klaus touched him through his underwear.

As much as he wanted it, Freddy didn’t bother to ask for a blowjob, he couldn’t do that to Klaus, not after what he had gone through. He was perfectly content with Klaus gently stroking and thumbing at him. Hewasn’t surprised that Klaus defaulted to a hand job, that’s all he had gotten from the Captain in their many months together after being reunited. What surprised him was what words came from Klaus’ mouth.

Klaus had paused his hand movements and his kisses along Freddy’s neck, lifting his head to make nervous eye contact with the other man.

“Can you ride me?” 

Freddy felt like the world had just turned upside-down. Klaus never liked that position. They only ever did it on occasion and that’s when Freddy asked for it.

“Yea- Yeah,” Freddy stammered, a bit taken aback. “Are you sure?”

Klaus nodded and Freddy smiled.

They slowly worked their way up to it and Freddy eventually found himself straddling Klaus. He once again asked if Klaus was okay and after receiving confirmation, the Sub-Officer shifted forward. Freddy caressed the side of Klaus’ torso before meeting his gaze with a soft smile. Klaus smiled and watched as Freddy positioned himself.

Freddy then slowly lowered himself down with a broken moan and unsteady breath. _It had been a while._

Klaus shuddered with a low moan. He almost laughed at himself. _He felt like a virgin._

As Freddy adjusted, Klaus took a moment to breathe and think. He wanted to make Freddy happy, no matter the situation, he really did, but his request wasn’t entirely born out of the want to please Freddy. Usually when they did it this way it was because of that very reason, but this time… It just felt natural. His body craved it.

Klaus carefully shifted up the pillows behind him, making sure to not hurt Freddy in the process. Of course, the movement made the blond whine the smallest amount but he was quick to make it clear that he was okay. Wishing to soothe him, Klaus placed his forehead on Freddy’s chest, leaving a gentle kiss on the pale skin beneath his lips.

“I love you,” He mumbled, just loud enough for Freddy to make out the words.

Freddy smiled and moved his hands down the base of Klaus’ neck and then behind it. 

“I love you too.”

Freddy placed the side of his face to Klaus’ head, taking in the smell of this hair and the smell of sex that was slowly filling the room. One of his hands traced up the nape of the Captain's neck before stopping at the crop of his hair. They stayed like that for some time before Freddy took Klaus’ face in his hands, and with a gentle kiss, began rocking his hips. Klaus moaned and took Freddy's hips in his hands.

Their following actions were slow and tender in every moment. It had been far too long since either man had been able to have full-on sex and it was easily shown through how careful they acted. Each man softly directed the other and followed each touch and kiss with their own.

Freddy came after Klaus, and if it were over a decade ago, he would’ve bitched about it and Klaus would’ve fucked him again with a dominant force. But things were so different now, _they_ were so different now. Now he was older, wiser- maybe a bit more fucking stupid when it came to certain things, and just a bit more patient. And Klaus, bless his soul, was older and wiser too, but far more vulnerable in private.

So instead, Freddy loudly moaned and kissed Klaus as he came, whispering small phrases of praise and love before he rested onto the mattress. He laid there with a satisfied smile on his face, reveling in his post-orgasmic bliss as the man he loved laid beside him.

Klaus rolled over onto his side with a tender smile. 

“Was that good?” He asked, a bit nervously.

Freddy smiled and shifted onto his side, propping himself up so he could hear Klaus clearly.

“Of course it was,” He answered as he kissed the underside of Klaus’ jaw. “I loved it.”

That put Klaus a bit at ease to know he wasn’t completely out of it. He began to stroke up Freddy’s side.

“Did you like it?” Freddy asked.

“Mm, yeah,” Klaus replied, his fingers now ghosting over the other’s skin as he met Freddy’s gaze.

The Captain's lips formed a pleasant smile but his eyes said another story. Freddy could tell that something else was going on in his lover’s mind.

 _What’s wrong?_ He wanted to ask.

But Freddy didn’t. Instead, he said,

“I love you.”

And Klaus replied,

“I love you too.”

The two kissed before going into a quiet series of murmurs and pecks. After an hour, which only felt like a few minutes, Klaus pulled the blanket up and over them. Freddy smiled and kissed his nose before rolling over and wrapping Klaus’ arm over him. He then closed his eyes.

Klaus sighed and wrapped his leg over the lower half of Freddy’s legs and tightened his hold on his torso. He nuzzled his nose into the fluff of blond hair in front of him, taking in the faded smell of soap. As he closed his eyes, a few quiet tears slipped out.

-

When Freddy woke up, he woke to the feeling of a warm body pressed against his. He thought back to the previous night’s events and felt his heart flutter. They hadn’t slept in the same bed since 1938, and not only did they fall asleep together in one another’s arms and beneath the same sheet; they were in the privacy of the home they shared. Freddy couldn’t help but smile. 

He looked over to the window, which was covered by thick curtains, making it hard to gauge what time it was, but Freddy didn’t care. He could die like this, content and warm in Klaus’ arms. The action was domestic, it was comfortable, it was sweet… It was everything he wanted.

Freddy contently hummed to himself, rolled over and shifted in Klaus’ arms, moving closer to his chest, and falling back asleep soon after. 

No less than thirty minutes later, Klaus woke, feeling groggy and already brought down by the lack of sight in his right eye. But his mood softened when he realized that Freddy was in his arms.

Klaus’ good eye studied Freddy to the best of its ability as the blond slept. 

_Even after going through hell and back, Freddy was still as handsome and charming as ever._

Freddy’s lips were parted, looking soft and pink, just like candy floss. And his hair- _God, his hair._ Was puffed from the mix of lack of combing and bed head.

Klaus softly sighed and rested his head on Freddy’s. He still didn’t know how he got so lucky with Freddy. If there was a God, Klaus didn’t know what he did to get on his good side, but he wasn’t going to question it. But… There was something in him that made him scared. Scared to get comfortable, scared to settle in. As much as he’d love to embrace this newfound domestic life, he couldn’t. He knew Freddy or him, or both of them could get called back at any time. 

_Loss of hearing or the loss of an eye wasn’t keeping anyone from utilizing them, right?_

He refused to get attached to a life that could be immediately stripped away. But moments like this… With Freddy peacefully sleeping in his arms… 

He wouldn’t trade it for the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this double post in the past 24-48 hours my way of apologizing for taking exactly one month to update? Yes- Please except it. :’(
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this! :) Enjoy your day/afternoon/evening. <3
> 
> Regarding how I format my writing, I’m constantly changing how I write (some things being more discreet that others). With this series that has definitely reflected it. I’ve been using the German titles for holidays (which is no big deal, it happens on occasion) and for military positions (Captain= Hauptmann, etc). I’ve chosen to change how I’m using the military titles. If someone is speaking, I’ll use the German vernacular but in descriptive writing I’ll be using the English word. I’ll be going back and editing this story to fit this change. :)
> 
> Kudos and Comments are always appreciated!


	15. *Before the World Begins Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being alone with your lover in your shared home for eight months can be a lot.
> 
> This is 78 pages on google docs and 25,000+ words. My longest chapter yet. This chapter has it’s own part in this series just because it’s so damn long. It’s a lot easier to read so feel free to read that and come back for the author’s note. :) 
> 
> (This is THE most sex-filled thing I’ve ever written I will never do this again- On that note: shoutout to my boyfriend who proofread this every time I rewrote a part).  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for...
> 
> Implied Sexual Content  
> Explicit Sexual Content  
> (Talked about) Underage Sex  
> (Talked about) Pornography  
> Verbal Fighting  
> (Mention of) The Gestapo  
> Use of the Word ‘Cripple’
> 
> Translation(s):  
> Hauptmann: Captain  
> Oma: Grandma
> 
> Meaning(s):  
> The O5 (O-5): The Austrian Resistance

###  **Month One: End of March 1944**

Klaus was going through a spell of pain in the last two weeks of March in their new home. He assured Freddy it was just because he was getting older and that it would pass, but the sub-officer insisted on taking care of him like he always did. Whether that was preparing a hot compress for the captain’s shoulder or making sure he was consistently taking his pain medication on time, Freddy was on top of it for him.

One evening, less than one week before they were set to head home for a visit, Klaus’ aches were at a peak. So, Freddy set a knee behind Klaus on the couch, his other foot set on the floor as the captain sat in front of him. He placed his hands on the brunette’s shoulder, eliciting a hiss from Klaus.

“I’m sorry,” Freddy said in a hushed tone.

“It’s okay,” Klaus assured through his clenched teeth. 

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” Freddy said, his hands slowly beginning to massage the brunette’s shoulder. 

Klaus groaned out again at the touch. He couldn’t tell if the pressure was aggravating the pain or easing it. Maybe both.

“I’m sorry,” Freddy apologized again, softening his touches.

“It’s _fine,”_ Klaus replied as he closed his eyes, taking the time to listen to the soft music he had managed to pick up on a hidden airway that flowed through the small portable radio.

Freddy soon found a comfortable rhythm and Klaus relaxed over the next half hour. Occasionally, there was a rise in volume from the radio, making Freddy think that he was hearing things.

“Is the radio on?” He asked after a few minutes of trying to figure it out.

“Yes,” Klaus replied. “It’s been on since dinner.”

“Oh,” Freddy frowned. “I didn’t know it was. Could you turn it up?”

Klaus hummed and removed himself from the sub-officer’s touch as he stood slowly up, his back cracking as he did. He turned the volume knob up two notches and turned back to Freddy as if to ask, _‘Is this loud enough?’_ The sub-officer sighed when it wasn’t, it still sounded like a muffled hum.

“Just a bit more,” Freddy instructed.

Klaus nodded and turned the volume up more and went back to the couch without checking if it was a good volume, which it wasn’t. Freddy could now make out some words but not all of them, but he didn’t bother mentioning it.

When he returned to the couch, Klaus’ head eventually found itself in Freddy’s lap, his feet hanging off the side of the couch as they relaxed.

“Sometimes I wish the Reich didn’t ban music like this. It’s so lovely,” Klaus sighed as he looked up at Freddy, only getting a good view of the underside of the younger’s jaw.

Freddy hummed and tried to pick up on what was playing. There were a few English words he knew so it was probably a British broadcast, but he couldn’t deduce anything else from it.

“I… What’s playing?” He asked.

Klaus laughed at Freddy’s question, thinking he was joking.

“K, I’m serious. What’s playing?” Freddy asked again, realizing that his partner wasn’t going to answer his question.

“Fred Astaire,” Klaus raised his hand and gently placed it on the side of the sub-officer’s face. “I think you’re losing it, mein schätzchen.”

Freddy only frowned and moved around a bit, the hand in Klaus’s hair stilling. 

“What, is your age finally catching up to you?” The captain playfully asked.

“Goddamnit, Klaus,” Freddy frustratedly whined as he stood up, moving the other man’s head off his lap as he did so. “Why don’t you get it? I’ve been so damn busy trying to make sure that you’re okay that I haven’t been able to fucking figure anything out with myself. My hearing is royally fucked!”

“Finkie, I-” Klaus immediately sat up and extended his hand and placed it on Freddy’s arm as he stood.

“Don’t touch me,” Freddy hissed as he shrugged the captain’s hand off of him. “I have been so _focused_ on trying to make sure you’re okay and trying to get you to _talk_ to me and-” 

Freddy wiped his eyes in a failed attempt to collect himself.

“Never _once_ have you asked me if _I’m_ okay. I’m _fucking_ deaf in one ear now and you have no clue how this affects me- How _irritating_ it is to constantly ask you to repeat yourself or speak up.”

He once again wiped his face and sniffled before gesturing to the radio on the windowsill.

“Even listening to the damn radio is a hassle,” He sighed and dropped his hand. “I haven’t heard a thing.”

Klaus’ heart dropped, he hadn’t realized he wasn’t tending to Freddy’s emotional needs.

“Freddy, why didn’t you tell me?” Klaus asked, now much more aware of how loud he was speaking.

The sub-officer’s stance completely changed at that.

“God, how _fucking_ _daft_ are you?” He exclaimed, exasperated. “I asked you to increase the volume _twice_ and I even said that I _couldn’t hear_ what you were talking about, and that was just today!”

“I didn’t realize that’s what you meant, Finkie. I’m sorry that-”

“What did you think I meant?” Freddy asked. “I’m fucking _deaf_ in one ear, Klaus.”

“I…” Klaus exhaled through his nose as he contemplated what he wanted to say. “I don’t think I do know what I thought you meant.”

The sub-officer let out a frustrated sigh and crossed his arms as he side-eyed Klaus. The two stood there in the thick silence, waiting for the other to say something. The more time that went on, the more tense Freddy felt. Before he knew it, he took Klaus’ face in his hands and smashed his lips to the other man’s, mentally cursing at himself for being like this. The captain’s eyes widened and he pulled out of the kiss.

“Freddy I don’t think-”

“Just kiss me,” The sub-officer breathed.

“ _‘Don’t touch me’_ my ass,” Klaus mumbled.

“Oh shut up,” Freddy whispered before pulling himself and Klaus down onto the couch.

***

“So,” Klaus began as he looped his belt back through his pants. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“I think we just did,” Freddy replied as he tucked his shirt in. “Didn’t we?”

“If- If you think so,” The other man replied.

If Freddy felt satisfied with what had just happened, Klaus was willing to let it slide.

In no time, Freddy had gotten himself put-together and grabbed his jacket off the coat rack.

“What are you doing?” Klaus asked as he stood.

“I’m going for a walk,” Freddy replied as he pulled on his uniform jacket.

“You can’t.”

“Why not?” Freddy snapped.

“Curfew, Freddy,” The captain clarified. “It’s far past seven, now.”

Freddy huffed and paused for a moment before slowly removing his jacket and placing it back on the coat rack. His next move was towards the kitchen in which he poured himself a glass of beer, opened the window, and began smoking a cigarette.

Realizing that Freddy wasn’t coming back into the sitting room and that he should probably say something, Klaus got up and off the couch and followed his lover’s steps into the kitchen. When he entered, Freddy was leaning on the windowsill, glass in one hand and a cigarette in the other as he took a long drag from it, slightly coughing when he did. Klaus quietly poured himself a drink and then made his way over to the scorned sub-officer.

As Freddy blew a puff of smoke out and over the windowsill, Klaus leaned against the wall as he spoke up.

“I don’t like it when we argue,” He said, making sure he was loud enough for Freddy to hear.

Freddy nodded and took a sip of his beer.

“I don’t either. But you’ve got to understand where I’m coming from with this one.”

“I know, I just wish you told me sooner,” Klaus explained. “If we want to get along, we’ve got to talk to one another.”

Freddy scoffed.

“You’re one to talk. You’ve become a shut-in,” He retorted.

Klaus pressed his lips together and nodded before placing his hand on the small of Freddy’s back, one finger wrapping itself around the belt loop of the sub-officer’s pants.

“I’ll work on it if you work on it,” He softly promised.

Freddy glanced over and placed his glass down next to Klaus’ on the counter next to him.

“Promise?” He asked.

“I promise.”

With one hand, Klaus pushed the window closed and the curtains shut as he pulled Freddy close with the other.

“How about we go and make up in the bedroom?” He suggested as he leaned in.

“You’re a bastard,” Freddy said with a sigh as he kissed the captain.

Klaus chuckled and kissed back. As they kissed, he pulled the back of Freddy’s shirt from out of his pants before dipping his hand beneath the fabric and rubbing up against his back.

“You better keep your promise,” The sub-officer said before tilting his head and taking a drag from his still-lit cig.

“I will,” Klaus said as he removed his hand from his partner’s back. “As long as you do.”

Freddy nodded with a small smile before pulling the cigarette out of his mouth. Klaus mirrored the smile and picked his glass back up before heading towards the tall bottle of beer. He picked it up and continued out of the room. 

“The alcohol and I will be waiting upstairs,” He announced as he waved the bottle in the air.

Freddy chuckled to himself but was quick to lean back onto the windowsill, open the curtain, and slide the window back open.

###  **Month Two: April 1944**

Going home was more nerve-wracking for Freddy than he thought it would be. The fear of the city being bombed or raided while they were away frightened him, but Klaus did his best to soothe him during the day-long journey home on the train. Meanwhile, for Klaus, he kept his anxieties to himself. Facing his sister and nephews, if the two boys were home, was a terrifying concept. He adamantly avoided them for years and didn’t know how they would react to his eye, especially his brother-in-law, who he hoped wouldn’t be home during his stay. Obviously, they knew he was still alive because a portion of his military pay was still going through to his sister _and_ his brother who presumably still lived out of town. 

All both men could do was hope for the best.

***

Walking back from the train station, Freddy realized that walking far distances on hard stone streets was not something he could do anymore. Klaus was facing some pain, but it wasn’t as nearly as bad as the younger man’s aches. They took a few breaks, which Freddy didn’t allow to last long out of guilt but ultimately resulted in more breaks, which ultimately slowed down the process. The sub-officer profusely apologized every time they had to stop, in which Klaus insisted that it was fine and even offered to carry his suitcase, but Freddy refused and insisted he would still carry it.

After around an hour, they arrived at Freddy’s flat which was, much to his relief, still intact. The two said their goodbyes and Klaus headed off to his place, which was still only a few blocks away.

Before Klaus was even inside his apartment, he was met with a handful of letters stuffed into the small mailbox at his door. He then faced a dust-filled space and piles of unopened mail ranging from old bills, letters, pamphlets, and missent mail. Klaus sighed. It didn’t seem like his sister had checked in in ages. The first thing he did was grab a duster and broom. While rummaging around in a closet, he came across an old set of headphones for his record player and set them aside, thinking it would be a good gift for Freddy.

***

A few days had passed since both men had seen one another until Klaus popped by one afternoon. Freddy greeted him with a small kiss and smile and pulled out a slightly-fresh and small Baumkuchen that had a less than impressive sugar coating on it he managed to get his hands on.

“I visited Minna the other day,” Freddy said as he handed Klaus a fork. “You remember her, right?”

“She has a young boy, right? Lives upstairs?” Klaus checked as he accepted the fork.

Freddy hummed and sat down.

“He’s nine now. But-” He pressed his fork down into the Baumkuchen. “I don’t know why but she… She just seemed fidgety. Especially when I asked about her husband. God, I felt horrible after bringing him up. She looked like she was about to cry. Do you think I said or did something that-”

He paused when a possibility dawned on him. The sub-officer leaned in over the pastry, suddenly feeling very aware of his volume.

“Do you think her husband is in the O5?” He asked in a hushed time tone.

“I-” Klaus looked up from the dessert. “I wouldn’t speculate.”

Freddy nodded and cleared his throat.

“Anyways... How’s everything at home?” Freddy asked as he picked at the pastry with his fork.

“Oh, it’s fine, I guess. Dusty. Stacks of mail for miles on end.”

Freddy chuckled.

“And that’s why I sorted out my mail before I left.”

Klaus pointed his fork at him.

 _“You_ worked at the post-office. You could filter it.”

Freddy looked up.

“I would’ve sorted yours out if you had asked,” He replied with a smile.

Klaus smiled back and dipped his fork into the dry pastry.

“Any sign of Katherine and the boys?” Freddy asked.

The captain hummed and nodded, giving himself some time to chew.

“Yeah,” He swallowed. “Just Kathi, though. Toni is in Poland and Josef is in France. She’s not sure where Edmund is at the moment.”

“Wow. They were _kids_ the last time I saw them,” Freddy remarked as he broke another piece of pastry off with his fork.

“They still are,” Klaus sighed. “I mean, they’re adults now, but… Nineteen and twenty-one are too young to fight a war.”

Freddy hummed in agreeance as he chewed.

“Speaking of kids- You should come back to my mom’s with me,” He suggested. “I’m sure she’d love to see you again. Everyone would.”

“Oh, I don’t think-” Klaus paused. “Not with my eye, Freddy.”

The blond shook his head.

“K, my father was crippled with health issues because of the war. They’d understand. And if you want to wear your patch you can,” Freddy insisted as he scraped the dish. “But if you don’t want to I completely understand.”

Klaus hummed in response and took some time to think about it. 

***

Later on, that day, when they were both enjoying a cigarette at the kitchen window, Klaus had made up his mind.

“I’ll go with you this weekend,” He said after taking his cigarette out of his mouth.

Freddy turned to him with a smile.

“Really?”

“I’ll get the ticket on Thursday. I can’t imagine many people are traveling these days,” Klaus explained. 

“I’ll buy it.”

“Hm?” Klaus hummed as he processed what Freddy was saying. _“Oh._ No, Finkie. You don’t have to. I can handle it.”

Freddy shook his head no.

“I’ve got it. You’re my plus one. I’ve got enough money stashed away to afford it.”

“Freddy, I- No.”

“Freddy, _yes,_ ” He replied with a smile.

“I won’t allow it,” Klaus insisted. “I’ll leave right now if I have to.”

The sub-officer pouted.

“I don’t know why I can’t buy it for you. You know I can afford-” Freddy let out a squeak of surprise as Klaus pulled him into a rough kiss.

Both men were quick to toss their cigs into the sink as the kiss deepened.

 _“I_ am going to get it,” Klaus asserted before dipping back into the kiss, pulling on the edge of Freddy’s sleeve.

Freddy moaned into it and held onto the other’s collar when he pulled away.

“No, you are _not,”_ The sub-officer replied.

The captain yanked on Freddy’s belt, pulling him in.

“I think I can change your mind.”

Freddy chuckled and began to move in the direction of his bedroom, his lover close behind. Hitting the mattress, Klaus was oddly more vocal than usual, but Freddy shushed him a few times with the reminder of _‘The walls are thinner here.’_

Five minutes later, they were both lying flat on their backs, heavily panting. Before Klaus could say anything, Freddy had rolled off his back and mounted himself on Klaus’ lap. With one hand planted on the captain’s left shoulder and another just above his right to not harm him, Freddy slowly exhaled.

“I’m paying.”

The two stayed in a locked gaze for a moment before Klaus sighed.

“We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”

“No, we aren’t,” Freddy insisted. “Because then we won’t talk about it.”

“That’s not how that works,” Klaus argued. “How about we split it?”

Freddy sighed and leaned down.

“I get seventy-five percent,” He murmured as their lips brushed.

“How about forty-five?” Klaus asked as he leaned up to capture Freddy’s lips in a kiss.

Freddy pulled back.

“Ninety-five.”

The captain sat up, following the other man’s motion.

“Fifteen.”

Freddy leaned in and sweetly kissed his partner, pulling back with a smile.

_“One hundred.”_

“Fine,” Klaus sighed as his shoulders dropped. “But that means you aren’t doing anything for my birthday.”

Freddy rolled his eyes and gently pushed Klaus onto his back.

“I guess I should do it all now, then."

-

Arriving at nine in the evening was _not_ a part of Freddy’s travel plan, not one bit. But, neither Freddy nor Klaus could control an apparent blockage on the railway that lasted over two hours. After getting lucky enough to hail a ride out, Klaus checked his broken, yet miraculously still working watch, and stated how late it was, making Freddy groan. Getting out of the relatively cramped car, both men’s bodies ached as they stretched and approached the door of the sub-officer’s childhood home.

Freddy sighed and knocked on the wooden door, which was looking far worse than it did the last time he visited. As they waited, Freddy looked to Klaus, and when their eyes met, they shared a small smile. Their gaze was interrupted when they heard the rattle of the doorknob.

They were met with the sight of Anita’s sweet and welcoming face.

“Oh, welcome home, Friedrich,” The woman warmly greeted, a sense of relief hidden within her words as she embraced her youngest son.

Freddy smiled and hugged back as best as he could before placing down his case. Anita’s frail hands tightly grasped at the back of Freddy’s shoulders, bunching the fabric of his shirt beneath her fingers. Both men could tell she was trying her best not to cry.

“Hi, Momma,” Freddy soothed. “Sorry for our tardiness. There was a hold-up.”

“Oh, it’s okay. You’re here now, that’s what matters,” Anita reassured as she looked over. “Klaus, lieb, you’re a sight for sore eyes. How are you? It’s been so long.”

_Five years, to be exact._

“I’m well, Anita. I’m well. How are you?”

“I’m so much better, now,” Anita replied. 

Klaus knew that she was referring to her emotions, but he thought she looked far healthier than she did the last time he was over, despite the presence of the cane.

“Come in, both of you. Come in. Anna is in the sitting room.”

The two men tiredly shuffled into the home, taking in the smells of the old home.

“Hi, boys,” Anna, who was swaddled in a thick blanket on the couch, tiredly greeted.

“Hi, Anne.”

“Hi, Anna.”

“Annie has been waiting all night with me. She’s a trooper.”

Klaus smiled and looked over to Freddy’s sister, who had now removed the thick blanket off of her and stood, making the captain's eyes go wide at the sight of her very pregnant belly.

“When you stopped writing to me I thought I’d end up in a hospital, Freddy,” Anita began. “There wasn’t a single day where I didn’t pray to the Lord that you would be safe and okay.”

“I know, Momma. Our transfer was just very sudden and you know how hard it was to get letters out in the first place,” Freddy sighed. “And I-”

The sub-officer went to say that he wouldn’t want to reflect on what went on in the front, but that was until he got a good look at Anna.

“Oh my _lord_ , Anna,” He exclaimed, a bit louder than he realized as he placed down his case and took a few steps towards her.

He squatted down in front of his sister and gently placed one hand on her stomach.

“How far in are you?”

“Eight months,” The blonde replied with a smile. “I’m due soon.”

“Wow, congratulations, Annie,” Freddy breathed, making a mental note that he’d have to make a trip back to visit when the time came. “When was Bruno home? Does he know?”

“He does, he came back in August. He was home for only two weeks so we got to it-” Anna laughed.

“Nope, nope,” Freddy interrupted, standing up as he did so. “Too much information. The moment has been ruined. I’m too tired for this.”

The group of adults shared a soft laugh before Klaus gave the woman a small _‘Congratulations’_ before Anna bid them goodnight and waddled down the hall to the guest room.

“Now how are you both feeling? Are you resting enough?” Anita asked.

“We have. I have, at least,” Freddy replied before gesturing to his lover. “This one is just too pent up.”

Klaus awkwardly chuckled.

“Klaus, please take care of yourself. Especially with that eye of yours. You have to be more careful- Whether there’s a risk of an explosion or not.”

The captain nodded as if he wanted to say _‘I know, I know.’_

“Thank you, Anita, but please tell your son to stop tending to me so much. We’re not captain and sub-officer in that home.”

Freddy glared at Klaus while Anita told them that they _both_ needed to take a break before remarking that Freddy was like his father, _‘hard of hearing, literally and figuratively.’_ The sub-officer discreetly rolled his eyes as his mother sighed and leaned into her cane, fatigue hitting her.

“Now, can I get you boys something to drink?” She asked. “There’s not much to drink but there’s always water.”

“Oh, no thank you, Anita-” Klaus replied before jokingly adding, “I only drink alcohol now. I don’t know if you know this, but, I’m trying to become an alcoholic.”

Freddy awkwardly forced out a laugh before discreetly jabbing the captain in his side at the raised brow of his mother. Klaus had to refrain from winking in return.

“I think we’re going to retire, Momma,” Freddy quickly said, trying to cover his partner’s comment. “Where are we sleeping tonight? Klaus upstairs in the girl’s old room?”

“Oh, no,” Anita replied. “Marta and the kids are in there.”

“Marta is here?” Freddy asked with a small smile.

Anita nodded.

“I told her you were coming and she just _had_ to be here- But, you boys would be sharing the other room upstairs.”

“Oh,” Freddy had to repress his smile as he turned to Klaus. “We can handle it. Right, K?”

“We can just add a wall of pillows between us,” Klaus replied with a playful smile.

Anita laughed, seemingly not understanding the meaning behind their exchange.

After a few words were exchanged about how Anita received their things from Czechoslovakia, the two men said their goodnights. Freddy gave his mother a gentle kiss on her cheek and told her to rest before following Klaus up the stairs. After turning down the upstairs hall as quietly as possible, they reached the small bedroom. Freddy locked the door behind him and dropped his case at the foot of the bureau with a tired sigh. They began undressing in silence.

“I almost didn’t recognize Anna,” Klaus suddenly said as he pulled on his pajama bottoms. “Besides it being years, she’s just got that pretty pregnancy glow women always talk about. It suits her.”

Freddy leaned over and lightly tapped the captain’s behind.

“Keep it in your pants,” He tiredly teased. “This is my sister who we’re talking about.”

Klaus chuckled and grabbed his shirt.

“Do you think it’ll be a boy or a girl?” Klaus asked.

Freddy shrugged and pulled his pajama pants on.

“It doesn’t matter to me.”

“If it’s a girl we’ll both have the same amount of nieces and nephews,” Klaus commented.

Freddy looked over to him with a furrowed brow

“You never told me that you had nieces.”

Klaus shrugged.

“Twin girls. They were born two or three years before we saw one another again.”

Freddy nodded and pulled on his nightshirt.

“What are their names?”

The captain stopped buttoning his shirt and paused in thought.

“Liesl and Lina. After my mother and their other grandmother,” He replied as he reconvened his action from before.

“Cute.”

Freddy softly hummed to himself and finished getting dressed as Klaus pulled down the bed’s duvet. Before climbing into the bed, Freddy contemplated going to brush his teeth for a moment but decided against it. He was far too tired. 

Once he was beneath the covers, he rolled onto his left side and faced Klaus. The two shared a tired, yet intimate, gaze as the captain took Freddy’s hand in his.

“I love you,” Klaus whispered.

Despite not clearly hearing what Klaus had said, Freddy knew what those three words looked like when Klaus spoke them. He had committed it to memory.

“I love you more.”

Klaus smiled and squeezed Freddy’s hand, adjusting their hands, just a bit. As their eyes slowly lulled shut, the captain shifted forward and slipped his foot between Freddy’s ankles.

“Goodnight,” The sub-officer mumbled before drifting off.

Klaus kissed Freddy’s knuckles and closed his eyes.

“Sleep well.”

-

When Freddy woke, the overwhelming feeling of sharp rheum by the corners of his eyes made him rapidly blink and tiredly wipe it out of his bleary eyes as he stirred.

“Good morning,” Klaus softly greeted.

Freddy groggily smiled.

“Morning.”

Klaus laughed at the sub-officer’s scratchy voice and he began to take off his pajama shirt.

“The kids are up.”

Freddy closed his eyes and stretched, his legs taking over the left side of the bed.

“Already?” He asked with a yawn. 

“Well, it _is_ ten a.m. We’re the late risers,” Klaus replied as he took off his bottoms.

The sub-officer laughed and slowly sat up, running a hand over his eyes as he did so. Watching as Klaus pulled on a pair of fresh trousers, recently grabbed from his apartment, Freddy sighed.

“Come back to bed,” He quietly cooed. “Just for a moment. Please.”

Klaus smiled and shook his head no, making Freddy frown.

“If I get back in bed I’ll fall asleep again.”

Freddy pursed his lips in a small pout and pushed himself out of bed, flinching when he suddenly put too much pressure on his leg. After making a small recovery from the pain that shot through his body, he stood and made his way over to Klaus. He glanced over to the door, checking that the latch was still closed, and then wrapped his arms around the captain’s waist from behind. Klaus smiled to himself as he felt Freddy’s slightly calloused fingers on his skin, shivering when the sub-officer's lips touched him.

Freddy slowly traced the outline of Klaus’ scars with his lips before placing a firm kiss right at the center of his shoulder. He tucked his nose behind Klaus’ left ear and ran his hands up his chest, his wrists crossing at the center.

“I think I’m falling in love with the aspect of waking up next to you every morning,” He sweetly whispered.

Klaus smiled and leaned his head to the side a bit.

“It _is_ nice.”

Freddy grinned and leaned his face forward, capturing Klaus’ lips in a few pecks as his fingertips played with the soft espresso-colored hair on the captain’s chest.

With the soft embrace of the sub-officer warming him up, Klaus’ dressing process slowed, appreciating the physical warmth over the comfort of clothing.

Eventually, the two left the room and headed down the stairs, being greeted by the delicate chatter of children. The moment Freddy set foot into the sitting room, the attention of his oldest nephew and only niece was directed towards him, their faces lighting up in surprise.

“Uncle Freddy!” Johannes called out as he scrambled out of his chair, dropping his colored pencils onto the table.

“Hey!” Freddy greeted, his personality changing almost as if he flipped a switch.

Johannes ran into the sub-officer’s legs the moment he stepped into the kitchen, making the blond slightly stumble back with a huff. Klaus watched from the bottom of the stairs with a fond smile.

“Good God, you’ve gotten big! Both of you have!” Freddy exclaimed as he picked up his nephew with a small grunt. “How old are you now? Eight?”

“No, seven!” Johannes exclaimed.

“Ah,” Freddy playfully hit his own forehead. “I forgot. You know, my friend has a son named Johannes, he’s just a bit older than you.”

“Really?” The small child gasped, watching as his uncle nodded.

“Hi Uncle Freddy,” His only niece, Mathilde, greeted with a shy smile.

“Hey, Tilly,” He greeted, carefully placing his free hand on the back of the eleven-year old’s head before giving her a gentle kiss on her forehead. “How are you? Are you in the Jugend yet? You’re old enough for that now- right?”

The girl nodded.

“I started last year. I’m not too sure I like it, though,” She said before quickly and quietly adding, “But don’t tell mom!”

Freddy smiled and lovingly patted the back of her head.

“I won’t, I promise.”

The girl smiled and wrapped her arms around her uncle’s waist

“Now,” Freddy began as he looked around. “Where are Aunt Marta and your cousins?”

“Auntie Mar is outside with Oma and Peter and Oskar is-”

As if on cue, the blond six-year-old burst through the doors, his mother and younger brother in tow, interrupting Mathilde.

“Uncle Freddy!”

Freddy grunted in pain a bit when Oskar slammed himself into his legs, just like Johannes, tightly hugging him.

“Hi, Oskar,” He awkwardly lifted his arm over Mathilde’s head and ruffled the child’s hair.

“Hi, Friedrich,” Marta greeted with a small smile, shifting the one-and-a-half-year-old in her arms as she did so.

“Auntie Mar, help! I’m drowning in children!” Freddy dramatically cried with a wide smile and bright eyes. 

Marta laughed while Klaus chuckled and leaned onto the banister, enjoying this different side of his partner.

“God,” Freddy breathed when he caught sight of Peter’s face, raising his hand up to cup the child’s face. “He looks a lot like you, Mar.”

“He does, doesn't he?” Marta proudly replied before pressing her lips to the side of her wide-eyed child’s face.

Freddy sighed and dropped his hand, moving it to Mathilde’s back.

“I can’t believe he’s not a baby anymore. Where’d the time go?”

He couldn’t believe all of them had grown up so much in half a year… _Or_ that his baby sisters, who he could’ve sworn we’re kids yesterday, were all grown up and now had families of their own.

“I know,” Marta sighed, brushing a thin wisp of her youngest’s hair back. “Especially with Anna having another on the way… It’s…”

The mother didn’t finish her sentence and looked to and from both of her sons while Freddy caught Klaus in the corner of his eye.

“Hey- Kids,” Freddy said as he put Johannes back down, grabbing the children’s attention. “I’m not too sure how well you remember- Oskar, you won’t but-”

He gestured over to where Klaus was standing at the bottom of the stairs.

“This is Klaus. He’s a Hauptmann and a very good friend of mine.”

While Mathilde and Johannes greeted Klaus and pulled away from Freddy, Oskar’s eyes lit up at his uncle’s words as he turned to his mother. As if Marta read her son’s thoughts, she nodded with a warm smile, prompting the little boy to run over to Klaus and latch himself onto his leg.

Klaus froze for a moment as he looked down at the small child, who was now rubbing his cheek into his leg. He smiled and placed his hand atop the child’s head with a smile.

“Hi, Oskar. How are you, buddy?”

As Klaus listened to the child’s response, Freddy was being pulled outside by the other two children. The captain took notice and met the sub-officer’s gaze. Klaus cocked his head to say ‘Go ahead.’ Freddy nodded, turned, and stepped outside

“Oskar, lieb, come outside with us!” Marta called out as she left.

The blond child pouted and reluctantly let go.

“Bye-bye Uncle Klaus,” Oskar said before wobbling over to the patio door.

“Bye, kid-” He paused for a moment. “Uncle?”

There was a soft feminine laugh to his right. It was Anna, who was resting on the couch.

“Marta and I have defaulted to that with the kids. It’s easier than saying ‘Uncle Freddy’s friend,’ you know?” She explained before adding with a laugh, “God knows that they need male presence while their fathers are away.”

Anna glanced at Klaus.

“You don’t mind, do you?”

“Oh, no. I don’t mind at all. I…” Klaus smiled. “That’s sweet, thank you. I actually have a few nephews and nieces from my brother and sister.”

He paused for a moment when he realized something.

“I haven’t actually… I haven’t met my nieces. I haven’t been home since ‘40 so I never got the chance to meet them. They’re twins, actually. The first in the family.”

Anna looked at him with soft eyes.

“Will you be seeing them while you’re back home?”

Klaus sighed.

“It’s more than a day’s trip out there from where we’ve been stationed. But, if there’s time I’d… I’d like to visit.”

The woman smiled but before she could reply, she hissed out in pain.

 _“Ooo,”_ Anna cooed, placing her hand on her belly as she did so. “She’s kickin’.”

“She? How do you know?” Klaus asked as he sat down next to her on the couch.

“Well, Johannes was never a kicker, but Mathilde was,” She laughed. “Besides that… Mother’s intuition.”

“Oh,” Klaus replied as he looked down at her stomach.

“She’s probably kicking because she hears you. She likes it when people talk.”

That made Klaus look back up to her. 

“Really?” Anna nodded and Klaus gestured towards her abdomen. “May I?”

Anna nodded again.

“Of course.”

With a smile, she flattened out her shirt, letting her swollen belly tightly press against the fabric. Klaus kneeled down, slowly raised his hand, and placed his hand right by her navel; his touch being tender and careful.

“Hey kid, can you hear me?” 

He felt a bit silly talking to a belly, but Anna’s smile helped him feel more comfortable.

“Hey, little one,” Anna cooed as she rubbed her stomach. “Uncle Klaus is talking to you.”

_Klaus smiled at that._

Anna soon stilled her hand movement and looked back to Klaus.

“Keep talking,” She encouraged.

Klaus nodded and paused to think of what to say.

“You’ve got a really nice family out here waiting for you,” He began. “I’m sure they’ll love you.”

Klaus’ eyes lit up when he felt a small pressure against his hand.

“She kicked!” He exclaimed before moving his hand the smallest amount, wanting to feel it again, before whispering, “She kicked.”

Anna smiled at the warmth in Klaus’ voice. The mother then let out a small breath, feeling a sharp pain from the baby kicking her. Klaus frowned when he didn’t feel the kick. Noticing this, Anna took Klaus’ hand and gently moved it to the right where the baby had last kicked, watching as his face lit up more when the baby kicked again.

“Wow,” He breathed. “God, that’s beautiful.”

The blond’s smile only deepened at Klaus’s attentiveness to the baby within her.

“You don’t have any children, do you?” Anna softly asked.

Klaus shook his head no.

“Have you ever considered it?” She asked.

“I… I have. Unfortunately, that was a reason why my engagement didn’t work out,” Klaus explained. “Now...”

_Children are out of the question because of who I am._

“Now it’s not my focus. I haven’t had much of a social life outside of talking with the men I command.”

Anna nodded, showing that she understood.

“From what I know about you I think you’d make a lovely father.”

Klaus looked up at her. 

“Do you think so?”

He was afraid that he’d be like his father, absent and cold.

Anna nodded with a warm smile and before Klaus could thank her for saying that, Mathilde came running inside, whining about something her younger brother had done.

***

Later that night, when Klaus and Freddy were in bed, Klaus began to absent-mindlessly trace the outline of Freddy’s stomach.

***

The following night, Klaus woke up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. 

It was one similar to the ones he used to have before the war began, the ones where he never knew where he was and Freddy would always be hurt, but this time, the dream was foggy and hazed. 

With heavy and labored breaths, he blinked his eyes a few times, trying to adjust to the dark room as he looked next to him. A small spark of nerves went through him when he realized Freddy wasn’t there, but he took a deep breath and tried to relax.

After a few minutes of waiting to see if Freddy was in the bathroom, Klaus decided to get up and grab a glass of water. He tiredly padded down the hallway and the spiral staircase as quietly as he could and tip-toed into the sitting room and towards the kitchen. He tripped when he walked into the corner of the coffee table to his right. He quietly cursed and then turned the sitting room’s lamp on, stepped up into the kitchen, and grabbed himself a glass of water. Leaving the kitchen, he spotted someone on the couch in the corner of his eye. Turning to his left, he saw Freddy, who was fast asleep on the couch with his youngest nephew resting on his chest. 

The captain felt his heart melt at the sight, the thought of his nightmare long gone now. He quietly made his way over as quietly as possible and gently brushed Freddy’s hair with his hand, bent over, placing a gentle kiss to the man’s temple. Looking at the young child on his lover’s chest, he smiled and cupped the back of the child’s head. The captain looked from Peter to Freddy and then back down to Peter. A faint and pleasant warmth filled his body as he did so. Klaus softly sighed and looked at the two a final time before standing up and stepping back towards the patio door for a smoke.

***

The next morning, while Matilde was at school and everyone else was outside playing or enjoying their tea on the patio, Freddy was in the kitchen packing food. Distracted by the task before him and the soft breeze from the opened window, the sub-officer didn’t notice Klaus fondly looking at him from the doorframe. Freddy softly hummed to himself as he folded some less-than-impressive sandwiches over on themselves.

“Are you making lunch for the kids?” Klaus asked, making Freddy jump and turn around.

“I-” He laughed, trying to hide his embarrassment. “Yes. I also made lunch for us.”

He gestured to a basket on the counter.

“I was thinking we could get out and go hunting. I packed lunch for later,” Freddy lowered his voice. “And dinner, too.”

He gave his lover a small smile.

“I thought that we could have a date night,” He softly expressed.

Klaus smiled and gave him a wink, now picking up that he has to close his dead eye for it to feel more natural.

“Hunting sounds good.”

“I’m glad,” Freddy sighed as he turned back to the sandwiches. “I thought it would be nice to use a gun for something other than killing people.”

“So we’re killing animals?”

If looks could kill, Klaus would’ve immediately dropped to the floor.

“At least it’s not people,” Freddy mumbled. “It would be nice to also get some meat for everyone. Give them a good meal for once.”

Klaus hummed in response as his finger traced a crack in the wall.

“Last night you were really cute with Peter,” He remarked, making sure to curve his voice away from the possibility of eavesdroppers.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Freddy replied as he plated the sandwiches. “Please go tell the kids food is ready.”

Klaus nodded and turned on his heel, smiling to himself.

***

After two hours of no animals showing, Freddy and Klaus retreated back to the blanket that they set up by the lake, feeling a bit disappointed, Freddy more than Klaus. They ate the lunch Freddy had packed and talked about what records they wanted to bring back to listen to while Klaus pulled out one of _three_ thermoses of beer.

“It’s never too early to start drinking,” Klaus remarked.

The afternoon quickly melted into the evening and the two men settled down onto the blanket Freddy had packed. Klaus had lit a fire, mainly to provide warmth in the cool April-air, but the younger man insisted it added to the ambiance. 

Deciding to take advantage of the alone time and privacy of the forested landscape, the two retreated beneath a willow tree, softly giggling and kissing like teens as they stripped down. As Klaus snugly wrapped the blanket around Freddy’s shoulders, the sub-officer lowered himself down, muffling his moans with his hand.

“You know, we can be louder out here,” Klaus laughed. “Unlike our apartments.”

Freddy chuckled.

“God, why have we even bothered to keep pay… ay… ing,” Freddy trailed off when Klaus fully entered him.

“For our places?” Klaus asked, filling in the blank.

“Mhm,” Freddy hummed as he began to slowly move up and down. “I mean, we’re never there. When Edgar… Edgar left for England I-”

He sharply inhaled and recollected himself.

“I barely used his car so I just got rid of it before I left,” He explained before moaning out, “God you feel good.”

“Where did that car ever go?” Klaus asked, his voice strained as he too began moving.

“I donated it,” Freddy replied. “To the- _Oh-”_

He tightened his grip on Klaus’ shoulder and side.

“To the office.”

The captain’s brow quirked upward at that.

“The post office? What the hell are they doing with it?” He asked as he secured the blanket on Freddy’s shoulders a bit more.

“No,” Freddy gasped out. “The other one.”

It wasn’t exactly easy for Klaus to try to figure out what Freddy meant as the grip on his cock tightened on and off. When it clicked, his eyes widened a bit.

“Freddy, don’t tell me you gave it to the fucking _Gestapo_. Jesus Christ.”

The sub-officer groaned, wishing he never brought it up. Talking about the Gestapo was the _last_ thing he wanted to talk about during sex.

“Did you at least try to get a monetary value out of it?”

“I’ve got plenty of money in my savings just from my father’s business alone,” Freddy breathed.

“You could have at least made the bastards lose something. Why did you give it to them of all people?” Klaus asked as he began thrusting harder.

Freddy just kept matching Klaus’s pace with a strangled moan each time his prostate was hit. Klaus removed his hand from the blanket and pinched the tip of Freddy’s prick, making the sub-officer lurch forward; the blanket falling off his shoulders as he did.

“You’re not coming until you tell me why you thought it was a good idea.”

Freddy bit his bottom lip and let out a small whine as he slammed himself down as equally as hard as Klaus’ was thrusting, making the captain moan.

“I don’t think that’s fair.”

“Oh I think it’s plenty fair,” Klaus retorted as he thrust back. “I mean, what the hell were you thinking?”

“I don’t know I just…” Freddy let out a sigh and rocked his hips, still matching Klaus’s pace.

There was a moment of silence before he cleared his throat.

“I didn’t want to _deal_ with trying to sell it,” He sighed again. “I mean, who can afford a car these days? Everyone walks or bikes anyways.”

Klaus hummed in response, agreeing with Freddy’s last statement.

“Can I… Can I-”

“Come?” Klaus asked, watching as Freddy nodded. “No.”

The sub-officer groaned with a small smile before mumbling out a playful _‘You bastard_ . _’_ His cock twitched before he placed his head in the crook of Klaus’ neck for a moment. When he collected himself, he sat back up and made direct eye contact with Klaus. He then slipped his heels beneath Klaus’ knee joints and tightened his thigh’s grip on the captain’s legs, preventing any efficient hip movement. He leaned in close to his lover’s ear, the movement shrouded in silence other than the soft chirp of crickets around them.

 _“Two_ can play this game, Klaus,” Freddy purred; a hint of snark in his words. “If I can't come then you can go soft.”

Klaus scoffed.

“I could do this all night.”

“Good thing we have it, then.”

Their banter continued until Freddy got an idea. The sub-officer smirked and moved his hands off of Klaus’ shoulders.

“You see, I have two hands,” Freddy said as he moved his hand down, but Klaus grabbed his wrist.

“So do I.”

Freddy tried to suppress a smug smile as his other hand slipped down and removed the hand that was keeping him from coming. Klaus was quick to grab that wrist too.

“I don’t know what you’re planning but I think I have the upper hand.”

In response, Freddy began rocking his hips, sending a sharp chill up Klaus’ spine.

“Do you? I don’t think so,” He teased. 

“God you’re insufferable,” Klaus moaned in a laugh.

Freddy’s smile faltered for a moment, not reading the playfulness behind the other man’s words. 

_Did Klaus find him annoying?_

Before he could ask about it, Klaus was already moving him onto his back and smoothing out the blanket below them. Klaus then collected his shirt and balled it up, creating a pillow for Freddy. He sweetly kissed him before they both resumed what they had been doing only moments before.

When they finished, both men realized that they didn’t have anything to clean up with besides the blanket. Not wanting to sully the cloth, Freddy was quick to retreat to the lake while Klaus grabbed his handkerchief out of his shirt’s pocket. Freddy was already waist-deep in the dark water by the time he retrieved it.

“It’s not bad!” Freddy insisted, just loud enough for Klaus to hear. “Especially for April.”

Klaus turned toward the lake, but couldn’t see Freddy. He squinted and looked around a bit, just barely being able to make out Freddy’s figure.

“Come in, Liebling,” Freddy exclaimed when he didn’t get a response.

“I’m _not_ washing off in the lake,” Klaus called back. “It’s unsanitary.”

Freddy rolled his eyes, thinking about how they’ve faced worse conditions, and ducked beneath the water. Klaus chuckled at the sound of the splash and grabbed the water canister they had brought with them, wet his hanky, and wiped himself down. The sub-officer was quick to emerge from the water, shivering in the evening’s cool air.

“God damn it’s cold,” Freddy murmured as he approached the blanket.

Klaus chuckled as he pulled his pants up.

“Another reason why I didn’t go in.”

Freddy grumbled under his breath as he collected his clothes, water dripping off of his body as he did so.

“Hey, hey- Watch it, lake boy,” Klaus said as he moved stuff away from the water droplets. “You’re going to have to dry off unless you want to freeze in wet clothes.”

“I know, I know,” The nude male replied as he slicked back his hair.

Klaus smiled and slapped Freddy’s bare ass, giving it a small squeeze as the sub-officer turned and gave him a smile, enjoying the attention.

Before sitting down at the edge of the towel, Freddy shook his hands off and wiped himself down a bit with the back of them as Klaus tended to the fire. As he watched the captain toss kindling into the flames, Freddy pulled his jacket up and over his knees, giving himself some coverage. In less than half an hour, he had dried off enough to redress and to rest his head in Klaus’ lap. 

As Klaus nursed his cheap beer, his hand eventually found its way into Freddy’s caramel locks as he gazed into the fire, making him relax. As his hair was softly massaged and weaved through, Freddy looked up to Klaus in thought. The light molded itself around his captain’s face, making his complexion look softer. The orange flames reflected in Klaus’ dead eye made it look a sickly green, a large contrast to the honey-colored hue of his brown eye, but Freddy didn’t mention it.

Freddy couldn’t help but smile at the sight. His thoughts were calm and innocent at first until he remembered what Klaus had said about him. 

Feeling his partner’s gaze on him, Klaus looked down at the man in his lap.

“What is it?” Klaus asked.

Freddy waited for a moment, taking a long drag from his cigarette, his throat burning as he thought about his response.

“I was just thinking about earlier,” He finally replied as he tossed his cig into the fire.

“A good or bad thought about earlier?” Klaus softly asked.

“It’s…” Freddy hesitated for a moment. “It’s a bad one I guess.”

The captain frowned and paused his hand movement.

“Would you… Would you like to talk about it?” He asked, attempting to show that he was listening.

“Do you really think I’m insufferable?”

Klaus’s brow furrowed as he blinked in surprise.

“What?”

“Earlier you said that I was insufferable and I was just- I mean, did you not like what I was doing? I thought we were just doing something different so I played along…”

“No- _No,_ Finkie. You’re not annoying at all,” Klaus insisted. “I thought we were playing around, too. I would _never_ say that with malice.”

Freddy quietly nodded in response.

“Next time if we do something like that do you want to discuss it?” Klaus asked before adding, “I don’t want you to feel like I’m not listening.”

The blond nodded again, but this time with a subtle smile.

“Yes. Talking works.”

“Okay,” Klaus softly replied. “Did I do anything else?”

“Do you really think it was a bad idea to give the car away?”

Klaus rolled his lips together in thought and leaned back a bit.

“Kind of. But I guess you were right. Who else would have taken it?” 

“Some bigwig,” Freddy replied.

The captain laughed and ran his fingers back through his lover’s hair. 

“Maybe,” He whispered as he thumbed through Freddy’s mostly-dry hair. “Now, is that all?”

Freddy nodded and silence slowly settled in but was interrupted when the sub-officer asked Klaus a question of his own.

“Did I do anything?” 

Klaus shook his head, allowing the silence to continue as nighttime deepened. Thirty minutes had passed before Freddy spoke up again. When he did, he was gazing up at Klaus.

“Hey,” Freddy whispered.

“Mm?”

“You’re really handsome.”

Klaus’s facial expression softened and twisted a piece of Freddy’s hair around one of his fingers.

“So are you.”

Freddy smiled and slowly sat up before meeting the captain’s lips with his own. Klaus melted into it, like chocolate on a hot summer’s day, and the two men softly talked into the late hours of the night.

###  **Month Three: May 1944**

After going back and picking up a few oddities and clothing, the new place started to feel homier. Of course, their clothing didn’t exactly fit anymore from lack of proper nourishment and facing wartime, but with a few small pin-stitches Freddy was able to bring some of his and Klaus’ shirts in. Freddy made sure that they had grabbed some records too since the home had been far too quiet if they weren’t fighting or listening to the radio. Klaus had also given Freddy the headphones, which he had been using a lot more when reading in the sitting room. He loved them, he loved how intimate the music felt when they were on, and of course, he loved Klaus for being so thoughtful.

By now, they had settled into a relatively consistent routine, Freddy spoke up about his feelings and needs more, and Klaus had mostly followed up on his promise about not spending all of his time in the study. But, today was one of the days that Klaus didn't keep the promise. Luckily, Freddy didn’t mind because it gave him plenty of time to focus on cooking that night. As soon as he deemed everything ready, he made his way to the small room.

“K?” Freddy called as he ducked around the corner of the doorframe. “Dinner is ready.”

He gave Klaus a moment to respond as he patiently waited in the doorway, but the response never came. He cleared his throat and decided to speak louder. 

_Maybe he was speaking softer than he thought he was._

“K? Dinner is ready,” He paused. “I managed to get my hands on some whiskey for you.”

Klaus once again didn’t respond and Freddy frowned. He rolled his shoulders back a bit and walked over. He gently tapped Klaus’ shoulder and wrapped his arms around his lover’s neck.

“You okay?” He murmured against his skin.

Klaus let out a small hum in response but continued writing. Freddy looked up and over his lover’s shoulder to see a drafted letter to their Sergeant-Major and sighed. 

“It’s time to get away from this desk,” The sub-officer cooed, pulling back on the captain’s shoulders as he did so.

“Hang on, hang on,” Klaus mumbled as he stood, still looking at his letters as he did so.

Freddy hummed, getting an idea as he gently kissed from Klaus’ cheekbone down to his Adam's apple, barely sucking on the latter. The captain exhaled through his nose and turned to the sub-officer.

“What is it?” He asked.

“I wanted to tell you something,” Freddy purred as he placed his hand on the other’s stomach.

He then ran one hand up Klaus’s torso with a small smile. His fingers gently tugged on the captain’s open collar when it reached it. Freddy’s lips hovered over Klaus’, his eyes going from towards their lips up to the older man’s eyes. His thumb softly caressed the side of the brunette’s face. Freddy leaned in just a bit more, just enough for their top lips to brush. The blond could feel Klaus’ breath hitch on his mouth as his other hand gently pulled on the older’s belt.

“Dinner is ready,” He whispered with a smirk, immediately pulling away and turning on his heel, and heading out of the room.

Klaus looked on with his mouth agape. Sometimes he wished that he wasn’t so easily charmed by the blond, but right now he was swooning.

The captain soon found himself entering the kitchen, being greeted by a set table for two, the smell of soup, and a sturdy glass of whiskey on the table.

“What’s for dinner?” He asked as he sat down. “It smells good. And better than usual.”

Freddy smiled to himself, feeling a sense of satisfaction as he sat down with a glass of water.

“Rabbit soup with a few veggies.”

Klaus raised a brow.

“You’re pulling my leg. Where did you-”

“While you were asleep I went on a small hunting trip. I borrowed the man who lives across the street’s gun.” 

“You… Huh. Even with your leg? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was fine, I took breaks. Plus, I wanted it to be a surprise. Now eat up.”

The two ate in comfortable silence, only exchanging a few words about the meal before the conversation dissolved. By the end of the meal, Freddy kept stealing glances at his lover. After their trip out to the country, the sub-officer was craving something more than soft or argument-fueled sex. 

_He had riled Klaus up so much already, so why not keep it up?_

As discreetly as he could, he sneaked his hand onto and up Klaus’ thigh, giving it a small squeeze to steal his attention away from the meal. When Klaus looked over, Freddy was licking his spoon clean, pretending to not know what he was doing. Noticing the captain's gaze on him, he pulled the spoon out of his mouth.

“What?” He asked with a smirk.

Klaus shook his head as if to say _‘nothing’_ and Freddy pulled his hand away. The sub-officer collected his flatware and bowl before heading over to the sink. Klaus followed less than a minute later, placing his dishes into the sink. Just as Freddy wanted, the captain initiated contact by wrapping his arms around his waist.

“That was quite the move you pulled earlier, Friedrich,” Klaus murmured as he kissed down the younger’s neck.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Freddy hummed as he continued to scrub the bowl.

“Really?” 

Klaus’s hands landed on the younger’s belt and began to undo it.

“Mhm,” Freddy hummed as he put the bowl aside before picking up another. “Do tell.”

The younger man could feel a smirk form against his skin.

“Well, I was working at my desk and you came in, saying something. What you were saying, I’ll never know, and I don’t particularly care,” Klaus finished unbuckling the belt and moved to remove Freddy’s suspenders. “But once you got your hands on me…”

Freddy could have sworn Klaus growled.

“You had my attention. And you did it while looking ridiculously sexy, too.”

He moved his lips right next to Freddy’s right ear, his good one, as the suspenders dropped.

“It can drive a man wild, Friedrich,” The captain huskily purred as his fingers undid the button to Freddy’s pants.

Freddy felt a sharp chill run down his spine at the sound of his name leaving the other's lips. 

“You’ve got me all excited, now,” Klaus cooed.

The sub-officer could feel the slightest bit of bulging on his ass and smirked to himself. He placed down the bowl and sponge he had been holding and partially wiped his hand down on a dishtowel.

“Are you going to do something about it?” Freddy asked, his voice breaking a bit.

Klaus grazed his teeth over Freddy’s earlobe as his hand just barely dipped beneath his boxers. Freddy held his breath as Klaus’s fingers gently played with the small wisps of hair on his pubic bone.

“I don’t think I will,” Klaus quickly responded as he almost immediately removed himself from the other man’s body.

Freddy let go of a breath that he hadn’t realized that he had been holding and looked over his shoulder. Klaus scooped up his glass of whiskey and leaned back over the other’s shoulder, his lips hovering over Freddy’s.

“Thanks for dinner,” He quipped before pulling back and heading out of the kitchen.

Freddy looked back at the brunette with a mischievous sparkle in his eyes, wanting more.

Only an hour later, Freddy had taken a quick shower while Klaus was still tucked away in the study. As the sub-officer went to pull on a pair of pajama pants, he paused. He carefully tucked his top and trousers back into his bureau and looked into the mirror. After fussing with his hair, making it look just how Klaus liked it, he made his way back downstairs. He quickly made his way into the study and placed his hands over Klaus’ eyes.

“Guess who,” He cheerfully whispered in the captain’s ear.

“Hm. The Red Army?” Klaus answered, almost feeling the roll of Freddy’s eyes.

“No. Guess again.”

“Damn. I wouldn’t know who else it would be, then,” He pretended to think for a moment. “Freddy?”

The sub-officer smiled, dropped his hands, and kissed Klaus’s jaw.

“Correct.”

The other man smiled and looked back at his lover as Freddy walked around the chair and leaned against the desk. Klaus felt an excited chill run up his spine at the sight of Freddy clad in only his boxers, still feeling riled up from the early evening’s events. His eye scanned up and down Freddy’s body, a small smirk forming as he did so.

“What’s this all about?” He asked.

Freddy leaned forward and placed his hands on the arms of the desk chair before placing himself in Klaus’s lap. He placed his hands at the beginning of his partner’s neck and leaned in close.

“I want you to pin me down and fuck me,” He purred as he squeezed the base of the captain’s neck. _“Hard.”_

Klaus shuddered and chuckled, welcoming the idea of experimentation.

“Are you trying to seduce me, Friedrich?”

Freddy traced down Klaus’ collarbone, looking up through his lashes as he did so.

“Is it working?”

In response, Klaus captured Freddy’s lips in a deep kiss, pulling him closer by his hips. After a quick few minutes of grinding and moaning, Freddy crawled off Klaus’ lap, giving him sloppy kisses as he did so. 

“Are you sure about this?” Klaus mumbled in between kisses.

Freddy moaned out a breathy _‘Yes’_ before pulling the captain in by his collar for another hungry kiss. Klaus smiled and tugged on the sub-officer’s arm.

Before they knew it, they were heading up the staircase, giggling like a couple of schoolgirls. Klaus playfully smacked Freddy’s ass, making him squeak and somewhat carelessly turn around.

“Ohoho,” The sub-officer chuckled and lightly swatted Klaus' chest as he backed up the stairs.

In no time Freddy was on his back in the middle of his bed, naked, and impatiently waiting as his lover undressed. Klaus quickly stripped himself of his pants and boxers, leaving him in only his shirt. The captain got through two buttons before Freddy grabbed his wrists, preventing him from taking off his shirt.

“Just _fuck me_.”

Klaus chuckled and pulled Freddy closer by his thighs. He spat into his palm and used it to lubricate himself. Freddy scrunched his nose.

“That’s gross,” He teased.

Klaus chuckled and held Freddy’s thighs as he positioned himself. 

“My cock is going up your ass and you’re going to complain that doing _that_ is gross?”

Freddy rolled his eyes.

“You know what I- _Ah,”_ Klaus cut him off with a firm thrust into him.

The captain didn’t wait long before he kept moving his hips, unevenly increasing his pace the more he pushed in.

“Do you want more?” 

“Yes I- Mm,” Freddy curled his toes. “Mhm.” 

Klaus began to move his hips in an upward circular motion, making Freddy loudly gasp and tightly grab the sheets below him.

“You like that?” Klaus asked, a small sense of softness in his voice. “You like getting fucked like this?”

Freddy only continued to let out moans and mewls. Klaus smirked and picked up his pace, further pushing back Freddy’s legs as he did so. With every thrust, the captain’s grip moved from his lover to the headboard of the bed, which was now rocking in tandem with him. By now, they had learned to move the bed away from the wall the slightest amount to avoid making more noise during moments like this. Using the headboard as leverage, Klaus pushed himself in more efficiently. Freddy’s eyes shot open and he let out a moan.

“Klaus- Klaus, _Klaus,”_ Freddy rasped out. _“Fuck.”_

Klaus felt Freddy tense around him and roughly thrusted, letting it slowly drag out before going back in harder. Freddy gasped each time, his hand now covering his mouth. 

Only a minute later, Freddy’s climax suddenly washed over him with a silent scream of pleasure. His body shook as he orgasmed, his chest heavily rising as he took deep breaths. Klaus pulled out and then deeply kissed Freddy as he stroked himself, bringing himself down.

Freddy untensed and Klaus moved away and off the bed. As Klaus redressed, Freddy continued to lie on the bed and process what had just happened. Buttoning up his shirt with one hand, Klaus leaned over and draped a blanket over Freddy before kissing his forehead.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

Freddy nodded as he caught his breath.

“Okay,” Klaus whispered. “I’ll be in the study.”

Freddy hummed and Klaus exited the bedroom, the echo of his footsteps softening the further he went down the stairs. The sub-officer laid there, hands on his stomach, his breaths slowing as he gently squeezed the blanket beneath his fingers. Freddy let out a few breathy chortles as a large smile formed on his face. 

After getting out of bed and cleaning up, Freddy padded down the stairs and down the hallway. He quietly entered the small study with a robe loosely wrapped around him, his footsteps alerting Klaus of his presence.

“Hey. Are you okay?” Klaus asked after he turned around.

“Yes, of course,” Freddy answered before breathily adding, “That was… That was _really_ nice. We should do that more.”

He nuzzled his face into the side of Klaus’ head.

“I didn’t know you still had it in you, K,” Freddy purred into the other’s hair. “Fucking sexy.”

“I can be surprising,” Klaus replied as he briefly stroked the side of Freddy’s face. 

The sub-officer smiled and pressed his lips to the captain’s cheek before moving around the chair a bit. 

“I am a bit weak in the knees so I can only imagine how I’m going to feel tomorrow,” Freddy breathily laughed as he leaned against the desk, slightly flinching and letting out a small hiss at the contact. “My back is getting there.”

Klaus slightly smiled, leaned over, ran a hand beneath the bottom of Freddy’s robe, and gave his thigh a small squeeze. His hand barely lingered before he removed it. 

“Maybe tomorrow I’ll just take the time to be lazy while I recover,” Freddy dramatically sighed. “You can make me tea with honey and then we can snuggle all day.” 

He knew that there was no chance of them getting honey from the market, definitely not in the times they were living in, but he could dream.

“How does that sound?” 

When Klaus didn't give him a response, Freddy’s eyes scanned his face for a moment.

“Is something wrong?” He asked, his tone softening as he did. 

Klaus briefly looked up from the paper in his hand, pressed his lips together, and shook his head no. Freddy frowned and ran his hands back through Klaus’s hair. 

“Come to bed,” He whispered before placing a small kiss on Klaus’ temple. “This will still be here in the morning.”

“I’ll be there in five minutes,” Klaus insisted. “I promise.”

Freddy hummed and kissed the corner of his lips before giving the captain’s arm a small squeeze and walking off.

When Freddy was out of earshot, Klaus sighed and looked down at the paper before him. He had already written three letters back-and-forth with his Sergeant-Major, trying to get a better picture of what his _and_ Freddy’s future as soldiers would look like. He could only hope that he’d be placed back in action, but would never ask the same of Freddy. As much as he didn’t want them to be separated, Klaus wouldn’t be able to handle knowing Freddy was in danger again. He’d rather know that the younger man got discharged and was safe at home with a normal and simple job instead of out on the front with him. But, as much as he wanted some action, home-life continued to call to him. The temptation of domesticity with Freddy was getting harder to ignore with every day that passed.

But he knew their living situation would never last.

###  **Month Four: June 1944**

Summer started off with a heatwave, one that was incredibly unbearable in _or_ out of the home. The sweltering heat and aspect of being stuck at home with one another were the perfect ingredients for spurring an argument between the two lovers. The fight was trivial from an outsider’s perspective, but neither man would drop it all day. By the time they were both naked in Freddy’s bed and out of breath, neither could agree what the fight was about.

 _‘It was about how you fold my shirts,_ ’ Freddy insisted.

 _‘No, it was about how you put the utensils away,_ ’ Klaus rebutted.

Despite feeling sticky and hot from the fight and fuck, Freddy and Klaus still made room for further sexual escapades after their argument.

The sub-officer was lying flat, other than his head being propped up on a pillow, while the captain was on his stomach and forearms, carefully placed around his lover’s legs. Freddy hummed as Klaus’ mouth enveloped him, allowing himself to lean back and close his eyes. He began playing with the captain’s soft brown hair and felt Klaus smile around him. 

This wasn’t the first time Klaus had given Freddy a blowie since 1938, having brought it back up in late April in an attempt to feel more normal during sex. Freddy most definitely was _not_ opposed to the suggestion but was a bit wary about what he was supposed to do with his hands.

 _“Play with my hair, twist it around your fingers, run your hands through it, just don’t pull it or hold my head down,”_ Klaus had instructed him.

Freddy thought that it was fair and easy enough to do and seemed to be able to avoid pulling Klaus’ hair the handful of times he blew him. That was until he felt Klaus’ teeth slightly grazed up against him. He gasped and grabbed the back of Klaus’s head, pulling his hair and pushing him down. 

Klaus panicked at the action, gasping and choking before he shot up, frantically wiping his mouth as he did so. Freddy immediately sat up when he realized what he had done.

“Oh my God, Klaus I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to-”

“You know not to do that,” Klaus rasped out, a hand on his chest as he tried to catch his breath. _“Right?”_

Freddy nodded.

“Of course I do.”

“Then _why_ ,” He raised his voice, making Freddy flinch. “Did you do it?”

“I… I didn’t mean to,” Freddy whispered.

The two sat in a thick silence before Klaus closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths and turned back to Freddy.

“I’m sorry, Finkie. I shouldn’t have... I shouldn’t have yelled.”

“No, no- I’m sorry,” Freddy moved closer before softly placing his hand on Klaus’s bicep. “Are you okay?”

Klaus let out a heavy sigh.

“Yes- _Yes_. But I’m not-” He ran his hands over his face before turning to Freddy. “I’m just tired.”

Freddy nodded and cupped the other’s face as he carefully ran a hand through the front of Klaus’s hairline. 

“I’m sorry, Liebling. I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I know,” Klaus whispered, just loud enough for the other to hear. “I know you don’t.”

Freddy sadly smiled and placed his forehead to Klaus’ for a short moment before pulling away.

“Do you want me to run the bath for you?” He softly asked as he rubbed Klaus’s cheek with his thumb. 

Klaus nodded and Freddy mirrored it with his own before getting off the bed and loosely redressing. Not wanting to aimlessly wait around, Klaus got up and threw on his boxers and swept the floor of their clothing before placing it in the laundry basket.

Only minutes later, Freddy returned and told him that he had run a cold bath for him to cool down in before sweetly adding that he _‘added bubbles too.’_

Klaus tiredly smiled and thanked him, placing a small kiss on the sub-officer’s cheek before they both headed in separate directions.

Entering the bathroom, he was met with the soft smell of the bubble wash and melting wax. Freddy had lit a candle and placed it on the countertop, which made Klaus smile. His lover seemed to have a knack for these things.

While Klaus was in the bathroom, Freddy was downstairs fussing and anxiously running his hand through his hair. He knew he had fucked up and felt horribly guilty about it, despite his lover saying that it was fine. Leaning against the counter, Freddy sighed before he got an idea. 

In no time, he returned to the bathroom, bottle, and glass in hand. When he arrived, Klaus was already undressed and soaking in the tub. The captain looked over when he heard the pop of a cork and glug of a liquid being poured.

“What’s that?” He asked, propping his right arm up onto the side of the tub.

“Try it,” Freddy replied as he grabbed the glass over, making sure the captain had a firm grip on it before letting go.

Klaus raised a glass to his nose and allowed the overwhelming aroma of alcohol to enter his nose.

“Red wine, huh?”

“I wanted to save it for your birthday but I thought it would be appropriate for a nice summer’s day bath,” Freddy said as he picked up the cork. “As in right now.”

“Where’d you even get this?” The captain asked as he turned the glass in his hands.

“That’s a secret,” Freddy replied as he recorked the bottle.

Klaus smiled and sipped from the tall glass, sinking back into the tub more as he did so.

“Now, I’ll be in my room if you need me,” Freddy said as he made his way out of the room, not wanting to hassle Klaus any more than he already had that day.

Though, he did pop his head back in with a quick _‘I love you’_ before ducking back out, leaving Klaus to relax.

Now as the room went silent, the captain placed his feet up at the end of the tub and began to enjoy the glass of wine, allowing his disturbing thoughts from earlier slip away. When he finished, he carefully placed the glass onto the tiled floor and leaned back into the tub, soaking in the cool and soapy water. 

His mind wandered down the hall and to the other man’s bedroom. As much as he appreciated the alone time after their fight and the mishap, he wished the sub-officer would have stayed in the bathroom with him, even if he just stayed at the sink.

“Freddy?” He called out.

There was no response, so he cleared his throat.

“Freddy?” He called out again, louder this time.

“Yeah?” Freddy called back.

“Can you come here?” Klaus asked.

The soft padding of Freddy’s bare feet against the hallway’s carpet and wood flooring became more prominent in a matter of seconds.

“What is it?” Freddy asked as he popped his head into the bathroom. “Do you want more wine? A towel?”

The captain shook his head in response.

“Come join me,” 

“Oh, K, I’d love to but I don’t think I’d fit,” The taller man said with a soft laugh.

Klaus extended his arms out and made grabby hands at Freddy as if he were a child asking to be picked up by his mother. Freddy chuckled and stepped onto the tiled floor as he began to undo the buttons of his boxers.

Dropping his underwear to the floor, he carefully stepped into the tub in between Klaus’ legs and shimmied around a bit. With one of Klaus’ hands supporting him, he slowly sank down into the water and rested on top of the captain.

Klaus wrapped his arms around Freddy’s torso and Freddy snuggled back, placing his hands atop of Klaus’. Freddy deeply inhaled and softly exhaled, taking in the cool touch of the water enveloping him.

“This is so nice,” Freddy breathed.

Klaus hummed and kissed behind his partner’s good ear.

“I’m sorry for earlier,” The sub-officer apologized as he shifted his legs around to fit into the tub.

The captain gently tightened his hold on Freddy and kissed the same spot again.

“It’s okay. I forgive you,” He replied. “We just need to work on it.”

Freddy silently nodded in agreement as he sank deeper into the tub as Klaus rubbed circles into his lover’s stomach.

“You’re too good to me,” Freddy sighed. “I don’t know how I’ll ever catch up to you.”

“You do every day, Finkie,” Klaus murmured. “Everyday.”

A small smile donned the younger’s face as he closed his eyes, before drifting off with Klaus until the early evening.

###  **Month Five: July 1944**

The week before Klaus’ birthday, Freddy headed back out to his mother’s home, Klaus arriving a few days later to say hello. While they were there, they worked on the old farming truck, which probably should have been scrapped years ago, and worked in the garden. When they weren’t working around the house, Klaus was playing with Marta’s kids, which she had dropped off at Anita’s for the weekend. Freddy tended to their more personal needs and listened to them talk about their new baby cousin (who _was_ a girl), who was taking up all of Auntie Ann’s time.

***

When Klaus woke up on his last day at the Finkel-household, he woke up to the feeling of Freddy’s lips on his face. His eyes fluttered open and his good eye slowly adjusted to the morning sunshine.

“Good morning,” Freddy greeted, his smile showing through his voice before he pecked Klaus’s lips. 

“Mm, good morning,” The groggy-feeling man replied before craning his neck up to kiss Freddy but hissed when he felt a sharp pain down his neck.

“You okay?” The sub-officer asked with a concerned frown as he sat to the side of the other man.

“Yeah, it’s just that more people need to sleep in this room,” Klaus grumbled as he wriggled around. “This mattress is hard as hell on this site. It needs to be broken in, Christ.”

Freddy eyed Klaus.

“You think so?” He asked.

The captain nodded with a small grunt.

“Do you want to break it in?” The sub-officer asked as he bit his lip.

Klaus looked at Freddy as if he said something incredibly scandalous.

“Are you kidding me? You know we can’t. Not here.”

“No one’s home,” Freddy said as he walked two fingers up Klaus’ chest. “I was downstairs before you woke up. They’re all out at the market.”

“Really?” Klaus asked.

Freddy hummed and crawled on top of the captain.

“They’re out and _I_ want to give you the most delicious orgasm. One so good that you won’t want to leave later _or_ be able to walk.”

“Really?” Klaus asked with a cocked brow, suddenly feeling much more awake. “You’ve piqued my interest.”

“Good,” Freddy murmured before kissing Klaus’s jaw as his hands dipped beneath the other’s nightshirt.

“This was one way to wake up,” Klaus softly laughed as his hands grabbed the back of Freddy’s thighs.

Freddy hummed, his mouth focused on the underside of the captain’s jaw, the stubble brushing his nose. Klaus closed his eyes, taking in the feeling of Freddy’s mouth and body on him.

“As nice as this is, your-” The captain softly moaned; Freddy had sneaked his hands beneath his shirt. “Your family could come home at any minute. We _are not_ having sex here.”

“The note said noon,” Freddy replied. “It’s ten, now.”

Klaus chuckled.

“Well in that case,” He leaned up to Freddy’s right ear and whispered, “Take it away.”

***

Klaus collapsed onto his stomach with a huff while Freddy rolled onto his back to the side of him. 

“Having sex in my childhood bedroom is something I _never_ thought would happen,” Freddy breathed.

Klaus laughed. Feeling a bit dizzy, he waited a moment before rolling onto his back.

“I don’t know where you get all that energy from.”

“Mm,” Freddy hummed as he kissed Klaus’s collarbone.

“Sometimes I wonder why you don’t go for a younger guy because of that,” Klaus quietly said.

Freddy frowned and lifted his head so his eyes could meet Klaus’. 

“What do you mean?” He softly asked as he brushed Klaus’s hair out of his face. "Talk to me, Liebling.”

“Well,” Klaus paused to think about his wording. “You’ve always… Made me feel younger yet at the same time simultaneously older. I don’t… Sometimes I don’t think I can match you.”

“Oh, Klaus… You don’t ever have to worry about your age or my age for that matter. I’m not that young, anymore,” Freddy softly chuckled. “Besides, I like older men.”

Freddy playfully nudged Klaus with his foot. 

“You know that.”

Klaus breathily chuckled at that.

“Do I?”

“You don’t know much about my dating life before I met you, do you?”

The captain shook his head.

“They were always older,” Freddy explained as he played with the hair on Klaus’ chest. “But never like you. No one ever just wanted to talk or get to know me... That’s why I liked you so much.”

“Like?” Klaus asked with a quirked brow as he shifted closer. “I thought I’d be higher than ‘like’ by now.”

Freddy smiled.

“You sound like a mopey teen,” He teased, but still added, “Of course you are. You are very much loved by me.”

The other man smiled and began playing with his lover’s hair.

“Why have we never talked about this before? The past relationship thing?”

“I guess it was never important past the significant ones. You never asked and I never cared to share, before,” Freddy replied before placing a small kiss on Klaus’s jaw before sitting up.

The sub-officer got off the bed and collected his clothes, the captain following as they both got back into their pajamas before lying back down. Both men laid there as they gazed at the ceiling in silence, taking in one another’s company. 

“Finkie, can I ask you something?” Klaus asked.

“Hit me.” 

“When was the first time you had sex with a man?” Klaus asked.

Freddy opened his eyes and looked up to the ceiling, thinking for a moment.

“On my seventeenth birthday. 1927.”

Klaus looked over.

“On your _birthday_?” He rolled onto his side. “You got birthday sex for your first time?”

Freddy looked over and nodded with a smile, the slightest hint of mischief in his eyes. 

“God, my first time was in a dark back alley,” Klaus laughed. “I hope it was at least a little bad to cancel out how great of a gift that is.”

Freddy laughed which made his head press into the mattress below them.

“No, it was good. A little awkward but good,” The sub-officer replied before adding, “Not as good as you, though.”

“Was it with Hans?” Klaus softly asked.

Freddy nodded. 

“It was the first time I- It was the first time I _ever_ had sex. Not just with a man. We got together that night; under the stars. It was sweet, you know? He was sweet.”

Klaus hummed and intently listened.

“I… I think that’s why I reconnected with Hans. He was one of the kindest guys I had met- That I had slept with before you,” Freddy explained. “So when I didn’t have you I… He was there for me; made me feel safe.”

Klaus smiled to himself.

“I’m glad he could do that for you.”

Freddy’s brow furrowed as he rolled onto his side, propping himself up on his forearm. Klaus looked up at him.

“What?”

The sub-officer smiled, feeling some sense of closure between them.

“It’s nothing,” He whispered before leaning down and pecked Klaus on the lips before snuggling into his chest.

Klaus smiled and wrapped his arms around Freddy, one hand gently playing with his hair as they both drifted off into the afternoon.

***

Freddy and Klaus woke to a shrill shriek. The sub-officer shot up to see his mom standing there in the doorway. In a panic, he quickly shuffled off of Klaus, who was still confused.

“Mom, I- I can-”

Klaus’ heart dropped at those words

“Friedrich, I- I- There is a _mouse!”_ Anita exclaimed. 

Neither man could begin to explain the relief they both felt at that statement.

“Oh- Okay, Mama. Just close the door and I’ll get it,” Freddy said, prompting the woman to close the door. “Be careful on the stairs!”

“Oh my God,” Klaus mumbled as he ran his hands over his face.

Freddy leaned off the bed and spotted the small, grey, vermin. He sighed and scooped the mouse up by its tail. The sub-officer walked over to the window, unlatched it, pushed it open, and gently placed the mouse in the gutter before closing the window again.

“Go on, little guy,” He murmured before turning back to Klaus. “Is she gone? I… I didn’t hear her go.”

Klaus, who was sitting up now, nodded and looked over.

“Thank God for that little shit.”

Freddy let out a tense laugh and flopped down into the wing chair behind him. 

“I can’t believe I forgot to lock the door,” He mumbled, running a hand over his face as he tried to calm down.

“Do you think she noticed?” Klaus quietly asked.

“Hm?” Freddy hummed, leaning forward.

Klaus nervously shifted forward.

“Do you think your mother noticed us?” Klaus said, a bit louder.

A moment passed before Freddy looked up from his hands.

“I don’t think so.”

Klaus nodded and turned to the door before looking back at Freddy. 

“I should… Probably pack.”

Freddy hummed in agreement and began to change into his day-clothes in silence as Klaus made the bed. They continued throughout the day as calmly as possible, both side-eying one another and Anita, who didn’t seem to suspect anything. 

When they got into the newly fixed truck, Freddy sighed and placed his head on the steering wheel.

“I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack waiting around like this.”

Klaus tensely laughed. 

“Tell me about it.”

The captain leaned over and placed his hand atop of Freddy’s, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“I’m sure we’ll be fine.”

Freddy picked his head up from the steering wheel and gave his lover a small smile.

“I hope so.”

The two shared an understanding look before Klaus sat back and Freddy turned back to the steering wheel.

“Now, let’s see if our work paid off.”

-

One day had passed since Klaus had left and Freddy hadn’t picked up on any signs of his mother being suspicious, making him relax a bit more. 

On the last night that Freddy was there, which was only two days later, he was plating the table when his mother cleared her throat.

“So,” Anita softly began. 

“So?” Freddy echoed with a cocked brow.

The white-haired woman took a moment to spoon soup into their bowls before choosing to continue her words when they both sat down.

“I didn’t know that you… That you and Klaus were- Were… Pansies.”

Freddy froze and put down his spoon.

“Wh- What?” He stammered.

His mother sighed and turned to him.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you were a _queer_ , Friedrich?” Anita asked. “I could have gotten you help. I know a preacher who has done plenty of conversions”

“I- I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Freddy nervously replied.

“I’m not daft, Fred. There’s always been something… Different about you.”

The sub-officer thickly swallowed as his mother continued.

“Have you ever _considered_ getting help for this?” Anita asked, watching as her youngest son shook his head no. “I mean… You’re forty when the decade is out and I’m only getting older. I’d like for you to give me some grandkids before I pass.”

“You- You already have five,” Freddy replied. “Five seems like plenty of grandchildren. Besides, Edgar doesn’t have children, as far as we know, and that was never a problem.”

Anita ran her hand over her pale and worn face.

“That’s different. _This_ is different. Darling, you know that your father wouldn’t-”

“Please don’t mention him,” Freddy interrupted before whispering, “Not for this.”

The frail woman nodded and went silent, her brittle hand gently holding her son’s hand.

“Now, I… I believe that you are perfect husband material for any woman and I know that the war has been a large distraction and you’ve just been surrounded by _men_ \- Lord, that must be it, right?” She turned and grasped his other hand. “You’ve just needed to project on those around you because there haven’t been any women around. Besides, I’ve never pegged Klaus as a queer. You must have done something for him to-”

“No. _No_. I’m not- I’ve always been like this,” Freddy insisted, his tone becoming more assertive. “And Klaus- Klaus and I are in love and we have always-”

The sub-officer froze when he realized what he had just said as his mother looked on with equal horror. Never in his life had he been so afraid of his mother until now. He felt like he was going to throw up.

“No, you’re right. Klaus isn’t- We’re not…” Freddy glanced around the room as he tried to correct himself. “It’s just me. He’s not like me.”

Despite his attempt to override what he had just said, the look in his mother’s eyes told him that he was too late.

“Are you sure you aren’t just confused?” Anita asked, her jaw firmly clenched.

Freddy thickly swallowed and nodded.

“I’m sure.”

His mother nodded and let go of his hand before she reconvened eating.

“Please don’t tell anyone,” Freddy quietly pleaded. “I don’t know what I’d do if it got out.”

“Of course not, Friedrich,“ _Freddy let out a sigh of relief._ “Why would I tell anyone that my son was a queer?”

Freddy felt like he had been punched in the gut as he let out a weak _‘Thank you.’_ The two sat in a thick and uncomfortable silence as Anita finished eating, Freddy having lost his appetite. After he had collected and washed their plates, a thought dawned on the sub-officer. His hands shaking, he turned and walked to the kitchen’s slider window, which opened to the dining room.

“If you say anything about Klaus you won’t ever hear from me again,” Freddy lightly threatened. “I’ll make sure of that.”

He looked over to his mother, a look of fear and guilt in his eyes. 

“ _They’ll_ make sure of that.”

Anita frowned and nodded, providing some comfort to Freddy, but not much. He sighed and stepped down from the kitchen.

“I’m going to retire."

***

Freddy couldn’t get out of his mother’s house fast enough. Their goodbye was short and awkward and then Freddy was gone. He walked for about an hour, taking a few breaks before someone who drove by was willing to drive him out to the station. The wait for the train was arduous while the two-hour ride was agonizing. He just needed to get back to Klaus, to unload all of his emotions and fears that had been eating at him for more than twenty-four hours now. So, when he arrived back in town, his first stop was Klaus’ apartment.

Worn from the amount of walking he had done and his emotions, he weakly knocked on the door, slightly leaning on the wall as he did. He thought to knock again, just to check if Klaus was actually home or hadn’t heard him, but the door swung open. His appearance greatly surprised the captain.

“Oh, hey. What are you-” Klaus glanced back into his apartment. “What are you doing here?”

“You’re on the way home from the station so I thought I’d stop by,” Freddy explained as he tiredly rubbed his eyes. “I’d like to talk about something.”

“Oh,” Klaus stepped out and partially closed the door behind him before he lowered his voice. “Can it wait?”

“Maybe?” Freddy replied, suddenly feeling the weight of his exhaustion. “Why? Is someone here?” 

Klaus nodded.

“Katherine and Toni are over. Toni is- He’s uh… Hang on.”

He stepped back into his apartment and closed the door. Freddy sighed and shifted his weight onto his right leg as he listened to the muffled talking on the other side of the door. Less than a minute later, the door opened again.

“You can come in but you just- Brace yourself,” Klaus warned.

A bit confused, Freddy stepped into the old apartment, being welcomed by the shocking sight of Klaus’ second-oldest nephew. The nineteen-year-old was resting on the loveseat of the sitting room, with more than half of his left leg missing. Katherine, who looked more worn than he’d ever seen her, sat to the right of her son, her side pressed into the arm of the couch. Freddy swallowed back his shock and did his best to calmly greet the young man.

“Hi, Toni. How are you?” He mentally kicked himself for that and quickly added, “I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer that.”

“I’m okay,” Klaus’ nephew replied. “How are you?”

“I’m well, I’m well,” Freddy answered, trying to hide his tiredness. 

Before he could say anything to greet Katherine, the woman was already quickly approaching him and gave him a tight hug, catching the sub-officer by surprise.

“Hi, Katherine,” Freddy choked out. “How are you?”

“Splendid! One of my brothers and one of my sons are both cripples so I’m glad to see a man that’s in-tact,” Katherine said with a forced smile as her nails dug into the sides of Freddy’s arm.

“It’s good to see that you’re doing well yourself, Katherine,” Freddy replied, feeling guilty when he caught a glimpse of Toni’s hurt expression.

“Kath,” Klaus firmly said as he crossed his arms. “How about we go talk in the hall.”

Katherine released her grip on Freddy’s arms and looked to her brother.

“What is it?” She asked.

“Let’s talk in the hall.”

“Anything you have to say to me you can say in front of Toni and Friedrich.”

Klaus clenched his jaw as he went into a staring contest with house sister as Freddy and Toni uncomfortably watched on. The captain’s stern state was intense, his icy dead eye viciously striking through anyone who glanced over at him.

A chill went down Freddy’s spine, feeling like the room was about to burst from the building tension.

Eventually, Katherine broke the stare, a hint of disgust on her face.

“Fine,” She huffed.

The woman looked over to Freddy with a sickly smile and a scrunched nose.

“This won’t last long.”

As the brother and sister left the apartment, Freddy turned to Toni and sat down next to him, much closer than Katherine had been earlier.

“I’m sorry for what happened to you,” He carefully apologized. “You don’t deserve this.”

Toni forced a smile.

“Thank you.”

The young man began to subconsciously play with his fingers, which attracted Freddy’s attention. His eyes slightly widened when he realized that Toni’s left hand no longer had a pinky or ring finger. Trying not to look rude, Freddy tore his eyes away from the teen’s hand.

“I- When I was in Russia with your Uncle, he and I faced a lot of shit. A lot,” Freddy began, Toni quietly listening as he spoke. “When we were out there we faced exhaustion, the threat of frostbite, and the fear of being caught and killed every day. I’m sure you’ve faced that too.”

Toni hummed in response.

“Out there we faced hell,” Freddy lifted his leg up and rested his ankle on his thigh.

He pulled up his pant leg, revealing the large dip in the bottom of his leg. 

“And I got shot into the leg and lost my hearing in one ear. I know that I got lucky. But, I understand where you’re coming from and I’m sure your uncle does too,” Freddy assured. “I want you to know that just because you’ve lost your leg doesn’t mean you’re any less of a man.”

“You know, Mom says I’ll never marry because of it,” Toni commented, Freddy’s words going over his head a bit.

“In all due respect to your mother, that’s a really stupid thing to say.”

That made Toni smile a bit.

“You’ll find someone who will love you no matter what your flaws are, Toni. I promise you will.”

Toni nodded and muttered out a small _‘thank you.’_

“What about you? Did you find someone?” Toni asked. “I remember Uncle Klaus saying you’re a player.”

Freddy chuckled, faintly remembering that Klaus _did_ say something along those lines.

“I settled down. I stopped chasing skirts and settled down.”

Toni gave him a small smile before looking down at the older man’s hands.

“You don’t have a ring?” He asked.

Freddy’s brow furrowed for a second before realizing what Toni was talking about.

“Oh, no. I-” He paused. “I didn’t want her to wait for me while I was away.”

Before the nineteen-year-old could comment, Katherine stormed back into the apartment, her older brother in tow.

“You _will not_ tell me how to mother my child, Klaus!” She exclaimed. “You’re not a _woman-_ You don’t have children-”

She suddenly turned around, her tightly curled hair whipping around her face as she did so. She then poked Klaus in the chest, her well-manicured nail digging through the thin fabric of his shirt.

 _“You_ don’t have a crippled son!” She yelled before yanking her coat off of the coat rack and turning to her son. “Toni, we’re leaving.”

“But Mom, Uncle Klaus was going to-”

“I don’t want to hear it. We’re leaving,” Katherine huffed as she ducked her head in front of a reflective vase and ran a finger under her eyes.

Realizing that Katherine was not about to help her son up, Freddy stood and helped the young man up before handing him his crutch. 

Katherine gave Freddy a small goodbye before turning on her heel and leaving the home, Toni slowly following with his own goodbyes. As Toni went to step out, Klaus placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t let her get to you,” Klaus murmured to him.

Toni gave him a weak smile and nodded before leaving the apartment. Klaus watched them leave from the doorway with a disappointed smile.

“Be careful on the stairs!” He called out.

“I will!” Toni called back.

The captain watched his nephew and sister descend down the staircase at the end of the hallway before ducking back into his apartment.

“That poor kid,” Freddy murmured as Klaus adjusted the coat rack.

“Things will get better,” Klaus replied. “Kathi will come around.”

Freddy’s stomach dropped at those words. For a moment he had almost forgotten about what he came here for. As the sub-officer re-assessed what he wanted to say Klaus made his way over to him. He placed his hands on Freddy’s hips and gave him a soft kiss before tiredly sighing.

“How are you?”

Freddy took a deep breath, trying to find the words to break the news to Klaus.

“What’s wrong?” The captain softly asked, seeing how uncomfortable Freddy seemed.

The sub-officer rolled his lips together and took another breath.

 _“My mother knows about us,”_ Freddy quickly got out.

Klaus blinked and looked at Freddy, mouth slightly agape. _This felt vaguely familiar._

“Are you sure?”

Freddy nodded, his vision going blurry from nerves.

“She- She saw us the day there was a mouse in the bedroom.”

“Oh- How… How did she take it?”

“Not well but not horribly,” Freddy mumbled.

“Do- Do you think she’ll say something?

Freddy shook his head no, placing his hand over his mouth in thought.

“I think she’s too ashamed to even out me,” Freddy admitted, letting out a pained laugh. “And with you, I… I said that I’d turn myself in if she said anything.”

“Oh, Freddy,” Klaus could feel his heart tighten. “Don’t do that. Not for me.”

Freddy sighed softly and wrapped his arms around Klaus’ before resting his head on his shoulder. Klaus frowned, feeling guilty- Wondering that if he decided to not visit with Freddy as much as he did, that maybe the sub-officer wouldn't have been outed. The captain sighed and ran a hand up Freddy’s back.

Whether it was about their safety or not, Klaus had a feeling that something was on the horizon. _But he didn’t know what._

###  **Month Six: August 1944**

The next two weeks Freddy and Klaus were on alert, far much more than usual. But, as each day passed, they slowly settled back into their calmer routine.

It was late morning and Klaus was in the sitting room, tossing small rolled up balls of paper at small targets he had put up across the room. He had been doing this for around two months and had quickly gotten the hang of it. Once he figured out how far he had to turn his head and angle his throw, he began to hit the targets almost every time. He was keeping a successful streak until his bladder called to his attention. Klaus groaned. He knew Freddy was taking a shower. He told himself he could wait, crossed his legs, and went back to tossing crumpled paper in an attempt to distract himself. Unfortunately, he only had a few left and went through them quite quickly; the urge came back almost immediately. He groaned again and softly cursed himself out for getting old and headed out of the sitting room, beginning the quick journey upstairs.

Reaching the bathroom, he knocked on the door to announce his presence before stepping in.

“Just on a bathroom run.”

Freddy softly laughed out an _‘Okay’_ and went back to softly humming a military tune. As Klaus wrapped up, the buzz of the showerhead softened and eventually came to a halt. When the captain began washing his hands, Freddy pulled the shower curtain open. Klaus’ good eye glanced over at the sound of the sliding shower rings, taking in his lover’s appearance for a moment before turning away.

“Liebling, can you hand me my towel?” Freddy asked.

Klaus hummed and slipped the towel off the track before handing it over. As the sub-officer took the towel from him, the brunette took in Freddy’s appearance again, his eye drinking in the pale and shapely form before him, like he was a tall glass of wine. Klaus always thought that Freddy was the most charmingly adorable man he’s ever met, but god damn, he was sexy too. Everything about the taller man he found perfectly proportionally correct. Despite his long legs and thicker thighs, the mass of freckles upon his shoulders that contrasted his pale skin, and even the small dips by the corners of his eyes, Klaus just knew he was perfect.

“God, look at you,” Klaus awed. “You’re walking pornography.”

“Really?” Freddy asked as he blushed, a smile forming on his face. “I’ve never seen any before.”

“You’re fucking kidding me,” Klaus exclaimed with a disbelieving laugh.

“I’m not,” Freddy replied as he patted himself down with his towel. “I never really had the privacy to have any until I was twenty-two. And then I had you there to satisfy me.”

Klaus smiled to himself and looked over before looking away. He chose to ignore the small spring of Freddy’s prick as the towel brushed it and continued the conversation.

“I used to have a _collection,_ ” Klaus said with a slightly forced laugh as he dried his hands. “Though I did burn it all at the beginning of ‘33.”

He looked over to Freddy.

“For political reasons.”

Freddy laughed and wrapped his bottom half with a towel, stepping out of the tub as he did so.

“I’m amazed I never found it. I must have cleaned your room at least fifty times,” He remarked, approaching the sink’s countertop as he did so.

“Only a real man knows how to hide his porn collection and do it well,” Klaus replied as he snaked an arm around Freddy’s waist, his fingers gently playing with the towel. “Of course, I haven’t hidden you too well.”

Freddy chuckled and began combing his hair.

“I would like to keep the towel on.”

“Mhm. You don’t have to take it off,” Klaus said with a smirk as he traced Freddy’s v-line. “It’s not a problem with me. I can work around it.”

Freddy reached back and grabbed Klaus’s ass, making the other let out the smallest moan.

“It’s only nine in the morning and you’re so fucking horny,” The sub-officer laughed 

Klaus nipped at Freddy’s ear and chuckled.

“You’re just too handsome,” Klaus purred as he moved his hand up his lover’s stomach.

Freddy sucked in a sharp breath at the touch before relaxing.

“Can I be ‘too handsome’ and fully clothed today?” The sub-officer asked as he put his comb down.

Klaus smiled against Freddy’s skin and pressed a firm kiss to the side of his head.

“Of course,” The Captain hummed as he squeezed Freddy’s waist, meeting the other's gaze in the mirror. 

Freddy smiled and turned to actually look at Klaus.

“Maybe we’ll do something later,” He said as he slightly snapped Klaus’s suspenders.

“Later?” Klaus echoed with a quirked brow.

“Maybe, and you’ll have to promise to be quiet,” Freddy gently hip-checked Klaus. “Now get out, I’m going to get dressed.”

“Later?” The captain asked through the door, wanting to confirm it.

Freddy laughed.

“Later!”

‘Later’ arrived quite quickly and a fight arose over cleaning dishes just as quickly. As usual, they ended up in Freddy’s bed; stark naked, sore, and exhausted after the fight.

_This was starting to get old._

###  **Month Seven: September 1944**

Autumn quickly settled in that year and so did Freddy with his sweaters. Klaus admired Freddy’s taste in clothing, he always had, but there was something about the sub-officer’s choice in autumn clothing that he loved. Freddy seemed calmer and more comfortable in his autumn-wear. Klaus could’ve sworn the softness of the colors of the sweaters brought out Freddy’s eyes and made his face look more chiseled, too. It made the captain feel warm and fuzzy.

That’s exactly how Klaus felt when he entered the sitting room of their home. Klaus leaned against the doorframe with a soft smile, shifting the pile of mail he had just collected to beneath his arm. 

The younger man, who was in an orange sweater, was in the sitting room’s armchair, legs crossed, head resting against one hand while the other held a book. The soft hum of opera swirled around Freddy, creating the perfect atmosphere to sit back, relax, and read.

The captain knocked on the doorframe to announce his presence, Freddy not having heard him when he entered the home. Upon hearing the knock, Freddy looked up from his book, and warmly smiled.

“Welcome home,” He greeted.

Klaus only smiled and kept looking at his lover.

“What- Is something on my face?” Freddy asked as he wiped his mouth and up to his cheek.

“No, no. You’re fine,” Klaus replied before adding, “I’m just… Looking at you.”

Freddy’s face flushed a bit before looking back at his book.

“Rilke again?” The captain asked, referring to the poetry in his partner’s hands.

Freddy hummed with a small nod.

“Listen to this one,” The sub-officer said as he motioned for Klaus to come closer.

“Time and again, however, well we know the landscape of love,” Freddy began as Klaus walked over. “And the little churchyard there, with its sorrowing names, and the frighteningly silent abyss into which the others fall: again and again the two of us walk out together under the ancient trees, lie down again and again among the flowers, face to face with the sky.”

Freddy looked up to Klaus, who was now leaning over his shoulder, his head tilted to read the text clearly.

“Isn't it beautiful?”

Klaus looked at him with a quirked brow.

“It sounds morbid.”

“No, it’s beautiful,” Freddy repeated. “He somehow manages to perfectly capture the circle of life and make it unique all in one.”

Klaus could only smile at Freddy’s words.

“Sometimes I don’t know why you became a postman and didn’t go to school to be a teacher.”

Freddy snorted.

“You know I don’t like kids.”

The captain slightly rolled his eyes, knowing that wasn’t necessarily true.

“You could have been a professor,” Klaus argued.

“I’m definitely not smart enough for it either way,” Freddy argued back. 

“Nonsense,” Klaus replied before leaning down for a kiss. 

His head accidentally bumped Freddy’s but the sub-officer only smiled and met Klaus’ lips with his own.

“Who’re those from?” Freddy asked when he pulled away, having noticed the letters in Klaus’ hands.

“Oh, just ration cards and what I _think_ is a response from our Sergeant-Major,” He flipped said envelope around in his hand as he spoke. “I’m hoping it will be good news but…”

Klaus sighed as he looked down at the letter.

“I don’t know if I want to read it. What if it’s… What if it isn’t what I’m hoping for?”

Freddy side-eyed the letter, knowing that Klaus and he had different definitions of bad _and_ good news.

“Well, you won’t know if you until you open it, right?” He said as he forced a smile.

Klaus nodded in agreeance before looking back down at the letter. He sighed and put down the ration cards before retreating to the study for a letter opener. When he returned, he was already pulling the slips of paper out of the envelope. 

Freddy didn’t pay much mind to it, not wanting to know the results of the letter himself. 

When Klaus thumbed open the first page of the letter, he almost immediately closed it.

“Do you want to read it for me?” He asked, looking over to his sub-officer.

Freddy laughed.

“You’re a big boy, you can read it,” He teased, trying to cover his nerves.

Klaus sighed and slowly opened the letter again, his eyes carefully scanning the paper. Freddy looked over the moment his partner’s face fell.

“What is it?” He asked.

The captain quickly held up his pointer finger as he continued to read, eventually flipping to the next page.

“K, what is it?” He asked again

“We uh-” He licked his lips. “We’ve been assigned to run a Jungfolk camp.”

Freddy’s jaw dropped.

“You’re kidding me.”

“I guess you’ll be teaching kids, anyways,” Klaus remarked, failing to make light of the situation.

Freddy inwardly groaned.

“Where are we headed? Will we have to move?”

“I… I don’t think so,” Klaus scanned the first page again with his good eye. “Starting November in… Falkenheim.”

Freddy cocked his head to the side with a raised brow.

“Really? That’s where Paul’s family is,” He said before getting up and heading over to the small bookshelf by the record player. “Do you think we’ll see his boy there? I think he’s ten or eleven this year.”

Klaus let out a considerate hum.

“God, I can’t believe we’ve gotten assigned _this.”_

“At least we’re aren’t being given guns and being shipped back out,” Freddy quietly reasoned as he shuffled through the almanacs and atlases.

“Yeah…” Klaus replied as he mindlessly flipped the envelope in his hand as his eye scanned the letter.

Eventually, the sub-officer found the page he was looking for and brought it back to the couch and coffee table. He unrolled it and placed a coaster on two separate corners to hold it down so he could look through it more efficiently. His eyes carefully scanned the map, placing his finger on the town they were in and then on Falkenheim, doing some quick math in his head.

“Are you sure we won't have to move? Falkenheim is at _least_ twenty-five miles away.” Freddy asked as his finger traced the map. 

“No. It says they’ll send an office car somewhere at the end,” Klaus answered, handing the letter over before pressing a small kiss to the side of the other man’s head. “Eight a.m. for sign-ups and then six a.m. for every weekend the camp is running.”

“Hm,” Freddy hummed as he read the letter before sighing. “I wish we knew Falkenheim was so close earlier. “I would’ve liked to go and see if I could visit Paul’s family; check in on them. Talk with his wife about a few things.” 

Klaus raised a brow.

“What do you have to talk with her about?”

Freddy looked at Klaus for a moment. He knew Klaus wouldn’t say anything about Paul if he told him, having experienced his Anti-Party sentiments for years in private, but he didn’t feel like it was his place to share. Not yet, anyway.

“Things,” He simply replied before turning his attention back to the letter.

Klaus nodded and tried to pretend that he didn’t notice that Freddy was hiding something from him.

“Well, this isn’t exactly what I wanted when I said to give me a gun and a job but it’s… something.”

Freddy sighed and looked at him.

“Why are you so desperate to leave me?”

Klaus’ brow furrowed as he looked up, perplexed by Freddy’s words.

“What do you mean?”

“Ever since we’ve moved in you’ve been _itching_ to go put yourself out where you can get shot or blown up,” Freddy explained, his gaze full of hurt. “Don’t think that I haven’t noticed.”

“Freddy it’s-”

“You almost _died_ last time and that was because _you_ wanted to fight. We don’t need another Operation Screw Up.”

 _“Screw up?”_ Klaus scoffed. “Is that what you think of me?” 

Freddy rolled his eyes and put the letter down.

“I’m _not_ doing this today,” He huffed. “I’ve said what I’ve said. Interpret as you will, I don’t care anymore.”

“Well in that case- Care to tell me what you’re hiding from me?” Klaus asked as he crossed his arms. “About Paul? I can interpret that in a few ways.”

Freddy’s scowl softened at that.

“That’s- Klaus that’s different. I’m close to Paul, you know that. I- I’d… I’d just like to get to know his family.”

“Bullshit! You’re a horrible liar,” Klaus hissed.

“I’m _not_ a liar,” Freddy argued. _Just protecting a secret._

“Sure you are. I’m a one-eyed screw-up and you’re a half-deaf liar. We fit like a glove, Friedrich.” 

“Why are you being such an asshole?” Freddy groaned.

 _“You’re_ the one who started this,” Klaus said as he stepped forward.

Freddy pressed his lips together as he thought of a response, now painfully aware of how close they were to one another. Both knew what was about to happen, but neither man took action to avoid it as their bodies and mouths clashed together. They argued in circles, just as they had been doing in the most recent months. Except that this time the argument carried out right until the end, loosely apologizing when they climaxed. 

After checking that the couch was clean, which had become a learned skill they picked up quickly, Freddy relaxed onto the couch with a huff. Meanwhile, Klaus dropped his head to his partner’s shoulder with a few heavy and deep breaths.

“We can’t keep doing this,” Freddy breathed.

“I know,” Klaus replied as he caught his breath. “I know.”

Freddy took a deep breath and wrapped his arms up and around his lover’s back, allowing Klaus to lie down on top of him. The captain slipped his arms beneath Freddy’s as the sub-officer rubbed small circles into his back. Klaus smiled when he felt Freddy’s finger trace up the deep pink scar that ran across his skin.

“I don’t think you’re a screw-up, K,” The sub-officer whispered. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“And I don’t think you’re a liar,” Klaus whispered as his lips intimately touched Freddy’s neck. “I don’t want to leave you, either. This is just… It’s hard.”

Freddy hummed and a moment passed before the captain spoke up again.

“Operation Screw Up,” He mumbled before softly laughing. “That’s kind of witty.”

The corners of Freddy's mouth briefly quirked upwards.

“Feel free to use it with the children.”

Klaus groaned and placed his forehead to his lover’s collarbone.

“I can't believe we’re becoming _camp counselors.”_

“It’s better than fighting Russians,” Freddy reminded, his tone careful and soft.

Klaus simply hummed in response, not wanting to stir the pot again. Both laid there in silence, thinking about what was to come.

_This would be interesting._

###  **Month Eight: Late October 1944**

It was the last day of Freddy and Klaus’ time off from work and the war. The two had spent the day together getting everything they’d need for the next day. Overall, it was bland and a bit stressful. It wasn’t a pleasant day when it came to the weather, either. It was cold and rainy, the perfect weather to catch a cold.

By the time the evening arrived, Freddy was upstairs getting ready to retire while Klaus was nursing the beer in a flask he had picked up earlier from the market. 

When the captain finished his drink, he sat in the silence of the sitting room, his thumb tracing the mouth of his flask. He crossed his legs, trying to repress the small amount of warmth between his legs. He thought of lighting a cigarette to distract himself until he realized that the hum of the pipes in the walls wasn’t there. 

_Freddy hadn’t gotten into the shower yet._

Klaus stood up from the couch, leaving his flask behind as he headed upstairs. He ducked into Freddy’s bedroom and the bathroom, but he wasn’t there, which only left his bedroom. He quickly made his way down the hall, but not desperately. Looking into his room, he saw Freddy pulling his shirt out from his pants and unbuttoning it. Klaus smiled and loudly knocked on the doorframe to make his presence known before walking in. Freddy glanced over and continued to unbutton his shirt.

“Hey,” The blond simply greeted.

“Hey handsome,” The brunette cooed as he gently wrapped his arms around Freddy's waist from behind, nuzzling his nose beneath his ear. “What’re you doing?”

“I _was_ going to get in the shower but I got distracted. I’m getting in now, though. Would you like to join me?”

“Mm, no thank you,” Klaus hummed and kissed behind the other’s ear, his good one.

“Why? Do you have a hot date that you’ve got to get to?” Freddy asked with a laugh as he finished unbuttoning his top.

“Yes, I do,” Klaus replied as he helped Freddy shrug off his shirt. “With you, in bed. Preferably in a few minutes.”

He kissed the other’s neck. 

“Or less.”

“Oh, how you tempt me,” Freddy chuckled as he turned around, placing his hands on the older’s chest. “I’m still going to take shower, but…”

He pecked Klaus’ lips.

“I’ll be back.”

Freddy took his sweet time in the bathroom, but when he exited he was clad in a pair of trousers and was gently towel-drying his hair.

“I’m surprised you’re still dressed,” He said with a chuckle as he placed the hand towel down on the now unmade bed.

“I‘m surprised you bothered to get dressed,” Klaus replied as he picked up the towel.

“It’s too cold to be walking around naked,” Freddy explained before he turned to the mirror behind him, beginning to comb his hair.

Klaus smiled and snapped the towel at Freddy’s butt. Freddy squeaked out a surprised noise and looked over his shoulder with a smirk before going back to fluffing his hair up. The captain chuckled and tossed the towel back on the bed and stood. He stepped behind the half-naked man and wrapped his arms around Freddy’s waist.

“I don’t like these,” Klaus mumbled as he thumbed at the brim of Freddy’s trousers, kissing his shoulder too.

Freddy smirked as he turned around to face the other man. He ran his hands up Klaus’ torso.

“Mhm. I know,” He teased as he pulled Klaus in by the collar, pressing his lips to the older’s lips.

Klaus smiled and held Freddy closer, his hands roaming all over the blond’s naked torso. The brunette pushed the younger man up against the bureau and ducked his head to the blond’s collarbone, beginning to slowly suck on it.

“Oh my God,” Freddy moaned as his head rolled back.

Klaus smirked and pressed his lips to the blond’s collarbone more as his hands trailed around the blond’s torso. Freddy raised his hands to the brunette’s face and brought their lips together in a few sloppy kisses.

“Remember when this was a common occurrence?” Klaus purred in Freddy’s good ear.

“Oh to be in 1932 again,” Freddy said with a laugh as he rolled his hips, turning them both around. “I’d trade the world to go back to then.”

“I think many would,” The brunette hummed as he began unbuttoning his shirt. “So many.”

“Let’s not talk of misery, just for now… _Please?”_ Freddy said as he sat down on the bed, pushing himself up to the pillows.

“I’ll try to not ruin the mood,” Klaus replied with a smile as he shrugged off his shirt.

Freddy playfully rolled his eyes and propped himself up a bit on his elbows.

“Get over here, handsome,” Freddy cooed.

Klaus’ face slightly flushed at the pet name, appreciating the compliment. Freddy smiled as the brunette crawled onto the bed. They met halfway when their lips softly connected. Freddy lowered himself back down onto the sheets

Freddy smiled and ran his fingers into Klaus’ hair, his thumbs lightly rubbing the sides of the brunette’s head. The two lovingly gazed into the other’s eyes with a soft smile. Klaus lowered his forehead to gently meet the blond’s and nuzzled his nose. Freddy’s eyes fluttered shut at the new contact and moved his lips to meet Klaus’.

“I love you,” Freddy whispered on Klaus’ lips.

Freddy could feel Klaus’ lips form a smile on his.

“I love you too,” The brunette replied, kissing the blond again.

Freddy leaned up into the kiss, his arms briefly wrapping themselves behind the brunette’s neck before traveling down his torso. Klaus slowly pulled away, carefully straddling Freddy’s lap as he scanned the blond’s features. His face was slightly flushed and his hair was sprawled out on his forehead.

“I’ve always loved your hair like this, all soft and plush looking,” Klaus said in a hushed tone, leaning down a bit to run his fingers through the man’s soft caramel blond hair. “It makes you look even more handsome.”

“Thank you,” Freddy whispered with a smile, resting his hands on Klaus’ thighs. “I did it just for you.”

Klaus smiled and continued to run his fingers through the blond hair while Freddy rubbed small circles into the other’s thighs. 

“You’re so amazing,” Freddy sighed with a content smile as he gazed up at the brunette.

“So are you,” Klaus replied, mirroring the younger’s smile. 

Freddy’s eyes sparkled as he gently pulled the captain back down to meet his lips, relishing every second they spent at that moment. Klaus’ rough hands softly cupped the blond’s face as Freddy’s hands found their way onto his biceps, his fingers rubbing the small pink dips in his arms. Their lips found their way together in soft pecks, both of their hands slowly traveling down the other’s body. Freddy’s fingers reached the edge of Klaus’ trousers before the other male’s reached his, making the brunette pull away and look down.

“Looks like we both had the same idea,” Klaus commented with a chuckle, resting his hands by Freddy’s waist.

Freddy breathily laughed.

“I guess so.”

Klaus smiled and kissed the blond’s nose before rolling onto his back, which prompted Freddy to crawl over him. The blond softly kissed down the brunette’s chest as his fingers worked on the fly of Klaus’s pants. 

“What do you want to do?” Klaus asked; his hands now on the sides of Freddy’s arms.

“I’d love to just…” The blond placed a few sucking kisses around Klaus’ chest, the hair there tickling him as he did before leaving a final kiss on his nipple. “Take it slow tonight… To have one last long and hard fuck before life begins again.”

Klaus chuckled but it dissolved into a moan when Freddy slowly sucked again and rubbed the brunette’s other nipple with his thumb and index finger. Freddy smirked and swapped sides, his left hand now unzipping the older’s trousers. Freddy slightly pushed the older’s pants down before slipping his hand downwards and palming at Klaus’ erection through his boxers. Klaus let out a pleased hum and rolled his hips. Freddy smiled and slipped down the bed to shift the older’s pants off. The brunette lifted his hips to aid the other man in removing the piece of clothing. While he was at it, Freddy took off his pants and tossed them aside. 

Once both of their trousers were off, Freddy positioned himself between Klaus’ thighs, undid the button of the captain’s boxers, and began placing wet kisses alongside the inside of his thighs. When he reached the bottom of Klaus’ underwear, Freddy moved up and placed an open-mouthed kiss on his partner’s clothed erection, watching as the tip of the captain's cock slipped out of the top of his boxers. Klaus let out a pleased noise and rolled his hips.

“How’re you doing up there, Hauptmann?” Freddy asked as he pulled down Klaus’ boxers.

“Fine, Schatzie. Just fine,” Klaus breathily replied.

“Good, because I’m going down…” Freddy playfully cooed before murmuring, “Down, down, down.”

Klaus chuckled but it was cut short when he felt Freddy’s lips touch the base of his cock. He could feel the sub-officer smile as he kissed around the spot. 

Freddy looked up through his eyelashes before licking his lips and looking back down. He trailed his pointer finger up the center of Klaus’s dick before placing his thumb beneath the skin of the tip. He began slowly rubbing small circles into the sensitive spot. Klaus breathily exhaled as he moaned, his breaths deepening as he felt his cock twitch.

“You know, I think that next time we go back to the countryside we can go backpacking,” Freddy casually began as he continued the motion. “It would be nice. Just you, me, and nature… In a tent… All secluded… What do you think?”

Klaus cleared his throat as he shifted a bit.

“I- I think we can- _Oh,_ ” The sub-officer had pressed his thumb into Klaus’ slit, distracting the older man.

“We can what?” Freddy asked with a sly smile as he smeared precum around Klaus’ tip.

“Maybe we can,” Klaus got out.

Freddy smiled. He wasn’t sure if it was Klaus’ libido speaking or his heart, but Freddy would take ‘maybe’ over a no any day. 

“Maybe we could stay by a lake,” The sub-officer continued as he stroked Klaus’ shaft. 

“We’d ha- _have_ to move back at night,” Klaus replied before swallowing back a moan. “Insects.”

Freddy nodded.

“We could build a fire and snuggle close together as we watched the flames fizzle out,” He added in response as he played with the slick liquid that covered Klaus’ cock.

“I think you mean _I’d_ build the fire,” Klaus retorted. “You’d build the tent and I’d build the fire.”

The man between Klaus’ legs smiled.

“You’ve got a point but I…” Freddy trailed off when he realized that Klaus was going soft. 

With a focused gaze, Freddy rolled his lips together and briefly ran his tongue over his bottom lip. He pushed Klaus’ cock back towards him, as if it were flaccid, making Klaus’ breath hitch at the pressure on his balls. Freddy smirked and began licking the top, now _underside_ , of the tip as if he were a cat lapping up water. 

“Fuck, Freddy,” Klaus gasped in surprise, his prick hardening again. “That’s good. That’s really good.”

The sub-officer smiled and continued to flick his tongue upwards, the movement becoming slower as time went by.

 _“Finkie_ , you've got to-” Klaus swallowed back a moan. “I’m almost there.”

Freddy smiled and slapped Klaus’ cock against his tongue a few times before deepthroating it and taking the man’s balls in one hand. Klaus moaned and carefully placed his hands on the sides of Freddy’s head. The sub-officer took the hint and went lower, hollowing out his cheeks as he did so. Klaus moaned and thrusted upwards at the feeling. Freddy gagged but only pressed back down, hollowing out his cheeks again. Klaus orgasmed soon after and closed his eyes, savoring the wet and warm feeling of his lover’s throat. Freddy pulled off, wiped his mouth with a smile, and straddled the other man’s thighs. After collecting himself, Klaus sat up with a satisfied look. The captain pulled the sub-officer in for a deep kiss.

It didn’t take long until he had flipped Freddy onto his back, the sub-officer landing with a small laugh. Klaus smiled to himself. That was the first time he hadn’t overshot the maneuver because of his skewed depth perception.

Klaus dipped his head to Freddy’s collar bone, slowly and wetly kissing the spot. Freddy moaned as his hands gently grasped the sides of the brunette's head and pulled him upwards. The blond smiled and Klaus mirrored it. Freddy brought Klaus’ face down and kissed his nose, and then his lips. At some point, his hand began guiding the other man’s hand downwards.

“Oh, you want me to touch you?” Klaus smugly asked, watching as Freddy nodded in response. 

With a smirk, he trailed his hand down Freddy’s stomach, his fingers barely brushing the other’s skin. He dragged his fingers down his lover’s thighs, looking up at Freddy as he did so. The sub-officer shifted over to the side with a small grunt, making Klaus’s smirk deepen.

“I’m touching you, Finkie,” Klaus cooed as he moved his hand back up Freddy’s thigh, just barely going beneath his underwear. “Just as you wanted.”

“Don’t be a dick,” Freddy playfully retorted, once again moving his pelvis towards the hand that rested on his thigh.

Klaus chuckled and quickly removed the thin piece of clothing, tossing it off to the side as he did so. He grazed the top side of Freddy’s dick with the end of his middle finger, softly blowing on the tip of the other’s prick before moving his hand lower. His finger began to gently circle Freddy’s entrance and occasionally pushed in, just the smallest bit. The sub-officer quietly whimpered at the temporary pressure each time, desperate to be touched.

“Pick a number between zero and four,” Klaus told Freddy before kissing and sucking the inside of the other’s thighs, leaving a few dark spots behind.

Freddy smiled. He knew what this would determine.

“Two,” He replied.

His suspicions were proven correct when he felt Klaus’ wetted fingers enter him. The width was big enough to stretch him but just enough to do it pleasurably. Freddy’s toes curled as his shoulders tensed when Klaus curled his fingers and found his prostate. Klaus smiled and began rubbing the spot, making Freddy let out a mewl.

“Does that feel good?” Klaus asked as he gave Freddy’s thigh a comforting squeeze.

“Yes, but… Is it too late to change my number to three?” Freddy asked with a laugh.

“I don’t know,” Klaus shifted his ring finger forwards and slowly pushed it in. “What’s so great about the number three compared to two?”

“It’s, um,” Freddy’s breath hitched when the captain twisted his fingers.

He took a moment to try to come up with a witty answer as his fingers grasped the sheets below him.

“It’s a bigger number?” He bashfully replied as he opened his legs more.

Klaus laughed at his lover’s answer and took Freddy’s prick in his hand as he curled his fingers and once again found his prostate. He pressed, rubbed, and stroked the younger man, listening to Freddy’s soft noises until his fingers began to cramp.

When Klaus pulled his fingers out, Freddy let go of a deep exhale that he hadn’t realized that he had been holding back and relaxed. He slowed his breathing as Klaus lifted his thighs and pulled him forward. By the time his fingers let the sheets below him go, Klaus’ tongue had entered him, catching him by surprise.

 _“Oh!”_ Freddy exclaimed before melting into it. “That’s- That’s… That’s…”

The sub-officer trailed off, his only sounds being pleased hums and soft moans. Meanwhile, Klaus kept mouthing at the spot, on and off tracing the outside of the muscle with his tongue.

 _“Fuck,_ Klaus,” Freddy rasped as his heels pressed into the back of Klaus’ shoulders. “Keep doing that.”

The captain smiled and moved Freddy’s legs further over his shoulders, bringing him closer. He dipped his head again and went back to flexing his tongue in and out of his lover. In a matter of minutes, Klaus pushed his tongue into his partner as far as he could, his hands firmly holding Freddy’s ass. 

Freddy gasped in surprise at the welcomed invasion as his leg spasmed. He felt like his legs had turned into jelly as his eyes fluttered open and closed. He could feel every twitch and jolt that went through his body.

“Klaus,” He breathed.

There was a muffled hum in response.

“I don’t want to…” Freddy let out a pleased sigh. “I don’t want to come. Not yet.”

Klaus once again hummed, but this time the vibrations went right to Freddy’s core. The sub-officer dug his heels into the captain’s back and tightly pressed his lips together. Klaus lifted his head and began kissing down the inside of Freddy’s thigh before swapping to the other one as he lowered his lover’s long legs down to the bed. He very briefly wiped beneath his bottom lip before placing his hands next to the sides of Freddy’s torso and sweetly smiled. Freddy smiled back, his eyes lighting up a bit when their gazes met. 

Ignoring the ache in his right bicep and shoulder, Klaus shifted his weight to his right side. The captain lifted his left hand cupped the side of Freddy’s face before meeting his lover’s lips in a soft and deep kiss. Freddy smiled and took Klaus’ face in his hands, holding him closer.

“I love you,” Freddy cooed against his lips.

“I love you too,” Klaus hummed back before slowly kissing Freddy, dragging out the display of affection for as long as he could.

As they kissed, their bodies rolled and pressed together as their cocks rubbed up against one another, making the two men softly moan against one another’s lips. When Klaus began to kiss Freddy's neck, Freddy moved his hand in between them, his fingers brushing the sides of both of their pricks. He slowly moved from playing with the both of them to just Klaus- thumbing and tracing his cock.

“God, Finkie,” Klaus moaned after a sharp shudder went through his body. 

Freddy leaned up to Klaus’ ear, his lips barely brushing the other’s skin.

“I want you to fuck me,” He breathed. “Right here, right now. Just like this.”

Klaus smiled and they shared another soft kiss before they positioned themselves. The captain positioned himself and placed his palms to Freddy’s.

Their fingers interlaced together as Klaus slowly pushed in. Freddy moaned and tightened his grasp on the captain’s hand as he began to adjust. As he waited for Freddy to signal that he was ready, Klaus leaned down and kissed the blond’s jaw, lightly and carefully nipping at it. Freddy softly smiled and loosened his grip on Klaus’s hand, letting out a breath.

“I’m ready,” Freddy voiced.

Klaus raised his head with a smile and briefly pressed his lips to Freddy’s as he slowly began moving his hips back and forth.

“Oh, K…” Freddy moaned as he partially lifted his pelvis off of the mattress.

“Are you okay?” Klaus quietly asked.

 _“Oh-_ I’m more than okay,” Freddy gasped. 

The captain smiled and picked up his pace as let go of Freddy’s hand as he placed his hands down onto the bed below them both. Freddy moaned and lifted his pelvis, giving Klaus a better angle to penetrate him. When Klaus thrusted all the way in, right to the hilt of his cock, the sub-officer cried out and covered his mouth.

“K… Oh my God, Klaus,” Freddy moaned as he grabbed the other’s shoulders before panting out, “Harder.”

Klaus almost melted at the way the other man’s tone went low and husky when saying that word. But he was able to keep his composure as he slammed his hips into Freddy, pounding him into the mattress. 

The blond cried out every time Klaus hit his prostate and eventually covered his mouth again when he became too loud. He could feel his orgasm coming on as his stomach tightened and his cock throbbed and twitched. Freddy couldn’t help but tense around Klaus’s cock.

Klaus rolled his head forward at the feeling of pressure and let out a low and heavy breath. 

“Fuck, you’re tight,” He groaned. “Are you sure I-”

“ _Yes._ Keep going,” Freddy breathed in response. “I’m almost there.”

Klaus deeply grunted in response and rolled his hips upwards, making the other man yelp and chant, _‘More, more, more’_ when his prostate was hit. Freddy came only a handful of moments later, cum spitting out onto his stomach. 

Klaus slowed his pace down as he let Freddy come down from his climax. He gently rubbed his sides, listening to Freddy’s breathing as he looked down at his partner. He took a mental image of Freddy, his caramel hair sticking to his forehead from sweat, post-orgasmic bliss on his face, and cum donning his stomach.

“God, Finkie. You look like a Renaissance painting,” Klaus marveled as he stroked Freddy’s softening prick.

The blond let out a small moan at the friction, slightly rolling his hips as he looked up and cupped the older’s face.

“And you look like a Roman god,” Freddy softly replied as his thumb gently rubbed beneath the brunette’s ice-blue eye.

Klaus warmly smiled and ducked down, Freddy meeting him in the middle. 

For the first time in a while, everything felt normal. It was like the world had gone back to normal. Like they could be themselves for the first time in more than a decade. Freddy Finkel and Klaus Klenzendorf. Lover and lover, not sub-officer and captain.

When Freddy deemed himself ready, the two slowly picked up the pace again, their bodies shifting up and down the bed again as they kissed, eliciting small moans and grunts from each man.

“Christ, I’m close,” Klaus moaned on the other’s lips.

“Come in me,” Freddy murmured as he pinched Klaus’ nipples. “Don’t you dare pull out.”

That was all the captain needed to be pushed into his climax. Klaus came hard and as he breathed out a string of soft murmurs and expletives. Freddy moaned and pulled him closer, kissing Klaus hard. 

When they both came up for air, Freddy dropped his hands and head down onto the bed; heavily panting as Klaus lowered himself down to his forearms, his forehead on Freddy’s. When Klaus calmed down he sat up and looked around. He quickly spotted the sub-officer’s towel and carefully leaned over, pulling out of Freddy a bit as he did so. When the towel was in his grasp, he pulled out of the other male and collected the cum that leaked out of him with it.

“I don’t know why you even bothered to shower,” Klaus laughed as he continued to wipe Freddy down with the shower towel.

“It was to rile you up a bit,” The sub-officer replied with a smirk. “But you were as sweet and soft as ever.”

Klaus chuckled and tossed the towel aside, landing it dead-center into the hamper basket.

“If I remember correctly, you were crying out my name and begging for more a few minutes ago.”

Freddy rolled his eyes and brought Klaus’ face down to his, giving him a soft kiss.

“Because of my encouragement,” Freddy said against the captain’s lips.

“And my dick,” K mumbled back. “You know you love it.”

“Don’t be a smartass,” Freddy murmured, feeling a smirk form against his lips before it was softly pressed into him.

“I love you,” K cooed, gently stroking the side of the other man’s face. 

Freddy nuzzled his cheek into it and placed a soft kiss onto the older man’s palm.

“I love you too.”

Klaus smiled and with a soft sigh pressed a kiss to Freddy’s forehead before stepping off the bed. The sub-officer smiled and rolled onto his left side, quietly watching as Klaus opened his closet and pulled on a robe.

“You going commando tonight?” Klaus asked as he tied his robe’s belt.

Freddy laughed and with a small sigh curled his knees up to his chest.

“I probably shouldn’t if this weather plans to carry on tonight,” He reasoned with himself before beginning to shuffle off the bed.

“No, no. Stay there. I’ll grab it for you,” Klaus told him before asking, “Do you want the soft blue set?”

“Please,” Freddy nodded with a low hum.

K smiled and ducked out of the bedroom and in no time, returned with a fresh change of clothing.

“I’m going to clean up a bit,” The brunette whispered into Freddy's good ear as he placed the clothing down onto the bed. “Get comfortable, we’ve got a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”

Freddy smiled and kissed Klaus’ cheek before the captain turned on his heel. Much to Klaus’ surprise, he felt a light tap on his behind. He turned to his left, now being used to his loss of sight, and looked at Freddy, who was struggling to repress a smile.

“What?” Freddy asked, trying to sound innocent.

The captain chuckled and shook his head before turning back around and heading to the bathroom.

Klaus was quick to return, now clad in his own pajamas. He lifted the covers and slipped beneath them before gently taking Freddy in his arms and moving the sub-officer onto his chest. Freddy smiled and kissed the hair-littered skin below him, making Klaus chuckle. As the sub-officer relaxed, he heard the crisp clicking noise of a lighter, the soft hum of a small flame, and the sizzle of a lit cigarette.

“Oh come on. Not in the bedroom,” Freddy mumbled as he lazily waved his hand around. “Not when we can’t have a window open.”

“Yes in the bedroom,” Klaus replied before taking another drag from the cigarette. “If I want to survive the embarrassment of being part of a welcoming committee tomorrow I need to smoke. You can’t get hungover if you smoke.”

“It won’t be that bad. At least we won’t have to worry about being shot or blown up every moment we’re there,” Freddy reasoned as he pushed back the sudden threat of nerves.

Klaus took a long and silent drag from the cigarette before speaking again.

“There will be children though.”

Freddy sighed. Klaus wasn’t getting his point. His fingers played with the blanket that was covering both of them as he thought. He couldn’t understand why the man he loved seemed to have such a big death wish. No man in his right mind would want to put themselves out on the battlefield after facing a near-death experience… So why would Klaus want to? He sighed again and watched as said man’s hand, which was now holding the lit cigarette, lowered itself down. Ge could hear Klaus deeply exhale. Freddy thought for a moment before shifting up a bit, taking the cigarette out of the captain’s hand and placing it into his mouth. He closed his eyes and took a long drag from the stick of tobacco, trying to keep his emotions at bay. He slowly exhaled, letting the smoke out as a small wheeze formed at the end of it.

“I refuse to believe that the idea of working with children is worth changing your mind about smoking in the bedroom,” Klaus chuckled.

Freddy let out a disgruntled noise, wanting to dismiss the topic of the next day entirely.

“Okay, okay. I won’t talk about _children,_ ” Klaus playfully jabbed before carefully moving the blond on top of him more.

The two sat in silence for a moment, listening to the rain hit the pavement and rooftops.

“What do you plan on doing when this is all over?” Klaus asked, breaking the silence as he ran his fingers through the other’s hair.

“Hm,” Freddy took the cigarette out of his mouth and blew out the smoke as he draped his arm over Klaus’s torso. “I’m not too sure, but I’d like to just… Settle down. What about you?”

“Mm,” Klaus hummed, thinking for a moment. “I’m going to take a trip out to Venice if they ever allow Germans in after all of this. Of course, that’s if we lose. Either way, I want to go. You’re welcome to join me if you don’t have plans.”

Freddy smiled and snuggled closer. 

“Sounds romantic,” Freddy hummed as he kissed Klaus’ neck, lifting the cig up to the other’s lips.

“A romantic journey for the ages,” Klaus said with a chuckle before putting the cigarette in his mouth.

 _A romantic journey_. Freddy reiterated in his mind.

It then clicked.

“Let’s get married,” Freddy bluntly said.

Klaus turned his head to look down at the blond. 

“What?” Klaus asked, not too sure of what he heard as he took the cigarette out of his mouth.

Freddy propped himself up on his elbows and faced Klaus.

“When all of this is over, let’s get married,” Freddy reiterated.

“Finkie-” Klaus began but stopped when he noticed that Freddy wasn’t done.

Freddy sat up and straddled Klaus’ waist, leaning down

“We can run away and buy a small home in the countryside, maybe even stay in Italy after our trip- and you can get a dog, just as used to want. Hell, we can get more than one and I can put together the most beautiful garden-” Freddy rambled.

“Finkie-”

“We don’t need papers and I don’t care who wins this shitty war. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I want to be your husband and-” 

“ _Freddy._ ”

The sub-officer went silent, allowing Klaus to speak.

“Freddy, I…” Klaus awkwardly shifted up against the pillows and put out the cigarette in the glass on his nightstand.

This prompted Freddy to shift back a bit. After the cig was out, the captain closed his eyes in thought for a second and took a deep breath as he opened his eyes.

“Did… Did you just propose to me?”

Freddy didn’t bother to think for more than a second.

“Yes,” Freddy nervously breathed out. “Do you wan- _Will_ you marry me? When all of this is over?”

Klaus let out a shaky breath.

“Freddy I don’t… I don’t...” He thickly swallowed. 

The other man felt his heart drop at Klaus’s hesitation.

“You know it won’t be easy for us after all of this, right? No matter who wins?” 

“Of course I do,” Freddy insisted. “But we’ll still be together, right?

Klaus let out a shaky breath as tears threatened to form in both his dead and good eye.

“Freddy I…” He sighed. “No. I can’t.”

“What-” Freddy’s gaze softened in worry. “What do you mean?”

“After the war, we don’t- We don’t know- We won’t get the life we’ve dreamed of. It won’t be the same. We won’t be happy,” Klaus explained.

Freddy sat there as tears welled up in his eyes.

“We won’t be able to live together when this is over, you know that.”

“We could call it a financial choice,” Freddy whispered.

Klaus shook his head.

“Freddy you know what we are. No matter who wins we’ll either be forced to continue what we’ve been doing for years or arrested. And the latter is only if we’re lucky,” Klaus explained. “In the world’s eyes, we’re just Nazis. Being homosexual is just another mark on our records.”

“But we aren’t. _We_ know that. We are two humans that are in love. I love you and you love me, right?”

“God, of course I love you, Freddy. Of _course,_ I do,” Klaus assured him. “But what you want… What you want we can’t have.”

“Don’t you want it too?"

_Of course_ Klaus wanted it. If he could live with Freddy with no interference from the world. To love openly and freely and hold hands in public. But Klaus didn’t reply.

“You want it, right?” Freddy asked, giving Klaus another chance to answer. 

Klaus pressed his lips together as he glanced over to Freddy. Guilt had begun to eat him from the inside-out.

“Far too many people already know about us, Finkie,” He finally said, trying to avoid the question. “And I understand that it’s just your family but- We can’t risk any more suspicion.”

“You know that they-”

“Altenbach knew, too. He made it clear that he did and you know what happened to Schmidt, Dambach, and that other cadet because of him.”

Freddy nodded and straightened his posture.

“I know. I get it, but… No one will know if we plan it out. We can and _will_ prevail.”

“Freddy, I…” Klaus sighed, he didn’t want to say it. “I can’t accept your proposal.”

“O- Okay. I…” Freddy batted his eyes in an attempt to fight his tears.

“Marriage is kind of trivial anyway, right?” Klaus added in an attempt at damage control. “We don’t need it to be in love.”

But it didn’t help. Freddy continued to try to collect himself but in the end, failed to. He hiccuped and wiped his eyes as he felt his chest tighten. The sight was killing Klaus. He thought about how he should have just said yes. If he did, this moment could have been a large dose of euphoria in their rather repressed lives. As Klaus went to say something, the other man whimpered. 

Freddy felt like everything was collapsing around him. He couldn’t understand why the man he was so in love with didn’t want to be with him in the way he wanted. It hurt so much that he was in not only emotional but _physical_ pain.

“I think you just broke my heart,” Freddy confessed as his gaze met the other man’s.

Klaus’s breath caught in his throat when he saw the look in Freddy’s eyes. The sub-officer’s eyes were brimming with tears and were pouring out heartache.

“Freddy, I shouldn't have-”

“Don’t,” Freddy sniffled and wiped his eyes before stepping off the bed. “Please don’t.”

Klaus got up and made his way around the bed, following his partner to the doorway.

“Freddy, can we please talk about this a bit more? I don’t want to-” 

He stopped when Freddy turned the corner and down the hall to his bedroom. Klaus took a deep breath and cursed. He ran his hand back into his hairline, looking at the now-closed door down the hallway. He contemplated going down and trying to talk but went against it. He tightly closed his eyes, turned his face up towards the ceiling, and sighed.

_Sex couldn’t fix this one._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I know, I know, it's been well over a month since I last updated). Hoo boy okay. This one was a lot to write. I apologize if I hurt any of you haha. If you want a happier proposal result check out my other Finkeldorf piece, “Maybe This is the Morning in Which We Can.”
> 
> We’ve reached the end of this part! I honestly didn’t plan on this part being so damn long (I mean, I had mapped the entire outline out)- but my writing really just kept going (Ha!). I obviously took some creative liberties with these characters because I wanted to portray Klaus and Freddy in a slightly different light. If I was going to follow their characters in the film and the general consensus, I wanted to give those traits meaning.
> 
> To end this: Happy Holidays and thank you for reading!


	16. Author's Note (Thank You's and Other Important Notes)

(Reupload due to editing issues)

First of all, I just wanted to say thank you for reading, leaving comments, and leaving kudos. Those all mean the world to me. I know that compared to the first part, this one was significantly darker and longer (I didn't exactly plan for this one to be so ling, I even contemplated posting Chapter 15 as it's own part), but I hope I pulled through and met at least _some_ of your expectations.

Second, I'm taking a needed break from this story to avoid feeling burnt out for the third part if this series. Will it be the final part? Well that's for you to learn when the time comes (I do in fact have the last 3 chapters of this completed 😉). But do not fret! I have 2 more Finkeldorf miniseries on the backburner to be posted and my Cabaret AU to finish (as well as a Jojo-centered mini fic that will come out in February). I also have a new Finkeldorf mini-fic called "Barriers" that is a little spicy. 

Third, at the end of this series I'll be releasing the entire family tree that connects the Finkels to the Klenzendorfs to the Betzlers as well as my "Our Time Together" playlist, with a guide to every song on the list (which chapter/moment/scene it inspired, etc. etc...)

And for a final time, thank you for reading. I appreciate you, the reader, a great amount. Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas from my boyfriend (the lovely editor of this story ❤️) and I.


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